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Guys how would you feel if your wife only cheated in her mind?

Popsicle

By Popsicle
in General Relationship Discussion

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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If your wife is married to you, lives with you, and doesn't engage at all physically with another man but spends All her time thinking about another man, not you. She only cheats on her mind. How would you feel about this?

 

How would I know she was doing this?

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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How would I know she was doing this?

 

You know, I feel almost certain that most spouses would, in the face of this, deliberately turn a blind eye.

star gaze Member

star gaze

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You know, I feel almost certain that most spouses would, in the face of this, deliberately turn a blind eye.

 

..only if her fantasizing doesn’t disrupt our relationship and family life in any way or form, and if there is not even a slight chance that it could translate to reality…

 

....otherwise, competing with fantasy is nigh impossible.

carhill Established Member

carhill

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IMO, equating suspicions, gut instincts and the like with knowing, as in verifiable intellectual constructs, is a slippery slope. At this point in our evolution it's generally impossible to know in any verifiable way what thoughts are in the mind of another. We can guess, form conclusions based on actions and/or words and judge based on our life experience but that is different from knowing. However, since relationships are always voluntary, we each have the freedom to rely on and utilize any tools or perspectives we deem appropriate and healthy to process those relationships. Ergo, if I feel like my spouse/partner is behaving inappropriately, even if I don't 'know', I can address those feelings through communication or simply discontinue association without comment. That's one potential of billions, as the human mind is incredibly complex and each human is unique.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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..only if her fantasizing doesn’t disrupt our relationship and family life in any way or form, and if there is not even a slight chance that it could translate to reality…

 

....otherwise, competing with fantasy is nigh impossible.

 

What do you mean by "competing with a fantasy"?

VeryBrokenMan Established Member

VeryBrokenMan

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I don't know how women think but I think most men probably have had similar thoughts about girls/women and probably excessively in the younger years even while in relationships. So that being a given I'm not sure it would be a problem for me (before her affair) as long as she was faithful and was fully engaged and in love with me.

 

Now after her affair I would be really disturbed by it.

Mrin Established Member

Mrin

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If it is as you described it - a very focused, all the time obsession I would feel awful about it even if I knew it would never move into anything physical. Awful, like I wouldn't want the marriage to continue like that. I mean, who wants to be in a relationship like that - where there other person is obsessing about someone else. I sure don't. The only thing I could see saving it would be to open up the marriage. I could see that working.

 

I don't mind periodic fantasies. In fact, if she didn't have them from time to time I'd be worried. But it is the persistent, ongoing, singularly focused on someone she knows and has contact with that takes this from a harmless fantasy to a destructive obsession.

Mr Mind of Shazam Established Member

Mr Mind of Shazam

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If your wife is married to you, lives with you, and doesn't engage at all physically with another man but spends All her time thinking about another man, not you. She only cheats on her mind. How would you feel about this?

If she's thinking about this guy all the time, I'd tell her to get lost, pull the trigger, and be with him. This, I gotta see.

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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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Um ....is this you we're talking about Popsicle? :cool:

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Clarence_Boddicker Established Member

Clarence_Boddicker

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If it didn't impact how she treated me, I wouldn't care. I kinda doubt this is even possible in a healthy relationship. If she's always thinking of someone else, she really can't be in love with the one she's with.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Um ....is this you we're talking about Popsicle? :cool:

 

Boy, THAT'S a totally outlandish leap, right Popsicle?

 

Right?

central Established Member

central

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Most people will occasionally think or fantasize about someone else, and that's very normal. However, if it is frequent or constant, that implies a grave dissatisfaction with the current relationship. If known, this mental behavior should be called out and addressed directly. If it cannot be changed to refocus appropriately on the real and present partner, then it would seem that divorce is the only option.

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fellini Established Member

fellini

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Im just going to assume that my wife imagines being with George Clooney about as much and in the same way as I do with Scarlett Johannsen.

CarrieT Established Member

CarrieT

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Unless she tells you, how would you know?

spanz1 Established Member

spanz1

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if she thought of other men, either a real one or fictitious one ALL THE TIME....I would think she was nutz. If she sometimes fantasized about other men...I would consider that very normal.

frogs88 Established Member

frogs88

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Depends, if it's someone christian grey fictional fantasy stuff? Sure, who cares, they all do at one point. If its a real person we actually know then that's worrying to say the least.

StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Um ....is this you we're talking about Popsicle? :cool:

 

Boy, THAT'S a totally outlandish leap, right Popsicle?

 

Right?

 

I'm not married or in a relationship.

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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I'm not married or in a relationship.

 

So what prompted the question? It was kind of involved for a mere hypothetical and idle curiosity.

 

Writing a book?

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Poutrew Established Member

Poutrew

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I told my ex GF that I constantly dream of cheating with females from the planet Mars, because they have 2 of everything. She laughed, and told me she wants to have sex with men from the planet Venus because they have 3 of everything.... I told her to not be so greedy. Btw, that's not why she's my Ex.

autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

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This is just euphemistic.

 

If she has a specific man she knows, and she is obsessing over him and fantasizing about him, it is at the very least a one-sided EA. If they flirt in the lunchroom, it IS an EA.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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ascendotum Established Member

ascendotum

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If it didn't impact how she treated me, I wouldn't care. I kinda doubt this is even possible in a healthy relationship. If she's always thinking of someone else, she really can't be in love with the one she's with.

 

I tend to agree with this...if it makes no difference to how she treated me, but its hard to say if that's possible if she is always fantasizing about this other guy. I would have thought it could lead to some sort of resentment that she stuck in a marriage with me but wished she was with this other better guy. Possibly she might not change or maybe even be more attentive if she is feeling guilty for having these thoughts. She might even be more passionate with sex if she is getting more aroused thinking of this other man, though if I actually knew that, what would normally be a good thing, would actually be a turn off. If she admitted it but felt guilty about it (and she was the type to be understanding if the roles were reversed) and was still a great wife I guess I would get by, but if the relationship had deteriorated because of her wishing she was with him, then it would be a big deal for me.

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10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

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I always hated that song, even before I was dealing with infidelity.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

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I told my ex GF that I constantly dream of cheating with females from the planet Mars, because they have 2 of everything. She laughed, and told me she wants to have sex with men from the planet Venus because they have 3 of everything.... I told her to not be so greedy. Btw, that's not why she's my Ex.

 

At least your females would only have 2 *********s!:lmao:

star gaze Member

star gaze

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What do you mean by "competing with a fantasy"?

 

About competing with fantasy…. I remember one instance: My friend’s ex-gf was pro at nagging and bitching, especially at him; we (other friends) had witnessed it countless time. She always used to compare him with her ex-bf (my acquaintance also), who is abroad and is married, like : he (the ex-bf) was so good in choosing and wrapping the presents, why couldn’t the bf be at least a fraction that good?...why is the bf so bad at arranging the romantic dates, in which ex-bf was expert….and so on. Mind you, she was in relationship with the ex-bf for less than 5 months. So whatever my friend did, it would never be as good as the ex-bf.

 

My point is, in fantasy, the would be no bills, no mood swings, no in-laws and diaper changing, no school meetings, no grocery shopping etc, hell, even no bodily functions in Mr/Ms Perfect. How can you compete with that?

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