Ara-bella Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I lost my virginity a couple weeks ago to a guy I really liked but wasn't in a relationship with. Eventually I asked him why we weren't together if he said he loved me and he always said "someday" and he seemed hesitant because his best friend likes me too (lame excuse, I know) The sex was awesome and I was always happy, I just didn't feel right the days after cause I felt like he was leading me on. However, last night I asked him if we could be FWB I guess for both our selfish reasons. I told him this meant to lay off the usual flirting and constant texting. I don't feel like I'm settling because I don't think I could handle a relationship anyway with how busy I am with studies.. And I feel like I won't hurt like before since now I know what to expect (not a relationship) and where we stand. Any tips on making sure this doesn't go sour? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 It is already sour. You can't be FWB with a person when one party is emotionally invested (as you are). There will always be the hope for something more and disappointment when mutual feelings don't materialize. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Yeah, you're not in a good FWB mind-space hon. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 The sex was awesome because you only had it with him so you can't really compare right? He is not a good candidate for a fwb. Pick a friend you know you will never develop feelings for. Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 It is already sour. You can't be FWB with a person when one party is emotionally invested (as you are). There will always be the hope for something more and disappointment when mutual feelings don't materialize. Ditto. My best FWB scenario was when I truly didn't like the guy, in that I didn't ever want more from him and wasn't emotionally attached in that way. He was cool as a friend and the sex was good but I didn't ever like him like him. I feel like it's always imbalanced if one person likes the other, and in your case you do like him, you wanted more and he was the one who didn't decide on it, even if after the fact you say you're too busy for a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I lost my virginity a couple weeks ago to a guy I really liked but wasn't in a relationship with. Eventually I asked him why we weren't together if he said he loved me and he always said "someday" and he seemed hesitant because his best friend likes me too (lame excuse, I know) The sex was awesome and I was always happy, I just didn't feel right the days after cause I felt like he was leading me on. However, last night I asked him if we could be FWB I guess for both our selfish reasons. I told him this meant to lay off the usual flirting and constant texting. I don't feel like I'm settling because I don't think I could handle a relationship anyway with how busy I am with studies.. And I feel like I won't hurt like before since now I know what to expect (not a relationship) and where we stand. Any tips on making sure this doesn't go sour? What is the definition of a successful FWB? Successful in terms of what? There is no goal. You have sex with a man when it's "needed" and convenient for you both. Don't allow emotions to develop. FWB's don't usually last long because one or the other or both can't keep emotions in check. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 This isn't going to work. You're already too invested, and he doesn't feel the same. Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 FWB is difficult. One person seems to always want more. The only FWB I had that really worked was with a person who I wasn't interested in a relationship with and she was really self absorbed so we were able to just keep things casual. Almost always one person starts to have feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
caringsister Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I was attracted to a man who let me know right up front that he wasn't looking for a relationship. I was cool with it for a long time, but in the back of my mind I hoped that someday he would fall for me. I knew he liked me a lot, but he was not the type to commit. Time went on and I got pregnant with his child. I wasn't even going to tell him he was the father, but he asked me. I told him I knew that he wasn't looking to have a baby and I didn't expect him to be a part of my decision, but I was keeping my child. He understood. The whole pregnancy I refused to see him and the day I went into labor I didn't bother to tell him until after she was born. She has mine and his last name. He and I continued to have a fwb relationship after she was born up until the point that I decided that I wanted more then I was settling for. I knew he wasn't capable of giving me the kind of relationship I desired so I broke it off. I moved over three thousand miles to start a fresh life and three years later he flew out to see me confessing his love for me and a desire to know his daughter. I moved back to the west coast and stayed with him at his place for a month and a half. It was apparent to me that he still wasn't capable of giving his heart to me and only me and I moved out. We weren't on the same page. I respected his honesty from the gate and I know when he flew out to profess his love he really wanted to give it a shot, but he was who he was and I don't fault him for that. FWB doesn't really work if one.person has an emotional attachment and hopes for more out of the relationship then there is. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts