jen1447 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 GUESS WHAT? I just got back to the office and after 3 weeks no contact she just popped me a message: 'Lol talk about bad timing' ............................. Really? She ran away from you in the street but then texted? Cray.
Yummm Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Really? She ran away from you in the street but then texted? Cray. I know, this has really messed with my head and am in an emotional state right now. But this isn't my thread to go on about me, please check here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated-2.html#post6358915 Some intelligent responses to my bad emotional state would really really help
Author dyna85 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 okay, thanks for the reality check everyone. sometimes the truth hurts. really bad. anyway, i'm just having a rough few days and i don't get why. i feel like i was starting to feel empowered and then the drink really made me spiral downward and even into today i'm not feeling so hot. i keep thinking something is going to happen and can't seem to let this go and it's a major problem. i'm at an age where i feel i need to push through these feelings asap so i can keep searching, but putting myself out there in the dating sense is making me feel worse. as for yummm, that's pretty crazy that this happened to you. jen, he didn't just stop talking but yes he did act like i meant nothing. it was a very abrupt ending without closure since he left me hanging after ending things completely via text. torii, i agree i need to keep in mind the reasoning why i've held out with nc so long, but it seems to hit me really hard at times, even after several months, and then i beat myself up further bc i feel abnormal for taking so long to get over it and for still feeling so affected. i really appreciate your thoughtful comment. i suppose it is the connection i felt that has kept me holding on for dear life this entire time. for some reason, i feel like the hurt doesn't matter and i love him anyway, as i would if a family member or a close friend hurt me. isn't that what love is? unconditional care for the other person? i know, though, that it wasn't healthy to continue contact with him since the caring wasn't reciprocated, which is why i've chosen to stick to nc. however, it's just frustrating that i can't seem to move past the intensity of my feelings, that's all. it literally seems impossible to move on from this. nycgirl, thanks. i think even drinking when i'm in a good mood does me no favors. ever since this situation, every time i drink even a little, i feel terribly sad and start ruminating, even if i was feeling fine beforehand--like yesterday, i was feeling fine and then i had the drink and it's like my true emotions rose to the surface. it actually helped me not sidestep the issue though, as i feel like there are times i try to force myself to feel a certain way. simon, thanks for the useful reminder. it is unfortunate but at the same time i guess a good thing and ever the more reason why i should snap out of this funk. minime, definitely not making excuses. trust me. i will do everything in my power to not generate further frustration, which i know would be the case if i were to contact him. there is no good that could become of that, i am sure. mightycpa, whether he just doesn't care or whatever, i guess that is what it is and i must accept it. it's just hard sometimes and i consider myself to be very intuitive, so this whole ordeal has really thrown me off, more than anything else. on the whole, in the beginning i was very strong in my conviction to never contact him again, but it seems with time that resolve is weakening... which is quite scary at times. i thought i'd be much further along the path of progress at this point. but sometimes it still feels like the early weeks. what gives?
Author dyna85 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 by the way, sorry if i failed to comment on anyone else's input. i appreciate you all trying to help me come back to earth. i'm at work right now on lunch break so i responded to everything i could. hugs and love to everyone. you're all so kind and supportive. 2
darkbloom Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I believe that can be the case. I know it certainly is with mine. Trying to look at it as a favor he is doing me though. Nothing good can come from the contact unless both people have changed for the better. We miss the person they were to us when they were behaving well. We do NOT miss the person that caused us the pain and hurt. You can't have one without the other. Best stick to NC. 1
Author dyna85 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Posted June 13, 2015 I know it's been a while since I visited this thread but wanted to give a belated thank you to db & Torii above for your support. Just wanted to update this thread to comment on my current emotional state. As of this past week or so, I have been experiencing a resurgence of intense desire to contact him. It plagues me day and night. I will admit that I am guilty of looking at pics of him online and seeing somewhat of a social media page of his, which made me feel temporarily better, because it reminded me as to why it didn't work out between us, but that high was of course fleeting, and didn't do much for my long term healing, and I would advise all against it, because it may have set me back and may explain why I've been experiencing a resurgence of desire to contact him as of late. Resurgence of desire is kind of putting it lightly. In all honesty, these urges are pretty overwhelming. I am honestly beside myself at this point. I thought by the 6 month mark, I would be in such a better place and hardly giving him much thought, yet this couldn't be further from the truth of my present reality. Maybe if I could go back to the end of May and retrace my steps and NOT have ever looked at his social media, I would be feeling better. Ugh. I'm so disappointed that I did that and wish I had maintained strict nc. I'm hoping these urges fade in time. It's just really, really hard. I've been thinking about how most of those forum members who joined around the same time as me who were posting regularly back in Dec/Jan are no longer here, and I feel like I'm so far behind everyone in terms of healing and my rate of progress is super slow. It's so depressing.
