Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) Yup.. Serious. Met this other girl tonight for drinks, we met at a place that had a rooftop which was pretty fun. She was pretty cute and we got on decently, not quite as well as the girl from a couple weeks ago, but we got on OK however I feel like that's all it was - OKAY. She was reasonably attractive, so I decided what the hell, ask her back to my place and see what she says... She said yes. We came back and watched a movie, that only lasted about 20 minutes and then we were making out a bit - then went upstairs. Now for the kicker.. I found out right before we were about to do the real thing, that she was a virgin, but we were both pretty much all ready to go, so I went on anyways. I went slow and she didn't seem to be in any pain, and it was OK... She didn't really know what to do, so I kinda helped her out, but it didn't quite do as much for me as I wish, but I decided not to be selfish and just make sure it was good for her. So yeah I took this girl's V Card. She had work in the morning ( so do I ) so she couldn't spend the night, so I ended up driving her back to her car which was a couple minutes away from my place. None of this would bother me, but I felt my attraction for her plummet afterwards, I don't know what happened, but I'm not sure if I want to see her again. I feel bad about the whole thing, I went into it thinking it would be just a ONS, but then I got surprised by her news. I probably should have stopped things there but didn't. Now I feel like she might have expectations. What do I do? EDIT: Maybe she just wanted to lose it? I thought about this, she didn't really seem to think twice about wanting to do it. EDIT2: Her Birthday is in a few days also.... Edited June 2, 2015 by barcode88
fitnessfan365 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) I don't know man. A woman that's a supposed "virgin"who gives it up to a stranger on the first date with no pain during the act? Women claiming to be "virgins" seems to be the new white lie floating around these days. However, who knows. Maybe she has a high pain tolerance, a good poker face, or was so determined to give herself a birthday present that she soldiered through. Haha Gotta say though. That I'd probably be in the same boat as you in the sense that her lack of sexual experience would be a huge turn off. However, don't feel guilty. She's a big girl and sex is a two way mutual consensual act. Even though some women forget that after the fact and pretend like they're "victims of seduction". If you're not feeling it, I'd just be honest about it. All you can do. Edited June 2, 2015 by fitnessfan365 2
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I won't go into details but i'm pretty sure she was really a virgin. She did seem to enjoy herself after the initial bit. I think I might be freaking out over nothing, she probably just wanted to lose it really bad. But yeah I wont surprise her with anything until after her birthday, I don't want to hurt her feelings before/on her b-day.
Versacehottie Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Well I feel a trend starting. I anxiously await part 3. It does seems a little suspect the whole virgin thing. My advice might be against the grain but if you are not interested why not do her the favor and NOT reach out to her again? What's the point of leading her on? If she is going to have sex, date and do ONS', these are normal things that happen. Guys disappear. So she might as well learn that now. 3
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Well I feel a trend starting. I anxiously await part 3. It does seems a little suspect the whole virgin thing. My advice might be against the grain but if you are not interested why not do her the favor and NOT reach out to her again? What's the point of leading her on? If she is going to have sex, date and do ONS', these are normal things that happen. Guys disappear. So she might as well learn that now. Well I don't want it to happen again unless it's someone I know I want to keep seeing... The first time I didn't feel slightly bad about it, because I fancied that girl... You give good advice though... I'll sleep on it
fitnessfan365 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I will admit, I was surprised to see you invited her back. After all, you fully admit that her company was only OK during the date. With the other woman it was obvious that you felt like it was the right thing to do. However, with "virgin girl" she seemed like a woman you'd barely want to hug goodbye, let alone sleep with..LOL 2
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I will admit, I was surprised to see you invited her back. After all, you fully admit that her company was only OK during the date. With the other woman it was obvious that you felt like it was the right thing to do. However, with "virgin girl" she seemed like a woman you'd barely want to hug goodbye, let alone sleep with..LOL Yeah but I didn't know until we were about ready. I wasn't thinking with my big head at that point. The whole thing just ended up sucking and I feel lousy. I think I learned something about myself tonight...
