Curious-One Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I am not a good looking guy...i am average at best. What i do have going for me is that i am a fun friendly guy who is not afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone. I am nice and love to joke around and have fun, i love talking to people, treat everyone with respect, and make them laugh..I am energetic , upbeat, and most people including girls love being around me. I am also 6'4 and educated/successful so i would say that helps when it comes to girls as well. Anyway i am not here to brag about my self far from that... I am here to share something that if i was on my deathbed tomorrow i would look back and it would be the biggest regret in my life. Heck i am sure even 50 years from now i will look back and consider it my biggest regret in life. So my biggest regret in life is that i did not go for girls that were clearly CLEARLY showing interest in dating me, girls who i would have loved to date and thought about when i was not with them. Its not just one or two girls i am talking about, i would say over the course of 28 years on this earth it is about 40+ girls ranging anywhere from 7-9.9/10. These were not subtle hints either ... these were not "obvious signs that i missed" ... i knew exactly what was happening while it was happening ...it was like it was happening in slow motion and i decided to ignore or not take any action each and every time. These were signs that girls went WAY WAY WAY out of their way to make it known to me they were interested and i rejected them ...i hurt them. EXAMPLES -Hottest girl at work comes to me while i am talking to my friend and asks me if i have a gf...i say no and she says she is single too... i say cool and change convo and 5 min later or she jokes asking if i am gay.When she leaves my friend goes nuts at me for not asking her out. She also always used to go out of her way to come and talk to me eventually giving up. - Girl at work talking to me and telling me she really really wants to go to xxx concert but she has nobody to take her. She did something simillar few times and every time i decided to make a joke about it ...the last time i ignored it or made a silly joke about it i noticed her eyes teared up and she gave up after that. - Girl at college tells me she really wants to see xxx movie and if i want to take her... i make up some excuse and her eyes tear up...she knew i was single - Another girl at college... she was tall (6'0) and extremely beautiful 9/10 . She would always sit at the front row and i would sit in the back 6-7 seats away from her. I would always talk to people around me and became friends with people that were near me. Anyway i noticed her looking at me often and i ignored it. I would come to class early leave my stuff and go outside of class and talk on the phone and after a while she started doing same thing so it would be me and her talking on phone and having a starring contest and she even smiled few times.... again i thought that was a coincidence, no way a beautiful girl like her would ever be interested in average looking guy like me. Finally the day before last exam i come in early and what do you know she is sitting in the back seat that is right in front of mine. At this point i know for sure that is the reason she is there but i choose to ignore her and we sit there in silence for a minute before she turns around and asks me a random question. I answer it and another person that usually sits in the back comes in that i have become friends with comes in and i proceed to talk to him like i normally do pretty much not saying anything else to her. After 3-4 minutes of this she slams her folder on desk gets up and moves to her regular seat in the front row. SO WHY DO I IGNORE THE SIGNS??? Its hard to say exactly why but i think its a combination of these... -Fear of rejection...not necessarily that they will not go on a date with me but that they will not like me enough to go on a second date , third date with me so i don't wanna get hurt. - Fear of failing on date and being boring when they think so highly of me and ruining my reputation. - Dating takes work and setting up something fun and making sure the girl has fun involves alot of pressure and it takes work so i choose the easy way out. Can anyone relate to this??? I know what i need to do and i have known for a while i am not stupid but it seems like each and every time i let my self down and in the process hurt the girl by rejecting her.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 No, I can't relate. There are bigger things in life than not dating someone who showed an interest. 1
PogoStick Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 So what has your dating and relationship life been like? Who have you said yes to or asked out? How old are you now?
ascendotum Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) No I can't relate to this at all. I wish I have such obvious IOIs...and from really attractive women as you say they were. I don't really get your reasons either, unless you are a bit aspergers. Your no.1 reason - Fear of rejection, in the examples you gave is a total non issue. If the girls never showed any real interest towards you but you fancied them, then I could appreciate the fear factor, but in those examples the girls were an uncontested slam dunk. Edited June 3, 2015 by ascendotum 1
Vercetti Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Why regret when can simply change the mistaken behavior when the next girl flirts with you. 1
empresario Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Don't live in regret. Regret nothing. Instead, change the things you don't like. It really is that simple. The past blinds your future right now. Don't let it. Who cares how hot they are? There are more women like them. There always are. You obviously are not extremely confident. If you were you would not see these women as out of your league when they clearly don't agree. If you're decent looking and have charisma, no woman is out of your league. Charisma makes you attractive.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I am not a good looking guy...i am average at best. What i do have going for me is that i am a fun friendly guy who is not afraid to strike up a conversation with anyone. I am nice and love to joke around and have fun, i love talking to people, treat everyone with respect, and make them laugh..I am energetic , upbeat, and most people including girls love being around me. I am also 6'4 and educated/successful so i would say that helps when it comes to girls as well. Anyway i am not here to brag about my self far from that... I am here to share something that if i was on my deathbed tomorrow i would look back and it would be the biggest regret in my life. Heck i am sure even 50 years from now i will look back and consider it my biggest regret in life. So my biggest regret in life is that i did not go for girls that were clearly CLEARLY showing interest in dating me, girls who i would have loved to date and thought about when i was not with them. Its not just one or two girls i am talking about, i would say over the course of 28 years on this earth it is about 40+ girls ranging anywhere from 7-9.9/10. These were not subtle hints either ... these were not "obvious signs that i missed" ... i knew exactly what was happening while it was happening ...it was like it was happening in slow motion and i decided to ignore or not take any action each and every time. These were signs that girls went WAY WAY WAY out of their way to make it known to me they were interested and i rejected them ...i hurt them. EXAMPLES -Hottest girl at work comes to me while i am talking to my friend and asks me if i have a gf...i say no and she says she is single too... i say cool and change convo and 