Gary S Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Men always have been and always will be the main pursuers, from Boston to Bangkok and all around the world. 1
Auspecial Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Pretty sure it's a cultural thing. I think deep down a guy still is the one to take the hand and lead but personally if a girl does not reciprocate or does not try, I'm out the door by the second date as I don't believe in waiting around on a girl hand and foot. The funny thing is once they sense you're walking away, they come chasing. .....uhm, not so much.
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I detest being chased. Reason being, to *chase* implies the woman is running away....and you need to chase her to catch her. If I am running away from a guy, it is because I don't like him, I don't want to date him and I want him to leave me alone! I DO enjoy being "pursued" though...which is different. And IMO, the ideal relationship is when both the man and the woman pursue each other. That is pretty much how all my long term relationships started, although he was doing a bit more pursuing in the early stages. But I was responding positively and also reciprocating which I think is important.
Auspecial Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 And you know I just realized that is what I am supposed to do when I met someone off a dating site. Guys who approach woman in public are asking them out so why the heck was I meeting girls of Match and not asking them out for a second date if I liked what I saw? lol Exactly! OLD is not a healthy way to date. Unfortunately for society and everyone in it, it is the trend, the tidal wave, so to speak.
bippy123 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I hate chasing , never did , never will do it . I think it's childish and infantile , and I equally hate being chased as well. Why can't 2 people just have a nice conversation , get to be friends and then go from there ? Why all these little baby games ?
Cowboysnation Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I hate chasing , never did , never will do it . I think it's childish and infantile , and I equally hate being chased as well. Why can't 2 people just have a nice conversation , get to be friends and then go from there ? Why all these little baby games ? Because in the dating world we have to play games so we know who has the upper hand. lol Yes it's childish but that's how things are and will continue to be when it comes to dating. 1
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) You'd be surprised. When I was younger, I used to show more clear interest in a woman, telling them I was interested, pursuing them, ect. Failed almost every time. Many guys will tell you that showing absolute indifference to a woman is the best way to get with her. That has almost always worked best for me in my dating experiences. How old are the women (girls) you are dating? I admit, when I was in my early to mid 20s, I went for the bad boy type, aloof, indifferent. Once I grew up and my self esteem increased, I was no longer interested in those guys...I found them to be immature insecure game players = turn off. In my late 20s, I started becoming attracted to men who were attracted to me...and not afraid to show it. That is a turn on for me. Not too much, it's a balance....a *dance* so to speak. But aloof and indifferent? No thank you! Next! Most women I know feel this way also... Edited June 5, 2015 by katiegrl 1
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I am 36. I have found this approach works best for women of all ages I have encountered, whether they be 19 up to 40 or so. Indifference to mild, flirty possibly interested. That's the most interested I will act. Never full-on interest. Just read the forums and see how many guys call women too often, text too often, expect too much after meeting a girl they like. They are all told to tone it down. I do read these forums....and I agree some of these guys are downright pathetic in how they behave with women. But the percentage of men (and women) who post their problems on forums like this are a mere fraction of the entire population. So you can hardly use this forum as an accurate depiction of what is happening. Anyway...I won't argue with you. If acting indifferent is working for ya...good for you! Do you have a girlfriend by the way? If not, when was the last time you did? If you only seek one night stands or short term casual relationships, then yeah remaining indifferent is probably the best way to go.
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah, I have a GF. Been with her for almost 2 years now. I was actually seeing someone else when I met her, but not in a relationship. I told her I was not even interested in a relationship, but she pursued me. Been together ever since. If I had hit on her like every other schlub, I would probably still be single. Fabulous! Glad it's working out for ya! Personally, I don't go for indifference... but like I said, if it's working for you and your gf, good for you. I mean that. I am in a relationship too...5+ years. My boyfriend is not aloof or indifferent. He's no *schlub* either. Far from it! It is not an either/or. It's a balance...a dance. And when a couple are in sync....it's quite a beautiful dance... 2
Timshel Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) Reciprocity in relationships, romantic or otherwise, is essential. The level of pursuit depends on the individual. What works for one will turn another off, enter chemistry. People "find" the right person when, as Katie said, their own personal styles click and are in 'sync' with each other. Enter love and the beautiful dance. No body's wrong if it's right. Edited June 5, 2015 by Timshel 1
Brigit Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 How old are the women (girls) you are dating? I admit, when I was in my early to mid 20s, I went for the bad boy type, aloof, indifferent. Once I grew up and my self esteem increased, I was no longer interested in those guys...I found them to be immature insecure game players = turn off. In my late 20s, I started becoming attracted to men who were attracted to me...and not afraid to show it. That is a turn on for me. Not too much, it's a balance....a *dance* so to speak. But aloof and indifferent? No thank you! Next! Most women I know feel this way also... If a guy is aloof and indifferent then chances are he isn't interested anyway. 1
frogs88 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I am not equating the fear of rejection to the fear of being raped, merely pointing out that men - like most of the ones that attend Blanc's seminars - do not do it to learn how to manipulate women, to sexually assault them or degrade them. They do it to get a girlfriend, to have someone to hold, to find love" No they believe it'll turn them into pump&dump players. 1
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 No they believe it'll turn them into pump&dump players. I would say a huge portion of them also just want to learn how to get a girlfriend instead of being a player or sleazeball, they attend those seminars for because they want to know how to meet women through cold approach instead of always having to rely on their social circle, mutual friends, tight-knit social settings such as bars and clubs, university, work, etc.
Elam Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 (edited) Men, on average, do you prefer chasing woman these days or would you want woman to chase you? Possibly in my country ( NZ) men chase woman less, everything is split down the middle and woman are expected to pay for dates or pay half. I have a friend from the UK that says that men are expected to pay for woman and pay for dates, and pursue less. I just wondered if globally the trend seems to be, that things are becoming more and more equal and if so, do men want woman to chase them more instead of men feeling pressured to pursue woman all the time? Just curious Why would men chase women? That doesn't make any sense. When a woman is attracted to a man, she'll approach him. I know the old timers on this forum will ask ''where exactly in the universe do you live, Elam?' but young women - especially young women - will come up to a man and chat him up, and if he's good-looking enough things will be pretty darn easy, no need to date at all. All of that nonsense of women giving signs of interest, come on. That's for teenagers. My advice for young men is to hit the gym, look good, feel good, and women will approach you. Chasing after women only results in them getting a big ego and it makes it harder for them to put out because they want to see you sweat for it. Now, if you show you have options by being good-looking/charming/charismatic/wealthy things will go far smoother for you. I admit, when I was in my early to mid 20s, I went for the bad boy type, aloof, indifferent. Once I grew up and my self esteem increased, I was no longer interested in those guys...I found them to be immature insecure game players = turn off. That has nothing to do with low self-esteem, but with women enjoying their options when they can. Like men who are above average do. I don't really mind it when women enjoy casual sex or whatever with some random thug who made them hot, what annoys me is when the woman says ''I was young and insecure.'' Sure, I'm sure any woman is going to believe that the reason why I slept with bar girls was because I was feeling insecure about myself and I only needed to grow up to find that average-looking/boring women are what I really want in my life! Edited June 5, 2015 by Elam
Hopeful30 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Pretty sure it's a cultural thing. I think deep down a guy still is the one to take the hand and lead but personally if a girl does not reciprocate or does not try, I'm out the door by the second date as I don't believe in waiting around on a girl hand and foot. The funny thing is once they sense you're walking away, they come chasing. I think it's all relative. Some women chase men who like to be chased, some men like to chase women who like to be chased, some people don't givash*t. Culturally yes, I think it's a huge influence. From my culture for instance (Russian), I was brought up to cook and clean, let the man pay and carry heavy things. I'm totally cool with that, but I'm also flexible and don't mind paying for some stuff and having him cook me a meal every now and then also. I think one reason women complain they're not chased often is because chasing makes you feel valuable and beautiful. Even when a man gives you a random nice compliment, it feels good. It really does. So when no man ever chases women feel that a) there are no real men around or b) that they aren't worthy. On the flip side, lots of men hate the pressure of having to chase, because some women take advantage and just give them a super hard time without even participating in the chase itself (reciprocating in some way.)
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 If a guy is aloof and indifferent then chances are he isn't interested anyway. My sentiments exactly! Which is why I find it such a turn off and walk away. As I said before, now that I am older, more secure, higher self esteem....I ONLY become attracted to (and stay with) men who are attracted to me and not *afraid* to show it! 1
Hopeful30 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 My own personal opinion is this: men who chase are usually more successful in life. Why? Because they can face rejection and keep going in the face of it. This can spill over into other aspects. Didn't get the job? He keeps going until he finds one. Can't get that contract? It's okay, he will keep trying until it works. THAT'S sexy. A man that gets what he wants and is willing to chase for it. If a guy is too scared to say hi to a pretty woman, I would have serious doubts about what he is capable of in real life. 2
GorillaTheater Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Why would men chase women? That doesn't make any sense. When a woman is attracted to a man, she'll approach him. Yeah, but where's the fun in that? Why should I passively wait for something to come to me when my chances of success, and having a few adventures in the meantime, are much greater by going after what I want? 2
elaine567 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 I think all these chasing/non chasing decisions depend on the personality of the person(s) you want to attract. If you want to attract some shy girl or guy then acting indifferent or disinterested is going to get you nowhere, or if the person hates being chased and fussed over, then chasing them is going to turn them right off. Different horses for different courses.
