Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I think there's more than one soul mate. And I so don't think that it has to be instant. Upon first glance...... However, I certainly won't settle for a guy who I " don't feel much for at first ". There MUST be SOME sort of connection and strong chemistry early on. But not love at first site or Na INSTANT connection necessary either. My current guy I definitely felt chemistry and I felt comfortable around him instantly. But i wanted to date around. And he was such a nice guy and I'm used to players an deals who come on super strong and are alpha male types. Second meeting I felt that it was going to just be a casual thing. He picked me up from work, I took a call from one of the unavailable guys I " wanted " and then I sat to face my guy and wow. That car ride hit me like a tonne of bricks. So it wasn't until the second meeting that I felt intense chemistry and passion for him. I didn't just " know " upon our first interaction..... I mean, I wanted to date around....... And as they say, most people you feel the intense chemistry and passion for don't work out long term. So I'm not exactly investing anything yet into this one man. I won't, however, buy into the notion that I should just meet a man, not feel much and date him simply because his super compatible and likes me for me.. I think it's possible to find a soul mate type of connection chemistry wise IF you're not fussy in regards to looks and employment status..... Meaning you need to feel open to falling hard for people form all walls of life and of all socio economic status so long as you click personality wise and have that special soul mate type chemistry. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Had anyone else felt something after the second third or fourth date? This is the first time I've given a guy a shot that I had to think about after date one...as to whether or not I'd give him a chance.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 This thread came about because of the soul mate thread. My friend knew instantly but I always take a few hours minimum to know if I have strong chemistry and a connection. This is the longest it's taken. A few days and a second date. I strongly believe the soul mate thing is attributed to basic chemistry... People can have strong chemistry for several people throughout their lives.....is this the feeling that people mistakenly think means you have found a soul mate????????
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I don't need strong chemistry or being shot through the heart to date a man BUT I need to have a curiosity for him that will grow with each date. If I meet a man, even though he's perfect on paper and he's good looking and all but he does not ignite a tiny little curiosity in me it's useless for me to force myself, it won't develop into anything. I think we may have soul mates, several soul mates, and not only romantic soul mates. Soul mates can also be our friends or our mentors.
Male Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I think there's more than one soul mate. And I so don't think that it has to be instant. Upon first glance...... The "Soul Mate" label is just something that is made up by us humans. Technically, if one spent enough time meeting and interacting with enough people, he/she would come to the conclusion that they have multiple so called "Soul Mates". But the problem is that we tend to hold our feelings in check for certain people and certain situations, but let our feelings overflow when we interact with that person that we deem a "Soul Mate".
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I don't need strong chemistry or being shot through the heart to date a man BUT I need to have a curiosity for him that will grow with each date. If I meet a man, even though he's perfect on paper and he's good looking and all but he does not ignite a tiny little curiosity in me it's useless for me to force myself, it won't develop into anything. I think we may have soul mates, several soul mates, and not only romantic soul mates. Soul mates can also be our friends or our mentors. I do need to be shot through the heart..I am waiting for that in a partner but I am mindful that it can take make than a first glance now. Plus I realise more often than not it fades, you're not compatible beyond the intensity and it's wise not to invest due to strong chemistry alone.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Lol what's a soul mate... My ex ex of nearly three years...we were inseparable for a time and the best of friends. We were not in love though. But enjoyed sex a lot together. There was never any genuine chemistry sexually speaking but there was some. It was more built through familiarity and his mother dying and my eating disorder I needed help to recover from....that brought us close. Never was there intense chemistry. My friend thinks she has found her soul mate because they had the intense chemistry u feel with my current guy and she felt it at first site AND they also have that vest friend bond that I shared with my ex ( with who I lacked passion with) Leading dating experts sometimes lament that that " feeling! " of just " knowing " you have met the one is more about chemistry ; you feel the initial spark and then those that end up lasting, which is few and far between, THEN brag about how they just " knew"
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I felt that sort of connection with a man back in January.... And we definitely weren't soul mates. The connection became evident onky after a few hours at least. This time, it took a few days to hit me...but looking back there was definitely string chemistry there from the get go. I didn't think " Omg he's my soul mate" seems very cheesy..... It is chemical based for me... Like.... it hit me on date two that wow, I can't keepy hands off him, we talk with such ease and I feel something special and I am infatuated. I cannot see how starting out with infatuation has so many people, namely women, thinking that they have met their soul mate! It's just damn chemistry right?
xxoo Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Soul mates are made over years together, sharing a life, joys, sorrows, a past, the present, and the future.
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Soul mates are made over years together, sharing a life, joys, sorrows, a past, the present, and the future. I agree. Instant stuff is merely chemistry and lust. Passion. Infatuation. Time is needed for it to really mean anything. There's no way of knowing instantly if a person is just " it". Although I can see how intoxicating instant passion is... Time is needed to know it's meaningful more than raw lust and good sexy times in the bedroom...... I do need the former where as most others warn against it. I think there's a way to get around the " instant fireworks usually burn out " myth.... NOT believing every person you share intense chemistry with is a good start. Knowing most instances won't last........not investing or acting on strong emotions until enough time has passed...etc
neowulf Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I've experienced a 'soul' connection maybe once in my life. Meeting oneone where you just *get* each other. The sense of humor, the way of looking at the world. There's no miscommunication. You just *click*. You care deeply about the same things, you share values. You find each other facinating. My ex of 6 years was the only woman I've ever been with who I *never* got bored talking with. We could talk all day, about any and every topic you can imagine. No one has ever made me smile and laugh like she could. Ironcially, the first time I saw her, I had no idea. I wasn't super attracted to her. We met while taking a dance class and I just thought she seemed like a cool person. It wasn't until the first time we kissed that I knew she was going to be a huge part of my life.
