fifipheebs Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 do guys do no contact to test how much a girl is into them? or if they can't get a read on a girl they like, would they back off and wait for her to contact him first as a gage?
d0nnivain Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Quality gentlemen do not do this but I'm sure there are some jerks out there that thinks this gives them power or some type of advantage. 6
doeblin Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 How long no contact are we talking about? It might not even be a test. Don't overinterpret. If more than 10 days, then he's just not that into you. It's no test, he just doesn't care about you. If less than a week and you've only had a couple of dates, it means he is not clingy, which is a good sign. And then there's the grey area haha! 3
Gary S Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Just circular date a few guys and go out with the one who calls you first.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 When I like a woman, I am very direct when it comes to planning dates. So I don't beat around the bush. At the same time though, I think that some people text WAY too much between dates. A short call, or a handful of texts every few days is cool. But I've never felt the need to check in daily. If you're seeing someone 2-3x a week, you can talk in person. The only time I might pull back a bit though, is if I've been doing all the initiating. You need to let the other person have the opportunity to reach out to you as well. 3
Author fifipheebs Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 When I like a woman, I am very direct when it comes to planning dates. So I don't beat around the bush. At the same time though, I think that some people text WAY too much between dates. A short call, or a handful of texts every few days is cool. But I've never felt the need to check in daily. If you're seeing someone 2-3x a week, you can talk in person. The only time I might pull back a bit though, is if I've been doing all the initiating. You need to let the other person have the opportunity to reach out to you as well. what if he is insecure and inexperienced with asking women out?
fitnessfan365 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 what if he is insecure and inexperienced with asking women out? Yeah there is no easy answer for that one. A lot of women still appreciate a traditional dynamic where the guy leads and sets plans and I'm guessing you're one of them. I'm old school myself and appreciate women who like that dynamic. But some guys may lack nerve, common sense, confidence, etc.. Could be any number of things. So if you like the guy, you may have to take the lead for the first date at least. Something as simple as "You're really hot, and I'd enjoy it if you asked me out for a drink". If he likes you too, he'll take the ball and run with it. 1
yxalitis Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 This is what i do... I look at the text histories of all the girls I've made contact with from the dating site. I look for the length and enthusiasm of the replies. A series of curt, one word replies not a good sign. I look at the interactions, being the guy, it's usually me texting, getting replies, texting getting replies, I look for the times where she just sent a "Good morning" or whatever, when she initiated the message, not just replied to mine. Anyone not passing those two test, gets no more messages from me...I don't block them of course, but they have to initiate the next text. If they don't, they aren't keen enough to bother with. Sometimes I get texts back after a fortnight from people I had assumed were not interested. I of course then reply, and re-engage with them. 1
Author fifipheebs Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 This is what i do... I look at the text histories of all the girls I've made contact with from the dating site. I look for the length and enthusiasm of the replies. A series of curt, one word replies not a good sign. I look at the interactions, being the guy, it's usually me texting, getting replies, texting getting replies, I look for the times where she just sent a "Good morning" or whatever, when she initiated the message, not just replied to mine. Anyone not passing those two test, gets no more messages from me...I don't block them of course, but they have to initiate the next text. If they don't, they aren't keen enough to bother with. Sometimes I get texts back after a fortnight from people I had assumed were not interested. I of course then reply, and re-engage with them. he replies quickly and at times appears enthusiastic continuing the thread. however, him initating is like pulling teeth recently. i do catch him staring. if he gets up from his seat after lecture is done, he glances over at me and holds eye contact. i notice bcuz i am already looking at him. there are other lasses in and he doesn't look at them and i have noted that they check him out. not a single clue here.
