Augustus McCrae Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I'm debating whether or not to pursue a more "romantic" relationship with a friend of mine. I've known her since middle school, but it wasn't until 10th grade that we actually became good friends (we are now both sophomores in college). Most importantly (to me at least), she loves the Lord and I know her walk with Him is strong. I must admit I find her gorgeous (not in a stereotypical Hollywood hourglass way, but in a simple but elegant way that would not cause the average passerby to doubletake but will captivate the careful eye). She is smart, funny and we both enjoy many of the same things. She, two or three other friends from our high school graduating class and I hang out on a regular basis - whether that be bowling, going to the movies, going out dancing, or simply watching tv and playing board games together. The hardest part in this decision for me is multi-faceted. First of all, a couple of my friends made attempts at dating her during high school, but she rebuffed their attempts. Some of them are still close friends with her, but one didn't take her cues to stop trying and ended up crippling their friendship - which brings me to my second point. I treasure the friendship I have with her. She, along with my other high school buddies are some of the few people who truly understand me (outside of family). I would hate to ever hurt our friendship in any way. Should she rebuff me as well, I am perceptive enough to know to quit there, but you can never go back to exactly the same after making that attempt. You may still be very good friends, but that one time you tried to be more than friends will always be part of your understanding of each other. Thirdly, I have no clue (fail or success) how it would affect the relationship dynamic within our group and how the others would perceive it. I would normally discuss this with two of my best friends, but those two both are close to her and I wouldn't want to put them in an awkward position. I think one of my largest stems of doubt comes from the fact that our group is very platonic in terms of our friendship. Every now and then our discussions turn towards past attempts at dating and lack of romance in our lives. Each time this happens, whether consciously or unconsciously, we never bring up the possibility of dating within the group. This may be quite possibly because the feel of our group is not unlike siblings rather than peers. Although some in our group have romantic history (attempts at least), like I said, it's overall platonic now. One thing I do have in my favor is that she is aware that I am quite romantic (a long story for a different time, you'll just have to take my word that it is true). I don't expect any immediate epiphanies or revelations. Relationships tend to be long winding roads, not short sprints (and there's still a great deal of summer left before we must all go separate ways) however, these thoughts have been on my mind for a while and I needed a place to release them and seek advice. Any thoughts, prayers or advice are gladly welcome. Like I said, this will be a long journey and I won't be making any hasty decisions any time soon.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Be careful, you're putting her on a pedestal like she's perfect. You need to snap out of that mindset or you will ruin things Lol. 1
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Ask her if she's open to dating you. Sounds like you & her are very religious, so you both probably only want to date seriously with the intention of getting married soon. Are you in a place to support 2 people soon & 3,4,5,6...all by yourself? If not, I don't think she'll see you as being sincere.
Author Augustus McCrae Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Let me make some clarifications due to the answers I have recieved. 1. I may have spoken highly of her, but I in no way think she is perfect. I posted the exact same statement in another forum and people thought I was too vague and tried to convince me that I didn't actually like her. Now y'all think I think too highly of her? I can't win lol. 2. I understand your rationale in thinking that since we're "religious" we date to marry, which is more often than not true. However, it wouldn't be any time soon. I don't know where you get your info, but dating as a Christian is just as long a process as dating for non-Christians. We don't ask a girl out one day and marry her a week later.
newmoon Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 what does it mean that "there is a great deal of summer.. before we go our separate ways?" perhaps your thoughts are leaning in this romantic direction because time with her is limited and you have to make a move for some reason? women - even religious ones - are smart enough to get a man's attention on them if they want it there. since there has been nothing between you for so many years you're probably wasting time and effort on someone who isn't interested in you romantically. she might like that you're romantic. but it doesn't mean she wants that romance turned to her. you can like something about someone a lot, it doesn't mean you like them. many good love relationships form from friendship but someone has to express their interest and take that chance. you're old enough by now to just do it, and get a definitive answer and then move on. waiting around and talking about a long journey is just wasting your time if she eventually says no. live your life - move forward on it or give it up.
Author Augustus McCrae Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 What I meant by theres a great deal of summer left is that we attend two different universities and that after summer, the opportunity to spend time with her will decline. Therefore, during the summer is the prime time to ask her out.
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