j_mysterio Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Okay, So I'll admit it... I still love that girl, I realized it tonight. I think I convinced myself I didn't love her anymore after the pain and depression went away. Guess I was wrong. I have been in contact with her even though she has a boyfriend (yeah I'm a douche, i know). I called her the other day then realized I was blocked and apparently when you're blocked on an Iphone you can still leave voicemails, I didnt leave one, it was just dead air. 2 days after I left the dead air message she texted and asked if I needed something (I was busy and didnt get it) she then said shes blocking me again 30 minutes later but added "I still get voicemails though... just so you know". I ended up calling her the next day, left a message telling her to call me... she did. Next Day: She started telling me how she loves me and misses me on the phone, that she cries, and she actually heard the dead air message because she was looking for old voicemails just so she could hear my voice. I only replied with "I miss my friend" when it came to the relationship stuff and I told her I don't know if I love her anymore. I did say something about mixed signals and she admitted that she was sending them to me. Tonight: I left her a message around 10 and stopped by her house... said on the voicemail "Hey its me... just came from a friends (he lives nearby) I'm outside if you want to come out and talk, if not just call me back and tell me to fnck off" in a joking manor. So she comes out and acts distant... I avoid relationship talk ALL TOGETHER but she always gets on that topic. I told her I just want to be friends and that once again I miss my friend. I also bought her daughter some stuff from the dollar store for her preschool graduation... like a little gift bag, told her she didn't have to tell her its from me. Bottom line... it sucks losing a friend... it sucks breaking up... I still love her... she still loves me... shes just scared I'll hurt her. I understand... I dont even want to worry about that stuff... I just want her presence and friendship. I know this is impossible. It doesnt even hurt to think of us not together as a couple... but it does feel weird and unsettling to imagine my world without her being even a small part of it. Shes unlike any other human being ive met. I have to cut contact. I have no expectations with her as a girlfriend. If her relationship goes down in flames soon, I wouldnt be opposed to spending time with her again.
Ruby65 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Dude, the ONLY reason she's not with you right now... .... is because she doesn't WANT to be. That's it. She doesn't want to. There's no mystical force keeping her from being your girlfriend. She could get back together with you today, right now. She just doesn't want to. She probably enjoys all the drama of keeping you hovering as her Plan B. It's flattering to have her ex pining and hoping and leaving you messages and meeting up behind her boyfriend's back. Like a teenager, she's enjoying all the attention. By staying in contact you've actually prevented her from ever having to face losing you. You're HELPING HER to get over you. Worse -- you're keeping yourself from really getting over this breakup. You're continuing to stick your hand in the blender -- over and over -- and then wondering why you aren't getting any better. It's not because she's *so special*. It's because you won't give yourself the time away from her to get over her. She's treating you like a Plan B -- a second choice -- and you deserve SO MUCH better than that. 6
hunk Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Listen to ruby - you are acting pathetic j. Sorry to be harsh but it's the truth. Those voicemails were pathetic, going to see her was pathetic. You are not a sexual object to her, you are below a friend, you are a completely non-threatening, non sexual thing she is using to massage her ego while simultaneously getting her sexual satisfaction from her boyfriend. She doesn't want you. Sure, she still likes you as a person, but she pities you and feels sorry for you, despite you thinking you have this "otherworldly" connection. If you did, why is she getting railed by this new guy every night? Why is she lying in his arms at night? She doesn't give 2 ****s about you j, please dude. Relationships are not hard - if she wanted you, she would be with you. That is the bottom line. You're together or you're not, anything in between is absolute, total bull**** that she is spinning to keep you chasing her for whatever selfish reason. "I still love her... she still loves me... shes just scared I'll hurt her" No, she isn't. She isn't "scared" of anything. She isn't attracted to you and doesn't want a relationship with you. She has a new boyfriend who she is sexually attached to. He is who she wants and who she thinks about. Please stop this, please try and understand how sad this behavior is. Block her number for your own good and understand she is never going to come back to you begging for a sexual relationship, the attraction is dead and therefore any emotional connection you had/have is completely redundant. You are the guy hanging around, with no life, who she knows she could have back in a heartbeat. As long as she has a boyfriend, and as long as you are this guy you will never be with her again. Cut it out man. Slap yourself. This crap has to stop. 2
Simon Phoenix Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Jesus man, how many times do you have to feel the fire to realize that you are getting burned? Are you going to jump in face first? You need to stop this now. Not only is it not helping anything and putting you in the muck, but it's just a horrible look. She's not scared, she just doesn't want to be with you. I mean, this just sucks dude. 1
Author j_mysterio Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 Your responses made me laugh guys. I'm not falling apart or anything lol Just being objective about it. You're right though... Some dude is banging her out and I'm not in the game. She makes 0 sense when it comes to actions/words. I'm not hurting anymore though and I'm not mystifying the situation... You all have felt that way. I'm fncking done though. I realize the only time i get a hold of her is when I'm bored or alone. That should tell me something.
