misspond Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Oh you join in as there must be something we can do. Even if its changing our behaviours etc. So where do single, decent guys hang out? How do you stop/ prevent those guys who just want sex from contacting you so you can concentrate on the good ones? Yes on changing behaviours, although like you I'm not sure how much more friendly and outgoing I can be when I'm out IRL. As for the prevention question - just keep on saying no I guess, they're never going to go away.
misspond Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I think it's a universal problem nowadays. I am late 40s and cannot find a man and I have been actively searching and dating for close to 4 years now. My daughter is 27 and encounters the same frustrations as I am. I suppose I shouldn't take heart from the knowledge that your daughter is encountering the same frustrations, because that's dreadful to be of that age and still be finding the same issues as us. But it does make me feel a tiny bit better 1
Author Toodaloo Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I dunno what the answer is... I keep being told I am pretty and beautiful etc so I know I am not the back end of a bus... It just feels like the only ones who will try are the ones that are dross! Why do the good guys not make it obvious so you can flirt with them??? I know they are out there...
whirl3daway Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 the way you phrase things is so hilarious! you must be charming and wonderful in person. I bet it's just the fact that your rural area doesn't have a large selection of men that are worthy of you. 4
impatiently_patient Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Right, I figure there must be something I can do here as there can't be that many shallow men out there. I just don't believe it and while I know that there will be a few I guess my question is how do you attract the right sort of people to look at you and talk to you etc? The guy from the weekend before last was great. OK so he didn't fancy me but thats fine. I want to meet more men like him! So what can I do to help that along? The other thing that is piddling me off a bit is that the "matches" I am getting are clearly not the same as the others... He found me on a search and I was his "highest match"... He does not appear on any of my searches at all, even if I clear all the filters down. He is supposedly a 91% match and there are loads of others appearing that are far worse so what is going on there? Other than the lack of responses, this was my single biggest gripe with OK Cupid in particular. I think THE most important thing to obtain any level of success with the medium is having visibility to the right people. Christian Rudder's data and experiments showed that people placed a significant amount of weight on match percentages (and almost none on profile content), and I'm not sold on how effective the system is given the variables. I can only suspect that it might help to carefully choose which questions you answer and how you answer them (weighting)... keeping a keen understanding of the type of person you are looking to meet. Last time I did OKC, I suspect this was a possible part of my problem as a lot of the women I was getting served up to were positively eyebrow-raising.
Justanaverageguy Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 So tell me then why is there not a rugby player with thighs you could use as dinner plates currently chained to my desk wearing nothing but a smile and a slightly bemused look??? I am imagining him REALLY HARD! I even have my eyes screwed tight just in case wishes do come true!!! Its a rather pleasant thought!!! And I missed lunch... Haha you don't take me seriously but your thoughts have power you don't really understand. So in the interest of scientific endeavor .... and Toodaloo getting to eat dinner off a mans thighs ..... I challenge you to do an experiment For 2 weeks do the following: - Do not say, write, post online or think about how hard it is to find a man. - Do not say, write, post online or think about how you always meet dross or guys who only want sex - Do not say, write, post online or think about how the guys you like always don't like you. (This is actually pretty hard thing to do - catching yourself thinking these things and stopping it before the thoughts take hold) Instead try the following visualization exercise for at least 10-15 mins twice a day. First when you wake up in the morning, then right before you go to sleep at night: - Imagine you have already met the guy of your dreams. He has all the attributes you desire in a man. Smart, Funny, Intelligent, Good job, Handsome .... thighs you can eat dinner off etc. - Now imagine the things you would do with him. Romantic dates, holidays, family events, fun between the sheets and hey maybe even marriage and or kids if that's something you also want. - Don't focus on the how this will happen, where you will meet him - just focus on the end result of what you desire. Imagine you already have him and accept that its just a matter of time until he steps into your life. You may think that sounds bonkers .... but what have you got to lose ? Why not try something a bit weird for 2 weeks with an open mind You may learn something pretty incredible about how your brain works to influence your life. 1
Author Toodaloo Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Last time I did OKC, I suspect this was a possible part of my problem as a lot of the women I was getting served up to were positively eyebrow-raising. Tell me about it!!! However I have just read JAG's post - I shall print it off and follow it religiously! Having said that I have been approached by a chap... he admitted that he has been looking at my profile but was to scared to say hello... anyhoo... first message was OK but not great but he is relaxing a bit and could well be another of the great ones! I haven't given up hope. I am just annoyed, frustrated and really starting to feel the effects of no sex/ hugs etc... No woman is an island... she also needs crumpet!
Author Toodaloo Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 So in the interest of scientific endeavor .... and Toodaloo getting to eat dinner off a mans thighs ..... I challenge you to do an experiment Ohhhh yes please... I accept your challenge, you do have shares in Duracel already don't you... prices are about to rocket if I keep imagining all that!!!
SycamoreCircle Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 It's not who comes to you, it's who you go to. Tomorrow, you're going to be contacted by someone who is not your thing. Discern that. Discern that until someone comes along who is a good match for you. And while you're waiting for that to happen, search. Actively reach out to profiles that appeal to you, that seem like a strong match.
Justanaverageguy Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Ohhhh yes please... I accept your challenge, you do have shares in Duracel already don't you... prices are about to rocket if I keep imagining all that!!! Haha yes you got me there. Although I'm only expecting a large bump in sales for 2 weeks. After that I think you'll have other things keeping you busy. I might diversify into other areas like Victoria's Secret or something Take it seriously though. Only positive thoughts - good things are supposed to happen to you! And the more vivid and detailed you imagine and visualize - the more power you give to the thoughts. So yeah ...... have some fun with that
Author Toodaloo Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Aparently I have a very peculiar smile on my face... 2
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