doeblin Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 he replies quickly and at times appears enthusiastic continuing the thread. however, him initating is like pulling teeth recently. i do catch him staring. if he gets up from his seat after lecture is done, he glances over at me and holds eye contact. i notice bcuz i am already looking at him. there are other lasses in and he doesn't look at them and i have noted that they check him out. not a single clue here. Hmmm... Just trying to assess the situation: so you two are basically in the same room for at least a couple of times a week, but you rarely talk? Only texting? no prior dates? He doesn't even bother to come up to you to have a chat IRL? He sounds pretty shy to say the least! 1
Author fifipheebs Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Hmmm... Just trying to assess the situation: so you two are basically in the same room for at least a couple of times a week, but you rarely talk? Only texting? no prior dates? He doesn't even bother to come up to you to have a chat IRL? He sounds pretty shy to say the least! thats correct. once in a while he will approach me. we are friends but i have this fear of girls getting jealous and gossip about me as many fancy him. we hang out the odd time and he hasn't given me the impression he finds it dull.
Jame22 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 do guys do no contact to test how much a girl is into them? or if they can't get a read on a girl they like, would they back off and wait for her to contact him first as a gage? Personally I would never go no contact with a girl I like. But if i've been doing most of the pursing and the ball happens to be in her court I'm going to wait for her to contact me. It's not really a test...it's more of a "well I did all I can do, now i'm just going to sit back and wait." 1
empresario Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 do guys do no contact to test how much a girl is into them? or if they can't get a read on a girl they like, would they back off and wait for her to contact him first as a gage? Insecure ones do. Winners want the ball in their hands when the game is on the line. 1
todreaminblue Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 i would think a respectful mature guy would go no contact to allow a girl to move on.....not a useful tool for a guy playing games...or that is how it should be....deb
dyna85 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Insecure ones do. Winners want the ball in their hands when the game is on the line. thank you!!! empresario is the man. can i find a guy like you? like seriously, now? guys playing this little testing game are definitely insecure; hence, why they need validation that you like them. obviously, communication requires give and take on both ends, but whenever a guy does this silence thing and i get the vibe he's testing me, it pisses me off and my opinion of him goes downward fast. i've analyzed it too and thought 'is he testing me? should i message him? but what if he thinks i don't like him?' and then i think better of it and realize i'm better off finding someone who can communicate properly who won't mess with my head like this. 3
empresario Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 thank you!!! empresario is the man. can i find a guy like you? like seriously, now? guys playing this little testing game are definitely insecure; hence, why they need validation that you like them. obviously, communication requires give and take on both ends, but whenever a guy does this silence thing and i get the vibe he's testing me, it pisses me off and my opinion of him goes downward fast. i've analyzed it too and thought 'is he testing me? should i message him? but what if he thinks i don't like him?' and then i think better of it and realize i'm better off finding someone who can communicate properly who won't mess with my head like this. You are too kind! I've read enough posts in this forum to know yes...guys do sometimes test women. Yes, they are insecure. Guys that do this either have low self esteem or just don't like you. Either way, move on.
loverboy69 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Yes many guys are not confident and outgoing enough to do the direct approach. If you are into a guy like that then he'll literally wait weeks, months or longer (like mine did) waiting for signs that you are into him before he dives in. Some of these guys become fixated with one person for an extended period of time and unfortunately miss out on other relationships because they are mentally closed off. I say if you like him make it obvious. If he's really shy in the love department he'll always be second guessing himself and make excuses for not approaching you. Whether or not it's worth the effort to land a guy like this is your call and yours only. Some people will pass on the shy guy but I didn't and now that I got him I wouldn't trade him for the world. 1
ManyDissapoint Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 It's not a game but when a woman doesn't show interest after a few dates / interactions, I will stop initiating any contact.
