SC425 Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 This past saturday, I feel like everything fell apart. my boyfriend admitted to me something that had been going on for some time now, that I had no idea about but now that I look back on should have picked up the hints. He told me that his mother said that if he ever talks to me again, she will never talk to him, and if he moves with me to the west coast (which we are planning to do in 2 weeks) she might kill herself. I have know for some time that she is really mentally unstable...and pretty crazy actually...but I would never in a million years imagine this was going on. Basically, my bf was really scared about this and also didnt want to tell me b/c he knew I would be devastated (which I was), but he also knew he could not reason with his mom anymore- she is just too crazy- and finally he just told her that we broke up so she would calm down. He also told some of his friends that he was breaking up with me, I guess so they could confirm this to her. These friends, though have been messing with us for a long time now- telling him all kinds of crap about me and trying to get him to leave me. They talk to his mom a lot and she tells them all sorts of crazy stuff which they believe. (for example- he had to go to the hospital for pneumonia and his mom was convinced I poisoned him- and told them that) I mean, she is really CRAZY. I dont know what to do, I'm still on shock that any of this is happening...I cant believe I am the subject of all this hate...I always thought his mom liked me and didnt realize just how much his friends were trying to break us up. But whats worse is when he showed me the emails about this...the ones frm his mom, and the ones back and forth between hs friends...its like he was agreeing with them that he needs to break up with me and they were saying such horrible stuff about me. I just dont know anything anymore. He claims he did this for his mother... He says he resisted her obsession with getting us to break up for so long but when she threatened to kill herself he just got really scared and had to tell everyone that we did break up. He says though that now he just wants to move away with me and forget all this hell because its never going to change. He wants me to still move with him. But I am so scared now...This situation is so ****ed up. His friends and his mom are such a nightmare- I cant believe this was going on. And I'm really hurt about the stuff they say and that he was saying we broke up to them- like he wouldnt stand up for this relationship. I feel so paranoid now- like I dont know whats real- the stuff he wrote in those emails or the stuff he writes to me. I feel I will never be able to trust anyone from his life or maybe even him. I dont know this is just crazy and I feel so hurt. SHould I still move with him? Should I just get out of this crazy situation and let his mom and his friends have him? Please give me any advice.
goodapples Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 That is very, very hurtful. But consider this: Your bf makes his own decisions. If he is letting others influence him, then that is what you have-- not a very good bf. Secondly, consider that mom and friends are basing their impressions of you on what HE has told them. Something stinks here. Move on. He'll follow or not-- out of your control. If he doesn't, you haven't lost much.
Author SC425 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 I am just so confused. He says he is sorry he ever got us in this mess and wants to fix everything. He even sent an email to his friends explaining everything- and I saw that he sent it - so I thought it was legit. But then I saw the replies they sent him and it looks a lot like he told them I wrote the email, or that he warned them he'd be wrting this email just for my sake. I dont understand anything. I feel like if he really didnt care for me why would he be going through all this trouble? Why wouldnt he have just broken up with me if his mother had such a problem with me... he says he loves me but he is worried about her, but now he sees he shouldnt have done that, and hence he sent the letter to clear it all up- but the responses he got make things seem way more complicated- I dont know what the hell is going on. I am so hurt to think he would lie to me so much, I dont want to believe it but this mess is just to horrible for him to have not contribute to it...a lot of his actions made me think he really loved me but now I am doubting everything.
Artifact Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 I didn't have the time to read it all (I'm very sorry) but I saw that your BF's Mother threatened suicide? With a threat like that (and you all thinking she IS mentally unstable), you could have her held for observation, and try to get her counseling, therapy, medication, whatever. Your boyfriend can probably not, in good conscience, take the chance she MIGHT really kill herself, so he is stuck between guilt and love for his mother and his love for you. See if you can work with him to get her help, and then hopefully you two can continue on with you plans. Artifact
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