Pastmen Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Hello, I'm one of many that have been dumped by there GF/BF and I really want to know, how to make that switch to going back to your normal life. I got dumped out of the blue and my GF seems to have moved on quickly (it has been 2 weeks now) but I'm having a hard time moving on... I'm not asking about making the switch to go find someone else again but more about just your normal life. I'm getting behind everyone in school, and am just sitting here at home feeling so bad about the break up and the fact that my GF seems to have moved on. So bottom line, how do you make that switch or when does it happen cause I can't live like this. I keep telling myself that as well but she keeps coming up in my mind with about everything that happens in my life. Thank you for answering it would really help me and I hope many others as well.
DexterLS Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Hi Pastmen, I am really sorry you are going through this. Unfortunately, you have to accept that it takes time to move on especially when you are the one having been dumped. It's not easy. My advice is to go No Contact. Cut all ties and that includes social media. Do not stalk your ex virtually or physically, for that matter. You will start to feel better as the days go by. All the best! 4
Ariess10 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Sadly there is no switch we can hit to make us go back to the way we were before . Sometimes the people we date leave a mark on our hearts that last forever .. Good news is that one day you'll wake up and won't think about your ex as much, then less and less and one day you'll just be ok.. Time is your best friend and nc.. Don't look her up , block her from everything this is the way to detox yourself .. As much as it hurts its about healing YOU .. She's a stranger now 1
ZiggyZoo Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Not gonna lie, the first month or so is brutal. I'd suggest concentrating on the things you absolutely HAVE to concentrate on (school, eating, hygiene) and doing what you need to do for these first few weeks to keep everything as together as you can make it. Time is a great healer, and it'll start to smooth out the worst of this shock, so you can start being more active and getting on the road to normal. I completely agree too, to go NC. The last thing you need is to see a picture of your ex with a new bf/gf or to have them call out of the blue just to check up on you. This may be exactly what you want, but is the worst thing for you right now. Focus on yourself, and hang in there. Keep coming on here too, we'll help. Most of us have been where you are and lived to tell the tale. We'll get you through this. 2
Author Pastmen Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you all for the responses, I agree these weeks are brutal and it's very hard to do everything like normal again. I'm trying to do my schoolwork but I have been sitting on the same page of my study book for over 2 hours just because I keep thinking about her and about my life. Questions like will I ever find someone like her again, how can I become a normal person again and is it my fault am I not right for anyone. And with the social media stuff, we agreed to talk once in a while just to see how we're doing, whats going on in life and that we can always talk if there is something important. Because of this reasons I don't want to block her because if there is something she needs to tell me, I want to hear it. On the other hand if I see her Facebook or Instagram page and see other guys comment with faces I get broken inside. I think everybody recognizes this feeling that you want to know what's going on in her life and you still want to be a part of it.