Redhead14 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 do guys do no contact to test how much a girl is into them? or if they can't get a read on a girl they like, would they back off and wait for her to contact him first as a gage? Sure, sometimes they will if they are immature. It is an immature "****" test instead of risking asking them for a date and being rejected. If the girl runs after him, he feels better about asking her. However, it also gives them a big head and makes them feel like they have her hooked and can get away with crap. If they can't get a good "read" as to her interest in him, either she isn't really that interested or she's not very good at how to show her interest. If he can't get a good read, he should just ask her for a date anyway. If he likes her enough, it should be worth the effort. If he's a grown up, he should be able to deal with a no from a woman. I'm sure he's passed up on women himself in the past. It's just part of dating. 1
Author fifipheebs Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Sure, sometimes they will if they are immature. It is an immature "****" test instead of risking asking them for a date and being rejected. If the girl runs after him, he feels better about asking her. However, it also gives them a big head and makes them feel like they have her hooked and can get away with crap. If they can't get a good "read" as to her interest in him, either she isn't really that interested or she's not very good at how to show her interest. If he can't get a good read, he should just ask her for a date anyway. If he likes her enough, it should be worth the effort. If he's a grown up, he should be able to deal with a no from a woman. I'm sure he's passed up on women himself in the past. It's just part of dating. i believe he is immaturity and insecurity 1
fitnessfan365 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 (edited) I wanted to add something. If I ask a woman out initially and she tells me "maybe", "I need to check my schedule", "I'll let you know", etc I won't keep pursuing her. When a woman doesn't accept on the first invite she is either - letting you down gently, keeping you as a back up plan, or likes playing hard to get. In any scenario, she's not a woman I want to make a priority. So I tell her to touch base when her schedule is more definite and we'll plan something then. After that it's up to her to get in touch with some availability when she's free. If she does that, I'll make plans with her. Otherwise I forget about her and focus on women who have strong mutual interest. Edited June 2, 2015 by fitnessfan365 1
Daisy-oliviaWentcher Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Yeah there is no easy answer for that one. A lot of women still appreciate a traditional dynamic where the guy leads and sets plans and I'm guessing you're one of them. I'm old school myself and appreciate women who like that dynamic. But some guys may lack nerve, common sense, confidence, etc.. Could be any number of things. So if you like the guy, you may have to take the lead for the first date at least. Something as simple as "You're really hot, and I'd enjoy it if you asked me out for a drink". If he likes you too, he'll take the ball and run with it. I think if a guy is inexperienced with girls and likes you, he will fumble his way in making it clear even if he is not that confident. If a guy likes you, he will ( or at least he should) make things 100 percent clear, even though he's shaking in his boots. If he doesn't contact you for a few days that would just tell me that he's not interested and that I should move on and not wait on " Mr inexperienced" to suddenly muster up confidence in asking me out on a simple date. 1
loverboy69 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I think if a guy is inexperienced with girls and likes you, he will fumble his way in making it clear even if he is not that confident. If a guy likes you, he will ( or at least he should) make things 100 percent clear, even though he's shaking in his boots. If he doesn't contact you for a few days that would just tell me that he's not interested and that I should move on and not wait on " Mr inexperienced" to suddenly muster up confidence in asking me out on a simple date. You'd be surprised. Some guys are literally terrified of going up cold shaking and all. But even those guys will eventually find themselves in a situation where they'll run into their object of affection be it a hallway at work or out in public somewhere. Usually though they'll blow their only chance by feigning disinterest because they are too nervous to initiate. Those who suffer from some form of social anxiety have it rough sometimes. 1
Cowboysnation Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Well I remember someone saying that you have to play games when dating because how do you know who is winning? lol Life in the dating world.
Cowboysnation Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Sure, sometimes they will if they are immature. It is an immature "****" test instead of risking asking them for a date and being rejected. If the girl runs after him, he feels better about asking her. However, it also gives them a big head and makes them feel like they have her hooked and can get away with crap. If they can't get a good "read" as to her interest in him, either she isn't really that interested or she's not very good at how to show her interest. If he can't get a good read, he should just ask her for a date anyway. If he likes her enough, it should be worth the effort. If he's a grown up, he should be able to deal with a no from a woman. I'm sure he's passed up on women himself in the past. It's just part of dating. Too many of those "no's" may bruise a guy's ego so that could be a reason why he is hesitant. 1
Recommended Posts