Camaro Guy Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) That's a given. And misinterpreted. Whever someone says "experienced" people immediately turn to sex. No, that's not what it means. It means experienced in the ways of the world. A student of the school of hard knocks. Wordly. Why do you think women often go for older men? They've taken their lashes. They know what the pain of life feels like. A man who has experience is often seen as a guy you want to have on your side. In all walks of life, people detest inexperienced people. Especially the older you get. In a job situation, those who are experienced are looked up to as leaders. And experience isn't something you can fake. It's a look in the eyes. It adds a grizzle to the face and a hardness to the soul. It forges men into steel. A man who has lived a thousand lifetimes and who is well read, well traveled, well learned is very attractive indeed. That's why ex-convicts and prison inmates are so attractive. They have that worldliness to them, even if it is dark.Think of someone like Daniel Craig's portrayal of James Bond, you can see the worldliness in his eyes. When Charles Darwin went away on the H.M.S. Beagle and returned, his father saw him as an actual man. He could see he became more grizzled. More hard-edged. I have found out this is the reason I'm a virgin at 25. I don't have the experience. I was somewhat sheltered as a kid and in college. I've gotten a taste of this hard-edge by living out on my own, being independent, self-reliant. But some of my friends, they are becoming these men. You can see it in their eyes. Even at our age, they have the disposition of someone who's in their 40s. People often say I look younger than I am. I imagine its because of my disposition as well. Being sexually experienced can be a by-product of this as the more experiences you gain, the more exposure to different kinds of women you have. Therefore, being a virgin [signals] a lack of experience. A lack of being forged in the fire to become the type of man that graduates from the school of hard knocks. I realize this is something I desperately need. I need more experiences. I plan on traveling more. Seeing what's out there. Seeing what I can really do. Testing myself to see my limits. Developing my worldliness. What do you guys think? Is this a valid theory? Edited June 3, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Clarity 1
Gloria25 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Dude.... It's not "quantity", it's "quality"....many of people having sex and they suck.... Also, get into a RL...if there's trust and understanding, you both can relax and "teach" each other... My fav podcaster. A lady who wasn't a virgin got engaged and she told her man that she wanted them to have sex cuz since now they have a ring and a date she wanted to make sure they were compatible in the bedroom. Well, it was awkward cuz she was experienced and he was literally a virgin. With time they got it on - to the point that he became the aggressor sexually in the RL. So, sometimes we need a stronger tennis player to improve our game...not a bunch of tennis players. 1
thefooloftheyear Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 That's a given. And misinterpreted. Whever someone says "experienced" people immediately turn to sex. No, that's not what it means. It means experienced in the ways of the world. A student of the school of hard knocks. Wordly. Why do you think women often go for older men? They've taken their lashes. They know what the pain of life feels like. A man who has experience is often seen as a guy you want to have on your side. In all walks of life, people detest inexperienced people. Especially the older you get. In a job situation, those who are experienced are looked up to as leaders. And experience isn't something you can fake. It's a look in the eyes. It adds a grizzle to the face and a hardness to the soul. It forges men into steel. A man who has lived a thousand lifetimes and who is well read, well traveled, well learned is very attractive indeed. That's why ex-convicts and prison inmates are so attractive. They have that worldliness to them, even if it is dark.Think of someone like Daniel Craig's portrayal of James Bond, you can see the worldliness in his eyes. When Charles Darwin went away on the H.M.S. Beagle and returned, his father saw him as an actual man. He could see he became more grizzled. More hard-edged. I have found out this is the reason I'm a virgin at 25. I don't have the experience. I was somewhat sheltered as a kid and in college. I've gotten a taste of this hard-edge by living out on my own, being independent, self-reliant. But some of my friends, they are becoming these men. You can see it in their eyes. Even at our age, they have the disposition of someone who's in their 40s. People often say I look younger than I am. I imagine its because of my disposition as well. Being sexually experienced can be a by-product of this as the more experiences you gain, the more exposure to different kinds of women you have. Therefore, being a virgin singles a lack of experience. A lack of being forged in the fire to become the type of man that graduates from the school of hard knocks. I realize this is something I desperately need. I need more experiences. I plan on traveling more. Seeing what's out there. Seeing what I can really do. Testing myself to see my limits. Developing my worldliness. What do you guys think? Is this a valid theory? Yes, its a valid theory.....As I read some of your posts I am encouraged that you are "getting" all of this....Unlike some other struggling guys that just wonder why women aren't having sex with them for no other reason other than the fact that they were born... Just ignore all of the posts (mostly from women) that will tell you that women adore guys who are a bunch of green and wet behind the ear noobs... They mean well, but they're lying... TFY 4
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Join the military or better yet the French Foreign Legion. Or you can read a few books. The ones that are poignant are the ones written by American Civil War & WWI vets. A common generational theme is "becoming a man" on the field of battle. Elements of modern warfare like artillery, rifled bores & gas or recoil operated water cooled machine guns, quickly removed any romance of war. Read about the lost generation of 1914. That act of "courage" brought an empire to it's knees & opened the door to massive social change. I believe that you are confusing living a hard life with experience. Going through the motions as a privileged spectator, is not the same as having to do something to make a living or survive.
