courtneykay Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Ugh, I am feeling a bit frustrated. Scratch that, very frustrated. My boyfriend and I have been dating/together for around two years. We're both in college, he just graduated, I have one year left. We are about to enter a long distance relationship, and are confident we will make it work. I know people have our doubts since we are younger than most people who are settling down. Of course at times I wonder, am I too young? But I remember how my parents met in college, my sister and husband met in college, my cousin and his fiance met in college, etc. Anyway, that is a bit off topic. Has anyone ever dealt with an overbearing parent in relationships? Boyfriend's mom is super over protective and invasive on our relationship. She is very, very, religious, and is adamant about him not having sex. From the beginning of our relationship, she has been this way. Granted, she lived far from where we went to college, so it's not like we were around us very often. A few things here and there happened that made her freak out. She walked in on us kissing on a couch, freaked out that we were having sex. She found a thong in his laundry when visiting him at college, and went on to say how promiscuous it is and how she would never wear underwear like that. Talk about an invasion of privacy! Freaked out when we went on a camping trip together, etc. All of this has been tolerable, I've realized that she is set in her ways and will get upset at any hint that we may be being "inappropriate." Then my boyfriend texts me today. He is at home for a week before his family and him leave for Europe. Apparently his mother searched his car and found condoms, and started freaking out at him. My boyfriend and I do mess around, but we aren't actively having sex. Of course we have before, but due to health problems I have been overcoming, we haven't been. So he goes on to tell her that he isn't having sex and she is being crazy. The mother then says, then why did last time she (me) was visiting, I found birth control in her coat? Talk about snoopy! He tells her I am on it for medical reasons, which is true! She then goes on to comment about how slutty/inappropriate I look in a picture of us where I was dressed up for a formal event. Made me feel pretty ****ty about myself. Apparently this all ended with her giving him a book about "really loving someone by not having sex." My boyfriend's older sister just moved in with her boyfriend of I think 4 years, and of course his mother is having a hay day about that and trying to hide it from all of her family/friends. Obviously I love my boyfriend and I would never let her get in the way of us. But I just don't have any idea how to handle this situation. We truly see ourselves marrying and starting a life together, and I don't know how I can do this with his mother thinking I'm being inappropriate and disapproving of me. I thought that I had a great relationship with her. She truly is a nice and caring person and has been there for me in times of need. But then she has this side to her. Apparently she won't go to any weddings that don't have a Catholic priest....neither my boyfriend or I are Catholic, so that's gonna be interesting when the time comes. Any tips on how to handle this? I want to let it just roll off my back, but it's hard. My family loves my boyfriend, and they are very open and let us sleep in the same bed when we are at my house, on trips, etc. I have a great relationship with his sister and dad, and I thought his mom too, but I guess not.
Keenly Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Get your own place. Problem solved. Both of you work on this goal together.
minime13 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Ugh, I am feeling a bit frustrated. Scratch that, very frustrated. My boyfriend and I have been dating/together for around two years. We're both in college, he just graduated, I have one year left. We are about to enter a long distance relationship, and are confident we will make it work. I know people have our doubts since we are younger than most people who are settling down. Of course at times I wonder, am I too young? But I remember how my parents met in college, my sister and husband met in college, my cousin and his fiance met in college, etc. Anyway, that is a bit off topic. Has anyone ever dealt with an overbearing parent in relationships? Boyfriend's mom is super over protective and invasive on our relationship. She is very, very, religious, and is adamant about him not having sex. From the beginning of our relationship, she has been this way. Granted, she lived far from where we went to college, so it's not like we were around us very often. A few things here and there happened that made her freak out. She walked in on us kissing on a couch, freaked out that we were having sex. She found a thong in his laundry when visiting him at college, and went on to say how promiscuous it is and how she would never wear underwear like that. Talk about an invasion of privacy! Freaked out when we went on a camping trip together, etc. All of this has been tolerable, I've realized that she is set in her ways and will get upset at any hint that we may be being "inappropriate." Then my boyfriend texts me today. He is at home for a week before his family and him leave for Europe. Apparently his mother searched his car and found condoms, and started freaking out at him. My boyfriend and I do mess around, but we aren't actively having sex. Of course we have before, but