Cup Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I met a funny witty guy who was two years older than me at a marathon. I had just turned 20. We hit it off but didn't see each other for a month or so. We ended up at the same event and he invited me out with his friends for lunch. We ended up chatting on FB a few times a week and this eventually led to a date that went from breakfast to dinner. He told me how he used to be a player and that he is wanting to settle down. He also told me that he found to be fascinating and that he believed that many guys were chasing after me. I would receive calls late at night begging me to go over to his house but I refused - mainly because I didn't want to come across as too available for him. If he wanted to see me, he would ask me out on Saturday nights, not want to see me after he went to bars! BTW we never did anything physical - he actually never made a move on me. He came over to my house one night when I was feeling very ill and looked after me. He wanted to come again the next night but cancelled once he found out that I had a friend over. We continued to chat online once every couple of days and he asked me over to his house for dinner on the weekend. He was going to cook his 3 course meal for me on the Sunday. But a light version as he wanted me to maintain my trim figure - UGH I didn't like that at all! I did let him know that too. Two nights before the dinner (Friday night), he called me to say that an 'important meeting' came up for the Monday and he would have to cancel the dinner. He wanted to reschedule on the Monday or Tuesday but I was unable to as I have university classes at night. I haven't heard from him since. I must confess to feeling played by him - an important meeting? seriously the next day comes up on Friday night? clearly he had a better offer. He was always playful at me, but at times rather condescending. He told me that I came across as vacuous at times. So my question to you all is - do you think he played me? and what did he have to gain from it? there is no way that I believe that he needed to cancel our dinner because of a meeting the following day. Thanks Cup
umirano Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Cancelling a Saturday night dinner because of a meeting on Monday -> red flag Uttering concerns about your figure so early -> red flag Booty calling you -> red flag Self declared player who wants to settle down -> red flag Seriously, there are people out there who think that's how you obtain a quality girlfriend?? 1
Author Cup Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Thanks umirano. I totally agree and this is what brings me to my next question. I introduced him to a club that he is now part of - how do I deal with this part? Do I ignore or just play it cool? I don't want him getting a bigger ego than he already has.
Redhead14 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Thanks umirano. I totally agree and this is what brings me to my next question. I introduced him to a club that he is now part of - how do I deal with this part? Do I ignore or just play it cool? I don't want him getting a bigger ego than he already has. Men play or use women in order to have sex when it's convenient for them. Men will give a woman enough bread crumbs to keep her hooked. In my book, men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used when they ignore the signs. You saw that this guy wasn't treating you "right" when he called you for late night booty calls. Good for you. If you see him at the club and he approaches you, be polite but unengaging and just be your normal self. Have fun but don't include him. If he contacts you again, don't respond.
ExpatInItaly Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Men play or use women in order to have sex when it's convenient for them. Men will give a woman enough bread crumbs to keep her hooked. In my book, men don't use women, women allow themselves to be used when they ignore the signs. You saw that this guy wasn't treating you "right" when he called you for late night booty calls. Good for you. If you see him at the club and he approaches you, be polite but unengaging and just be your normal self. Have fun but don't include him. If he contacts you again, don't respond. This. OP, you're doing the right thing staying away from him. His comment about wanting to cook a light meal to maintain your figure was rude enough, and hints at a controlling nature. His cancellations indicate to me he isn't quite over his player days yet. Be civil if you see him, but don't engage him.