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I got the song in my head from Britney Spears 'Opps I did it again' ! Barcode do not contact her anymore. She is obviously inexperienced and she will interpret any type of contact as romantic interest especially something like remembering her birthday. 1
Versacehottie Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Well I don't want it to happen again unless it's someone I know I want to keep seeing... The first time I didn't feel slightly bad about it, because I fancied that girl... You give good advice though... I'll sleep on it Oh by "part 3" I mean with a totally new girl next time. After all, it's "first date sex" so inherently it requires a new person every time So yeah, it makes sense that it doesn't feel great. That's why I said don't lead her on. You will be doing her no favors by contacting. Rip the bandaid off. For both you and her something acute and sharp, like dropping her without a word, will be better than dragging it out. I still don't believe the virgin thing though. 1
aloneinaz Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I'd agree that the "virgin" comment seems suspect as well. Wouldn't it be funny if you NEVER heard from her again?! lol Personally, if you don't feel it for her and really don't want to see her again, don't contact her. She's an adult and has to know that ONS happen all the time.
jen1447 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I see no reason to hammer a vulnerable person with a 'life lesson' unless there's a need for one. You don't have to call her if you don't want to, but at least have the decency not to dodge her if she tries to contact you. That makes people feel cheap - exactly what a first-timer doesn't need as a building block for self esteem. 7
dyna85 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 You are not exactly trying to have a meaningful relationship are you? I mean, you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. I think it's funny when guys sleep with one woman after another on the first date and think they're somehow gonna magically hit the jackpot. Good luck with that.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) I'm pretty sure she was, you will all just have to trust me lol. It's possible she was lying though, I will entertain that possibility. Feel like this is one of those Damned if you do, Damned if you don't situations :/ You are not exactly trying to have a meaningful relationship are you? I mean, you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome. I think it's funny when guys sleep with one woman after another on the first date and think they're somehow gonna magically hit the jackpot. Good luck with that. I didn't see myself doing a relationship with this one, that's why I decided to just Hail Mary and go for it. I am actually looking for a relationship in the grand scheme. A couple months ago I dated a girl for over a month and we never had sex. Edited June 2, 2015 by barcode88
bebe23 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I'm pretty sure she was, you will all just have to trust me lol. It's possible she was lying though, I will entertain that possibility. Feel like this is one of those Damned if you do, Damned if you don't situations :/ I didn't see myself doing a relationship with this one, that's why I decided to just Hail Mary and go for it. I am actually looking for a relationship in the grand scheme. A couple months ago I dated a girl for over a month and we never had sex. No, it doesn't seem like you are looking for any relationship in 'the grand scheme.' How long do you want to be a player? One year? Ten years? You NEED to talk to that girl and come clean. She wasted her first time on you, even though it takes two to tango and she chose to do it in the heat of the moment. I hope she isn't that hurt that you wanted to do the ol' pump and dump... 1
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) No, it doesn't seem like you are looking for any relationship in 'the grand scheme.' How long do you want to be a player? One year? Ten years? You NEED to talk to that girl and come clean. She wasted her first time on you, even though it takes two to tango and she chose to do it in the heat of the moment. I hope she isn't that hurt that you wanted to do the ol' pump and dump... I wouldn't say I'm a player lol, my count is much lower than the average person, I was a virgin until I was 22 (almost as old as this girl was) But yeah I don't feel great about what I did. Although she wanted to do it pretty bad as well, I don't think I manipulated her or misled her in any way. Edited June 2, 2015 by barcode88 1
