foolinlove79 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Ok guys. We are all hurting...my friend said something to me the other day. Very simple. Ive been in an on and off again relationship for years and she said to me..you're just not a good match. Now i am hurting. Im missing them. But i think she's probably right. Why do we hang on to people who are not right for us? Because we all want to be loved i think. But...we are Not a good match. Its simple..it's true. It sux. But that is the reality...
PegNosePete Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Yes, there comes a time when you have to simply stop beating that dead horse. No "happily ever after" story I've ever heard, begins "Ive been in an on and off again relationship for years". If you want a happily ever after story then you need to find someone with whom you can build a quality relationship with a good foundation. 1
Yummm Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I agree, but if somebody left you does that automatically mean that they are not right for you? What if you had a great relationship and it ended irrationally and abruptly, does that still mean that you aren't a good match? Perhaps it does, but it's hard to feel that way and think logically.
imbax Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 This sucks. I wish one day we can all feel happy again. Happiness seems so distant and far. It's been rocky, emptiness for the past few weeks. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 I agree, but if somebody left you does that automatically mean that they are not right for you? What if you had a great relationship and it ended irrationally and abruptly, does that still mean that you aren't a good match? Perhaps it does, but it's hard to feel that way and think logically. Mate, i think it does unfortunately. Im not over it. Im still not ok. But if someone can look at you and everything you have to offer and say i don't want you in my life then that says it all... 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 This sucks. I wish one day we can all feel happy again. Happiness seems so distant and far. It's been rocky, emptiness for the past few weeks. Where is the light at the end of the tunnel First big step i think is accepting its done. Then you just gotta feel like crap for a while. I really do believe everything happens for a reason. You just dont know what it is yet... 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 I agree, but if somebody left you does that automatically mean that they are not right for you? What if you had a great relationship and it ended irrationally and abruptly, does that still mean that you aren't a good match? Perhaps it does, but it's hard to feel that way and think logically. If someone loves you would they really risk it? Risk ending it? Risk losing you? No. They'd do everything they could to keep you
Yummm Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Ahh I know mate, you make complete sense, but it just doesn't seem real. If you have time, please have a read through my thread, and let me know your opinion, it would really help. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated Things were said and done to make me believe otherwise, hence why it's hard to accept that we're not meant to be. Day by day.... staying positive
PegNosePete Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 if somebody left you does that automatically mean that they are not right for you? It means: They would rather eject from the relationship than solve their issueThey decided that the relationship was not worth savingTheir communication skills are extremely limited if they can't talk to you about itThey don't consider your feelings and prefer to act unilaterally Whether someone is "right for you" is ill-defined. Would you want to be with someone who displays the above characteristics? I certainly wouldn't. What if you had a great relationship and it ended irrationally and abruptly, does that still mean that you aren't a good match? "It ended irrationally and abruptly" would very much depend on the circumstances. If you mean you got dumped and don't know why then refer to above list. If it's another situation then you'd have to ask about that rather than asking in such a vague and generic way. 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Ahh I know mate, you make complete sense, but it just doesn't seem real. If you have time, please have a read through my thread, and let me know your opinion, it would really help. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated Things were said and done to make me believe otherwise, hence why it's hard to accept that we're not meant to be. Day by day.... staying positive I will have a read. But before i do i want to say this. And this is before i know anything about what happened with you...to me the real test of love and a rs is if you are willing to get through the ****. Not the honeymoon period and not through everything is great so i love you. Its if you both want it to get through the crappy times. Because there will be crappy times. And that's why people are together 50 years. Not because they were happy 50 years but because they wanted to stick it out 3
Yummm Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Both points acknowledged and make complete sense. At the end of the day I know that she's not right for me if she let go of me like that... It's just so hard to let go, logically I know this, but it seems like my emotions (heart) just won't allow me to let go.