due to health problems I have been overcoming, we haven't been. So he goes on to tell her that he isn't having sex and she is being crazy. The mother then says, then why did last time she (me) was visiting, I found birth control in her coat? Talk about snoopy! He tells her I am on it for medical reasons, which is true! She then goes on to comment about how slutty/inappropriate I look in a picture of us where I was dressed up for a formal event. Made me feel pretty ****ty about myself. Apparently this all ended with her giving him a book about "really loving someone by not having sex." My boyfriend's older sister just moved in with her boyfriend of I think 4 years, and of course his mother is having a hay day about that and trying to hide it from all of her family/friends. Obviously I love my boyfriend and I would never let her get in the way of us. But I just don't have any idea how to handle this situation. We truly see ourselves marrying and starting a life together, and I don't know how I can do this with his mother thinking I'm being inappropriate and disapproving of me. I thought that I had a great relationship with her. She truly is a nice and caring person and has been there for me in times of need. But then she has this side to her. Apparently she won't go to any weddings that don't have a Catholic priest....neither my boyfriend or I are Catholic, so that's gonna be interesting when the time comes. Any tips on how to handle this? I want to let it just roll off my back, but it's hard. My family loves my boyfriend, and they are very open and let us sleep in the same bed when we are at my house, on trips, etc. I have a great relationship with his sister and dad, and I thought his mom too, but I guess not. Yeah. One issue at a time. Don't worry about this until you have your future set - including the issue with him moving across country, possibly living with another woman, and what your long-term plans are. Then you can worry about this.
Author courtneykay Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Get your own place. Problem solved. Both of you work on this goal together. That is the plan as soon I finish school. Yeah. One issue at a time. Don't worry about this until you have your future set - including the issue with him moving across country, possibly living with another woman, and what your long-term plans are. Then you can worry about this. I still find it concerning. It may not be the biggest issue we have to overcome right now, but it's still obviously an active part of our life. He is looking for her to support our relationship as we try to overcome this obstacle, and that is going to be hard when she just thinks I am being a slut and doesn't approve. He's not moving in with a woman, it was potentially going to happen, but now that I addressed my concern he has backed off. I realize that he is moving across the country, and that is going to be so hard. I want the support of our family and friends.
minime13 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 That is the plan as soon I finish school. I still find it concerning. It may not be the biggest issue we have to overcome right now, but it's still obviously an active part of our life. He is looking for her to support our relationship as we try to overcome this obstacle, and that is going to be hard when she just thinks I am being a slut and doesn't approve. He's not moving in with a woman, it was potentially going to happen, but now that I addressed my concern he has backed off. I realize that he is moving across the country, and that is going to be so hard. I want the support of our family and friends. Honestly, it's up to him to get that support from his family. Just explain your concerns to him. What is he saying to his mother to take up for you? Hopefully he told her your stuff is yours, and not hers to go through from now on, at the very least. This is his situation and he needs to be the primary person to handle it.
Author courtneykay Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Honestly, it's up to him to get that support from his family. Just explain your concerns to him. What is he saying to his mother to take up for you? Hopefully he told her your stuff is yours, and not hers to go through from now on, at the very least. This is his situation and he needs to be the primary person to handle it. He's told her that she is invading both of our privacy, being rude, and her claims are untrue. I know you're right. He has to be the one that handles this. I just hate feeling unliked....lol. It's not like she hates me though, just hates the idea that we could possibly be sexually active.
minime13 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 He's told her that she is invading both of our privacy, being rude, and her claims are untrue. I know you're right. He has to be the one that handles this. I just hate feeling unliked....lol. It's not like she hates me though, just hates the idea that we could possibly be sexually active. Typical overbearing mother. They all do it to their sons, unfortunately, and it doesn't mean they dislike you. This is where your boyfriend will have to start setting boundaries (so as not to become a momma's boy, as well as break from the "nest" officially and start commandeering respect for his own life). It's a difficult time and place between mothers and sons to do this. Could be different, though. My boyfriend's mom keeps hoping I will accidentally get knocked up so she can have grand children.
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