Opinions please...do you think I expect too much by wanting a phone call?

[Sweets1919]

I have been seeing my boyfriend for about 8 months (since august). He works on the oil rigs so he is gone usually two weeks at a time and then he gets a week off. He splits his time off between staying with me and going back to his hometown (14 hr drive away/2 hr flight). I am getting used to being on my own for the two weeks at a time (I was single for 3 years prior!), but I especially miss the conversation part of contact given the fact that we aren't physically together.

 

It's hard when I want to go out roller blading or think that playing tennis with him would be fun...but that I can't do it with him because he's gone. But I accept that. He says he won't do this job forever, but for now this is how it is.

 

The thing is, sometimes it can go four days without him calling me and that makes me sad. I look forward to his phone calls and I don't want to be the one to call all the time...I look forward to him calling to say "how was your day" or whatever....but sometimes it can go days and by the time he does call, I certainly can't (and don't want to ) recount every thing I've done or has happened since we last spoke.

 

Last time he was in town he told me I sometimes expect too much...and gave the example that the previous time he had been at work I had made a comment that he was calling on a Tuesday and the last time he had called was on Saturday (3 days basically in between). He told me that 3 days is nothing and with his last girlfriend it was often a week they went without talking (I felt like he was saying I should be happy that it was only 3 days!!!)

 

So now it is Tuesday morning and I last heard from him on Saturday. We are supposed to be making plans about him coming to see me this week and us going away for the weekend and I feel like I just have to wait. Am I being "needy" or "clingy" to want more contact? I know it's good to be independent and have my own life and I do....I would even just like him to call so I can share my life with him. I feel like I am single 66% of the time!!!

It seems like my mind is preoccupied a lot of the time....waking up and thinking "He didn't call" and "I wonder when I'll hear from him next" and then being disappointed when another 24 hours passes without a call or even a text.

 

I know he works long hard hours...7am-7pm each day for the past 14 days and when he does call he is going to bed and wiped out from a long day. Do I expect too much by wanting him to make the time and call earlier or for longer than 5 minutes? When he gets here it's fine and he is totally good with "us". He has told me in the past when we talked about this that it is like being single for 2 weeks at a time without the aspect of dating (other people)...so it sounds like to him this is normal. He worked on fishboats for a couple years (when he was with his previous gf) and was gone for up to 3 or 4 months at a time and now he has been working on the rigs for about 4 or 5 years. He is used to this lifestyle...go to work, do what he wants (ie. go to bed, go drink beer with the co-workers) and the girlfriend is right at home waiting for you happy as pie when you come home.....the problem is that this girlfriend is not happy as pie when I don't hear from him for four days.

 

It's only been 8 months and he is exploring other work options...he could start some new training for a new position as early as September and he has said that "when he has a family" he does not want to work away from home...but who knows when that would be....it could be years....the thing is he makes good money and he has told me that he has to do this job now for the money to get a few debts paid off (about $15, 000) and then be able to buy a house and be able to provide for a family (I am 4 years older at 30 and I own my own house already and don't really have debt except for $2000). I have a feeling if I talk to him about this and he really is trying already and working hard every day then I'll sound like a nag who just sits at home and waits for his phone calls. Part of me thinks I should just see if things change in the next few months if I don't comment or "freak out" if it has gone days without talking. On the other hand, I don't want to be miserable now with the faint hope of being happy in the future.....

[ridinbikes247]

ive been in the same situation almost with my girl, weve been / was dating for about 3 months and for the first month shed call me id call her kinda thing then one day she just up and said we talk on the phone to much so after that she never called me and i never called her back..after about 4 days she "and we was goin out at the time" i called her and asked her why she hasnt called me in 4 days or wanted to hang out and shes like, "well u didnt call nme and ive been to busy and stuff" but anyways i was just trying to get to her that you shouldnt go that long without talkin, like you said, somepeople expect a phone call just to here the other say "how is ur day" and if they really like you or if your on ther emind theyd call you.....but for thepast 2 months my girl never did call me anymore so i never called her and so on, dont talk to her anymore if she cant take time to call me and want to hang out

[HotCaliGirl]

I think you have a right to be upset. He doesn't love you enough to want to hear you and know how your day is going? I would want a call every day or else at least every other day.

 

Sounds like he is ok with little contact. You should start looking for someone who will give you more attention and by the time he knows it, he'll realize what he lost out on.

 

Don't invest your time for something that might not turn into what you want it to. Take things at face value and for what they are, without wishful hoping that things will change. He may end up getting another job like truck driving that takes him away from you for long periods of time, based on his history of work choices.

 

I don't think that's fair to have to wait so many days to hear from him and on top of it he complains when you talk if it's only been a few days? I thought I had it bad...

 

Keep your eyes and options open as far as letting someone else into your life instead of putting all of your eggs in his detached basket.

[Mz. Pixie]

Sweets-

 

You two have been in a EXCLUSIVE relationship for 8 months?? It is not unrealistic to expect him to call or text you everyday.

 

I hate to say this- but he's just not that into you. He wants a girlfriend that he can put into a slot and pull out whenever he wants her or has time. I should know because I was married to one alot like him for over ten years. He only wanted to be with me or talk to me when he could fit it in his schedule.

 

My BF works two jobs, really three if you count being a coach. He frequently goes from one job straight to the other without going home. He also has 50% custody of his son. He ALWAYS makes time to call me, multiple times of the day. Sometimes he works his second job until late at night but he always calls me to say goodnight. Why? Because he's interested in what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, what's going on with me AND because he wants to relate what's going on with him. My bf is doing this also because he's trying to be debt free in three years and he has bills from his divorce over a year ago. He's not doing it because it's fun, it's because he has to, but he still makes time for me.

 

You're not being clingy to expect to have your needs met. It's called a relationship. If he ever wants to have one he needs to start focusing on the other person rather than himself all the time.

 

Not what you want to hear I know, but I'd start looking for someone who cared enough about me to be present emotionally if he couldn't be present physically.

[Sweets1919]

This was the original plan:

 

My bf left for work two weeks ago on April 14 in the evening. The plan was that he would work for two weeks and then come back to see me. Then he was thinking he would have all of May off (due to work being shut down b/c of spring weather). He said that he would come see me and then we could drive back to our hometown (a 14 hour road trip) and spend a few days there (I was going to take Monday and Tuesday off work) and then I'd fly back here. Then he'd spend some time at home and come spend the last two weeks of May here with me.

 

He usually gets off work at 7am Wednesdays and even called after the first day and said this rig was different shifts and he was going to be off at 7pm Tuesday and he was excited that he'd be back here even 12 hours sooner.

 

So over the first week he called/texted every night. On Thursday I told him I wasn't 100% sure if I'd go home with him because it is a long drive for a two day visit at home and I'd have to use my overtime to get the two days off work. I was thinking the two days of overtime might be better used when he is here and we could go camping or something vs. spending two days travelling (driving out there and then flying home next Tuesday). He sounded very disappointed but I told him I was just considering not going b/c I had barely talked to him more than to say goodnight and without us definitely confirming the drive, when would be good to fly back etc, it was hard for me just to make all the plans on my own and it not feeling like "our plans". He said he'd call me earlier on Friday night so we could talk. He did not call on Friday.

 

He texted me on Saturday night right after work and said he loved me and was very tired and that he'd call soon and that it was only 3 more shifts until he was off (which would have meant Tuesday night). I texted him to call me and he did. I told him I had booked a ticket for the following Tuesday and that I had done some thinking and that I wanted to go home with him. He said that sounded good, but that he wasn't 100% sure what day he was done work now and that it might be Wednesday or even Thursday because they had to finish up the job and there was no next crew coming on after them. I asked him to keep me posted and not to stress cuz I could always cancel the ticket and we could make other plans.

 

So Sunday and Monday passed with no word from him. As he had mentioned last time he was here that he didn't like it if I made comments about him not calling, I did not call him and leave any messages in this time (part of me also kind of wanted to see if he would call me on his own accord like he said he would instead of "returning my call") I sent him a nice caring text on Sunday morning saying I was looking forward to seeing him. So on Tuesday night I was expecting him to call when he was off work (7pm) to say "hi honey, I'm off work and I'll be there soon (7hours). Well at 9pm I noticed that he had called at 8:15 on my cell phone. He had not left a message and he had not called my house. I called him back at 9 and it rang but he didn't answer. I left a message that was probably a bit cold and just said that I was wondering if he is coming to town in the next day or so and to give me a call. Part of me really thought he was on his way and might not be answering b/c he wanted to surprise me like he has done before. I sent him a text at 11pm saying that I miss him and that i'm looking forward to seeing him and to let me know if he is on his days off.

 

Well I woke up at 3am and kind of thought he would be here soon if he was coming. I tossed and turned a bit. He had not called back or responded to my text. I called his cell (there is no land line to call him on) and the phone was off. I left a message just saying to give me a call when he could to let me know what was going on. It's not like I am just here waiting for the next two days....I have a girlfriend coming into town for dinner tonight and I have a baseball game tomorrow...and we're supposed to be leaving on our "road trip" the day after that!!

 

I feel like I am in this all on my own. I don't understand why he wouldn't even leave a message when he called me last night just to say "I'm working till Thursday" or "Hi". Then I think maybe he is mad that I didn't leave him a voicemail between Saturday night and Tuesday. Well I feel like I am trying to please him....last time he says I shouldn't "complain" that it went three days between him calling and that he doesn't want to feel obligated to call me and that he doesn't want to feel like I am controlling....so I wanted to give him space and instead had just sent the text on Sunday. I did call him last week and leave messages so it's not like I never call. I would call and leave messages just saying hi, or that I was heading to a meeting or that I hope he's having a good day. After all, he did say on Saturday night that he would call me. It's called communication and these guessing games are driving me crazy.

 

This is all I can really think about and it's stupid. I have no idea if he's showing up later today, tomorrow or at all. Is he mad, is he happy, does he think things are fine with us? This distance is one thing....the pretty much zero communication is hard to take. I have lots of things going on....i volunteer with my church, my baseball season just started...my day has ups and downs with work and life in general...to me a major part of a relationship is having that underlying friendship where you can talk about your life and grow closer....how can that happen if we don't talk two out of three weeks? I really don't think it can and a relationship takes two to work.

 

People yesterday were telling me all about the "he's just not that into you" book/theory and I understand that (there is a follow up on Oprah today actually). I just wonder how it switched from week one (calling every night, excited that he was off 12 hours earlier than planned, wanting us to go home together) to this past week since Saturday...no contact, no voicevail and no text (part of me thinks it is my fault for not calling and leaving him a message in those three days....but I know I can't blame myself...he has responsibility in this too...after all if I'm not to get "mad" that he didn't call in four days...how can he be mad at me?)....This recent day's events hs shown no real consideration for my plans (my boss would like to know if i am wanting Monday and Tuesday off!), my caseload at work, my time etc.....

 

OK, gang...what do you make of that???

[Mz. Pixie]

Sweets,

 

That was a long post!

 

IMO he's either playing games or he has no consideration for your feelings and only wants a girlfriend when he can fit one in.

 

Doesn't work like that.

[Sweets1919]

Sorry that my post was so long...but I wanted to get the whole story out for readers' benefit as well as mine I guess!!~

[HotCaliGirl]

I wonder if he's trying to play the field with another girl in the picture, flip-flopping to whoever is the most available for him? Why else would his phone be turned off at 3 in the morning, the same night that he is no longer working and was supposed to have been back to see you?

 

Also, he so conveniently avoids talking to you for the days leading to this night, so that how conveniently he's not commited to anything firm as far as plans are concerned with you, only the iffy plans around his iffy schedule that suddenly is no longer a sure-thing, with a nice excuse that there''s no other crew so he might need to work longer after all...hmmm I wouldn't buy this crap. Is there another honey he made a stop to see first?

 

He sounds so inconsiderate towards your feelings. Unless he was dying, why wouldn't he have responded to your messages, knowing that you are waiting to hear from him?

 

PLEASE don't beat yourself up about not having called him for those 3 days - after all he told you not to call too muh.

 

You can't play games with him if that's what he's doing, turning around and not calling. But in this instance he's not even returning your calls or even your text messages, and what's the deal about calling without leaving a message! No way, he sounds way too immature and a player type to be in a relationship wtih you.

 

Does he have communication problems in general? You shouldn't be in this terrible situation trying to guess what's going on in his head, the status of your plans - which he has left you in limbo about, and this whole messed up situation.

 

Demand that he respond to you because you have a life and responsibilities and obligations towards others. At this point in time, I would advise you not to ask for Mon and Tue off - that is too short of a notice for your boss since he's been asking you about it PLUS your bf doesn't deserve it as though you're some toy he could pull out to play with whenever he feels like it.

 

Don't let him leave you hanging as though you don't mean sh** to him.

[Sweets1919]

Hi Caligal, and whoever else is reading this....(I'll try to be brief!)

 

After I last posted, he called me on Wednesday afternoon at 1:30...said he was calling from work and couldn't talk long. He said he didn't know when work woud end...I said "so maybe friday" and he said maybe but he would only know when it was done...basically he'd know the "day of". I asked him if things were "ok" with us and he said yes, and why would I ask. I said b/c he had not left a message the previous night and he was like "oh, I went right to bed after " (which i think is a bs excuse...b/c when i called back it was 45 min later and the phone rang....but went to voicemail)

 

So I relaxed a bit and I had asked about the weekend and tried to be flexible saying "we'll figure it out and whenever you are off is fine" I had also asked if he was for sure coming to my town and he's like "ya, i think so".

and that he'd call me soon.

 

Well Wed. night passes with no more word, but I was still ok with things b/c he had called. I went to work Thurs, to my baseball game etc. and came home at 11pm. I had sent him a "goodnight" text at 10:30. Well you may think I'm "evil" for this, but he has given me internet access to his bank account to help him pay bills online when he is out of town. So I went on the computer tonight to see if there had been any transactions (I had also gone on Wed. night and saw he had been to dinner and got fuel for his truck...I tried to be positive and figured he and the guys from work decided to go get some drinks/dinner b/c they were bummed about having to work longer than expected).

 

So tonight when I looked I saw that on Thursday he had been to: a chocolate store (spent $2.75), a coffee shop (spent $7.70),a couple gas stations and finally an inn (hotel/motel) where he spent $53.00. The inn transaction was in a town about an hour and a half away from where I live. So he is obviously off of work and heading somewhere. He has obviously been in cell range and has not called me or texted. I was still trying to be optimistic thinking he was drivng a co-worker home (lots of guys drive to/from work together) and maybe the "inn" fee was for drinks/dinner (he usually spends lots on drinks w/ his dinner) and would come to see me. But it is now 2:30 am so it's way too much time for that theory to be true.

 

Even knowing all this, I called him at midnight and the phone rang and again went to voicemail. I left a brief message saying I was calling to say goodnight. I went to bed, couldn't really sleep, called his cell at 1:30 just to see if it was "on", but it was "off". I even had a friend of mine call the inn and ask for his room, but they said there was no one there by that name...so I thought maybe it was food...but guess not...it's a mystery to me.

 

So things are going downhill quickly and it sucks. I guess his feelings have just changed in the past week and I don't really know why. I could wrack my brain trying to analyze "should I have done this or should I have said that" to avoid us falling apart, but I know that trying to do that will just drive me bonkers. STILL has no consideration of my time or weekend or feelings. My family here was expecting me home for the weekend and I've had to say "oh, he's at work" (when I thought he was really stuck there till who knows when)...now I feel like a fool and they are all going to be saying "did he arrive yet" and I'm going to have to say "no".

 

So many times he has said that communication is the key to a relationship...even when there are troubles. Obviously he can't follow his own advice and it makes me angry. I am sad and hurt that I have tried to be accommodating to his absentee schedule, adjusting to sporadic phone calls...working overtime so I could come home early when he was at my house to help our relationship be the best it could. I guess I am grateful that this is coming out now. The funny thing is he thinks that I still think he is at work.

 

I will definitely "call" him on this if he is not truthful and tries to lie and say he has been at work the whole time. Although it is deceitful, I will just tell him I went on his bank to do him a favour by transferring money to his cell phone seeing he was "stuck" at work, and noticed all these transactions. It's sad when that is what it comes down to.

 

The unfortunate thing is that last November he had not been replying to my texts and told me that he hadn't responded b/c he "didn't get them". I had driven 5 hours to spend the weekend with him (although he was working 12 hr days) and he left his cell at his house. I had looked on it to see what texts of mine he actually got and realized he had been cheating on me with a girl in another city. We worked through it and he seemed so sorry...saying he was confused and wasn't sure if he was ready for an "exclusive" relationship. He came to realize he wanted to be with me and seemed so sincere about not wanting to lose me....and now all this. Either he is seeing someone else, wanting to see someone else or just not wanting to be with me in a relationship. I'm glad I gave him the second chance cuz now I don't have to always wonder how it would have "turned out". I feel like I have given a lot in this relationship....the forgiveness, the time, the extra effort to call/send texts, to adjust to his schedule...but I guess that's life.

 

Feel free to comment...and sorry I didn't keep it short!!!

[Sweets1919]

Also wanted to say that with his previous g/f (9 years when he was 16-25)....he has mentioned a lot to me and to some others that their sex life was non-existant for the last year and a half. He has made it sound like she had sexual dysfunction problem where she did not want it and so they never did it. He has used this reason as justification for the fact that he started seeing a girl at work (so far away from his home and anyone who would "bust" him) and had a relationship with her for two of the months he was still with his g/f. I told him that this is cheating and he says he doesn't see it that way really b/c he knew in his heart that the relationship with the g/f was "over",....LOL, but she didn't buster so it's cheating no matter what. Also, if she was getting the same treatment as I have gotten recently, (no phone calls, not knowing what he is doing with his time, no interest in her life), then it might stand to reason that she did not want to jump passionately into his arms and into their bed (they lived together) with him when he returned. However, he has not seen that side and instead blames her.

 

The ex (according to him) was also really depressed throughout their relationship and dealt a lot with her emotional behaviour and crying. Again, makes it sound like he was the martyr dealing with this "bad" girlfriend. Well I can tell you that last time he was in town (3 weeks ago), I was also emotional and cried a few times with him. I think a part of it had to do with his lack of communication. We were physically together (i.e. he was in town with me) for two weeks and I can think of no time that we had a "serious" type of conversation, where he asked how I was doing with the relationship, what my work has been like lately, what I'm hoping to do in the summer, where I see things with him etc. And it's hard to know that in a few days he would be gone so there would be no chance for a "reassurance" or "check in" talk then....it's like "ok, you are here in my life full time for two weeks, basically living with me (he has a ton of stuff here), we go out and have dinner, we watch tv, we go out with friends....but I know soon it will be two weeks with none of that with him. It's hard to guess someone's feelings....ie. "I know it is hard but this is only till september b/c I want us to be together" or "Im really looking forward to us going camping in July....", but it was so "in the moment" that it was hard to feel the security needed to then get me through knowing that it was going to be two weeks with barely any reciprocation.

 

I did find myself emotional, insecure (he's telling me he doesnt' like when I call so much, that I shouldn't complain when he doesn't call, he has exes texting him and calling him (3 in the same day when he was here 3 weeks ago!), we went to the strip bar with his friends three times when he was here three weeks ago and also when he was here on his visit 6 weeks ago (he seems to go a lot which I can live with but it doesn't make me feel valued as a female when he's like "lets go out with my buddy" and we go watch girls take of their clothes and basically act like sex objects for hours on end....it just didn't seem to help an already emotional girl here! It's like "you haven't seen me for two weeks and now we get together and this is what you want to do????"

 

It's like a relationship of guessing and wondering where his head is at and where this relationship is going. The more I think about it, I don't know if I was really getting what I want when he WAS here, let alone when he is out of town!!!

[Sweets1919]

Should I wait for him to call me (and see what his story is)? Should I call him and leave a message (assuming he doesnt' pick up b/c I am supposed to be thinking he is at work) and say I want him to call me and then say I need him to come see me? Should I get mad and say this is BS that we were supposed to be leaving today when I'm done work, I've heard nothing and that he is not being considerate at all of me or my time or my feelings? Should I call and tell him that we need to talk and tell him that I want it to be in person?

