blackchild Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 i met this guy in February and we have been talking on and off ever since. He works two jobs and he says that he has no time for a girlfriend and would rather be friends than to commit to a relationship and not be able to give me everything that i want in a relationship. He says that he likes me a lot and when we're together he shows me none stop affection and we really vibe. The issue for me isthat he is everything on my "perfect man" list it's just that he doesn't have time for me, and now i'm starting to think that since he hardly calls me or sees me that much that he isn't attracted to me. even though he says over and pver that he likes me a lot and that i have a lot of potential as his girlfriend i can't believe him. Is this insecurity or am i right about what i feel about him?
jp79 Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 If he doesn't have time for you, he obviously doesn't have everything on your perfect man list. Sorry to be so cold about it, but if he was truly interested, he would find time. Look elsewhere, you deserve it!
Author blackchild Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 I know that he's not the perfect guy because he doesn't have all the time in the world. But he gives me a feeling that i cannot describe. Every time i see him or get near him my heart starts pounding hard and butterflies come into my stomach. I just can't help but to think that he doesn't like me because he doesn't always make that extra effort everyday to speak to me or see me. As soon as i forget about him and think that i'm never going to talk to him again, he calls me out of the blue of sends me a sweet message of asks me to meet him for a date.i don't know if what he is saying to me is tru or not. No offense, but i know one of his ex-girlfriends and she looks like a dog compared to me and i have a way better personality than she does. Why am i not getting all of the attention he gave her when they were dating? Is it because he feels more comfortable around her?
jp79 Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 Originally posted by blackchild As soon as i forget about him and think that i'm never going to talk to him again, he calls me out of the blue of sends me a sweet message of asks me to meet him for a date. I know what you mean with this, because I am going through something very similar with a girl. I think she's amazing, and I get all kinds of "GO" signals from her, but ultimately I get the feeling she's not really interested. So I put her out of my mind as best I can, and just when I think it's starting to work and I'm getting over her, she does or says something that draws me close to her once again! It's aweful!! But you have to be honest with yourself when dealing with people like this. In the case of "my" girl, I think she's a flirt who likes the attention, and (knowingly or otherwise) uses it to her advantage. It's not that she's a bad person, just that she has this unfortunate quirk (which nevertheless I think is immature and thoughtless). This may be the case with your guy. He dates you because it makes him feel good, but isn't willing to get close to you. Maybe he's not willing because he's nervous (like you said), maybe he's busy (like he said, although I don't believe this for a second), or maybe he just doesn't like you enough, but still wants the attention. Whatever the reason is, unless he is willing to make some progress with you, he's wasting your time. You have to allow yourself to believe this, because unreturned love will only damage your feelings. Originally posted by blackchild No offense, but i know one of his ex-girlfriends and she looks like a dog compared to me and i have a way better personality than she does. Why am i not getting all of the attention he gave her when they were dating? Is it because he feels more comfortable around her? As for this, I wouldn't rush to conclusions. It really doesn't matter what YOU think of his ex; what matters is what HE thought of her. Now yes, he might be nervous around you, but equally great is the possibility that he's just playing games. You have given him enough chances on your dates to prove it's not the latter, haven't you? (rhetorical question!) Tell him one last time that you need a relationship, and that you're not willing to date him otherwise. If he still insists that he doesn't want one, then that's it - END IT! No one is perfect if he isn't willing to be with you. Best of luck
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