Yummm Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Hi Pastmen I'm sorry that you're feeling like this, I'm in the same boat too, trust me, I feel your pain. I guess the only advice I can give you is for you to allow the thoughts and emotions you're feeling to happen, just don't over analyse or focus on them... just ride them through. Eventually you'll notice all the thoughts going through your head but you won't be focusing on them, you'll be distracted and getting on with your day even though they are there in the back of your mind. Power through the day and goodluck! 2
foolinlove79 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Something thats helped me is changing up my routine. So say i used to regularly watch a show with my ex at a certain time then watch something else. Or if you regularly went to a certain place to eat together then go somewhere else. Its amazing how making changes like this helps. 1
sowhynot Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 What helped me - and did in the past - was to make a real decision that enough is enough. I can almost put it down to an exact time when I decide that I'm going to pull myself out of this - I'm not going to let my emotions control me. It's almost like an internal fight - one side of me is wanting to sit in a corner, thinking about the times we had together, not do anything, feel miserable etc etc but the more rational side - and really helped a lot by the people on this forum - says ' no - you've got to get out of this, start doing things, get your mind onto something else'. Certainly not easy at first, but if you can do it for even a few hours, then you can keep going and make a start on getting yourself back to 'normal' ! This forum also helps a lot by being able to 'vent' on a regular basis if that helps. Put down what you're feeling, what happened, there's a lot of good feedback and advice to be had here. Even a personal diary that no one else will see is worth doing - write down whatever and whenever you feel. A while ago now, but I had a bit of a crush on a girl at college and I did find that getting down to studying - even though I had to really force myself to do it at first - helped keep my mind of things. And it was even better when I started to see the results of that effort with better grades from reports I'd written - gave me the incentive to try harder. It worked too, as I ended up the following year with a first class honors degree - I would have just about managed a 2:2 if I hadn't got my kaka together.... 3
mightycpa Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 You should stop sitting at home. I'd suggest running. It allows you to think, it helps you clear your head and you produce lots of brain chemicals that counteract the effect of breakup brain chemicals, which will make you feel better quicker. 2
Author Pastmen Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. I'm going to try not to watch her Instagram, Facebook and last seen on whatsapp status. I've seen enough for myself to know that she has moved on and now it's my time to move on. With that I need to do stuff to keep my mind off her but I don't know what will suit me. I'm not really a that sporty type, bit lazy and I want to change that. I would like to go to a gym but I don't like being with a lot of people that I know. I'm pretty insecure about myself and that's whats holding me against signing up to a gym. I have planned a vacation with friends for this summer and I hope that at that time I will be ready to party again, and be myself again. Yesterday I was at a party all desperate to gain some confidence back but it was horrible. I wasn't myself, was drunk and even asked a girl all of a sudden if I could kiss her. All of this didn't work out and made me feel more horrible but I'm going to have to leave all this behind and start fresh I think.. Hope I feel the same yesterday morning about this
kasop Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 http://Www.breakuprecoveryguide.com this site helped me alot. Read stories on LC. You are not alone. Make positive changes in your life. Step outside your comfort zone. Go to the gym that you are contemplating about. Cast out your insecurities and just do it. It will make you feel better about yourself. 1
Plaster Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 This forum is helping me so much. The gym and kickboxing has helped massively too. It's been 5 weeks, id say this week has been the easiest. It's still tough but I'm getting there. 1
Thecondor1991 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 You know, I think this may be the hardest part about any break up. You see we spend so much time with our exes and integrate our lives so much within theirs that once we have split we find ourselves not really knowing who we are. I'm going through a bit of that myself, I used to love video games, and building models, and drawing, but since me and my ex split I'm finding it impossible to do any of these things, mainly because we did a lot of this stuff together. It sucks because we feel like we don't even know who we are anymore, and if your anything like me (an introvert) then its even worse because you don't have many friends that can make you feel like you again. That being said, I think the best thing to do in this awful situation, is to reinvent yourself. If you've never been a guy who has been in great shape, then go work out. Get those abs and arms you've dreamed of having, If you haven't been much of a reader, pick up some books about things you find interesting and just read a bunch, If you've never been a gamer go buy a game system and learn to play. I'm sure since your single now you have a bunch of spare time( I sure as hell do.) So go out and do some stuff you've never done before. 3
Yummm Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I agree man. Try to do things that you were happy doing when single, or that you wanted to do but couldn't when in a relationship. Thecondor1991 - I also find it hard. Was a hardcore gamer before the relationship, can't spend more than an hour on a game now! Hey, you were a gamer too PC perhaps? Let's have a game sometime 1
Thecondor1991 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I agree man. Try to do things that you were happy doing when single, or that you wanted to do but couldn't when in a relationship. Thecondor1991 - I also find it hard. Was a hardcore gamer before the relationship, can't spend more than an hour on a game now! Hey, you were a gamer too PC perhaps? Let's have a game sometime Hahaha Yeah man Played pc pretty hardcore. Played a few mmos and stuff like that.
