Yummm Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) Hello lovely people I'm sorry for making a new topic but I really need some support today. For those who haven't read, it would be appreciated if you could check out my story which is here: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated I am about 3.5 weeks post BU of my 'first love' (ableit a short relationship, I was over my 'honeymoon phase' and really started to fall for this girl who said and did things to make me believe that she was on the same page). The last few days have been pretty good, finally got back to the gym and started to look after myself. This morning on my way to work, once again my ex passes my house in her car, stares at me and looks like she is miserable, stops for a few seconds and then drives off. I am unsure why this has effected me so much but I am an emotional wreck right now. I'm at work and can't stop thinking why, replaying the whole relationship once again in my head like a vicious cycle, replaying the night of the breakup and what she meant etc etc. I have been in NC for about 2 weeks and it has helped, but these little encounters really mess with my head. I am aware of what I need to do - strict NC, focus on work and myself, take time to heal etc, but today feels like day 1 of the break up, and it's horrible I guess what I am looking for is some advice on what people think about my story, and what happened to my relationship - It always helps when people give me their perspective on what happened, it eases my head for some reason. I would really appreciate it if you lovely souls could have a look at my story and let me know what you think, aswell as any other general advice to calm myself down today. I gave this girl everything, apart from being sick for a couple of weeks, to which she wanted to stand by me and help me. I would have given the world to this girl, and I made a promise to her family who contacted me asking me not to hurt her because she thought I was 'the one'. Slowly detaching myself has been hard, but today everything came crashing down. I know that there are good days and bad days, I ride through the 'waves', but today is a different kettle of fish. Thank you so much, and for those suffering too, I feel your pain. Edited June 2, 2015 by Yummm
DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 It surely is a rollercoaster of emotions. There are good days and bad days. For me, I started NC pretty confident but around day 3, I was severely depressed. I didn't think I would be able to get through this. Right now, I am at day 7 and I am feeling quite ok. Let's see how it goes on! I am however very keen on sticking with NC. I have hurt myself too much in the past by breaking NC and I don't think I can go through that again. All the best! 2
Ariess10 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I think it's just wrong for someone to drive by the house and rub it in someone's face.. I sometimes think "my ex didn't care because she hasn't contacted me" but then I really think about it , she doing me a favor because if she did it would set me way back and do nothing but hurt me .. People break up because the relationship is broken . No matter how much you want it , it comes down to you guys including me were just not a match. Her driving by your house and doing that shows she doesn't respect you or how it might hurt you.. Maybe you can leave a little earlier for work so she doesn't do it again?? Keep your head high and show your the better person 3
Author Yummm Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I know! I will continue NC and won't break it as planned, but I just don't understand why?! Have you had a chance to read my story? I really do wonder why we aren't a match - it seems like she is genuinely confused and doesn't know what she wants... it's killing me. Slacking at work due to this being on my mind the whole day, but thank you for your kind responses, it does help.
Ariess10 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I didn't read your story, but you say she seems confused and that tells me there is more to the story . Whatever it maybe be the relationship is over and now you have to take care of yourself .. Slacking at work after a break up is normal just don't let it go to far .. Your grieving and that is a process all its own. Heartbreaks are the worst paint you'll ever feel in my option.. Don't let someone have that much power of you .. ( I know easier said then done) .. Just know that it will get better and you'll move on
ZiggyZoo Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I read your story, and I'm sorry to say that it seems to me that she didn't care for you as much as you thought she did, as much as she led you to believe. Someone who loves you doesn't run away at the first sign of problems, such as you having trouble with your back. It speaks to a weakness in her character, that she isn't willing to help in times of trouble. I know you miss her, but I think she's not a very good person, honestly. I think you need to realize that she's not confused about what she wants at all. There's nothing from stopping her from getting in touch with you and asking if you wanted to give things another try. She isn't though, so she knows that this relationship isn't what she wants. Don't read more into her looks and little actions than is necessary. If you see her gain, don't make eye contact, and don't smile or wave. It isn't fair to treat you how she did and expect that you'll just be ok with it. Ups and downs are normal in every break-up, but it helps if you minimize any contact. Good luck, and remember what I said. She chose to act the way she did, she told you she's not good around sick people, and she's choosing to stay away. Anything short of her TELLING you otherwise isn't real. 1
Author Yummm Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you Ziggy, it does make sense but it is so hard to accept. How and why does somebody say and do things that make them seem so genuine and then it turns out that they are not? I'm sure she's not a bad person, I met all her family and friends and more importantly found out alot about her and she didn't seem to be anything but accepting and caring. Can people really change just like that? Or was she fooling herself?? The thing that's keeping me from accepting this is the fact that she DID help, she did everything she could to look after me, run to and from the doctors, be there everynight even when I tried to push her away - so how did this happen? Ehh, i'm usually stronger than this and have stopped over-analysing this quite some time ago, but today my emotions are all over the place. Actions speak louder than words, right? How does somebody do so many actions that prove they love and care for you and all of sudden switch off - it's beyond me! I'm young and probably naive with regards to this whole love emotion, but the way I've been brought up, you stay true to your word and if you genuinely love somebody or care for them, you make it work and fight for it. Even if I did eventually fall out of love with her, because she invested time and energy into me, I would be sincere and explain my reasons for leaving, unlike what she did. I wasn't in love with her as much as she was with me, until I got sick and co-dependant. She led me to believe that she will stick with me through thick and thin and then she just vanished. Gut-wrenching feeling
ZiggyZoo Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 People overestimate their level of involvement or interest in other people all the time. At one point, she may well have been on her way to madly in love, but didn't make it. So she started backing off, and your sickness was an excuse to end it. It happens all the time, but the one leaving lies until the end. So the one left is very confused...
Author Yummm Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 People overestimate their level of involvement or interest in other people all the time. At one point, she may well have been on her way to madly in love, but didn't make it. So she started backing off, and your sickness was an excuse to end it. It happens all the time, but the one leaving lies until the end. So the one left is very confused... Uhh, reality check eh? People are not always who they seem to be. Hopefully there's a lesson learned at the end of all this, can't wait to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I disagree with the fact that I shouldn't wave and smile back though, I'm not one for resentment or throwing the cold shoulder - I accept her decision and will try my best to move on. Thank you ziggy, helped a lot mate. 1
Ariess10 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 That's all we can really do is accept what has happened and move on the best way we can.
Thecondor1991 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 That's all we can really do is accept what has happened and move on the best way we can. Your emotional roller coaster is completely normal. I've had a pretty good last couple days, but a terrible last couple nights. It seems the negative emotions bother me most at night, you know, when I have time to sit and think. I wish I could tell you that they don't last long and they will be gone in time, but the truth is, its different for everyone. My brother just went through a break up and he was sad for about two weeks, now hes got a new girlfriend and seems to be completely over his ex. Me on the other hand, its been about three weeks and I'm still having these moments where I wish I could just see her, and now that she has moved away, I find myself looking at her empty house and missing her. So to be honest there is nothing you can do about the emotions. I suggest going on a long walk, drive, or working out.
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