Post-breakup, mostly coping: what's your ideal relationship?

[Zapbasket]

My therapist gave me an assignment for my next session: write out what qualities would make an "ideal" relationship for me. I wanted to put this out to all you LSers, particularly those of you who have been coping with a major breakup and perhaps have had one or several epiphanies as a result of the grief process regarding what you want from your relationships, and life in general, etc.

 

So, what qualities make for an ideal relationship for you? For me, the first thing that comes to mind is a feeling of real connection, a sense between us that the other person just "gets it." And then: kindness--a sense that the person is real quality, from how they express themselves, to their sense of humor, to how they view others and the world and how they treat people with whom they come into contact.

 

And then, to be honest, I draw a blank. Other times, I've thought we had a "connection"; I've thought the other person was "kind" (or, I convinced myself of such); and the whole thing turned out to be a real doozy. Basically, I just have not dated quality guys and on some level, I knew it. So perhaps I just need to feel an integration of my instinct with what I WANT to be true about the other person.

 

I just feel like I don't know what would be "ideal" anymore. Basically I just want a relationship that actually, like, feels GOOD. That actually feels like it's going somewhere, with someone who really wants to be with me and, like, SHOWS it. Those things alone would be much more than I've ever had in a relationship.

 

So, what else? What defines YOUR ideal relationship? I am looking for some inspiration

[StalwartMind]

Even ideal relationship/circumstances are prone to change, be that of the environment around you or the people involved. Life in general never presents you 100% ideal situations, but nor does it actually have to. I'm sure most would welcome things just being perfect, especially with someone else, but at the same time it can be a lot more powerful to meet another person under less than "ideal" circumstances and be able to overcome that. None of above was meant to sound negative, just wanted to share that view as well before actually answering your question.

 

Everything you did write that write I like to believe are solid qualities to wish for in a partner and/or friend. Honesty as well goes a long way in making sure both parts involved are on the same path. I find it that strong willpower plus the desire to persevere challenges to be very valid and pure character traits too. All too many people (insert X topic) give up too fast or just have no desire to overcome difficulties, for whatever reason that they deem reasonable. I'm sure not everyone will agree with this, but we all have the ability to create a connection with anyone on this planet, but individual preference will easily and very early stop it from happening. I guess it's a blessing to be open minded and also very flexible in what you would consider to be "ideal", as it allows you experience more opportunities.

 

Considering that you haven't dated any guys with such simple core standard traits, I guess you can comfort yourself with the fact that there should be plenty of excellent men out there in all age ranges that would show you the genuine attention, respect and love that any person on this planet should be allowed to experience.