HorseLuck Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Boyfriend of 3 months called me yesterday evening to break up with me. His reasoning was that he felt we had nothing in common (which i had mentioned last week, as i wanted to learn more about him), he felt we moved too fast (which was all him), didn't think he was ready to be in a committed relationship because he had a lot of things going on (whatever that means!). He also felt that because we met at certain points in our lives, he saw me having self esteems issues to mean I'd go with any guy (not true..) and saw it as an opportunity to "scoop" me up. Wanted to be friends blah blah. Cut him off, hung up. I was caught off guard and in shock. Even though i'd had some concerns about him..(some red flags with his intense interest and desire to have me meet his friends, his parents, spend more time with, live with me) I tried not to jump to conclusions. Trusted him. I would never have assumed he had concerns about us based off of the way he came off and how he acted around me. I asked him how long he had this feeling and he said for awhile but didn't want to hurt me. So you mislead me instead with declarations of love? WHY do people "future fake" as it's called?? Feel like such an idiot. Used for sex.
Author HorseLuck Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I've always gone no contact and I'm great at it, lol. But in this case I'm sitting on bottled rage and I feel the need to attack him where it hurts...if he reaches out. He's a recovering addict and damn it, I should have paid more attention to his manipulative history. Is it wrong of me to voice my fury...such as telling him I hope he relapses?
mightycpa Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 HorseLuck, why the long face? I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, it always seems like the faster they move in, the faster they move on. He sounds like one of them, and now he can't remember how he felt about you. Just remember that next time somebody goes all Fast and Furious for you. It happens often enough that you could call it a pattern. 3
Noproblem Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 why they have to be so jerks about sex why do they always ct and play the dirtiest games just to get in some girl pants evil... I am sorry this happened to you.. but I guess, it's a lesson that you should remember for future references Do not trust them!
Author HorseLuck Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 HorseLuck, why the long face? I'm sorry, I couldn't resist. Anyway, it always seems like the faster they move in, the faster they move on. He sounds like one of them, and now he can't remember how he felt about you. Just remember that next time somebody goes all Fast and Furious for you. It happens often enough that you could call it a pattern. Haha. How do I prevent that, than? Someone who is moving fast. Do I just not take them seriously? I didn't sleep with this guy right off the bat. Did after a couple of dates because I liked him..which I guess can still be coined fast but.. took a chance.
mightycpa Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Haha. How do I prevent that, than? Someone who is moving fast. Do I just not take them seriously? I didn't sleep with this guy right off the bat. Did after a couple of dates because I liked him..which I guess can still be coined fast but.. took a chance. Well, I think sleeping with someone and falling for them emotionally are two separate things. I'm just saying you have to treat the uber-enthusiasm with some skepticism. There are those who move fast, and those that move too fast. So, for example, the fact that he wanted to spend a lot of time with you? Not a red flag. However, the extreme interest in you meeting friends and family, like you're something to show off? Red flags. Moving in together within a couple of months? Way too fast. Huge red flag. That's all I meant. 1
jen1447 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 If he calls again, I'd resist the temptation to blast him in a really hurtful way (relapse). It'll feel good in the short term but in the long term you'll just feel like a spiteful bitch for it. But you can still touch him up. Just play 'fair' - ask him why he's a dick, was he born that way or did he just come into his own naturally, etc. Also specs on was he just getting in quick for the pu$$y, etc. That's fair game.
Yummm Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Sorry that you're going through this. Your story seems very similar to mine, except I don't really have a feeling that I was used for sex so to say, just a messed up situation.. Have a read if you get a chance: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated I'm sorry you're in this situation, but it seems like you're not too broken about it(?). Perhaps you're still in shock, but for me the pain is excruciating, and i'm almost 4 weeks post break up. Wish you luck!
aloneinaz Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I've always gone no contact and I'm great at it, lol. But in this case I'm sitting on bottled rage and I feel the need to attack him where it hurts...if he reaches out. He's a recovering addict and damn it, I should have paid more attention to his manipulative history. Is it wrong of me to voice my fury...such as telling him I hope he relapses? I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. As a guy, I'd think it only reinforced my decision to end it with you. The best thing you could do is vanish from his life. Ignore any contact if there is some (hunting for a booty call). Don't feel used for sex or anything else. You were an active participant in the bedroom and got something out of it too. Reality is that relationships can fizzle out quickly. We all enter them knowing this. You're concerned about how quick this developed. Learn from it so it doesn't happen again. YOU control the pace of your next relationship, not the new guy. It was a very short RS and you should bounce back from it quickly. Time to find someone better!
