Cicerone Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) My fiance and I were doing amazing. She had to finish her internship for her final 3 weeks in California. She didn't wanna go back, she hated it there, but it was her goal she's been working hard for. 1st Week: We were great. I was busy testing for PD as she was busy getting certified. 2nd Week: Things kind of toned down, I missed her, she missed me. We were lovey dovey here and there. 3rd Week: I was completely pushed to the side, she finally admit she didn't want to come back. This is the second time she went up there and this same scenario happened. Last time it was 2 months, we had a small split up, and 2 weeks prior to coming home she realized she hated the place. We've been amazing ever since until last week. She returned yesterday. She got offered a job which is still in process to get approved.. Still possible and not possible. She's so different towards me and admitted that she was only caring about up there. Didn't want to return home or anything. She's completely pushed me to the side Last night I said You aren't affection towards me at all, she agreed. Your heart is full of where up there and has no room in it for me, she agreed. She said she's being selfish and everything. It's her dream to work where she interned, I'm all for it. I started looking for jobs up there just in case, but she doesn't know, she needs to think about it all. We were due to get married in 3 months which is now postponed.. Everything was just so perfect 2 weeks ago. Now all of a sudden its a huge huge change. I'd love to live where she would work, she knows that. My career will go wherever I go, but I think she's just not wanting us. She's torn and wants to think about things. She's in love with me but she wants to be able to just pick up and go to the next job since her work maybe mobile. Just sucks, all this planning, all of us investing eachother in to eachother, just getting flushed before my eyes. Kissing her is totally different now, its not the same. That passion from HER isn't there. I understand she's tossed up but man.. And she' continuously texting this guy who works there.. I know they didn't do anything while she was up there. But I feel like since he's there and her heart is there, he also has a part to play in this. My heart tells me its over, my gut tells me its not. My gut is always right, but maybe this time it's wrong.. What do you guys think besides, I need to get out now? Edited June 1, 2015 by Cicerone
Author Cicerone Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Is it another job or another guy she pines over? Both I think.. She texts me just short and to the point, if at all. She texts him non-stop. All night at her little welcome back dinner they just kept texting. It was about up there and what not, I kept peaking over. But it's just weird. For up there, she's worked hard to the past few years to complete her internship. I get it and I want her to live her dreams. I just wanted to be apart of her dreams as well.
kendahke Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Her behavior is telling you that she's no longer invested in your relationship. I do believe that this guy is a huge reason why things changed. Proximity does matter. LDR's do stand the chance of being gutted because of location and opportunity. Look for jobs elsewhere... and consider your engagement to be over. 2
Author Cicerone Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Her behavior is telling you that she's no longer invested in your relationship. I do believe that this guy is a huge reason why things changed. Proximity does matter. LDR's do stand the chance of being gutted because of location and opportunity. Look for jobs elsewhere... and consider your engagement to be over. Absolutely, I completely agree that she's no longer invested. Meto, because 1st Week, she was great. We were great. It just twindled down. I'm staying where I am. I'm in the process of testing for PD here, waiting on results. I'm not going to waste my time or heart anymore. Just hurts so much. My heart is honestly detaching itself from her day by day due to this reason. In other words, she's pushing me away as well. I just know she'll come running back in a month regretting everything like she has done prior. It'll just be too late this time. Old saying goes, First time, shame on you. Second time, shame on me. 1
J21 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Thats really rough man. Gotta say though... at least you didnt go through with the marriage. Just because u were so close doesn't mean u should go through with it if it felt wrong. I know its not much of a condolence but you gotta try to find the positives. Its nothing u did wrong, it just didn't work out. She made her decision of "not wanting to come back".
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Her behavior is telling you that she's no longer invested in your relationship. I do believe that this guy is a huge reason why things changed. Proximity does matter. LDR's do stand the chance of being gutted because of location and opportunity. Look for jobs elsewhere... and consider your engagement to be over. qft....................
Author Cicerone Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 qft.................... qft? What does that mean?
PaperCrane Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 qft? What does that mean? It means "Quoted for truth". However, it could also mean quantum field theory. I think I prefer applying the latter in this case. 1
Lansing Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Wow, I think you dodged a bullet. She goes back and forth "I don't want to go there again"... "I don't want to come back"... As hard as it is, I think you should move on and be thankful you didn't get married to her!
Author Cicerone Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Wow, I think you dodged a bullet. She goes back and forth "I don't want to go there again"... "I don't want to come back"... As hard as it is, I think you should move on and be thankful you didn't get married to her! I think I did too quite frankly. We're still seeing how things go.. I've been so hurt the past 2 weeks. Couldn't eat, barely slept, couldn't enjoy my days.... After seeing her last night and talking more, I think its definitely clear my heart is just numb and jaded from her doing this again. I woke up today a whole new man I feel like. It feels great for once.
Author Cicerone Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 It's totally the guy. Sorry. Yeah its pretty obvious. They seem to be texting quite a bit. All good, I don't deserve none of that crap!
Dallers Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 It matters not if it is him to be honest. You won't know the truth and you need to quickly deal with the big picture and start the healing process. It does not matter if it's just a fling or it fizzles out and she comes back there is no going back she has made her decision and nothing will ever allow it to return to where it was. Switch your focus solely to you, the healing process and the way forward. Fight those thoughts and head straight for the next chapter of your life. No contact is your friend. Trust the gut. Call it off.
Author Cicerone Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 You're right. She just got the call that they want her up there, just got to figure out some details. Guess you can say, its time for me to go. Her and I together while she works there isn't realistic unfortunately.
Author Cicerone Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Its done. I have the ring sitting next to me. Her response when I was saying goodbye, "What if I stay here though. What if?" Ugh.. Little too late for that now.. 2
jen1447 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 Wow, I'm impressed with your moving fast on this. Usually people have to agonize a lot more. I hate to see it die for you but there was really no saving it based on what you said here. "What if I stay here though?" <- Not exactly a resounding attempt to save things. She's probably just bummed that her plan of a main guy and a fallback guy (who she's engaged to ) isn't gonna pan out. 1
Author Cicerone Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I would just like to thank everyone for taking their time to comment. This is an amazing community. I'm being strong. A part of me is so sad that we ended things, though another part I feel like its right. Ironically enough, I asked God for a sign last week. I attended church as the speaker was saying how God is writing our story, not us. You'll lose someone and someone a lot better for you will come around. For you believers or not, I think he was really preparing me. At that point, I was numbed and jaded from the pain I've had. I felt heartless last night as the whole time she was balling and I didn't shed a tear until the end. Jen1447, this is the second time it happened. I let it rip me apart last time as I did this time. Only difference is, last time I let it ruin my month. This time, I finally had the heart to tell her I don't deserve that at all and no one should ever feel what she had put me through. "What if I were to stay though?" was definitely a remark of losing me. I'm sure, JUST like last time, the guy will be a total retard and she will come running back. Only this time, its too late. She is bummed. She should be, she lost a guy who would do anything and everything for her, who planned his life around her, who gave his full heart. Life lesson.
Recommended Posts