aloneinaz Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. I'm going to try not to watch her Instagram, Facebook and last seen on whatsapp status. I've seen enough for myself to know that she has moved on and now it's my time to move on. You need to not only NOT stalk her on social media, but you also need to block her on everything as well. If you want to get better and ease the pain, stay strict NC. You need to make her vanish from your life. If you can do this, not revisit things or photo's of her, you will start to feel better. Only time and distance from that relationship will help you heal and feel better. You're a young guy. Keep yourself busy. Work on things that will help your self esteem. After the first month of NC, it gets easier and easier with each passing day to start feeling back to normal. 1
coryreply Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 So sorry you're going through this, bro. The bottom line is, it will take time. Give yourself the time you need to heal. Don't let your hurt turn into bitterness and anger. Use this breakup as a catalyst to push you forward. I agree with the others. Physical activities and/or exercise will make you feel better about yourself and help you clear your head a bit. Hang in there. Brighter days are ahead! 1
takeashotforme Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Don't make the mistakes I made. I got wasted last weekend and pour my heart out on Facebook message. And we been broken up over three months ago. Of course it didnt do nothing but made me look like a fool. I wish I had found this site sooner. Don't even bother trying to be friend. I tried it too. Big mistake. Nc is the only thing that will help. Go Nc for at least 3 months. I went two months and the pain is still There and I still haven't been able to move on. 1
Author Pastmen Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Hey thanks all for reacting. I'm going to sign up for the gym I think it's the best for me right now. I have a lot of spare time now after we broke up because we spend so much time together before and now that's just gone.So I have to spend that free time to work on myself I see that now. But like I said, the breakup ended on good terms. I'm not mad at her for breaking up with me just out of the blue. I think she's stupid for doing it but I still like her as a person and would love to just keep talking to her. But not now, because than I can't get over her. Our agreement was to talk whenever we felt like we wanted to ask about our day or something but not in the first month because I have to get over it. So I don't want to block her that will ruin that. The hard part about not blocking her is that I still see the stuff she reacts on peoples photos and also photos of herself... It's a bit of a dilemma but it won't be a problem anymore if I can make that switch. I want to make that switch back to being the normal me again because then I will feel good again everyday. Step 1: Going to the gym. Any more tips about moving on and making that switch would be much appreciated. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Hey thanks all for reacting. Our agreement was to talk whenever we felt like we wanted to ask about our day or something but not in the first month because I have to get over it. So I don't want to block her that will ruin that. The hard part about not blocking her is that I still see the stuff she reacts on peoples photos and also photos of herself... Any more tips about moving on and making that switch would be much appreciated. Pastmen, You're asking so everyone will tell you that YOU need to block her on everything for your needs. She ended the relationship which is certainly her right. But, now it's YOUR right to worry about you and your healing. You don't owe her anything, especially contact from you when SHE feels like reaching out. She said she doesn't want you in a romantic relationship and to ask you to still be available to her in any context is selfish. I've ended several long term relationships in the nicest manner I could. The last thing I ever said to them was "lets still talk and be friends". That would of mis-lead them and let them cling to hope and not heal. When I reached the point of ending the relationship, I was DONE with them and the relationship. It didn't mean I didn't care about them, I just knew they were not a good fit for me and it was only fair to let them go find someone they were a good fit for. I'd then NOT contact them in anyway so they could move forward in healing. You need to reconsider your decision in not blocking/removing this girl from all social media. If she does reach out again to say hello, you should let her know since she was nice about the break up that you're going to go NC moving forward (not to be mean) but for you to heal and move on w/your life. If you do this, in all likelihood, in 6 months or a year, you many realize you don't care to have any further relationship with her in the future. 1
