kem92 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Was originally posted in a diff topic but think it's more suited here... So moving to a new country the only people I know are my bf’s friends. There is one girl (when I say girl, she’s late 30s) who I’ve been hanging out with a lot. However she constantly makes inappropriate comments. She is single and has mentioned dating a few times but every time she does she brings up about my bf dating in the past. The other day was the worst. She was talking about how the city has a bigger ratio of single girls, than single men. She then started talking about my bf dating in the past. She said how he would find it easy to get loads of girls to go on dates and that he “could have had a different date every night of the week.” She made him sound like a serial dater – thankfully I know he isn’t. It doesn’t annoy me that my bf dated in the past. We both know details of past relationships. However, I just find it so awkward when she speaks about it. It is like she has no filter and forgets who she is talking to. What does she really expect me to say in that situation? I would never say that to someone’s gf/bf. Obv it would be different if I was asking about him dating before but I am not. I know she doesn’t do it in a malicious manner – I think she just doesn’t think before she speaks. I spoke to my bf about it (what she said, not about him dating obv) and he was quite confused about why she was saying that stuff. He didn’t need to justify dating to me. I told him that I am glad we are in a long term relationship because if we had only been together a few months what the friend said would have put me off but I know he is such a great guy. I should add that he was in an 8 year relationship prior to us and after they broke up he did date for a bit which is completely normal... Also she’s made a lot of weird comments aside from that. There’s an age gap between my bf & I and she told me that her reaction to him when she found out my age was: “what the hell are you thinking?!” I told my bf this and he said that wasn’t true. She also told me she had met his ex gf when she hasn’t. And she made comments like “if anything were to happen between D and I, it would have years ago.” Who the hell says that. My bf and her never had anything going on so it’s absolutely not appropriate. I have actually come to the conclusion that she fancies my bf. I don't want people to get the wrong impression of my SO because of her. He wouldn’t be paying $6,000+ for my immigration if he was a douche. I just don’t know how to handle her bizarre behaviour. My SO offered to tell the friend to stop bringing up past dating but I don’t want to cause any tension and want to handle it myself. Anyone have any tips?
preraph Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Maybe she's after your bf and this is her way of trying to discourage you from staying with him? Maybe she's just an incorrigible gossip with no common sense.
Author kem92 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Maybe she's after your bf and this is her way of trying to discourage you from staying with him? Maybe she's just an incorrigible gossip with no common sense. Those are the only logical reasons I can think of
salparadise Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 I think she's both jealous and socially inept. Just look her in the eye and shut her down with one well-placed comment like, "this is obviously a source of consternation to you, but I'm just not interested in dissecting my relationship with third parties." Pointed but not offensive––she's got it coming.
Author kem92 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 I think she's both jealous and socially inept. Just look her in the eye and shut her down with one well-placed comment like, "this is obviously a source of consternation to you, but I'm just not interested in dissecting my relationship with third parties." Pointed but not offensive––she's got it coming. Bf told me tonight that he came back the first Christmas him and I started dating, met his friend for coffee & when he mentioned me she was really off about it. He spoke to his friend that he was staying with at the time and he said "maybe she fancies you." I think she maybe fancied him before and hoped when he came back from UK something could happen, then I came along before there was a chance.
todreaminblue Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 seems like she likes him....and is miffed .....so be gentle....just tell her the truth that it makes you uncomfortable and do it when she is talking the way that makes you uncomfortable pull her up right then.....tell her such and such and i are in a relationship now and i can sense you are unhappy about it but i would like you to respect our relationship regardless of what you think.....if she asks how i am disrespecting the relationship after you say that...tell her specific examples of when you felt uncomfortable. and be kind but firm when you do so......good luck......deb
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