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Guys how would you feel if your wife only cheated in her mind?

Popsicle

By Popsicle
in General Relationship Discussion

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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If your wife is married to you, lives with you, and doesn't engage at all physically with another man but spends All her time thinking about another man, not you. She only cheats on her mind. How would you feel about this?

10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

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I'd feel as though she were nuts, I suppose.;)

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

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GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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I sure wouldn't be happy about it, that's for sure. I'd feel like I was some kind of Plan B, or being settled for, in one or more places behind her "Twu Wuv".

 

I value myself too much to put up with nonsense like that. Divorce? Probable.

 

Why do you ask?

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I'd feel as though she were nuts, I suppose.;)

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

 

In what way do you mean exactly?

alphamale Established Member

alphamale

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everyone cheats in their mind

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todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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If your wife is married to you, lives with you, and doesn't engage at all physically with another man but spends All her time thinking about another man, not you. She only cheats on her mind. How would you feel about this?

 

 

why would any woman who was sane enough tell you that was what she was doing.....deb

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GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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everyone cheats in their mind

 

But hopefully they're not spending "all their time" doing so, and/or cheating in their mind with one particular person.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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I sure wouldn't be happy about it, that's for sure. I'd feel like I was some kind of Plan B, or being settled for, in one or more places behind her "Twu Wuv".

 

I value myself too much to put up with nonsense like that. Divorce? Probable.

 

Why do you ask?

 

Because it would bother me if I was a guy and I would like to hear from the guys that it would not bother too. Wanting to understand them.

 

All input is interesting though.

MM1234 Member

MM1234

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why would any woman who was sane enough tell you that was what she was doing.....deb

 

 

This. I don't get it either. People have fantasies all the time, doesn't mean a person will act on it.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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why would any woman who was sane enough tell you that was what she was doing.....deb

 

Well let's say she did tell or it slipped or husband found out some way or another.

jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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It wouldn't bother me if my woman was hot for another on the side, but if it was an exclusive obsession that would be an issue.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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But hopefully they're not spending "all their time" doing so, and/or cheating in their mind with one particular person.

 

She spends All of her free time...

todreaminblue Established Member

todreaminblue

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Well let's say she did tell or it slipped or husband found out some way or another.

 

 

like a mind reading sort of thing.....or the oohs and ahhs said while asleep with another mans name.....

 

if a woman was having fantasies all the time about other men and not her partner i would consider that reason enough for the wife to get therapy.....if she told her husband that...i would think therapy would be needed for him as well...deb

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GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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She spends All of her free time...

 

Well, that kind of goes to the obsession issue that Jen mentioned.

 

My wife would probably not be surprised by the fact that I may have fleeting sexual thoughts about other women, though she just as probably wouldn't like it too much. But if she learned that I spent every free moment thinking about banging my secretary, I could expect to find my crap on the curb.

 

Same deal if the shoe's on the other foot.

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10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

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In what way do you mean exactly?

 

Mostly in a way commensurate with my revolting sense of humor. :laugh:

 

But seriously, If a woman were always thinking about another man while with an SO? I'm not even sure how that works. If you're talking about fantasies about other men or mythical creatures in general during wild sex, and not someone specific. Or "other men" in general most of the time but again, not someone specific, maybe it's just harmless fantasies or at least no more harmful than a porn addiction (not to say that isn't harmful).

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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If your wife is married to you, lives with you, and doesn't engage at all physically with another man but spends All her time thinking about another man, not you. She only cheats on her mind. How would you feel about this?

 

An affair with a fantasy? Interesting premise.

 

One, I could never know the extent of, or any concrete knowledge of her 'thinking about another man'. Why? I can't read her mind. If she was open and transparent about it, different kettle of fish but I presume these thoughts are secret for the purposes of this example, since you mentioned 'cheat'.

 

Two, is there contact of any sort, even if otherwise consider innocent? Stuff like social gatherings, couples events, friends of friends, etc, etc.

If there is, then the slippery slope to an emotional affair begins.

 

 

Three, even if undisclosed, diversion of thoughts and emotional focus from one's primary relationship inevitably 'leaks' into that relationship, even in innocuous ways. A little less affectionate here, a few more headaches there, 'forgetting' things, etc, etc., all because of a burgeoning priority elsewhere.