Author Cup Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Update - after he cancelled me because he had a meeting the following day (he is a uni student!!) he asked to reschedule. And i told him that i couldn't do those days and it was left to that. So I receive a TEXT this time, cancelling our 'date' for Wednesday as something came up for work. Hmm, I never made a date with him! And the way he wrote the text was just infuriating! "You're not going to be happy but I need to cancel again. I have another meeting in the morning. Enjoy whatever you do." What to respond? I just ignored it but I will be forced to see him in a few weeks as we share mutual friends and there are a number of 21st parties on. UGH I never agreed to see him and his gaul has just made my blood simmer! Any worthy comebacks? I want him to know that I never accepted the date and that he is somewhat delusional and clearly narcissistic. Thanks! Edited June 4, 2015 by Cup
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Update - after he cancelled me because he had a meeting the following day (he is a uni student!!) he asked to reschedule. And i told him that i couldn't do those days and it was left to that. So I receive a TEXT this time, cancelling our 'date' for Wednesday as something came up for work. Hmm, I never made a date with him! And the way he wrote the text was just infuriating! "You're not going to be happy but I need to cancel again. I have another meeting in the morning. Enjoy whatever you do." What to respond? I just ignored it but I will be forced to see him in a few weeks as we share mutual friends and there are a number of 21st parties on. UGH I never agreed to see him and his gaul has just made my blood simmer! Any worthy comebacks? I want him to know that I never accepted the date and that he is somewhat delusional and clearly narcissistic. Thanks! He is baiting you. Just ignore....and then block him!
katiegrl Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Or you could say: "Thanks! But you must be wishful thinking again... cuz I never made a date with you! LOL But hey you enjoy too!" Something like that, but it night be best to just ignore and then block.
La.Primavera Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Update - after he cancelled me because he had a meeting the following day (he is a uni student!!) he asked to reschedule. And i told him that i couldn't do those days and it was left to that. So I receive a TEXT this time, cancelling our 'date' for Wednesday as something came up for work. Hmm, I never made a date with him! And the way he wrote the text was just infuriating! "You're not going to be happy but I need to cancel again. I have another meeting in the morning. Enjoy whatever you do." What to respond? I just ignored it but I will be forced to see him in a few weeks as we share mutual friends and there are a number of 21st parties on. UGH I never agreed to see him and his gaul has just made my blood simmer! Any worthy comebacks? I want him to know that I never accepted the date and that he is somewhat delusional and clearly narcissistic. Thanks! I want to commend you for not falling for his games. You held back long enough to see his true nature come out. Well done. I really hope that you didn't respond to him at all. Nothing annoys an attention seeker more than being ignored.
Author Cup Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Thanks everyone. No I didn't respond to him at all - mainly because I couldn't think of a really good comeback line! But now even if I did have one, I would have chosen to ignore. And thanks for the great lines too! Will pop them into my glossary
minime13 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Update - after he cancelled me because he had a meeting the following day (he is a uni student!!) he asked to reschedule. And i told him that i couldn't do those days and it was left to that. So I receive a TEXT this time, cancelling our 'date' for Wednesday as something came up for work. Hmm, I never made a date with him! And the way he wrote the text was just infuriating! "You're not going to be happy but I need to cancel again. I have another meeting in the morning. Enjoy whatever you do." What to respond? I just ignored it but I will be forced to see him in a few weeks as we share mutual friends and there are a number of 21st parties on. UGH I never agreed to see him and his gaul has just made my blood simmer! Any worthy comebacks? I want him to know that I never accepted the date and that he is somewhat delusional and clearly narcissistic. Thanks! Comeback? You're assuming he meant to text you. Just send a message back saying, "We didn't make plans for Wednesday. You must be texting the wrong woman." 2
Gary S Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 It sounds like he is a player, so you dodged a bullet. As far as what to do now since you will see him again with the club/group? There is a saying... don't poop where you eat.
Author Cup Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 True that! He may have had another date. But knowing him, he just wants to be a bit of a bastard and rub it in that he rejected me.
PogoStick Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Stop engaging with him. You dislike him but obviously you're attracted deep down and wish it went differently or you wouldn't care at all. Erase his number and block (not ignore) all communication, facebook, anything. Politely (sincerely) brush him off in person. Give no explanation, no rude tone to your voice. Give him no hints of your attraction, nor your frustration. Although, you can consider being extra girly and flirty with some other guys in the group. Tell them how awesome they are, or funny, compliment their clothes, etc Touch them, hug them. But him, nothing, not even a hint of anger. Make him not exist.
Recommended Posts