words of encouragement?

[mossycup]

I'm just hoping for some words of encouragement. My ex left me in a GIGS type manner a month ago. I trusted him more than anyone I've ever known and the way he broke up with me hurt me more than anyone ever. He went from telling me quite often and convincingly, and with actions and energy to match, that he was sure I was the one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and that he was so happy, to saying he was never sure and I could have been anyone and his true destiny was to be alone (we are both quite spiritual and felt our upcoming marriage was to be based on spiritual principles, which now he wants to follow alone). Everyone around us, including me, felt we had found the person who would truly make us a better person (in a non codependent way) and bring us the simple happiness of non-dramatic love. I mean literally, I could not have felt it was more healthy.

 

Now I have to sit every day with the feeling that actually that was not the case, that he was not trustworthy. I'm so confused because I believed, and I thought it was a healthy belief, in another person, and now I just feel so betrayed. I can't sleep well, I'm exhausted, I'm going over and over the feeling, and I just want to get away from him in my mind, but I can't. I feel he isn't really worth this amount of pain, since clearly he was not the person I thought. I don't know how to make sense of it. I just want some hope that my heart will catch up with my brain and realize he is not worth any of this, that he's not the person I thought, and that there is a life for me out there that makes sense with a man who truly cares for me. But right now all I can feel is the weight of this terrible confusion and pain. I'd love to hear from people who got through a betrayal like this - one that leaves you questioning the very deepest level of human commitment, and trust, and whether you can actually believe people, or even trust your own judgement.

[StalwartMind]

As horrible as it is to feel emotional pain on this level which makes you question everything you said, trust is as devastating as it can be powerful. You are not at fault for believing in someone else and nor should you be demotivated for ever doing again. It will take time, there will be hesitation, doubt and moments where you find yourself on crossroads of past reminders, but you will make it through this with your core intact.

 

Words, promises and loyalty mean different things to different people. Some will stand by it forever whereas others will use them with emptiness for their own gains. Sometimes there are people who perhaps do sincerely mean it, but they fall into the group of those that easily change opinion/liking. In that sense as none charming as it may sound, it's a bit of a lottery to see if the one you are with falls into either category or an entire different one. Take pride in what you felt, believed in as well as trusting yourself. Truthfully we can just never really know if the people in our life we place our trust in will be there through it all. For some people this even includes family, unfortunately so.

 

The world needs more people that that have a high integrity and that you can rely on. I would not feel good if I betrayed my promise to anyone or for that matter let them down, and I'm sure you can recognize that or similar feelings. Stay true to that, do not ever let any disappointment shift the balance of the person you are. You deserve better and so does everyone else that have gone through this or similar. Do not feel ashamed and allow yourself to accept what happened. Someone else will gladly show you the trust and attention and whenever that time arrive, embrace it fully. I will always encourage people to be cautious, but at the same time, never hold yourself back because the most beautiful we all are is when we give ourselves a hundred percent.

[Reels]

Life is bigger than what you have estimated, maybe there is somebody else who would care about you more. Don't let your hope die.

[Yummm]

As horrible as it is to feel emotional pain on this level which makes you question everything you said, trust is as devastating as it can be powerful. You are not at fault for believing in someone else and nor should you be demotivated for ever doing again. It will take time, there will be hesitation, doubt and moments where you find yourself on crossroads of past reminders, but you will make it through this with your core intact.

 

Words, promises and loyalty mean different things to different people. Some will stand by it forever whereas others will use them with emptiness for their own gains. Sometimes there are people who perhaps do sincerely mean it, but they fall into the group of those that easily change opinion/liking. In that sense as none charming as it may sound, it's a bit of a lottery to see if the one you are with falls into either category or an entire different one. Take pride in what you felt, believed in as well as trusting yourself. Truthfully we can just never really know if the people in our life we place our trust in will be there through it all. For some people this even includes family, unfortunately so.

 

The world needs more people that that have a high integrity and that you can rely on. I would not feel good if I betrayed my promise to anyone or for that matter let them down, and I'm sure you can recognize that or similar feelings. Stay true to that, do not ever let any disappointment shift the balance of the person you are. You deserve better and so does everyone else that have gone through this or similar. Do not feel ashamed and allow yourself to accept what happened. Someone else will gladly show you the trust and attention and whenever that time arrive, embrace it fully. I will always encourage people to be cautious, but at the same time, never hold yourself back because the most beautiful we all are is when we give ourselves a hundred percent.

 

This is hands down the most helpful quote I have seen yet. Thank you for this life lesson, StalwartMind!

 

Mossycup, I feel your pain, if you would like to have a look at my thread and post your opinion that would also help http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated

 

I believe that I am in the same boat as you - my word is my pact. The words that were said from both me and her, followed through by the actions made me believe that we were each others 'soul mates', that we would be together through thick and thin, forever.

 

Unfortunately, that wasn't the case, and I was left just as dumbfounded as you are. 3.5 weeks post break up and I realize that people aren't always who they seem they are, people change and aren't always true to their word.

 

I wish her well, but don't need somebody who can't be honest with themselves letalone me. Don't need somebody who can reel you in so far emotionally that you genuinely believe that nothing can break you, and something as petty as having a couple weeks negativity due to a serious back problem can make somebody do a runner.

 

I really wish you the best, goodluck with your healing process and remember, there are people who are genuine out there, and both you and I will find somebody who we can trust and rely on - even though we first need to rely on ourselves.