LoveStinks8 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Hi everyone, I apologize that my posts on this board have been so all over the place, but I guess that's the way break-ups go. I want my ex back, but I have accepted that it's likely not going to happen... and if it does it won't be for a while. In the meantime I'm having a hard time understanding his behaviour. I know that I really shouldn't even care... but I do. Please don't post and tell me to forget him and move on, or that I deserve better or whatever else. Even if that may be true, it's not what I'm looking for here. If anyone is looking for background on my situation, feel free to take a peek at my post under Second Chances. I don't want to make this post a small novel explaining everything. In short: My ex and I were together for over 3 years. It wasn't perfect but we loved each other deeply. We split very briefly in February but quickly got back together. He then left, seemingly out of nowhere, in April. We're in our 20s and I'm ready to be on my own, be an adult, work, have my own place, etc. etc. He on the other hand wanted to live with his parents, have no responsibility, and still act like a child. (Yes, I know that until/unless he grows up our relationship won't work). He immediately started to spend time with a girl that is only a junior in high school. Very, VERY unusual behaviour for him. So here's what I'm trying to understand. Is she a rebound? And what the heck is he going through right now?! None of this behaviour is like him at all. I've heard of G.I.G.S but I'm so confused. He IMMEDIATELY started spending every single moment of his free time with this younger girl. A girl that he trash talked for having a bad reputation around our town, and did not know besides seeing her around until the day after we broke up. He denies to me that he is interested in her at all, says she is just someone to talk to and he has no interest in her. He's a little more open about it with his friends, saying he just has no interest in being in a relationship with her. He left me stating that he needed time to be himself, be on his own, spend time with his friends... and now he's spending every moment with this girl. His friends still talk to me and they've been telling me about how upset and hurt they are that he will have nothing to do with any of them. All he wants is this girl. He doesn't want to see his friends, speak to them, do anything with them... he just wants to be alone with his new girl. This is so incredibly unlike him that it has my mind spinning. I was talking to him off and on until last week. I always initiated contact but he immediately answered me and tried hard to keep the conversation going. If this new girl what brought up in conversation I always spoke positively of her but he would respond by borderline trash-talking her to me. It got to the point where I realized that I was just chasing him while he was with this new girl and I was going to cause more harm than good. So I went back into No Contact (the longest period of time I'd been in no contact before was 9 days) and decided that I would remain out of contact with him until he initiated contact, if he ever does, as I am wasting my time right now and I need to just heal and move on with my life. The question is still burning in my mind, is this girl a reject? Also, does anyone have any idea what is going on with him and this kind of behaviour? I'm so confused. I know I shouldn't care, but I do, and my mind isn't going to rest until I at least try to get some insight into this situation. Thanks in advance!
Ruby65 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Well, I can't answer all your questions, but I have noticed that usually when someone says they "just want some time to be alone" it usually means there's someone on the horizon they want to be free to pursue. So, I'd assume this was his motivation for ending things. I wouldn't call her a rebound, I'd call her the final push that motivated him to leave the relationship. It's likely something he was thinking about for a while before acting on it. It seems sudden to you -- like it happened out of nowhere -- but not so much to him, as he's had a longer time to adjust to the idea. It's not that unusual -- which doesn't make it hurt any less. I'm really sorry for what you're going through now. Please cut contact with him, it'll make it easier on you.
ZiggyZoo Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I'm with Ruby, I doubt she's a rebound. 9 times out of 10 when someone breaks it off "out of the blue" and is with someone else right away, they've been laying the groundwork to end it for the other person for a while. Stop talking to him, he's keeping you around as his Plan B in case this doesn't work with the new girl. The golden rule is, if they want to be with you, they would be. There's no reason, no excuse if you really want to make it work with someone you love. The very fact that he's not making any attempts at reconciliation, and is with someone else, should tell you all you need to know. Why did he do it? Only he knows that. He may not want to be a grownup right now. He may have gotten bored with your relationship. He may have just wanted to bang this other girl. I know you want answers and insight, but to what end? Is knowing exactly why going to change anything? Big ol' nope there. Time to move on. Stop talking to him, stop worrying about what he's doing. You need to focus on you and why you even want a guy like him around. He moved back home with his parents and took up with a high school junior. And is stringing you along as a Plan B too. Nah, cut him loose and let him go.
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I think all of our heads spin with what the hell's after we've been dumped. Its normal for sure. It appears he's simply moved on and is enjoying his time with this young high school girl. Why? Who knows. We could all speculate and never hit on the right thing. You need to make a decision as to what's best for YOU. You're indicating that he's NOT contacting you what so ever. So, right now, his view of you is that you can be his fall back gal if his current fling fails. You continuing to contact him is only going to reinforce that point. What you should do is move on. Stop contacting him and find someone who wants to be an adult and have an adult relationship like you do. As soon as you meet a new guy you like, you will stop thinking about what your past guy is doing. When you go full NC, it will allow you to heal from this and find your next great love.
Author LoveStinks8 Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 I'm doing my best to just move on. It seems like I have 3 good days and then one bad one, which I consider to be fairly decent considering. I'm doing my best to forget him but it's hard to forget a love that strong. I know that she wasn't in the picture when we broke up. We had a fight over something stupid and didn't speak for a week before he left. I know for a fact that he 100% had never spoken to her, ever, before the day before we broke up. So even if she was on his radar it was only for less than 24 hours before he left. If anything it was the straw that broke the camel's back, but not a plan on his part. That's about the only thing I'm actually sure of in all of this. I also spoke to one of his family member's at the grocery store today who didn't even know he was spending time with this girl (I obviously assumed they were well aware). That's entirely odd for him because he is huge on his close friends knowing his family, and when we were getting close he made a point to take me around them as often as possible.
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