Sparroh Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) Been with this girl for about 4 years. Adored her utterly and completely. We both made mistakes whilst together, some of hers were things I should of never forgiven her for, but I loved her to absoloute bits. Before we got together I met her whilst she was with her boyfriend, who she hated and he wouldn't truly let her out of the relationship he locked her in the bathroom and whatever else, he striked her a couple of times too. He was controlling etc. She left him and we got on like a house on fire. go back to 10 months ago, she leaves me and goes off with some guy she worked with, then a couple others. 2 months later she approaches me whilst both drunk. She tells me she loves me and everything was a mistake; I take her back like the moron I am, even after everyone of my friends and family warned me otherwise. 8 months on She broke up with me again. I find out she went back to this guy from 4 years ago, and has removed everyone of my family etc out of her life, and gives no worrys. I want her to be happy and this guy wont do that, and she knows that.. I know she recently got in contact with him, last few days. I'm so confused as to why I give a damn about this girl, no matter what she does to me. Am I just being weak? Edited June 1, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
iceteaguy Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 well the "why" is because you love her and cant let her go. You need to let her go completely. Now its time to be strong, stay strong, I dont care if you have to cry for the next couple of weeks, get her out of your system so you can start healing and moving on
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 No man. You are in love. And sometimes love hurts hermano. Trust me I was in a similar boat. I loved my ex to bits and used the knowledge of her previous abuse to avoid it and make her happy. Turns out in a sense she enjoyed being controlled by someone else as she was into a different lifestyle. She went back to someone who took that control for her, and within less than 2 weeks after we broke up she got collared to this person. If it's like that then move on man. I know it sucks but it's best for you. You forgave her and still have her chances, but bro don't be a doormat for someone. Be strong and cut all ties. Push forward and do well for yourself! Don't ever give up on yourself man. I'm only saying this because I felt the same way at the end of my precious relationship. -F
Author Sparroh Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 I'm just so in shock about it all. I know i'll be fine and I'm gonna move on and be better off because of it. I care about this girl more than me being jealous and upset. I'm more angry than anything, this guy is such bad news I just dont wanna see her get hurt. But there is nothing I can do
Author Sparroh Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 No man. You are in love. And sometimes love hurts hermano. Trust me I was in a similar boat. I loved my ex to bits and used the knowledge of her previous abuse to avoid it and make her happy. Turns out in a sense she enjoyed being controlled by someone else as she was into a different lifestyle. She went back to someone who took that control for her, and within less than 2 weeks after we broke up she got collared to this person. If it's like that then move on man. I know it sucks but it's best for you. You forgave her and still have her chances, but bro don't be a doormat for someone. Be strong and cut all ties. Push forward and do well for yourself! Don't ever give up on yourself man. I'm only saying this because I felt the same way at the end of my precious relationship. -F Thanks for your words man. Tbh I think it is the attention and drama of it all she likes. I never for one second thought this would happen. I guess we live and learn. I've got great people around me, so I know I'll be fine; she is just playing a dangerous game; I helped her deal with this guy, and she's gone back to him. Its mind boggling.
dumbass2 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Would you go back to her again when it eventually doesn't work with her ex and she comes back with another sob story?
Author Sparroh Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Would you go back to her again when it eventually doesn't work with her ex and she comes back with another sob story? Not anymore. When we tried again, I was so unsure about it, I just did it just because. This time round it clearly just isn't worth it. I kinda resent her now, more so than I did
imtrying211 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Similar situation here, so I feel your pain! My ex was in a relationship with a woman for 4 years, who had a drinking problem and would treat him like complete garbage. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards him, but he kept giving her chances, because she said she'd change. He left her and I became the best thing that ever happened to him (according to him). We were together and happy for a little over a year, when 1 day, out of the blue, he decides he's not happy anymore and wants to leave. He ended up going right back to this awful woman because she said she had no hard feelings from their breakup, and didn't have a drinking problem anymore, she had changed. This crushed me beyond belief. I thought, how could he be happier with someone that treated him so badly, than with me? What the hell is so wrong with me? Turns out, there's just something wrong with him, and I can't fix him. Only he can see that he deserves better than that. The same with your ex. It's nothing you did wrong, or could have done right. They are damaged people that need to learn to love themselves before they can learn to give love, and accept REAL love. I'm at about a month and a half post breakup, and only now have I come to that conclusion. Of course I still care deeply for my ex, I still love him, and don't want to see him hurt. But he's no longer a part of my life, so the only person I can worry about now is me. 1
Author Sparroh Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Similar situation here, so I feel your pain! My ex was in a relationship with a woman for 4 years, who had a drinking problem and would treat him like complete garbage. She was physically, mentally, and emotionally abusive towards him, but he kept giving her chances, because she said she'd change. He left her and I became the best thing that ever happened to him (according to him). We were together and happy for a little over a year, when 1 day, out of the blue, he decides he's not happy anymore and wants to leave. He ended up going right back to this awful woman because she said she had no hard feelings from their breakup, and didn't have a drinking problem anymore, she had changed. This crushed me beyond belief. I thought, how could he be happier with someone that treated him so badly, than with me? What the hell is so wrong with me? Turns out, there's just something wrong with him, and I can't fix him. Only he can see that he deserves better than that. The same with your ex. It's nothing you did wrong, or could have done right. They are damaged people that need to learn to love themselves before they can learn to give love, and accept REAL love. I'm at about a month and a half post breakup, and only now have I come to that conclusion. Of course I still care deeply for my ex, I still love him, and don't want to see him hurt. But he's no longer a part of my life, so the only person I can worry about now is me. Thankyou for that; having someone going through a similar sort of problem, is weirdly reassuring. If I new today, that I would never have to see her or talk to again, I'd be happy. But we live in the same town, and she has a way of getting into my life. And I don't want her to come creeping back.