Author j_mysterio Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 All of my past relationships have ended horribly except this one... I actually still care for her whether I should or not though. I dont feel pathetic but I feel like I should tell her to go fnck herself... Thatd probably feel good. Lol
Author j_mysterio Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 And before this it was 2 weeks of NC... So its not like I was sitting around like a puppy dog. My boredom led to me making a bad choice... Calling her.
hunk Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 What will feel even better is if you drop this completely and actively decide to move on, which means deleting her phone number so you can never call her, leave a voicemail or text her ever again. This is all it takes.
Ruby65 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 All of my past relationships have ended horribly except this one... I actually still care for her whether I should or not though. I dont feel pathetic but I feel like I should tell her to go fnck herself... Thatd probably feel good. Lol Dude -- this IS a horrible ending! This is as bad as it gets! What you're doing IS horrible.... to yourself. You're demeaning yourself and she's toying with you -- and you need to stop allowing this to happen. You don't need to tell her to frick off! You need to STOP CONTACT.
hunk Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 2 weeks of NC is absolutely nothing especially when she has a boyfriend who is taking her mind off you completely. 2 months isn't even anything. You gotta understand that she isn't thinking of things in the same way as you, so when you tell yourself "well i've been NC for 2 weeks, that must look like i don't care" she's not even thinking about you, she's enjoying herself. She will only start to miss you after many, many, many months of zero contact.
Author j_mysterio Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 And just so you guys know... I'm about to be gone for 2 months for the military lol so there wont be any showing up to her house or bs like that. As long as I can make myself not contact her ill be good... I'll be busy. So hopefully that works in my favor.
forumman83 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Use it to your advantage. Don't crumble! The way you have acted thus far can only be described as pathetic. We've all been there. But let's not go back.
Author j_mysterio Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 I find it so weird that you guys consider it pathetic. Not saying you're wrong but I don't feel pathetic... I feel like Idgaf. Like who cares... If she talks/spends time with me it just proves that she's an idiot and is fncking her boyfriend over. If you ask me... She's the more pathetic one... From her eyes...im not caring... And doing what I want. At least that's what I think. I may be wrong... Feel free to say so.
Author j_mysterio Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 She's the one with a boyfriend... Saying she loves me, saying she misses me, talking to me, seeing me. It was on my terms... I feel in control... At least I'm not in a retarded relationship. Lol
Simon Phoenix Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I find it so weird that you guys consider it pathetic. Not saying you're wrong but I don't feel pathetic... I feel like Idgaf. Like who cares... If she talks/spends time with me it just proves that she's an idiot and is fncking her boyfriend over. If you ask me... She's the more pathetic one... From her eyes...im not caring... And doing what I want. At least that's what I think. I may be wrong... Feel free to say so. Yes, you are wrong. You keep chasing after and sucking up to a girl that is dating someone else and you keep willingly keeping yourself in a stupid limbo. You are trying to woo a girl who has already dumped you for a "retarded" relationship, which makes you doubly as "retarded". She's already thrown you away once, you are doing this, and now you are trying to spin it as if its her problem? Stop. She's got two guys pretty much falling over themselves for her (look at what you titled this thread). She's the puppetmaster and you're the puppet.