 

In the end, I go back to the simple and quite insightful words of our psychologist when he opined that a behavior, if performed in front of one's spouse or partner transparently, is disapproved of by them as healthy to the relationship, then that behavior bears scrutiny and may be inappropriate. The partners decide the final outcome and it can vary from partnership to partnership. This means that this 'cheated in her mind' could be perfectly acceptable to one couple and grounds for divorce to another, and everything in between.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Mostly in a way commensurate with my revolting sense of humor. :laugh:

 

But seriously, If a woman were always thinking about another man while with an SO? I'm not even sure how that works. If you're talking about fantasies about other men or mythical creatures in general during wild sex, and not someone specific. Or "other men" in general most of the time but again, not someone specific, maybe it's just harmless fantasies or at least no more harmful than a porn addiction (not to say that isn't harmful).

 

-10th Engineer Harrison

 

It's with someone specific.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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An affair with a fantasy? Interesting premise.

 

One, I could never know the extent of, or any concrete knowledge of her 'thinking about another man'. Why? I can't read her mind. If she was open and transparent about it, different kettle of fish but I presume these thoughts are secret for the purposes of this example, since you mentioned 'cheat'.

 

Two, is there contact of any sort, even if otherwise consider innocent? Stuff like social gatherings, couples events, friends of friends, etc, etc.

If there is, then the slippery slope to an emotional affair begins.

 

 

Three, even if undisclosed, diversion of thoughts and emotional focus from one's primary relationship inevitably 'leaks' into that relationship, even in innocuous ways. A little less affectionate here, a few more headaches there, 'forgetting' things, etc, etc., all because of a burgeoning priority elsewhere.

 

In the end, I go back to the simple and quite insightful words of our psychologist when he opined that a behavior, if performed in front of one's spouse or partner transparently, is disapproved of by them as healthy to the relationship, then that behavior bears scrutiny and may be inappropriate. The partners decide the final outcome and it can vary from partnership to partnership. This means that this 'cheated in her mind' could be perfectly acceptable to one couple and grounds for divorce to another, and everything in between.

 

Let's say she knows this person she fantasies about but can not engage with hm physically. Maybe they live a long distance away from each other or maybe they work together. Maybe they only engage on Facebook or only in the lunch room at work but they flirt and have feelings (no ILY's), but will never act on them or be physical. This is absolute. Is this ok to the H?

eric1 Established Member

eric1

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Is she having an emotional affair with him or is it just some dude she comes home to think about all day?

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GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

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Is she having an emotional affair with him or is it just some dude she comes home to think about all day?

 

Maybe they only engage on Facebook or only in the lunch room at work but they flirt and have feelings (no ILY's), but will never act on them or be physical. This is absolute. Is this ok to the H?

 

From the sound of things, our little hypothetical is certainly crossing the line into EA territory. At the risk of harping on the subject, it darn well shouldn't be okay to the H.

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carhill Established Member

carhill

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Let's say she knows this person she fantasies about but can not engage with hm physically. Maybe they live a long distance away from each other or maybe they work together. Maybe they only engage on Facebook or only in the lunch room at work but they flirt and have feelings (no ILY's), but will never act on them or be physical. This is absolute. Is this ok to the H?

The spouse or partner is the arbiter. None of us can answer for another. What I may find inappropriate in my own marriage might be perfectly acceptable in another marriage.

 

That stated, historically, your explanation as provided so far aligns with similar scenarios acted out by MW's who fervently believed that such actions or words or thoughts were in no way an affair. In a couple of cases I was personally involved in, their husbands appeared to have a markedly different viewpoint! Again, back to the words of the psychologist.

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10thengineerharrison Established Member

10thengineerharrison

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It's with someone specific.

 

In that case, it's going to become full-blown infidelity at some point.

 

Since I have been cheated on, but recovered (after several years), if my wife were doing this and I knew about it, we'd be talking about what she really wants. I already know what I would want in that situation.

 

-10th Engineer Harrison.

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Is she having an emotional affair with him or is it just some dude she comes home to think about all day?

 

The name of it doesn't matter. It is exactly what I decribed in the above post #18.

Morro72 Established Member

Morro72

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The situation you describe sounds like an expenditure of mental effort which does not benefit the marriage and which is large enough to interfere with the marriage and with other aspects of life. If my wife were in that sort of condition I'd make sure she got help. The target of the obsession is irrelevant. I might be more concerned if it was a man, but that's just a matter of degree.

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TrustedthenBusted Established Member

TrustedthenBusted

Posted
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If your wife is married to you, lives with you, and doesn't engage at all physically with another man but spends All her time thinking about another man, not you. She only cheats on her mind. How would you feel about this?

 

 

 

" Aint nobody got time fo dat"

 

~ Kimberly "Sweet Brown" Wilkins

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