sad123 Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 How can a COMMITMENT PHOBE change? Is there anything I can do or can something be done?
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Are you the commitment-phobe, or are you dealing with one? Is it a case of true commitment-phobia, or a case of it being that way only in a particular relationship? If its you, then set up an appointment with a counselor - explain your problem, and let them know you are ready, willing and able to work toward a change. If its someone you are dealing with, they can do the same thing - but unless they WANT to, and want to work toward changes with you, then you are stuck with them as they are. I guess, too you have to be able to understand that sometimes a person who seems to be a 'commitment-phobe' may only be that way in the context of the relationship he/she has with you. Depends on whether they have a problem in general, or only have a problem with this particular relationship.
Author sad123 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 Well, I use to deal with one..not anymore. I am friends with him now.
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 What is your motivation to change him if you are just friends? Are you only "friends" on the off chance that he'll change his ways and decide he wants you back?
Author sad123 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 no not really. I just want to help him that's all. any suggestions?
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Let him know that as a friend, you think he would benefit from some counseling, because you think he's a commitment-phobe. All you can do is let him know you have his best interests in mind. Its up to him to actually do something about it. If he chooses not to, then there really isn't much you can do except to be his friend and accept him as he is. If he doesn't want to change, for you or for anyone else - he won't. The key, I guess would be what he thinks your motivations are and how he sees himself. If he thinks that you are only saying that because you want him to make changes so that you can reconcile - and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, then there is pretty much a zero chance he'll take you up on your 'best intentions'. Your 'commitment-phobia' might be his 'just not wanting to be in a relationship with you'. Its all in the perceptions, and what his take is on the situation.
Author sad123 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 Thanks! If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone else..won't they just tell you?
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