NC-Thomas Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I know you are in pain and in love at the same time. Emotions can be confusing. Once you will think rationally again, you feel like you don't even want to get back with such a shallow and weak-minded person with no character. There are a billion reasons for not getting back with such a person, you will realize in time, after you have processed these emotions like a normal human being does. And honestly, you deserve better. Give yourself some time to recover, you will probably feel bad for some time, remove her from social media and go 100% no contact. Delete, ignore, move on. I guarantee you there is bound to be a moment when she comes crawling back to check up on you. Don't give her the luxury of this (!!!), i cant stress this enough. Her behaviour is all about what is best for her, not for YOU. Now go NC and heal!
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I'm really a believer in people becoming "addicted" to their partners. It appears to be more prevalent when their partner is abusive towards them. My GF's ex had a horrific GF. He dumped my now GF and went back to her after 1.5 years. I know a lot of stories like this. I think I was a bit "addicted" to my abusive ex as well. I stayed thru a miserable 1.4 years of her odd/abusive behavior. I'm at piece w/it now that I'm finally free from her "spell". It sucks for us folks who love these damaged people but the good news is, we didn't do anything wrong when they leave for a previous toxic relationship. They simply haven't beat the addiction yet. 1
imtrying211 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Thankyou for that; having someone going through a similar sort of problem, is weirdly reassuring. If I new today, that I would never have to see her or talk to again, I'd be happy. But we live in the same town, and she has a way of getting into my life. And I don't want her to come creeping back. Well if it makes you feel any better, I work in the same building as my ex, so I have to see him everyday. And it's been sooo difficult. At first I was just disgusted by him, couldn't even look him in the face. Now I kind of feel sorry for him. But I have to let him live his life, live with his decision, the same way I have to live with it.
Author Sparroh Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 She has a way of creeping back, she is very deceiving. I'm not gonna let it happen, I just don't want her to even try, I don't wanna have to have that conversation tbh. Do you think I should get rid of her family on social media? Or would that just be petty? I just dont wanna see pics of her with her new fella etc.
foolinlove79 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 She has a way of creeping back, she is very deceiving. I'm not gonna let it happen, I just don't want her to even try, I don't wanna have to have that conversation tbh. Do you think I should get rid of her family on social media? Or would that just be petty? I just dont wanna see pics of her with her new fella etc. These kinds of people are very manipulative. They discard you without a second thought after claiming their undying love. Then when things dont work out they find a way to creep back in. Usually at first under the pretext of being friends. And before you know it your sucked back in. Its all just bull****. I think they are incapable of feeling true love and have no idea the damage they do. I have got rid of them on social media and their family and all the mutual friends that weren't really my friends. Its a lot easier then seeing their updates. Its kind of liberating too. And i dont care if its petty to other people. They arent the ones who have been hurt and dealing with their crap
Author Sparroh Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) I'm not sober atm, and all I wanna do is message her, and I feel like this is actually want.. I feel like for the first time I'm actually getting over her, knowing that I never wanna know this girl again. This is a awful feeling.. I have never felt this sort of sadness ever, its like I care but I'm upset because In reality I dont really care. Anything you guys say is appreciated Edited June 3, 2015 by Sparroh
Author Sparroh Posted June 10, 2015 Author Posted June 10, 2015 It's getting to that point where in the next month or so I am going to see her out on a night out on the weekends. Whats the best way to deal with it if she comes and tries to speak to me? Or what approach I should take if I see her at all.
ravfour4 Posted June 10, 2015 Posted June 10, 2015 I'd act like you don't see her. If you make eye contact by accident, just wave once and nonchalantly. If she comes over to talk, play it cool, keep it short, and then say "ok, well I have to go back to my friends now, see ya" or something like that. Don't talk about the relationship at all.
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