toscaroscura Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 The man I'm currently madly in love with is an extremely introverted virgin in his 20s. I don't need some worldly, jet-setting type A man who reminds me of the Dos Equis dude. I'm a quiet introvert myself; that sounds exhausting! I don't need a million other women gunning for him as some kind of "proof" of his desirability. Some grizzled, weary, emotionally unavailable guy? NO THANKS. There are those of us out there who can appreciate men like you. But look carefully, you may not notice us right away! 1
Gloria25 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Yes, its a valid theory.....As I read some of your posts I am encouraged that you are "getting" all of this....Unlike some other struggling guys that just wonder why women aren't having sex with them for no other reason other than the fact that they were born... Just ignore all of the posts (mostly from women) that will tell you that women adore guys who are a bunch of green and wet behind the ear noobs... They mean well, but they're lying... TFY I'm shocked that you'd lump me in that group.... I'll work with a guy who comes in the bedroom with enthusiasm and a willingness to learn. But a defeatist attitude and yea, I'll dump you like a hot pocket. And yes, I speak from "experience". 2
toscaroscura Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I'm shocked that you'd lump me in that group.... I'll work with a guy who comes in the bedroom with enthusiasm and a willingness to learn. But a defeatist attitude and yea, I'll dump you like a hot pocket. And yes, I speak from "experience". Exactly. I'm not "lying". Attitude is everything. Experienced or no, nobody wants a sad-sack with no confidence in himself. I don't want to date a perfectly lovely introverted guy who is always down on himself for not being James Bond. 1
jay1983 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Yes, its a valid theory.....As I read some of your posts I am encouraged that you are "getting" all of this....Unlike some other struggling guys that just wonder why women aren't having sex with them for no other reason other than the fact that they were born... Just ignore all of the posts (mostly from women) that will tell you that women adore guys who are a bunch of green and wet behind the ear noobs... They mean well, but they're lying... TFY I know people are different, there're different regions, type of social circles, socioeconomic background and so on, but You're like one of maybe 4 or 5 people one here who seem like a real life person, like someone I actually know IRL. 3
Author Camaro Guy Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Exactly. I'm not "lying". Attitude is everything. Experienced or no, nobody wants a sad-sack with no confidence in himself. I don't want to date a perfectly lovely introverted guy who is always down on himself for not being James Bond. But you're definitely in the minority. That grizzled nature makes men, well men. If you look into your uncle's eyes, you'll see it. If you look into your dad's eyes, you'll see it. If you look into your boyfriend's eyes in a couple of years, you'll see it.
