Kkristine Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 A few months ago, I caught my boyfriend in a lie when I was looking through his texts. Everything ended up being a misunderstanding, and the snooping has caused him to have trust issues. Without getting into the story, I had a gut feeling something was up, and he wasn't telling me anything. He would text his female co-worker at all hours of the day, every day. What's a girl to do? For about 6 months, I've been struggling with depression. I've alienated my good friends. My boyfriend has been proactive in helping me by making me get out more, etc. However, I recently learned that he ran into my old friends, got their numbers, and have been telling them I've been depressed through text messages. I'm very angry about this. Depression is something I've dealt with for many years, and I'm very embarrassed by it. My boyfriend is the only one who knows about this. I have always been able to recover though; I just need some space and time. I can't handle him going behind my back, but I can't tell if he just has my best interest, or if he can't handle me anymore? I just feel like our entire relationship isn't helping me. I have a constant feeling of distrust in him, which is why I used to go through his texts. He never communicates with me. I'm starting to wonder if my depression is due to the relationship. I've been unhappy for a long time.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 OP, what were the nature of these texts between him and his female friend? I know you said you don't want to get into it, but I think it would be helpful if you shared the content of the texts. It will help us understand whether or not your suspicions were justified. You say he was lying - what about? As for him telling other friends that you are depressed, it could be that he is venting. Granted, it's not really the appropriate channel to do so but he might need to get a few things off his chest too. Being the partner of a depressed person isn't easy, and you need to talk to him about how this is affecting the relationship. He needs to be honest with you too, regarding his feelings about the current state of affairs. If he's not communicating, it's not a good sign. Without effective communication, a relationship cannot survive.
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Your relationship isn't making you depressed. However, your BF is aggravating your condition not helping you.
smackie9 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 It could be a bit of both. But there is no excuse for his behavior. If he is lying to you, then there is a problem with him, and how he sees you. This just might mean your relationship has run it's course, and there are too many bad feelings to keep it going. Relationship are not forever.
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I remember your story well. What happened since your last thread? It sounds like he succeeded at turning the table on you and make you feel responsible for his own fishy behavior. Is he still in contact with the unhappy married woman from work?
Torii Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 You went through his texts - depressed or not - it didn't give you the right to snoop around. I understand that you were concerned about the texts, so why didn't you bring that issue up when you were in a conversation with him?.. Seems that you didn't trust your boyfriend enough, like you're supposed to do in a healthy relationship. If he had nothing to hide from you, I'm sure he would've gave you his phone to do what you had to do to get that doubt off your mind. He texts other females, so what. A man is allowed to have female friends - as just that: FRIENDS. Did you find any replies of his, that would suggest more intimate feelings?
kdgsupermom Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Sorry you are having issues in your relationship. I completely understand you wanting to protect your privacy but I don't think depression is something to be embarrassed about. I suffered from it. Are you being treated for it? As I get older I have come to realize the importance in dating wisely. I have set qualities that I am looking for in a man that I do not compromise on. If I don’t see those qualities than I don’t give myself to that person because I know I would be setting myself up for disappointment. I don’t date men with potential, I date men that already have it. Like you said maybe a little space and time apart will give you the opportunity to evaluate what you want in a relationship. Are you looking for someone to build a loving committed marriage? It sounds like you are wanting and looking for more and there is nothing wrong with that. Good luck kdgsupermom
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