DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I am defintely losing my **** over this. I'm on day 7 of NC and I don't think I can get through this. I appreciate all the support of the people here on LS. Your comments are very valuable and help me get through stuff. I know by just asking questions, I'm opening my wounds again and this is detrimental to my process of moving on. I know I shouldn't have ANY expectations about my cheating ex coming back. That's pathetic. I KNOW, trust me. I just really wanted to know if any of you guys had their ex come back to you after the honeymoon phase was over with the other guy? What did you do, if yes? Have you also had an ex who dumped you with another guy and you never heard from him/her again? Was your ex a M or F? Based on what I'm reading online, Male exes have a tendency to come back in the near future while female exes, not so much. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Even if yours comes back you shouldn't want her back. As a cheater she can't be trusted. What you want is the happy times when the good memories were formed. That is a past memory now. The reality of who she IS is something else -- dark & bad for you. Work on healing not hoping this callous person will return. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Even if yours comes back you shouldn't want her back. As a cheater she can't be trusted. What you want is the happy times when the good memories were formed. That is a past memory now. The reality of who she IS is something else -- dark & bad for you. Work on healing not hoping this callous person will return. I completely understand you. Trust me, I have a list of the things she put me through post-breakup and that is not someone I should want back in my life. Although, reality is different right now. There were a lot of good times and I can't bring myself to think she could just leave. Which is why I'm asking this question. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 The answer is the person you loved is gone. Even if the person she is now comes back to you, it's not the same 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Never the same after a break up, even worse after a cheating break up 1 Link to post Share on other sites
towch Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I dont know what to say man, my ex cheated and left. breakup was in april. where am i now? i am in a wonderful place where could careless. How did i get here? I got rid of hope....your problem is hope man. once that is gone you begin to see things in a new light. I also learnt something during my healing process. i learnt that there are 2 types of cheaters. The once that cheat and beg forgiveness and fights for the relationship and the other is those that cheat and flee. The real possibility for reconciliation is only possible with the first and that's not 100% the latter is hopeless because there are underlying issues....there is extreme selfishness, double standard, malice and wickedness. You will be fine man, it takes time. KILL THE HOPE 2 Link to post Share on other sites
AIJ Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 My ex jumped in to a new relationship a few weeks after ours ended. I hadn't spoken to her since like 3 days after we broke up. She kept doing things to grab my attention through social media, like following me, talking to my friends, following girls I was interacting with, adding me on snapchat etc. and I just continued to ignore it all, and blocked her eventually. She did message me like a month after we broke up, wanting to 'ask me something quickly', I ignored that. I have no time for her at all, seen her once since the break up and we didn't say a word to each other. I don't want to see her again, I don't want to hear from her again, wish her the best and all that crap Give it a few months and you'll feel fine again. Just block her everywhere and it'll remove those 'what if she comes back' thoughts. So unless she turns up outside your house begging you for forgiveness and another chance, you'll never hear from her again. Win-win. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
mightycpa Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I am defintely losing my **** over this. I'm on day 7 of NC and I don't think I can get through this. I appreciate all the support of the people here on LS. Your comments are very valuable and help me get through stuff. I know by just asking questions, I'm opening my wounds again and this is detrimental to my process of moving on. I know I shouldn't have ANY expectations about my cheating ex coming back. That's pathetic. I KNOW, trust me. As long as you know this, that's good. I just really wanted to know if any of you guys had their ex come back to you after the honeymoon phase was over with the other guy? What did you do, if yes? Yes. Did the old pump-and-dump. Have you also had an ex who dumped you with another guy and you never heard from him/her again? Yes, a couple of times. I think that's actually the most normal thing that happens. Was your ex a M or F? Female Based on what I'm reading online, Male exes have a tendency to come back in the near future while female exes, not so much.Weak people tend to come back, IMHO, male or female. If somebody goes to all the trouble of telling me that she doesn't want me in her life anymore, then I'd lose a lot of respect and desire for her when I found out she put me through all that heartache when she didn't really mean it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you all for your answers. It's hard for me since it's my first breakup. I didn't expect this at all. She was my first girlfriend as I was her first boyfriend and we had a lot of plans for the future. I can promise you guys that I will not break NC. Either Way that's the only thing there's left to do. I guess I just wanted to know if exes return after the honeymoon phase is over with the other guy. If it's ever over. Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Dexter mate, I know the agony. I believe you've read my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated - as you replied in one of my topics. The main thing that has helped me improve over the last week is slowly letting go of hope. This really is the only thing you can do. Even I am bored of hearing it, but deep down we realize that everyday we move on, and continue with NC we are slowly getting better. I believe that even though we don't want to hear it, it really is a win win situation. Stick to NC, i'm here with you brother. Stick to NC so that we can move on and hope that they come running back once we're over them, begging for forgiveness. What will we do if/when that happens? Turn them down like they did to us - take the power back. We DO NOT need and DO NOT want somebody who doesn't want us. We DO NOT need people who don't have integrity and can't keep to their word. Our ex's are not the people we fell in love with - and as hard as it is for me to say it, i'm slowly believing it... Day 24 post 'first love breakup' 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Dexter mate, I know the agony. I believe you've read my story http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated - as you replied in one of my topics. The main thing that has helped me improve over the last week is slowly letting go of hope. This really is the only thing you can do. Even I am bored of hearing it, but deep down we realize that everyday we move on, and continue with NC we are slowly getting better. I believe that even though we don't want to hear it, it really is a win win situation. Stick to NC, i'm here with you brother. Stick to NC so that we can move on and hope that they come running back once we're over them, begging for forgiveness. What will we do if/when that happens? Turn them down like they did to us - take the power back. We DO NOT need and DO NOT want somebody who doesn't want us. We DO NOT need people who don't have integrity and can't keep to their word. Our ex's are not the people we fell in love with - and as hard as it is for me to say it, i'm slowly believing it... Day 24 post 'first love breakup' Thank you brother. I am going to stick to NC for sure. Keep us updated should anything happen with respect to your ex. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you all for your answers. It's hard for me since it's my first breakup. I didn't expect this at all. She was my first girlfriend as I was her first boyfriend and we had a lot of plans for the future. I can promise you guys that I will not break NC. Either Way that's the only thing there's left to do. I guess I just wanted to know if exes return after the honeymoon phase is over with the other guy. If it's ever over. sometimes they do, sometime they don't. That is the best you're going to be able to get from anyone on here. I can tell you, from my experience and what I've seen on here, when you finally decide to move on with your life is when they may appear. It happened with me, but there was no cheating or her running right into another guys arms. If that was the case, then I would have been done and not wanted her back, which is truly what you need to do at this point. "There were a lot of good times and I can't bring myself to think she could just leave" It happens because they were "just" good times and you both will have more of them throughout your life with different people. It sounds like maybe your relationship didn't really evolve into much more than that or else she wouldn't have done what she did and the fact is that she didn't want to work on a relationship with you. Take it for it was and don't forget the good times and look forward to having those and more with the next girl you meet. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 ive had it happen in several occasions, in all times, it happened only after they knew I had moved on and was happy without them, when I had basically found someone elese. THen they came literally crying back, but by then, I had actually moved on, my feelings weren't there anymore, and there was nothing I could do for them 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Onlyafterdark Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 DexterLs First off let me say i totally get where you are right now! Sit back buddy take a deep breath and trust me listen to the advice People on here give you. I am 2 years post breakup from a 14 year relationship marriage ! Its been a hard long road and yours will be too. Take each day as It comes try to busy urself in some way or another, i know this is Hard but keeping busy stops you thinking and mulling over her. I want to say sumert to you now that a guy on here called Barky told me Look up all his posts he talks sense. This woman no matter what you do does right now not want you, the more You txt call or whatever you will push her away, if you really want her back Leave her the hell alone and get on with ur life. She has to decide for herself! Only by getting on will you stand anychance of her coming back tbh il tell you Now from my own life experiences why you want her back is just dam crazy buddy after all she cheated on you. And trust me she will again and you will suffer this pain all over again. Ask urself this would you ever trust her? Would you drive urself nuts thinking what is she really upto whenever she goes out etc ? This will eat you up! If the girl loved you in the first place would she have done this to you ? Dont you deserve better ? Belive me everything barky told me happened eventually but you know sumert He also said there will be happiness again for me he was right ive met a sexy hot blonde far better than my wife. Loves me which i found hard after all id suffered I still think of the ex but now its hate for what she put me thru cheating lies ive come to realise i was actually a victim of a borderline woman. This is the worse type of relastionship to be in trust me tho buddy take each day as it comes . Its hard but you will get there keep talking on here get the help you need im here for you too 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I viewed things differently when my off/on relationship ended after 1.4 years. She ended it and I walked out and told myself I was DONE with her and her BS, despite how much I loved the NICE version of her. The last thing I really ever did was HOPE that I'd hear from her again or come back to me. When I was over the hellish first 4 weeks of emotional madness, I started dating even though I probably wasn't ready. I could stomach another day alone in my house thinking about my crazy ex. After a few months, I met my now 20 month GF. I couldn't be happier. To your question about the dumper returning? Yes, this crazy ex reappeared after 5 1/2 months. She didn't cheat on me nor having anyone in the wings. She had just ended a short term relationship before contacting me. I ignored her attempts to talk to me until my GF told me to reply to her email and tell her I'd moved on and wished her luck.. I have to say that it didn't feel as good as I thought I would, her coming back wanting another try. I also knew that she was full of $hit with all her I love you's when we dated, only to dump me for no real reason. I think any dumpee who lets a dumper have a second chance is crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Thank you all for the amazing support, as always. I guess the hope will be lost as the days go by. It's day 8 of NC today and well not a single word from her since the last time we spoke. In my last conversation with her, I told her specifically to block me out everywhere and wished her well for the future. She said thanks and did just that. I guess I have nothing to look forward to. She will not be in my life, ever again. Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 You have YOUR life to look forward to mate. Live everyday as if it's your last! I'm at work right now feeling relatively positive... even though my ex is working 2 minutes away from me and I see her car as we speak, the sun is out, getting on with work, looking forward to a good gym session tonight and a great weekend with friends. It's their loss brother, we'll find the right person once we are happy with ourselves. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks post BU and 3 weeks NC for me 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 You have YOUR life to look forward to mate. Live everyday as if it's your last! I'm at work right now feeling relatively positive... even though my ex is working 2 minutes away from me and I see her car as we speak, the sun is out, getting on with work, looking forward to a good gym session tonight and a great weekend with friends. It's their loss brother, we'll find the right person once we are happy with ourselves. Tomorrow will be 4 weeks post BU and 3 weeks NC for me Great to see you are doing so good! Can't wait to be where you're at right now I guess in your case, you need to be much more stronger than me as you see her practically everyday. In my case, I do not and yet it's a living hell. I can imagine how much efforts you're putting into letting this go. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I can imagine how much efforts you're putting into letting this go. What choice do the dumped have but to let go, learn from it what we can, realize they said f-off, I don't want to ever see you again and move on. What a lot of the dumped don't realize is they still have the power in this situation. Yes, the dumper ended the relationship but.. it's now in our hands to say "ok, you don't want me in your life, you got it" and then VANISH from their lives. We now have the power to decide if we ever have contact with them again. Yes, only a small % of the time does a dumper reappear but most (like me) tell them NO THANKS when they do appear. Nothing helps a dumped person recover and heal and get the ultimate revenge than moving on, and finding happiness with another person that in most cases is much better than the last person. NC also allows a bit of control back to us in that we vanish from the dumpers lives. Even if they didn't want to ever see us again, it does bruise their egos a bit. They think "wow, I guess he wasn't that into me after all". They also lose that sense of "well, if the grass isn't greener out there, I can always return to him/her". WRONG.. You vanished from their life and that option is no longer there for them. When I first got dumper two years ago, this site and tons of folks who were freshly dumped posting regularly. I don't see any of them on here two years later. Why? Cause they healed, found happiness again and found their next love of their life. Everyone else will do the same if they allow it to happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 .... yeah I thought so too, and the world comes crashing down on me again in the last 30 mins. Check my post on my topic responses right now would really really help! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated-2.html#post6358915 Link to post Share on other sites
wizer Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I guess the hope will be lost as the days go by. It's day 8 of NC today and well not a single word from her since the last time we spoke. I guess I have nothing to look forward to. She will not be in my life, ever again. You do not want to hear from this woman. She cheated on you, stole your engagement ring and treated you like dirt. Stop wallowing and start directing your energy in a positive way. She did you a big favor by leaving you, eventually you'll figure that out, the sooner the better. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author DexterLS Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Thank you guys. I am intrigued by her though. I know I should not but she was making it very difficult for me to move on previously. She would update her social media accounts every day and intentionally (she told me so) to make it harder for me to move on. She just vanished. Maybe she is enjoying her life right now and doesn't even have time to give a **** about me. Anyway..time to forget about all this and get back to work Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 live your life KNOWING she aint coming back, if she does she does, but don't wait for her, just do yourself. sometimes it helps to think how insignificant we are, here on earth, in the universe. Specks of dust in the unknown, yet, our world falls apart for 1 person, for 1 girl (or guy), our time is short,embrace the change, embrace your new life, and be a new person, dress different, smell different look different, be a different person, in a sense you are reborn 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Love it ^ - We are so insignificant to this beautiful planet and we allow 1 person to end our world, how funny. Well atleast it proves that we're alive eh? Emotions... wow, never expected this 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Meli22 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I have had an ex come back after 8 months. At this point I was over it and realised I didn't want him back. give him his due he was persistent though, he tried to win me back for 3 years. Some people do come back and others don't but you should carry on as if they aren't coming back, you don't want to build up false hope from other people's stories because it may not happen to you. Eventually you will see that you're better off without Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts