Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Don't struggle with the virginity thing. The girl wanted to get rid of it and she's probably telling all of her girlfriends now that it's done! Must feel like a liberation to her to not have that label anymore. She was on the nerdy side kinda and her friends were a bit nerdy looking lol (based on pictures I'd seen). I can kind of picture this going down lol Maybe it was also a ONS for her too, she wasn't super clingy or anything. I may have jumped the gun here and freaked out about nothing...
dyna85 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Yup.. Serious. Met this other girl tonight for drinks, we met at a place that had a rooftop which was pretty fun. She was pretty cute and we got on decently, not quite as well as the girl from a couple weeks ago, but we got on OK however I feel like that's all it was - OKAY. She was reasonably attractive, so I decided what the hell, ask her back to my place and see what she says... She said yes. We came back and watched a movie, that only lasted about 20 minutes and then we were making out a bit - then went upstairs. Now for the kicker.. I found out right before we were about to do the real thing, that she was a virgin, but we were both pretty much all ready to go, so I went on anyways. I went slow and she didn't seem to be in any pain, and it was OK... She didn't really know what to do, so I kinda helped her out, but it didn't quite do as much for me as I wish, but I decided not to be selfish and just make sure it was good for her. So yeah I took this girl's V Card. She had work in the morning ( so do I ) so she couldn't spend the night, so I ended up driving her back to her car which was a couple minutes away from my place. None of this would bother me, but I felt my attraction for her plummet afterwards, I don't know what happened, but I'm not sure if I want to see her again. I feel bad about the whole thing, I went into it thinking it would be just a ONS, but then I got surprised by her news. I probably should have stopped things there but didn't. Now I feel like she might have expectations. What do I do? EDIT: Maybe she just wanted to lose it? I thought about this, she didn't really seem to think twice about wanting to do it. EDIT2: Her Birthday is in a few days also.... What is the point of this thread exactly? I guess I don't get it. You had a ONS. You chose to do it. She said she was a virgin. She still felt like participating. There's no harm, no foul. However, as I stated before, I don't get the point of perpetual 'first date sex' and then pondering the outcome, like it's some mystery every time. If you're going to do it, be mature to deal with the following days and just do the respectful thing. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 She probably was a virgin, what does she have to gain from lying about it during first date sex? She also most likely just wanted to get it over it.
Lansing Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 What is the point of this thread exactly? To brag? Anyway, OP, I think you should pursue girls that you want to be with and not just have sex with random girls just to increase your number. If you don't see a future with someone then what is the point of risking catching something or getting some random chick pregnant?
courtneykay Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I was in a very similar situation as this girl. I had gotten out of a bad relationship, left for college, and decided I wanted to party and meet boys. I was a virgin. Ended up developing feelings for this guy, but I told him prior to any relations I was a virgin, and he still pursued. Messed around a few times, and he never contacted me again until later on when he wanted to hook up. At first my feelings were hurt, but then I realized, I met this guy at a party, was drinking, and voluntarily had relations with him. Luckily I didn't give my v card to him, but still, at one point I realized that I couldn't really be mad at him for not going out of the way to talk to me or pursue a relationship. It sucked, but that's just part of the party culture. I should have seen it coming, and so should this girl. I do feel bad for her, and understand why you would too, but she willingly went home with you and lost it. You don't meet up at a bar and go home with each other without intentions to become intimate. She probably just wanted to have some fun and give it up.
FortunateSon Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I am a bit suspect that she was a virigin. I have found first date sex to be remarkably easy to get in OLD, but the drawback to the instant gratification is that it is difficult to cultivate a relationship after that because it seems like some of the some of the mystery is gone and questions arise. Barcode, if you are hopong to start a relationship, you might want to excersise some discipline...for the first couple dates anyway
spiderowl Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 You feel she might have expectations of you. What if she didn't want to see you again and decided she wasn't that attracted in retrospect? It was her first time but maybe not as she expected? Would you still feel you didn't want a connection with this girl? How much of your agonising is due to your making an assumption that she will want you but you won't want her?
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) You feel she might have expectations of you. What if she didn't want to see you again and decided she wasn't that attracted in retrospect? It was her first time but maybe not as she expected? Would you still feel you didn't want a connection with this girl? How much of your agonising is due to your making an assumption that she will want you but you won't want her? Yeah I think she knew it was a ONS and just wanted to lose her V Card.. If she doesn't get attached I'm happy, it makes it easier for both of us - no one gets hurt. She did message me "Thank you for tonight!" before going to bed after she got home, so I guess she left a happy camper... Lol. I am a bit suspect that she was a virigin. I have found first date sex to be remarkably easy to get in OLD, but the drawback to the instant gratification is that it is difficult to cultivate a relationship after that because it seems like some of the some of the mystery is gone and questions arise. Barcode, if you are hopong to start a relationship, you might want to excersise some discipline...for the first couple dates anyway Yeah, I think i'll slow it down a bit, maybe keep it to 2nd base only on the first date if I like her I haven't dated ever in my life as much as I have been this Winter/Spring... And on OLD I've been amazed how easy it is to get laid now.... It's surprising. Edited June 2, 2015 by barcode88
dyna85 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 To brag? I know. Let me go have sex with multiple strangers I'm never going to see again. So fun. Might wanna get tested. Just sayin'...
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I know. Let me go have sex with multiple strangers I'm never going to see again. So fun. Might wanna get tested. Just sayin'... Maybe in this case. But the last girl I wanted to see her again, and even planned dates that didn't end up at my place. Yes the sex was great, but I think it was so great because i WANTED to see her again
markleymassraff Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I will admit, I was surprised to see you invited her back. After all, you fully admit that her company was only OK during the date. With the other woman it was obvious that you felt like it was the right thing to do. However, with "virgin girl" she seemed like a woman you'd barely want to hug goodbye, let alone sleep with..LOL I am surprised too that you would have sex with a woman that you felt lukewarm about. I mean, I guess this is normal for guys? Women (well, at least I) can't relate because sex is only had if I am really, really into a guy. It's not even fun if you are not into the person. But I know this is different for men.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I am surprised too that you would have sex with a woman that you felt lukewarm about. I mean, I guess this is normal for guys? Women (well, at least I) can't relate because sex is only had if I am really, really into a guy. It's not even fun if you are not into the person. But I know this is different for men. Yeah it wasn't the greatest sex but it was OK I guess. It wasn't anything like with the other girl i fancied from my last thread though. I haven't heard a peep from this girl since that night, so I think things are in the clear now.
markleymassraff Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Barcode does not fall under the definition of a player. A player is someone who manipulates women and pretend to have feelings for them to only gain sex. He does not need to do anything. A serious woman does not follow to his place a stranger she met in a bar. She wanted a ONS and was very clear about it. She was not 18 either, she is a grown woman of 23, she doesn't need to have her hand held after sex. True, he doesn't NEED to do anything. But there is such a thing as caring even just the slightest bit how others feel. And this goes for men too. They too deserve some decent treatment when someone (a woman) has had sex with them and they are into the person. It's not about owing the person anything; it's just about you yourself being a decent person. That doesn't have to be anything more than a text that says, "I had a nice time, but this isn't something I want to continue. I was attracted but not enough to keep it going." If they (the man or woman in question) tries to argue with you beyond that (hopefully they won't), you don't even have to answer them. I'm female and there are some guys trying to talk to me now (I'm not on dating sites, but even just on my Facebook, some guys try to talk to me and ask me out.) I"m blowing them all off, I don't even answer. That's okay when you've never even been out with the person or had sex with them. But if you've had sex, you could stand to say something. And that's nonsense about "no serious woman..." blah blah blah. A lot of "serious women" in long-term relationships and/or marriages right now have gone home with a guy from a bar and had sex with him, or gone on a date with a guy for the first time and had sex with him.
markleymassraff Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I also don't get why so few people think this girl could be telling the truth about being a virgin. I mean, I don't doubt that some women lie. But people lose their virginity in all kinds of contexts. There are people who for years talk about saving themselves and wanting it (v-loss) to be meaningful and special, or wanting it only in the context of a serious relationship, but who then wake up one day and think....f*ck it, I really wanna have sex. When I lost my virginity, I hadn't even thought about it that much in the years before. I lost it when I was 20, (neither particularly young nor particularly old, on average). I didn't worry about it at all. When I finally got the opportunity, with a guy who liked me and me him, but we weren't actually in a serious relationship, I didn't give a sh*t about whether he loved me or would love me or would stay in my life. It was more like...I'm ready for someone to f*ck me. I know a another girl who was the type who wanted it to be special and meaningful (wanted that for years). Then she just randomly has sex with this guy who she knew who came into town. No love, no relationship. So...Idk if bc's girl was a virgin or not. But I wouldn't assume not just bc she had sex with him. They were hanging out for a few hours beforehand and then making out. Making out tends to make you want to have sex. Is it so unrealistic to think her libido came into play?
markleymassraff Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) And maybe the girl does know what's up with a ONS. I mean, maybe she won't fall for him at all. I've had a ONS (circa 2010) and I pretty much said "thanks" and kissed the guy and returned to my car (he'd dropped me off at my car). I don't think we even had each other's phone #. And oh, OP, if the girl doesn't contact you, don't worry about it. But if she does, maybe answer her that you are not interested in taking it any further. Edited June 4, 2015 by markleymassraff
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah I'm not going to initiate but if she contacts me I'll respond. I don't want to lead anyone on.
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I am surprised too that you would have sex with a woman that you felt lukewarm about. I mean, I guess this is normal for guys? Women (well, at least I) can't relate because sex is only had if I am really, really into a guy. It's not even fun if you are not into the person. But I know this is different for men. I think it's much more common than you think with women, especially older women. When I was single, I was dating women in my age group (the 40's). I had a few one night stands that was instigated really by them. I don't think you have to be into them to enjoy each others bodies and the sex. In most cases, I think we both knew it was a one night stand and simply enjoyed each other. There were a few 1st date sex encounters that led to further dates and one that turned into a year plus relationship. I'll agree that sex is much better with someone you love and care about. I think for both men and women in their 40's are use to having sex since most came out of failed marriages and were use to having sex regularly. Sometimes a few drinks and the right sexual chemistry leads to a ONS and nothing more.
markleymassraff Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think it's much more common than you think with women, especially older women. When I was single, I was dating women in my age group (the 40's). I had a few one night stands that was instigated really by them. I don't think you have to be into them to enjoy each others bodies and the sex. In most cases, I think we both knew it was a one night stand and simply enjoyed each other. There were a few 1st date sex encounters that led to further dates and one that turned into a year plus relationship. I'll agree that sex is much better with someone you love and care about. I think for both men and women in their 40's are use to having sex since most came out of failed marriages and were use to having sex regularly. Sometimes a few drinks and the right sexual chemistry leads to a ONS and nothing more. yeah I hear you about the older women thing and having casual encounters a bit more. Also definitely agree that alcohol can get things going. I actually have had very few sexual encounters that were the result of alcohol. Except a single one night stand in which i was drunk (but still knew what i was doing), all of my sexual encounters have happened completely sober. That being said, of late, I've noticed that when out with guy friends who I'm not that attracted to, if I've had enough alcohol, i actually *entertain* the thought of just getting sexual with them. Thankfully I haven't done it, but alcohol really does make you just want to start touching people. This is a good thing when you're with someone you know you'd touch sober too, 'cause you just get to be all over the person. But usually, even when I'm a little tipsy and feeling like touching/hugging a guy I am around, I know it's the alcohol doing it, and so I hold back, lest I sleep with or do stuff with some guy who I don't even like that much. Also, it's not so much that i need to be in love with a person, but I need to feel a sort of "whole person"/we're-relating-a-little attraction. Just good looking guys that I don't know...do nothing for me.
ZA Dater Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Yeah I'm not going to initiate but if she contacts me I'll respond. I don't want to lead anyone on. This sounds like best policy.
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I am surprised too that you would have sex with a woman that you felt lukewarm about. I mean, I guess this is normal for guys? Women (well, at least I) can't relate because sex is only had if I am really, really into a guy. It's not even fun if you are not into the person. But I know this is different for men. It's normal for most men of Barcode's age. It's not only different for men, it's different for a wide variety of people. You look at this as per your personal feelings and views on the matter but there are many women that seek ONS or have sex with belong their standard men, especially when alcohol in involved.
jen1447 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Two interesting topics (that may be OTish) - first meet sex and alcohol sex. I wonder how many people really do both. I tend to do neither, believe it or not. If a first meet/date is going really well I'll usually limit it to kissing and also either have or schedule and STD discussion, and I rarely have more than a couple drinks bc the best sex imo is (by far) sober sex. When you have all your faculties, you can engage all your faculties.
elaine567 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I hope she isn't that hurt that you wanted to do the ol' pump and dump... Pump and dump a virgin - wow a new low. I had expected more of you, Barcode. The time to think clearly was the minute she told you she was a virgin. "Do I really want to be the guy who pumps and dumps a virgin???" You haven't heard from her because is it not usual for guys to contact a women they sleep with the next day to reassure her, he didn't think she was just a ho?
Gaeta Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 This young woman is not the fragile little blue flower like some of you are trying to paint her to be. At 23 still being a virgin is an annoyance more than anything else for many. 1
elaine567 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 This young woman is not the fragile little blue flower like some of you are trying to paint her to be. At 23 still being a virgin is an annoyance more than anything else for many. You do not know that. When I lost my virginity, it wasn't agony, it wasn't even sore, I didn't bleed either. So all this "she probably wasn't a virgin" and "she just wanted to lose her v card to anyone at all", is mere assumption and I guess simply justification for pumping and dumping her, like she was rubbish.
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