justsounsure Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 "Could it be possible for 2 people to be so wanting to reach out to one another, but both are exerting extreme self-control in not doing so?" I'm a perfect example. Not to give you false hope, but I'm there. I dumped a LONG-term girlfriend two years ago because I believed we just weren't compatible. I believe we were incompatible, and I wanted to breakup to let us find the "right" person for each other. Do I want to reach out? You bet. To apologize at the least, to figure things out and make it work at the best. Loved her for 17 years and always will. Does she want to reach out? I'm pretty sure. So, yes. Very possible but due to our "self-control" we haven't reached out. My situation may not be "normal" though. But the love was definitely there. Hmmmm .... But based on your other threads, you dated and were head over heels for a younger girl for like 7 months out of that time after you broke up with your ex. I'm gonna go ahead and guess you weren't thinking of reaching out to your ex then.
jen1447 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 I know it's been a while since I visited this thread but wanted to give a belated thank you to db & Torii above for your support. Just wanted to update this thread to comment on my current emotional state. As of this past week or so, I have been experiencing a resurgence of intense desire to contact him. It plagues me day and night. I will admit that I am guilty of looking at pics of him online and seeing somewhat of a social media page of his, which made me feel temporarily better, because it reminded me as to why it didn't work out between us, but that high was of course fleeting, and didn't do much for my long term healing, and I would advise all against it, because it may have set me back and may explain why I've been experiencing a resurgence of desire to contact him as of late. Resurgence of desire is kind of putting it lightly. In all honesty, these urges are pretty overwhelming. I am honestly beside myself at this point. I thought by the 6 month mark, I would be in such a better place and hardly giving him much thought, yet this couldn't be further from the truth of my present reality. Maybe if I could go back to the end of May and retrace my steps and NOT have ever looked at his social media, I would be feeling better. Ugh. I'm so disappointed that I did that and wish I had maintained strict nc. I'm hoping these urges fade in time. It's just really, really hard. I've been thinking about how most of those forum members who joined around the same time as me who were posting regularly back in Dec/Jan are no longer here, and I feel like I'm so far behind everyone in terms of healing and my rate of progress is super slow. It's so depressing. Recovery's always a lonely road hon. No matter how many people you seem to have along for the ride, in the end it's actually just you bc no one else is feeling it personally. I think that's one of the hardest things about the death of relationships - no one 'gets it' - at least not your thing specifically. That tends to promote a feeling of isolation even if you've got 100 people listening to your story sympathetically, bc they eventually go back to their own lives. We all cope alone in reality. But you'll be ok anyway. Everyone always is. 4
Holmes85 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Could it be possible for 2 people to be so wanting to reach out to one another, but both are exerting extreme self-control in not doing so? Probably not, right? : \ I had a beer at a happy hour and all of these feelings are resurfacing and I'm really upset right now because I wish he would contact me but I know it wouldn't be good and it would do nothing to help my situation since we are so not right for each other and he has hurt me so deeply. Dyna85, You are letting your emotions get the better of you. A happy beer hour is exactly what it needs to resurface those old memories again. Let me tell you something from experience, if someone wants to contact you, they will contact you, no matter what the circumstances are. Even though he's not right for you, it is pretty clear to me that you would still settle for him (given the opportunity presents itself, the way you wish to). You are conflicted right now, because you are still not sure if you want to go ahead and close this chapter for good and start something new. You should definitely not set a time on healing, you are going to heal at your own pace, some heal within months, some take years, some take weeks. Take as much time as you need to heal. Mark my words Dyna, once you are out of this emotional turmoil, you would be flying higher. Just don't dwell on the past, forgive but not forget, I'm sure you gave it your best shot being with him and in the end he threw everything back on your face. Put your thoughts and energy on something new, invest those in building a better future for yourself. Make sure that the energy and effort you invest from now on are for yourself and are your efforts are appreciated in return. You can't change the past, either you keep running from it or the big question is would you learn from it? What you do at this point is up to you and I for one (having read your posts here & there) am sure that you have got what it takes to get out of this mess, not only that, with the right man, your efforts would be much appreciated. You are the type of girl that is reserved and mature, maturity is something that lacks in many girls these days, you have got all you need and it all resides inside you. Dyna, start believing in yourself more from now on and I promise you that one day you would smile again and look back on this as a tough time you pulled through. Bravery is not defined by how many accomplishments you have, it is by standing your ground at the time of adversity, you would get knocked down many times by life, but you would always get back up, because you have a lot more fight in you and a lot more to give to the people. 2
Author dyna85 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Recovery's always a lonely road hon. No matter how many people you seem to have along for the ride, in the end it's actually just you bc no one else is feeling it personally. I think that's one of the hardest things about the death of relationships - no one 'gets it' - at least not your thing specifically. That tends to promote a feeling of isolation even if you've got 100 people listening to your story sympathetically, bc they eventually go back to their own lives. We all cope alone in reality. But you'll be ok anyway. Everyone always is. Wow Jen, this is so true. It was so comforting to have those around who were going through the heartache around the same time.. and then they all slowly faded out and it made me wonder why I'm seemingly so far behind them in this recovery. Your words are so soothing to me. You are right that recovery is a lonely road and that we all cope alone. I guess that's how we learn and grow. I think sometimes when the pain has gotten to be too much, I've wanted to lean on something and/or someone, and so this forum has definitely helped immensely in that regard, but I'm entering that state of understanding the bigger picture and realizing a lot of this is up to me, and I need to be accepting of how I feel and be tolerant of my individual rate of healing. Thank you for the kind encouragement. I love how you say I will be ok. A part of me refused to accept even this for the longest time, thinking there was no way I could ever heal from this, but having pushed through some of the strongest urges to do things that would really screw me up, I see that I do have strength and realize I can do this! Sometimes it's hard to persevere when the discomfort/pain feels unbearable, but I've been reminding myself that it will not last forever, and the more I carry on while experiencing it, the better off I'll be. You really could not have more wise in pinpointing this feeling of 'going it alone.' It's scary sometimes, but you're very right... and it's not so bad to think that we're able to get through it on our own. It's actually quite empowering when I think about it. Thanks again. <3 1
jen1447 Posted June 14, 2015 Posted June 14, 2015 Girl-cuddles hon. Reach out any time you feel the need. We can't heal you for you, but we can always help with a little push here and there.