 

This waiting (since Tuesday night basically) for him to call saying when he is coming is driving me crazy. Especially knowing now he is NOT at work, he has been going out for coffee, dinners etc. and in a town so close to mine. I looked up the coffee shop and the chocolate shop that he went to (on the internet) to see where the locations are (because they are rare shops, not like McDonalds or Tim Hortons) and they are both in MY city. There are only two of the chocolate shops in the whole province and one of them is where I live (the other one is way on the other side of the province so he wouldn't have been at that one). It's just too much wondering and guessing and dishonesty. Has he met someone else in my town (a city of a million people) or has he just passed through town and still failed to call me. Either way it's bs and I want it dealt with. I'm just not sure how to approach it. Suggestions???

[Mz. Pixie]

Passed through town and forgot to call you???

 

Come on, quit making excuses for him! He FORGOT to call his gf he had plans with??

 

Like I said in your other thread. Confront him on not calling you and such- it's called being in a relationship.

 

Don't cry or plead. Tell him what you expect from him. Tell him if he doesn't provide it it's OVER. Then be prepared to act on it. In the process I'd ask him about why he didn't call/show up when he said he would and then I'd bust him on the bank stuff. You are not expecting too much!

 

He gave you access to his bank info- it's not like you checked it without him knowing you could.

[Sweets1919]

I said he failed to call me (as in he did not call)... my point is that there is no excuse (ie. at work, no cell reception)....he is choosing not to call.

[New_Wife]

What else do you do?

 

Besides your boyfriend - what is in your life?

 

I suspect this is the real problem. Your boyfriend may be a jerk. But why are you in this? What is lacking and what are you trying to fill with this?

 

I sound like I've watched too much Dr. Phil, right? Actually, I've just been in your shoes.

 

Dump the chump and take up a hobby. Enrich yourself - amuse yourself - shoot - if you don't have any kids take yourself on a nice trip somewhere fun (doesn't have to be expensive - hit a local beach on the cheap - hike - camp - etc.).

 

I found myself in your shoes about 10 years ago and I joined a bowling league. It was the easiest thing to do of the list of 10 or so things that interested me. It was fun - I sucked at it - but hey, I did something just for me and started liking that feeling. Then a girlfriend and I started taking some stupid dancing lessons, and next thing you know, I've got this full busy life with fun things that keep me entertained and I'M the one with no time for some guy. I'M the one that has to fit him in, if he's worth making that time.

 

Now, I'm not exceedingly pretty. I'm not monstrously intelligent. So what I did isn't that spectacular, except for me. Maybe the same thing would work for you?

[Sweets1919]

That's the thing...when he is gone for two weeks at a time I am busy....I work full time, I go to the gym regularly, I go out with friends, I go to church, I volunteer at church and I just started my baseball season. I moved to this city a year and a half ago so I don't have that many CLOSE friends as I did back home and that is hard. But when he came to town I would make time for him because to me that is what is good for the relationship...if I told him I was busy every night he was here (baseball, volunteer etc) then we would never see each other. I figured he was choosing to spend time with me vs. any of his other friends (they are back where we are both from) so I should make time for "us".

 

It's just become mind occupying this past week first of all because I couldn't understand why he called every night for the first 8 days and for the next week it's been pretty much nothing. And then with the "iffy" plans...I have tried to be "understanding" and "accept" that his job can be unpredictable, but I would expect some respect of me and my time (ie. I booked a flight and now I will be cancelling it...). I am 31 years old and just wanting to find someone nice and decent who wants to settle down. it took me three years after my ex to finally find someone that I was comfortable with and and wanted to be in a relationship with....and it all seemed pretty stable until last week and I just don't get it. Perhaps he is too young and does not want to settle down and just doesn't know how to tell me....maybe still wants the best of both worlds....

[HotCaliGirl]

Stop making excuses for him! Maybe he wants this, maybe he thought that...you have to face the outcome of what it all leads to.

 

You keep wondering why he started calling you less - obvioiusly because he's been spending mroe time with another girl - the one he's with right now, who he bought chocolate for, stayed in a motel with, had coffee with...

 

He thinks he is a smooth player. He prob. laughs about you behind your back with his co-workers - how he is choosing between you or the other girl, whoever he feels like on a whim. He is LOSER.