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 My own personal opinion is this: men who chase are usually more successful in life. Why? Because they can face rejection and keep going in the face of it. This can spill over into other aspects. Didn't get the job? He keeps going until he finds one. Can't get that contract? It's okay, he will keep trying until it works. THAT'S sexy. A man that gets what he wants and is willing to chase for it. If a guy is too scared to say hi to a pretty woman, I would have serious doubts about what he is capable of in real life. You see, that's another thing that sounds annoying in a sexist way, why is going after what you want in a relentlessly way, being persistent a masculine trait? And I'm not talking about men just solely being assertive with women, but in other aspects of life, such as asking your boss for a promoting or a raise, even people will label a woman being dominant, masculine, when she is acting like this at the workplace, so what's the deal as to why being assertive is a masculine thing?
katiegrl Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 You see, that's another thing that sounds annoying in a sexist way, why is going after what you want in a relentlessly way, being persistent a masculine trait? And I'm not talking about men just solely being assertive with women, but in other aspects of life, such as asking your boss for a promoting or a raise, even people will label a woman being dominant, masculine, when she is acting like this at the workplace, **so what's the deal as to why being assertive is a masculine thing**? ^^Social conditioning. But you do make a good point....
Elam Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 Yeah, but where's the fun in that? Why should I passively wait for something to come to me when my chances of success, and having a few adventures in the meantime, are much greater by going after what I want? That doesn't make any sense. So you're going to increase your chances of success greatly if you enter the army and you try to be the next Napoleon Bonaparte? Buddy, Bonaparte was the man he was because he was better than all of the rest. A good-looking man can sit quiet and get women to approach him, or do you think Alain Delon in his prime had to pursue the women he wanted to vastly increase his chances of getting the women he wanted? I've pursued women before and I'll have got from it was a serious case of sexual frustration because they were trying to see how much I would invest trying to bed them. On the other hand, I've sat pretty and waited for women to approach me and it worked just fine. If you want the quality of the women who approaches you to be high, then you gotta be as equally good-looking as they are. And it helps if you are live in an area with plenty of attractive women, so the chances of attractive women wanting you increases fairly much. It always amuses me when I see men pursue average women, spending time and money and whatever else they have and in return they don't get nothing. Sweet lord, just hit the gym.
candie13 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 You see, that's another thing that sounds annoying in a sexist way, why is going after what you want in a relentlessly way, being persistent a masculine trait? And I'm not talking about men just solely being assertive with women, but in other aspects of life, such as asking your boss for a promoting or a raise, even people will label a woman being dominant, masculine, when she is acting like this at the workplace, so what's the deal as to why being assertive is a masculine thing? well, women give birth to children, how fair is that ? they are deformed for 9 months and stay deformed for at least one more year (unless your name is Kate Middleton). What would make that fair, if everything else is 50% - 50% ?
Hopeful30 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 You see, that's another thing that sounds annoying in a sexist way, why is going after what you want in a relentlessly way, being persistent a masculine trait? And I'm not talking about men just solely being assertive with women, but in other aspects of life, such as asking your boss for a promoting or a raise, even people will label a woman being dominant, masculine, when she is acting like this at the workplace, so what's the deal as to why being assertive is a masculine thing? This is an assumption on your part my friend. I never said masculine. I said this is what I would want in my MAN, in my partner. This is just a trait I look for. It has nothing to do with masculinity. Plenty of women are like this too.
Redhead14 Posted June 5, 2015 Posted June 5, 2015 If I have mutual interest in a man, he doesn't have to chase me, all he ask to do is ask me a simple question -- Do ya wanna go out for dinner on X day at X time and I say OK. How hard is that? If I'm not interested, I'll say thank you for the invite. I'm flattered by such a nice gesture from a nice man, but I'm not interested in a date. If he keeps pushing it, he's chasing me. It's his problem. I'm not playing a game. It's the guys who usually don't want to hear a decline and telling themselves that I'm interested, I just want them to chase me. If a woman can't be clear about her interest in a man, he should just let it go. If she's not mature enough to be straight up, she's not doing her job in balancing the work. By that I mean, if the man does the "work" of asking her and she really is interested but answers in a wishy washy way, she isn't reciprocating properly. She doesn't deserve a date.
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