Author dyna85 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Dyna85, You are letting your emotions get the better of you. A happy beer hour is exactly what it needs to resurface those old memories again. Let me tell you something from experience, if someone wants to contact you, they will contact you, no matter what the circumstances are. Even though he's not right for you, it is pretty clear to me that you would still settle for him (given the opportunity presents itself, the way you wish to). You are conflicted right now, because you are still not sure if you want to go ahead and close this chapter for good and start something new. You should definitely not set a time on healing, you are going to heal at your own pace, some heal within months, some take years, some take weeks. Take as much time as you need to heal. Mark my words Dyna, once you are out of this emotional turmoil, you would be flying higher. Just don't dwell on the past, forgive but not forget, I'm sure you gave it your best shot being with him and in the end he threw everything back on your face. Put your thoughts and energy on something new, invest those in building a better future for yourself. Make sure that the energy and effort you invest from now on are for yourself and are your efforts are appreciated in return. You can't change the past, either you keep running from it or the big question is would you learn from it? What you do at this point is up to you and I for one (having read your posts here & there) am sure that you have got what it takes to get out of this mess, not only that, with the right man, your efforts would be much appreciated. You are the type of girl that is reserved and mature, maturity is something that lacks in many girls these days, you have got all you need and it all resides inside you. Dyna, start believing in yourself more from now on and I promise you that one day you would smile again and look back on this as a tough time you pulled through. Bravery is not defined by how many accomplishments you have, it is by standing your ground at the time of adversity, you would get knocked down many times by life, but you would always get back up, because you have a lot more fight in you and a lot more to give to the people. Oh my gosh, Holmes. I love you. I got all emotional when reading this post. You couldn't be more right about wanting to settle for someone who is not right for me and not wanting to close the chapter! I am truly turning the corner though. Yesterday was a major turning point for me. I appreciate you saying that I will get through this and fly higher once I move through it all. I think this is true. I doubted it before, but I'm starting to see the truth in this. It seems you have the gift of clairvoyance, because you do seem to know me and my mindset very well, hehe. Your words give me such strength. It's weird because I've been praying for peace and strength and meditating on the thought that I need to push through the pain, and I cannot say how comforting your words are to me. You are like an angel. Thank you so much for helping to motivate me and guide me in the right direction. Thank you thank you thank you. I love you!!!! You are a kind soul and I will bookmark your post to refer to as a reminder to be brave and believe in myself. I wish you the best too and hope you use your wisdom to help yourself too because you have a lot to give too! Cheers to all of us fighters!! much loveeeeee 1
Author dyna85 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Posted June 14, 2015 Girl-cuddles hon. Reach out any time you feel the need. We can't heal you for you, but we can always help with a little push here and there. thank you
finalendeavor Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 I know this thread is a tad old and I've not got much to say, but I wanted to offer my support and empathy, as it sounds like you're dealing with a situation that's staggeringly similar to my own. It's so weird how certain people can leave such a heavy, seemingly everlasting impression, even if they're only in your life for a short period of time. Sometimes I find comfort in the fact that friends and past lovers that I never would of thought to remember me contact me after years, even if I only knew them for a few months. I wish you all the very best in your recovery. You've been so strong to adhere to no contact- I hope I'll be that strong in these next months of my own recovery. Another thing that keeps me going- as preached about as this is- is that I know it'll work out in the end. At the end of the day, you either hear from them, or you eventually heal and move on to much greener pastures. Thank you for the advice you've given me on my own thread as well; I wish you could always be my voice of reason, to tell me to snap out of it and stop adhering to hope for something that likely will not be.
Author dyna85 Posted August 2, 2015 Author Posted August 2, 2015 Thanks finalendeavour. That was very kind of you to express empathy. Our situations do seem quite similar and I agree that it's weird how certain people can have such a momentous impact, even in such a short period. I'm sure you'll do well in your recovery. You do seem to have a good mindset, even though it hurts and doesn't make sense at the moment. As for my being no contact for a while, it hasn't been easy and the rough moments have far exceeded the good moments, to be honest, but I just take it day by day. It's all we can do. I like what you say in your last paragraph and try to believe this too. Based on how things have worked out before this person, what you say is true. As for the hope... do as I say not as I do... if ya know what I'm sayin'...
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