imbax Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I will have a read. But before i do i want to say this. And this is before i know anything about what happened with you...to me the real test of love and a rs is if you are willing to get through the ****. Not the honeymoon period and not through everything is great so i love you. Its if you both want it to get through the crappy times. Because there will be crappy times. And that's why people are together 50 years. Not because they were happy 50 years but because they wanted to stick it out can someone please find me a girlfriend that has the same beliefs as this person. my ex-gf told me today that i was the perfect boyfriend but we had some serious issues she could not get over and broke up with me 6 weeks ago. I am just so friggin sad and hate my ****ing life today i don't know what to do with myself anymore i hate this feeling breaking no contact was the worst decision of my life. i thought being alone and in pain was worse but obviously getting rejected a second time and this time she raged at me i feel pathetic and like the garbage bin. i am nothing. ****
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I believe people stay in bad relationships for a variety of reasons. I've read over and over that it's due NOT always to loving this person but rather, the individuals self esteem or low confidence. They play the "what if" game. What if I don't meet anyone hotter, sexier, better in bed, etc, etc.. When relationships break up and get back together repeatedly, it is truly a sign that there's CORE compatibility issues. You may truly LOVE this person but you're simply not a good fit as a happy couple. Lord knows I've had a few of those relationships and they damaged me until I got free from them. As someone mentioned, it's better to ride through the pain of the break up and find someone you do get a long with then to live in a broken, drama, stress, anxiety filled off/on relationship. I know it's very hard and painful but millions have gone thru the process and came out the other side much happier. 1
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 I believe people stay in bad relationships for a variety of reasons. I've read over and over that it's due NOT always to loving this person but rather, the individuals self esteem or low confidence. They play the "what if" game. What if I don't meet anyone hotter, sexier, better in bed, etc, etc.. When relationships break up and get back together repeatedly, it is truly a sign that there's CORE compatibility issues. You may truly LOVE this person but you're simply not a good fit as a happy couple. Lord knows I've had a few of those relationships and they damaged me until I got free from them. As someone mentioned, it's better to ride through the pain of the break up and find someone you do get a long with then to live in a broken, drama, stress, anxiety filled off/on relationship. I know it's very hard and painful but millions have gone thru the process and came out the other side much happier. It is very true. You end up staying with someone you legitimately care about for those reasons. You can care about someone and they are still not right for you unfortunately.
Ariess10 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I believe that sometimes it takes more then just love and wanting to be together .. There is a lot that goes into a relationship , sometimes even tho you really love someone sometimes it just doesn't work out.. You can love someone and be in love with someone and not be together.. This break up for me has been probably the worst I have been through.. I mean saved up for a ring and all it was a done deal, sh$t just happens and life gets in the way.. So instead of a ring I bought a Harley and made a tattoo appointment for sleeves.. Just gotta try your best to accept it , as hard as it is .
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Ok guys. We are all hurting...my friend said something to me the other day. Very simple. Ive been in an on and off again relationship for years and she said to me..you're just not a good match. Now i am hurting. Im missing them. But i think she's probably right. Why do we hang on to people who are not right for us? Because we all want to be loved i think. But...we are Not a good match. Its simple..it's true. It sux. But that is the reality... Why do we hang on to people who are not right for us? - That is something that a person needs to do some real soul searching to determine. Usually, it's about not wanting to be alone or afraid of not being able to find someone else so they are willing to settle for something less than what they want and/or need or feel they don't deserve better.
Author foolinlove79 Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Both points acknowledged and make complete sense. At the end of the day I know that she's not right for me if she let go of me like that... It's just so hard to let go, logically I know this, but it seems like my emotions (heart) just won't allow me to let go. I know i really do. Love isnt logical is it. I havent sorted myself out yet. Im all over the place. I know he is not right for me. And he hasnt treated me well. And he mustn't lovee to keep leaving. But there is still apart of me that wants him to contact me and say i was wrong...Ridiculous. i think it takes a long time to get over it. And in that time i hope to become stronger and really learn something about myself. Like why am i willing to put up with this
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