toscaroscura Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 But you're definitely in the minority. That grizzled nature makes men, well men. If you look into your uncle's eyes, you'll see it. If you look into your dad's eyes, you'll see it. If you look into your boyfriend's eyes in a couple of years, you'll see it. That's an unappetizing prospect. I have no desire for a man with the look of my uncle or father in his eyes! The thing about jaded, grizzled people is they are usually jaded and grizzled about their loved ones too. I much prefer someone a bit more on the idealistic side. Someone positive, silly, calm and loving. This doesn't equal doormat or sad-sack though. And you can still be masculine without having to be a grizzled James Bond type! 2
Phoe Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I agree that having experience at life in general is a desirable trait. Makes for a full life. I disagree when it comes to experience at sex in the form of a variety of partners. I don't find that appealing. 4
thefooloftheyear Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I'm shocked that you'd lump me in that group.... I'll work with a guy who comes in the bedroom with enthusiasm and a willingness to learn. But a defeatist attitude and yea, I'll dump you like a hot pocket. And yes, I speak from "experience". Don't be so defensive....you don't get it.... It gets tiring for a guy like the OP, who is a quarter century old and hasn't had enough experience with girls/women and hasn't gotten his dick wet,. yet he has to hear of anecdotal stories like...."Oooh...I am a gorgeous woman and I plucked my bf from his parents basement..he has a shyt job and isn't interesting, but I simply adore him!!:love:"..... It's all bullshyt, Gloria... And I wont say this of you or any other poster, but who knows what the quality of those women are anyway...? What he is saying is true...Its not "creepy"....What he is saying is that women are detecting that he is an inexperienced noob and a sheltered kid, so that becomes his cross to bear...And life experiences, even negative ones, as he mentions do forge men into the types that women want to be around....Its as simple as that... Despite being a very shy kid, especially around girls, You could say that I got an early start in this game(with girls)...You know why? Because I was a "street kid" and I saw and experienced ten times more than the other kids did(mostly negative experience, btw)...It also helped that I was a star athlete as well..but the point is I was "different" in their eyes...and that was the thing that the OP is talking about...Being more than just a "face in the crowd" TFY 3
Eggplant Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 There is ideally a golden mean between experienced and youthful energy and idealism. 2
Author Camaro Guy Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I agree that having experience at life in general is a desirable trait. Makes for a full life. I disagree when it comes to experience at sex in the form of a variety of partners. I don't find that appealing. I'm not talking about sexual experience... At all.
toscaroscura Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Lol just because a guy isn't a grizzled cowboy doesn't mean he is some neckbeard from his mother's basement. I find these "wanting to be James Bond" guys ultimately uncomfortable in their own skin and usually wanting these highly social, mover-and-shaker women with whom they have little in common (like an extroverted club girl when you're a quiet gamer). You mentioned the "quality of the women" but I submit, a guy like Camaro would probably be happier dating a woman who could appreciate his qualities, even if she's not the flashiest girl who will increase his social cred. 1
Emilia Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I agree with you OP 100%. Seek male advice from those whose world is big. It usually isn't good to talk to women about it because they are in the same boat as you until older. Experience widens your world. That gives you different perspectives and allows you to relate to vastly different people. You will learn surprising things about yourself, including that you will be always ok. No matter what. You will become stronger and more assertive. Don't listen to the keyboard warriors about the army. The only thing that would give is being institutionalised. Strong men march to their own tune. 2
Author Camaro Guy Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I agree with you OP 100%. Seek male advice from those whose world is big. It usually isn't good to talk to women about it because they are in the same boat as you until older. Experience widens your world. That gives you different perspectives and allows you to relate to vastly different people. You will learn surprising things about yourself, including that you will be always ok. No matter what. You will become stronger and more assertive. Don't listen to the keyboard warriors about the army. The only thing that would give is being institutionalised. Strong men march to their own tune. Thank you Emilia. Someone like you who is wise in the ways of the world would surely understand. I need to seek out more experiences to forge my male character. I don't see why this is so difficult to understand. It's not about going after inaccessible girls. Its not about having cute girls on my arm. It's not about being a James Bond wannabe. It's about being super interesting. When a man who has seen a lot talks, you are drawn to him. It's like a magnet. They have that masculinity that comes only from seeing that life isn't all fun and games. Naive people are generally a strain to be around. It's no fun teaching or telling them about things that should be known at a certain age. This goes for women too. I guess if you are naive too, then you'll want a partner like that. I just know I don't to be that man. 5