bebe23 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 That's all fine and good, but what do you want? One night stands? Or a long-term girlfriend possibly leading to a wife? How many one night stands do you want to have before choosing a girlfriend to stick with? It sounds like you'd like to get your 'number' higher. It's not fair to girls who would really truly like you. So this girl was at least 23. OK, that means at least she was a consenting adult and it was totally her choice. I can give you that. But she needs you to communicate that you don't want to be her boyfriend in case she wants the real thing and can just chalk you up as an experience, like the last girl in your post from the other week.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 No, it doesn't seem like you are looking for any relationship in 'the grand scheme.' How long do you want to be a player? One year? Ten years? You NEED to talk to that girl and come clean. She wasted her first time on you, even though it takes two to tango and she chose to do it in the heat of the moment. I hope she isn't that hurt that you wanted to do the ol' pump and dump... Why is it when a woman willingly has sex with a guy, she is a "victim of seduction" after the fact? As you say, it takes two and she didn't do anything she didn't want to do. So don't vilify barcode as a "pump and dump player". I still think her "virginity" is suspect. If a woman is a virgin by choice, it implies that she is being super selective. So having sex on a first encounter with a guy she had 1 or 2 drinks with, doesn't match up with that. Especially since there was no pain during. Who knows. Maybe she is a "born again virgin" or she knows she lacks sexual skill and wanted to have an excuse to justify being bad in bed. Still though, a woman that's actually a virgin that's spent time not having sex, would probably be a lot more selective before having sex the first time wouldn't you think? 3
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) That's all fine and good, but what do you want? One night stands? Or a long-term girlfriend possibly leading to a wife? How many one night stands do you want to have before choosing a girlfriend to stick with? It sounds like you'd like to get your 'number' higher. It's not fair to girls who would really truly like you. So this girl was at least 23. OK, that means at least she was a consenting adult and it was totally her choice. I can give you that. But she needs you to communicate that you don't want to be her boyfriend in case she wants the real thing and can just chalk you up as an experience, like the last girl in your post from the other week. Well the girl the other week I liked a lot, the sex was much better, and we had great chemistry. I would have liked her to be my girlfriend (eventually) but she didn't feel the same way. This girl was attractive, and we got along pretty well but more as friends. I didn't think things could turn out the way they did, I never ran into a situation like this before. I went into this considering it to be a ONS (which was wrong if she was a virgin, I feel TERRIBLE). I don't think I really like that kind of thing, I'd rather have a connection more where I want to see the person again. I'm torn between No Contact, or Contact in regards to discontinuing things. So far everyone here has advised both. Edited June 2, 2015 by barcode88 1
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 No, it doesn't seem like you are looking for any relationship in 'the grand scheme.' How long do you want to be a player? One year? Ten years? Barcode does not fall under the definition of a player. A player is someone who manipulates women and pretend to have feelings for them to only gain sex. You NEED to talk to that girl and come clean. She wasted her first time on you, even though it takes two to tango and she chose to do it in the heat of the moment. I hope she isn't that hurt that you wanted to do the ol' pump and dump... He does not need to do anything. A serious woman does not follow to his place a stranger she met in a bar. She wanted a ONS and was very clear about it. She was not 18 either, she is a grown woman of 23, she doesn't need to have her hand held after sex. 2
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Should I just block her number/match profile so calls/texts don't come in?
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Should I just block her number/match profile so calls/texts don't come in? Why would you do that ?? If she calls or text simply tell her you had a great time but it was just meant to be that, a great moment. 2
MonorailCat Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Should I just block her number/match profile so calls/texts don't come in? How would you feel if a girl you liked blocked your number/profile without a word after you had your first time with her? Probably not too great.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 How would you feel if a girl you liked blocked your number/profile without a word after you had your first time with her? Probably not too great. Yeah I know, was just wondering if it might be a necessary evil. I guess I wont. Why would you do that ?? If she calls or text simply tell her you had a great time but it was just meant to be that, a great moment. Hm okay. Makes sense to me. 1
Gaeta Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Don't struggle with the virginity thing. The girl wanted to get rid of it and she's probably telling all of her girlfriends now that it's done! Must feel like a liberation to her to not have that label anymore. 1
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