5 min later or she jokes asking if i am gay.When she leaves my friend goes nuts at me for not asking her out. She also always used to go out of her way to come and talk to me eventually giving up. - Girl at work talking to me and telling me she really really wants to go to xxx concert but she has nobody to take her. She did something simillar few times and every time i decided to make a joke about it ...the last time i ignored it or made a silly joke about it i noticed her eyes teared up and she gave up after that. - Girl at college tells me she really wants to see xxx movie and if i want to take her... i make up some excuse and her eyes tear up...she knew i was single - Another girl at college... she was tall (6'0) and extremely beautiful 9/10 . She would always sit at the front row and i would sit in the back 6-7 seats away from her. I would always talk to people around me and became friends with people that were near me. Anyway i noticed her looking at me often and i ignored it. I would come to class early leave my stuff and go outside of class and talk on the phone and after a while she started doing same thing so it would be me and her talking on phone and having a starring contest and she even smiled few times.... again i thought that was a coincidence, no way a beautiful girl like her would ever be interested in average looking guy like me. Finally the day before last exam i come in early and what do you know she is sitting in the back seat that is right in front of mine. At this point i know for sure that is the reason she is there but i choose to ignore her and we sit there in silence for a minute before she turns around and asks me a random question. I answer it and another person that usually sits in the back comes in that i have become friends with comes in and i proceed to talk to him like i normally do pretty much not saying anything else to her. After 3-4 minutes of this she slams her folder on desk gets up and moves to her regular seat in the front row. SO WHY DO I IGNORE THE SIGNS??? Its hard to say exactly why but i think its a combination of these... -Fear of rejection...not necessarily that they will not go on a date with me but that they will not like me enough to go on a second date , third date with me so i don't wanna get hurt. - Fear of failing on date and being boring when they think so highly of me and ruining my reputation. - Dating takes work and setting up something fun and making sure the girl has fun involves alot of pressure and it takes work so i choose the easy way out. Can anyone relate to this??? I know what i need to do and i have known for a while i am not stupid but it seems like each and every time i let my self down and in the process hurt the girl by rejecting her. Damn,never really thought of girls giving off hints like that
bhavok Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 What is wrong with you? You have learned from your mistake of not taking notice so stop dwelling on the past. You are acting like all the beautiful women are gone and you have no chances. Instead, stop moaning over your regrets (which will get you nowhere) and start learning from them.
Renton Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I am sure some guys can relate but will not say the "biggest" regret of their lives. Yes, there have been missed opportunities, varying from very subtle to blatant as hell. I just laugh about them if i even remember them. Or when my friends "kindly" remind of them
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 When you do date, is it you that makes the approach, or do you always rely on women to come to you and initiate? If you usually make the approach, maybe you get intimidated by the forwardness of the women. A woman being forward isn't a bad thing at all, but if you're not used to it, it could intimidate you. If that's the case, then make it your goal to ask the next woman out that you find attractive who does this. Physical attraction isn't everything, though. Maybe you find them physically attractive, but nothing else is there to motivate you. If you're not motivated to date them, then it shouldn't be a regret. If they are women you would date, then ask them out. This alone isn't enough to determine whether or not you have commitment issues. Your overall dating pattern can be a better indicator of that. If you find yourself jumping from relationship to relationship, and they are relatively short, then you may have some commitment issues. If that's not the case, then I wouldn't think that's it. By the way, avoiding potential dates at work is actually a smart move. Don't date people at work. Don't date people that you have to see every day in case something goes wrong.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 and women that are 6 feet tall and above, nice.
Revan32 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Sounds to me like you are extremely high inhibition. I used to be the same way. Get completely freaked out whenever a girl showed any interest. I got over it though. Just had to have a few dates then I noticed my nerves got lower and lower every time. Now I actually miss getting nervous before dates. I miss the excitement! Because now I have next to none, and going on a first date feels as casual as walking into Taco Bell and ordering food. Not nearly as much fun.
Yookie Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Your problem is in your first statement. You place too much value on appearance. Then you describe the various ways you try to compensate for you perceived short-coming by describing your engaging personality. Ultimately I think you let the opportunities slide because you are not confident enough that you can sustain a relationship with these women. Deal with whatever makes you feel inadequate and you will be good to go! 1
elaine567 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 In dating, you will always hurt someone, but although these girls were obviously interested in you at the time, I guess they quickly moved on, few will be talking about you to their grand kids, so do not beat yourself up about it. Tearing up can be a girly ploy, but you managed to ignore that too. I guess you were not confident enough at the time to take the indication that they were interested in YOU seriously. I guess on hindsight you have realised that they were indeed interested. YOU can ignore all this for so long, but at some point you are going to have to engage and explore what is on offer here. YOU have girls interested in YOU, do not waste those opportunities. Sometimes it will all run smoothly and sometimes it will all be a misunderstanding and she will reject you, BUT that is the game. Grab the nettle, grow up, man up and learn how to assess the cues, so that you KNOW confidently when they want YOU.
Author Curious-One Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 Sorry totally forgot i posted here. All the girls i dated i dated them because i thought they were average looking and didnt care if they think i am cool or not when we go out on dates. Problem is most times i was not physically attracted to them enough to ever evnsions some type of future w them.
Stupid Sexy Flanders Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Sorry totally forgot i posted here. All the girls i dated i dated them because i thought they were average looking and didnt care if they think i am cool or not when we go out on dates. Problem is most times i was not physically attracted to them enough to ever evnsions some type of future w them. I can't relate either. Everyone has "regrets" for not taking advantage of situations where someone was likely into them, and never acted on it, but never anything as blatant as actually BEING ASKED OUT. I can't recall that ever happening to me.
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