Emilia Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 You are on the right path and believe me you will enjoy the journey. Good luck! 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Grizzled is hot? Best news I've heard all day. As far as gaining a wealth of experience and a brutal short course in the school of hard knocks, the suggestion to join the military wasn't at all a bad one. I see what you're saying, OP, and I'm finding it tough to disagree. 3
Author Camaro Guy Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) Yes, its a valid theory.....As I read some of your posts I am encouraged that you are "getting" all of this....Unlike some other struggling guys that just wonder why women aren't having sex with them for no other reason other than the fact that they were born... I'm not the kind of guy to blame external circumstances or factors out of my control on why I can't do things. I used to be that guy long ago but I saw the futility in it. Yes, I do get disappointed, discouraged, and frustrated that I can't do certain things and I put the blame squarely at my shoulders. Only I can save myself. No one else, no matter how great their intentions are. That's why I can become downright obsessed with solving solutions to problems because I know that I'm the only one that can open doors for myself. Throughout history, there have been numerous figures who have overcome tremendous adversity to become legends. Martin Luther King. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Ghandi. Leonardo da Vinci. Charles Darwin. Zora Neale Hurston. Howard Schultz. Oprah. And endless more. Most of these people came from the gutter. They weren't given opportunities. They made them. So if they can do it, why not me who was raised in middle class suburbia and went to good schools? Grizzled is hot? Best news I've heard all day. As far as gaining a wealth of experience and a brutal short course in the school of hard knocks, the suggestion to join the military wasn't at all a bad one. I see what you're saying, OP, and I'm finding it tough to disagree. I appreciate his suggestion, however I have a vision for my career trajectory and life. Joining the army would be good. Joining the Marines would be better. When you've seen such a dark side of life, asking a girl on a date isn't so bad. I'm also not necessarily talking "grizzled" but rather somewhat "gritty" if that makes sense. Personally, if I was a woman, the last thing I'd want is a man who doesn't know down from up. That only comes from life experiences. Some good, some bad. I need more of those. The latter would be more preferable in a sense, as it would take away my softness. Not to take away anything from these people but the people that are agreeing with me seem to be "veterans" in the battlefield we call life. The funny thing is that I'm already developing that in the gym. I'm 6'2 and 195 lbs. I've experienced my body going through absolutely torturous sets and it's made me a better person since before I started lifting. Edited June 3, 2015 by Camaro Guy 2
frogs88 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I find the definition of experience rather vague if it's the difference between being some pale moms kid and a marine with PTSD. Doesnt the majority of people develop it as they live life or is it only the kewl guys who have seen some things (man)? 1
GorillaTheater Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I find the definition of experience rather vague if it's the difference between being some pale moms kid and a marine with PTSD. Doesnt the majority of people develop it as they live life or is it only the kewl guys who have seen some things (man)? I think most people develop whatever it is that we want to call this (grittiness for lack of a better term, I guess), but variables still come into play: the breadth of experiences, and whether the person is wisely applying the lessons learned in those experiences to their life. 4
Author Camaro Guy Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I think most people develop whatever it is that we want to call this (grittiness for lack of a better term, I guess), but variables still come into play: the breadth of experiences, and whether the person is wisely applying the lessons learned in those experiences to their life. Why do you think some women express relief over marrying a man who "sowed his wild oats"? It's because the man gained experience (not sexual) through these encounters and applied them to his life. It's not because he "got it out of his system" the desire for sex will never "get out of your system". It's because he was able to (hopefully) learn from these experiences that monogamy *might* be better. It's not about the sex. It never was. That's what most people don't understand. 1
toscaroscura Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I would never argue that improving yourself or becoming more interesting/experienced is a bad thing. From the way the OP came across, it sounded like you wanted to try cultivating some sort of artificial persona.
ThaWholigan Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 This is the most encouraging thing I've seen you post Camaro Guy. In fact, it's the most encouraging thing I've seen in a long time on here. Yes, experiences are likely to add more to your character as time goes by, and women will definitely respond to that. Of course, there will be those who admire the idealism of someone who's brand new to everything, but it is your choice to pursue those women, or the experiences you seek to enrich your life. I always say that having an interesting life or being an interesting person is one key way of being the kind of person that others are attracted to - that is universal. Just depends on the kind of experiences you want, it's all up to you 4
Recommended Posts