Vercetti Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 It's there or not. Saw few pictures of my wife a decade ago and never left my mind. When was able to ask her out, the first date never ended. We now live in a New city with completely new lives. Neither of us have encountered anything remotely close to what we have in our life's. 100% teamwork and benifts.
clia Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 I think there's more than one soul mate. And I so don't think that it has to be instant. Upon first glance...... I really don't think this "shot through the heart" feeling is that realistic. How many guys that you have felt that way about have led to a lasting relationship? However, I certainly won't settle for a guy who I " don't feel much for at first ". There MUST be SOME sort of connection and strong chemistry early on. But not love at first site or Na INSTANT connection necessary either. No one is asking you to be with a guy who you feel no chemistry or attraction to. I really don't understand why you keep insisting that people want you to date a guy who you aren't attracted to. No one wants you to do that. I feel comfortable speaking for the entire forum on that note. My current guy I definitely felt chemistry and I felt comfortable around him instantly. But i wanted to date around. And he was such a nice guy and I'm used to players an deals who come on super strong and are alpha male types. Second meeting I felt that it was going to just be a casual thing. He picked me up from work, I took a call from one of the unavailable guys I " wanted " and then I sat to face my guy and wow. That car ride hit me like a tonne of bricks. Yeah, wow! Your feelings can actually develop beyond that first instant feeling. Who knew? So it wasn't until the second meeting that I felt intense chemistry and passion for him. I didn't just " know " upon our first interaction..... I mean, I wanted to date around....... And as they say, most people you feel the intense chemistry and passion for don't work out long term. So I'm not exactly investing anything yet into this one man. No one at all is saying this. I think most people probably feel at least some chemistry and passion for the people they end up with...or else they wouldn't end up with them. You seem to view things as very black and white. Either there is no passion at all and people just continue to date despite that (which makes no sense to me, because who would do that?) or there is intense explosive chemistry. But obviously there is a happy medium...some feelings...and then...getting to know a person a little bit, via a few dates and chemistry and all that builds. And you might just find the man of your dreams that way! 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Clia, I feel that **** through the heart feeling right now. I don't believe it's unrealistic to wait out for ohh the charts chemistry... If you know your league and don't care about their job, income or if they r overweight or whatever, it's totally realistic to hold out for mega chemistry and infatuation. I feel this way regularly. Last time was in January...prior to the, November.... At least I don't mistake it for love lol. And I don't invest, envision them meeting my friends or family or expect anything early on anymore.... I'm attractive enough to hold out for a mutual spark for sure. Moreover, I FEEL that shot through the heart feeling often enough to realistically hold out for a man who also ends up as a long term prospect...... Where as my friend seldom feels **** through the heart and therefore can't reaotifwlly expect to hold out for a sensational that RARELY happens for her. I was just casually dating and wasn't expecting a love interest. Like most men online I'm sure he'll dissapear soon, do the fade or lose interest lol! That " I've found my soul mate " sensation is merely strong chemistry and that " falling in love " feeling. Nothing more. And it takes a lot of time to find it in a compatible partner who actually feels the same way.
shvrk Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I sometime like to think my boyfriend is my soulmate just because of how we met and became so close. I feel like I've known him forever. I do, however, have doubts about soulmates but at the same time... People are brought into your lives by forces of the universe and there could be more than one soulmate. What about twin flames? I think a twin flame might be what people are speaking of when they say soulmate bc twin flames plan to be with the other soul before they enter to a next lifetime, and into the one after and after... FOR ETERNITY! How awesome is that. I tell my boyfriend he's my twin flame all the time but bc i have no proof that that is reality I don't whole heartedly believe it. I still love him though!
Gary S Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 If we are talking about internet dating here, as an example, I think you want to at least feel like kissing him after 45 minutes, if there will be a chance at love. Stronger feelings are just a bonus but not necessary. That's why I recommend a 45 minute dinner for a first meet.
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I do need to be shot through the heart..I am waiting for that in a partner but I am mindful that it can take make than a first glance now. Plus I realise more often than not it fades, you're not compatible beyond the intensity and it's wise not to invest due to strong chemistry alone. So, what are you looking for? These two statements contradict each other.
Rejected Rosebud Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 So, what are you looking for? These two statements contradict each other. well Leigh you said you were waiting for the shot through the heart and then the next day you said you have it now, it's kind of hard to talk to you because you are saying one thing one day and another the next!!! Anyway I guess you have the shot through the heart thing about every month (last one was in april right??) but I don't think on average people have it that much. Speaking for me when I met my guy my feeling was more like YES than a shot through my heart, the other guy I had in my life I felt a huge overwhelming CRUSH on and all that butterflies and stuff you go on about and it turned out to be NOTHING and in fact I soon could not bear to be around that guy. But I guess that was akin to your shot through the heart and it wasn't worth a hill o beans to me!!
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