Author HorseLuck Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Sorry that you're going through this. Your story seems very similar to mine, except I don't really have a feeling that I was used for sex so to say, just a messed up situation.. Have a read if you get a chance: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated I'm sorry you're in this situation, but it seems like you're not too broken about it(?). Perhaps you're still in shock, but for me the pain is excruciating, and i'm almost 4 weeks post break up. Wish you luck! What I'm mainly consumed by is anger. Considering it's only been two days I'm making progress by the hour and feeling stronger about myself, more realistic about the situation.
Author HorseLuck Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. As a guy, I'd think it only reinforced my decision to end it with you. The best thing you could do is vanish from his life. Ignore any contact if there is some (hunting for a booty call). Don't feel used for sex or anything else. You were an active participant in the bedroom and got something out of it too. Reality is that relationships can fizzle out quickly. We all enter them knowing this. You're concerned about how quick this developed. Learn from it so it doesn't happen again. YOU control the pace of your next relationship, not the new guy. It was a very short RS and you should bounce back from it quickly. Time to find someone better! I understand what you're saying. True, I consented to sex but at the same time can't help feel he used words of persuasion for his own personal gain. That to me, makes me feel like his actions and words were just lies and nothing about the situation was authentic. My main concern at the moment is making sure I didn't catch an STD. I can't trust that he wasn't with someone behind my back. I was cleared at the beginning. If I find out i have something now, I will just about lose it...and I'll be that crazy ex going over to his place to cause chaos and destruction. Edited June 4, 2015 by HorseLuck
Lizrd3000 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Am I the only one thinking he might've broken up with you because he felt like you were going to? I mean, he moved quite fast according to what you've posted, then you told him you thought you didn't have anything in common, and now he breaks up with you for those exact reasons. He might've tried to save his ego by dumping you first, that's what I'm getting with the info given atleast. Anyways, hope you're ok.
Author HorseLuck Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Am I the only one thinking he might've broken up with you because he felt like you were going to? I mean, he moved quite fast according to what you've posted, then you told him you thought you didn't have anything in common, and now he breaks up with you for those exact reasons. He might've tried to save his ego by dumping you first, that's what I'm getting with the info given atleast. Anyways, hope you're ok. I'm pretty sure my mentioning that gave him the opportunity to bring up the discussion of ending things. He'd said he had thought about it for awhile. I had no intention of breaking up with him. Wanted to get to know him better ( and outside of just sex; he had a hectic schedule) because I was concerned he was moving fast. I figured opposites attract. Maybe he did think that..but I didn't get that vibe. Wish I could figure out the real reasoning (if there is something aside from that). He was the one moving lightening speed. I highly doubt I scared him in any manner. Yes, thank you.
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 True, I consented to sex but at the same time can't help feel he used words of persuasion for his own personal gain. That to me, makes me feel like his actions and words were just lies and nothing about the situation was authentic.. I think you're over thinking it. Yes, he could be Don Juan, smooth talker BUT... you still could of said no to the bedroom. We can all look back at the words post break up and say "what BS" this person said. My ex use to tell me all the time how blessed she was to have me, she loved me to death. I was stuck with her for life. The day she ended that terrible relationship, she had told me an hour before how much she loved me. Bottom line, both women and men say things at the time they may mean but as time passes, feelings change. and I'll be that crazy ex going over to his place to cause chaos and destruction. This made me laugh as I would be the same exact way!! Best to get checked out so you know you have a clean bill of heath going into your next and hopefully better, new relationship! 1
Thecondor1991 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah It definitely seems like he was using you. I know that sounds terrible. But he gave all the classic break up excuses. The only one I didn't hear is "its not you its me. Well the good thing is at least you haven't invested years into this relationship. Three months is absolutely nothing in terms of a relationship. The guy kind of seems like an ass for leading you on anyway, so look at it like this, you weren't with him that long, you deserve to be treated better, and Im sure the next guy will be a better. Continue no contact.
mystikmind2005 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I don't know why people always suddenly break up like that? Why can't people say "i don't feel as though things are going well, so what should we do?"