Thecondor1991 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Okay, So I'll admit it... I still love that girl, I realized it tonight. I think I convinced myself I didn't love her anymore after the pain and depression went away. Guess I was wrong. I have been in contact with her even though she has a boyfriend (yeah I'm a douche, i know). I called her the other day then realized I was blocked and apparently when you're blocked on an Iphone you can still leave voicemails, I didnt leave one, it was just dead air. 2 days after I left the dead air message she texted and asked if I needed something (I was busy and didnt get it) she then said shes blocking me again 30 minutes later but added "I still get voicemails though... just so you know". I ended up calling her the next day, left a message telling her to call me... she did. Next Day: She started telling me how she loves me and misses me on the phone, that she cries, and she actually heard the dead air message because she was looking for old voicemails just so she could hear my voice. I only replied with "I miss my friend" when it came to the relationship stuff and I told her I don't know if I love her anymore. I did say something about mixed signals and she admitted that she was sending them to me. Tonight: I left her a message around 10 and stopped by her house... said on the voicemail "Hey its me... just came from a friends (he lives nearby) I'm outside if you want to come out and talk, if not just call me back and tell me to fnck off" in a joking manor. So she comes out and acts distant... I avoid relationship talk ALL TOGETHER but she always gets on that topic. I told her I just want to be friends and that once again I miss my friend. I also bought her daughter some stuff from the dollar store for her preschool graduation... like a little gift bag, told her she didn't have to tell her its from me. Bottom line... it sucks losing a friend... it sucks breaking up... I still love her... she still loves me... shes just scared I'll hurt her. I understand... I dont even want to worry about that stuff... I just want her presence and friendship. I know this is impossible. It doesnt even hurt to think of us not together as a couple... but it does feel weird and unsettling to imagine my world without her being even a small part of it. Shes unlike any other human being ive met. I have to cut contact. I have no expectations with her as a girlfriend. If her relationship goes down in flames soon, I wouldnt be opposed to spending time with her again. Listen man, I'm pretty much going through the same thing. I'm more torn up about the fact that we cant be friends then I am about losing my girlfriend. It really does suck. What you have to realize is that if she wanted to be with you, I mean, TRULY wanted to be with you, then she would be. I'm realizing the same thing more and more each day.
Author j_mysterio Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 I get where you guys are coming from but its not like I'm telling her this stuff. I post my dumb@ss thoughts on here. Said I miss my friend in a Stan offish way. That's all the farther that went. Never once did I say I love her or bring up relationship crap. You're reading all my thoughts and looking at it from one perspective. haven't talked to her since Monday and I dont really care to talk to her... I think me saying the love thing was a spur of the moment type of thing. Tell me you've never said something and wanted to take it back in loveshack land.
Author j_mysterio Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 I'm not sitting around depressd or sad... Just posting my dumb thoughts.
Simon Phoenix Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) I get where you guys are coming from but its not like I'm telling her this stuff. I post my dumb@ss thoughts on here. Said I miss my friend in a Stan offish way. That's all the farther that went. Never once did I say I love her or bring up relationship crap. You're reading all my thoughts and looking at it from one perspective. haven't talked to her since Monday and I dont really care to talk to her... I think me saying the love thing was a spur of the moment type of thing. Tell me you've never said something and wanted to take it back in loveshack land. Great thing about sites like is that you can read over your posts and edit them before you make them official I feel like you are trying to put up a brave front right now, which is unnecessary. Either way, you need to stop talking to her. Three months in and you are running in place because you don't have the self-control to stay away. What she says doesn't matter -- you can only control yourself. And you aren't doing a very good job of that, and continuing to spin and deny it isn't doing you any favors. Edited May 28, 2015 by Simon Phoenix 1
Author j_mysterio Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Just wanted to update after you all gave me ***** last week for getting in contact with my ex who has a boyfriend. I haven't said word to her since last Monday and she contacted me today... She sent me a screenshot of a song and told me she wanted me to hear it but I can't text her back because I'm blocked. For all of you who know the whole iPhone voicemail thing that I did. I'm sure that's what she expects me to do... It's not going to happen. She will not drag me down. Just wanted to update... I dont even know why I'm doing it anymore... Just feel like it I guess.
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Sorry people gave you "*****", but perhaps they were trying to give you meaningful advice? It took a lot of tough love from the members of this forum for me to finally "get it". And you do care, or you wouldn't have posted about it. Don't pay any attention to her. 1
Poppyolive Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Why haven't you blocked her? The quicker you delete any ways she can contact you, the better you will feel. Trust me. Nice one on not responding to her petty games. A song...ffs 2
Author j_mysterio Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 I meant gave me ***** in a funny way lol my bad for the misunderstanding.
Author j_mysterio Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 I actually did block her after that! 1
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