 

Just like he made his last gf cry and emotional, then acted like he was this incredibly kind person to put up with it, he is doing the same to you! His friends prob. think you're a basket case and that he deserves to be cheating on you or else you are a fool not to know what a player you're with.

 

How about when he calls, say that you are going to have coffee at the name of the place he was at, then stay with some friends at the name of the hotel he was screwing the other girl at. Say that his stuff will be in boxes outside your house if he wants to come by to pick them up.

 

Don't give him the pleasure of being emotional/crying. Be indifferent, like he means as much sh** to you as you have to him. As hard as it is, just end things cold turkey with as little discussion as possible so you don't give him the opportunity to worm his way back into your life like a leach.

[New_Wife]

Well, why are you making this relationship such a focus? You already have all the answers you need - you just don't want to face them. Unless you're a hideous troll with one eye, a humped back, two malformed teeth and webbed feet - you'll love again. (and even trolls probably hook up now and then)

[FolderWife]

 

If you love someone, you don't FORGET to call. You'll miss them and you CAN'T WAIT to call...

 

I posted in your other thread about how I can't go 24 hours without talking to my husband, or I become miserable.

 

You need to be OUT the next time he calls. He is used to talking to you when HE wants to talk to you. It's time you take control back.

 

Or get out of this relationship, because quite frankly, you're too old to be saddled with someone that you never get to see.

 

Dating is about going to the movies, and going to dinner, and staying over...it's not about working so hard to spend time together.

 

I had a great boyfriend of two months. He took a job out of state, and I broke up with him, because I wanted a boyfriend that I could DATE! Not one that I saw ONCE A MONTH!!!

 

So he didn't take the job, and stayed with me.

[Mz. Pixie]

Sweets-

 

Again, read my original post. My BF works two- really three jobs and he calls me multiple times during the day.

 

I am a priority to him- that's the only difference. Your BF is certainly not any busier than anyone elses SO that pays them tons of attention.

 

Think about this- he knows you have access to his bank records but yet he did this anyway. That tells me he's either stupid or he doesn't really care what you think.

 

I hate to be so harsh, because you sound really sweet but find someone who deserves you.

[HoldOn]

This is not about how often your bf calls you.

 

My LDBF doesn't call every day. However, he drives down to my apartment every other weekend, like clockwork. He has never cancelled nor complained. If he forgets to call for a couple days, he will call and apologize.

 

It's alright if your bf doesn't call every day.

 

However, it is NOT alright if:

-He lies to you about whether he is at work.

-He doesn't pick up the phone or call you back.

-He gets mad at you for calling him.

-He cheated on you.

-He tells you he's coming over and then doesn't show up and doesn't call until the next day.

 

So.... What you should do is: call him, tell him it's over and you need a more reliable man. Good bye.

[Mz. Pixie]

Actually, she is upset about the frequency of his calls........that was the focus of the original post I thought.

 

It's about what works for her. Obviously getting called more often is important to her.

 

If you LDBF calls you on a schedule that's meeting your needs that's cool. It's all that combined with his other actions that is causing the problems.

[HoldOn]

Actually, she is upset about the frequency of his calls........that was the focus of the original post I thought.

 

I know. I feel she is hiding behind this phone call thing. Trying to convince herself that that's the only thing she's upset about, when it is obviously much more than that.

 

I am saying she is asking the wrong question.

 

She's asking "Can I forgive my bf for not calling more?"

 

the right question is "Can I forgive my bf for lying to me and being totally unreliable?"

[Sweets1919]

Thanks for all your comments....you are both right, though. My initial problem was the frequency of phone calls and it has just spiralled into this new problem as the week (and his actions) have progressed.

 

Thanks again,

 

Sweets

[Fun2BMe]

I hope you get the courage to dump him but I know it's hard so good luck on how things go in the next few days.

[HoldOn]

Originally posted by Sweets1919

Thanks for all your comments....you are both right, though. My initial problem was the frequency of phone calls and it has just spiralled into this new problem as the week (and his actions) have progressed.

 

Thanks again,

 

Sweets

 

You're right I guess that's just a warning sing. Be strong.

The right guy for you is out there waiting for you to get over the wrong one.