Author HorseLuck Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 ^ I don't know why either.. which is what rattles my brain. Male insight into the male mind anyone?? Thanks for being blunt everyone. However. I still wish I could cut his peen off. Mostly pissed with myself for being foolish. I hope he reaches out just so I get some satisfaction..I know its just a power ideal in my mind. At least i have my Fridays back. Definitely going dancing this weekend. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 ^ Male insight into the male mind anyone?? Both males and females don't usually "out of no where" dump someone. They've been thinking about it for a while. They've also been emotionally checking out of the relationship as well. When they finally dump the person, it's a shock to the dumped (if they were not paying attention to the signs that were probably there that this was heading that way). The dumper feel relieved after it over. At least i have my Fridays back. Definitely going dancing this weekend. Sounds like you're going to go out and tear it up! Have fun
Author HorseLuck Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 So I went out dancing. And my worst fear, he was here. I live in a city..there's plenty of places to go...really horrendous timing. I experienced a moment of sheer insanity. I verbally exploded on my friends and ran to the second floor , jumped over a sofa,to get a better view and see if I could verify it was him. Couldn't spot him, finally gave up and got another alcoholic beverage. A couple of minutes later he pops near me when I'm dancing with some stranger. But that time I was calmer..he pretended not to see me. I started dancing harder with this other guy. Feel stupid for not giving him a piece of crazy like I intended. Dk why I didn't.
kasop Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Coming from a guy who has done this many times (moving way to fast). You couldnt of expected it to last long. I think of it as like the all or nothing act. Your going to give it your all until you can only give nothing. Theres no balance. Just my 2 c.
Author HorseLuck Posted June 7, 2015 Author Posted June 7, 2015 Coming from a guy who has done this many times (moving way to fast). You couldnt of expected it to last long. I think of it as like the all or nothing act. Your going to give it your all until you can only give nothing. Theres no balance. Just my 2 c. Why did you choose to do that? And multiple times, if you knew what the end result has been?
JewelD Posted June 7, 2015 Posted June 7, 2015 Well if it's any consolation, I highly doubt he was using you for sex, unless you guys did absolutely nothing else. Most men are not going to waste 3 months with a woman just for sex when they can go to any bar and find a drunk girl to take home. It sounds like he honesty enjoyed parts of the relationship but just didn't want a girlfriend. Men are so out of tune with their feelings and they love to lie. He probably just didn't want to deal with the drama of a breakup til now. As for cussing him out, I sent my ex of three years about 81 texts of horrible things (all of which were true) that I knew would hurt him. I yelled at him over the phone on multiple occasions. It made me feel a little bit better bc I got things out of my system, but you should do it fresh out of the breakup. Don't wait a month and snap on him or it loses its effect and you just look a little crazy.
mightycpa Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 Why did you choose to do that? And multiple times, if you knew what the end result has been?I can't speak for Mr. Kasop, but I'd be totally surprised if he thought he wasn't being sincere at the time, and only realized what went down later. Oops, there goes another one now. 1
Author HorseLuck Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 (edited) Well if it's any consolation, I highly doubt he was using you for sex, unless you guys did absolutely nothing else. Most men are not going to waste 3 months with a woman just for sex when they can go to any bar and find a drunk girl to take home. It sounds like he honesty enjoyed parts of the relationship but just didn't want a girlfriend. Men are so out of tune with their feelings and they love to lie. He probably just didn't want to deal with the drama of a breakup til now. As for cussing him out, I sent my ex of three years about 81 texts of horrible things (all of which were true) that I knew would hurt him. I yelled at him over the phone on multiple occasions. It made me feel a little bit better bc I got things out of my system, but you should do it fresh out of the breakup. Don't wait a month and snap on him or it loses its effect and you just look a little crazy. That is basically what our time spent together consisted of. Getting food, heading over to this place. He worked every day allegedly and had crazy hours. I was only able to see him in the evening, and his reasoning for not wanting to go dancing with me (i like to dance) was because he had work the next day. I had brought up that concern (wanting more quality time outside of sex), and thought it would get better in a month because he often spoke of quitting his job. Yet...the week you break up with me you're in the club? Oh give me a f*cking break. That sounds like a bull**** excuse. As for wanting to snap on him, I have too much pride to reach out through text or a phone call. I won't make the trip to his place. (The only reason I'd make a trip is to key his car lol and that takes time and work and too much planning) . Thus my wanting to run in to him at the club. Unfortunately, I would likely gain an assault charge. That's my only problem. I hate that label of being deemed "crazy". Yea. You're the reason I'm acting crazy, but i'm not actually crazy. I just want payback. Edited June 8, 2015 by HorseLuck
wizer Posted June 8, 2015 Posted June 8, 2015 I hate that label of being deemed "crazy". Yea. You're the reason I'm acting crazy, but i'm not actually crazy. I just want payback. So you've had this label before. Why is this not a surprise. I posted on your other thread. In case you miss it, please seek professional help, you need it. Badly.
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