Author Pastmen Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Pastmen, You're asking so everyone will tell you that YOU need to block her on everything for your needs. She ended the relationship which is certainly her right. But, now it's YOUR right to worry about you and your healing. You don't owe her anything, especially contact from you when SHE feels like reaching out. She said she doesn't want you in a romantic relationship and to ask you to still be available to her in any context is selfish. I've ended several long term relationships in the nicest manner I could. The last thing I ever said to them was "lets still talk and be friends". That would of mis-lead them and let them cling to hope and not heal. When I reached the point of ending the relationship, I was DONE with them and the relationship. It didn't mean I didn't care about them, I just knew they were not a good fit for me and it was only fair to let them go find someone they were a good fit for. I'd then NOT contact them in anyway so they could move forward in healing. You need to reconsider your decision in not blocking/removing this girl from all social media. If she does reach out again to say hello, you should let her know since she was nice about the break up that you're going to go NC moving forward (not to be mean) but for you to heal and move on w/your life. If you do this, in all likelihood, in 6 months or a year, you many realize you don't care to have any further relationship with her in the future. Yeah you're right. From reading a lot of stories on this forum I also learned a lot and they were talking about the same stuff you're saying now. I get it... I also wouldn't say that I never wanted to talk to someone anymore because that's just harsh. She was always nice to me and I was always nice to her so she also had no reason to say that. But not talking to me anymore is probably what she wants.. It's hard to understand her decision but I just have to accept it. In one way it makes me insecure but on the other hand I don't even know what I did wrong. She doesn't live next door so I probably won't bump in to her suddenly so that's nice also. I'm going to move on with my life today was a much better day than yesterday also because of all these stories on LS. People are dealing with a lot tougher **** than that I have to deal with and i'm not alone. My advice to everyone reading this is also to just forget about him/her who dumped you. He/she dumped you for a reason: he/she doesn't want to be with you anymore. They see no further need to be with you anymore. It's over, hopefully you've learned from the relationship and move on. Find other activities and find a new boy/girl who really wants you, and someone that loves you for who you are. Maybe you should be happy about the break up because if it wouldn't have happened now, it would've happened later and you would've been even more heartbroken. Keep your head up!
aloneinaz Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 My advice to everyone reading this is also to just forget about him/her who dumped you. He/she dumped you for a reason: he/she doesn't want to be with you anymore. They see no further need to be with you anymore. It's over, hopefully you've learned from the relationship and move on. Find other activities and find a new boy/girl who really wants you, and someone that loves you for who you are. Maybe you should be happy about the break up because if it wouldn't have happened now, it would've happened later and you would've been even more heartbroken. Keep your head up! Well stated. When someone ends a relationship in a nice way because they didn't feel it anymore, we have to accept it. Most people on this board have ended relationships. It doesn't mean the dumped person is a POS, it means that don't feel it anymore and want to try on other people. There's so many stories of people getting dumped and then finding their love of there life. I think most people move on to better fitting partners and feel grateful their ex ended the previous one. You're going to be fine. Let time and healing move your forward. Everyone heals from these situations and find happiness down the road. 1
Author Pastmen Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 This morning having a bad time coping with it... I dreamed about her this night about some memories we had and I just woke up like ****... Why can't my mind just forget about her and move on...
imbax Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Hey buddy I am sorry to hear about your loss, I am in the same boat as you. I think it has gotten easier with time although I still cry over her heaps after almost 7 weeks. I think the best thing to do is just to imagine on the grand scheme of things, me you her we are all irrelevant and are just chemicals bonding and unbonding with each other. In the universe time scale that would have only lasted a split second. Don't worry too much about it, you only live once, lets try not get our heads hung up over some special girl. Lets try move on and be happy with ourselves whether or not they are here with us. Come on man, if I can do it, you can as well
Author Pastmen Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Thank you. Today was a hard day but the alcohol helped me a lot... I want to ask a question about stalking your ex on social media. Why do we do that? Why do we have the urge to look at another s account to see that they're happy while you're not. I've kept checking her Instagram to see if a boy posts something on her photo's or that kind of stuff and I don't know why. It's like I want to get hurt because that will be eventually the only outcome. I need to stop but it does not help that her profile is not blocked. But my question is Why do we all do that? (or most of us)...
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