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Posted

Yep, really good point about the aspects of fantasy, even if it revolves around a real, in the flesh person. The person with the fantasy, enamored of it, also controls it completely, something we can never do in real life equitable and voluntary relationships. The fantasy person, or fantasy about a person, can go anywhere they want it to go, in their mind.

 

To the extent that this thought process, generally opaque to the partner or spouse, affects that relationship, it bears scrutiny. Even if the fantasy is a 'fluffer' fantasy, meaning it exists or is used to incite or augment emotional or sexual interactions with the partner which may not otherwise occur, it can still be unhealthy. An obvious example would be thinking of the fantasy person while having sex with one's partner or spouse. If the partner or spouse were aware of that, how would it feel? IDK, each of us is different. I probably wouldn't like it.

Posted (edited)

As long as [she] kept it to herself, it wouldn't become a problem. But if I found out someone was dwelling on something they could never have, I'd consider that something she needed to work on with a therapist. And if I were the man and she was rude enough to insult me by talking to me about him, I'd take that as her not having even the most basic manners.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Posted
Let's say she knows this person she fantasies about but can not engage with hm physically. Maybe they live a long distance away from each other or maybe they work together. Maybe they only engage on Facebook or only in the lunch room at work but they flirt and have feelings (no ILY's), but will never act on them or be physical. This is absolute. Is this ok to the H?

Upon further reflection, absolutely no way would this be OK with me.

 

The final bit - "...will never act on them or be physical..." is a prediction, not a fact, and as such should be ignored.

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Posted
This is just euphemistic.

 

If she has a specific man she knows, and she is obsessing over him and fantasizing about him, it is at the very least a one-sided EA. If they flirt in the lunchroom, it IS an EA.

 

Yeah not sure if I would say it is an EA but definitely the want is there.

 

Outside of that it is an odd obsession.

 

I would want to discuss it. And potentially therapy.

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