Belle88 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I posted in the middle of February about a new guy I was dating. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/515889-he-doesn-t-want-have-sex It's now almost June and he still doesn't want to have sex. I've tried everything with his approval and effort but nothing is working. I made romantic meals with lingerie, we've mediated, we've read articles together, we discussed all of his fears, and so on. I think we are dealing with psychological impotence. He does get hard/ejaculates with hand/blow jobs at a normal rate not as a fast as before. Its when we go to have sex that he immediately goes limp even before it goes in. He is embarrassed to talk to his doctor or go to counseling. Help!
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Woah that's weird. Yeah he needs a DR I have no idea what would cause that. Sounds like some sort of trickery of the mind though... I've had my little guy just fail on me before, and it was usually because I was subconsciously nervous. The mind has a lot of power over the dick lol.
johndoe2 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Is it that it goes limp right before 'going in' or is it that it goes limp quickly upon cessation of stimulation? An experiment you could do with oral sex (during which you say his equipment works fine) is just stop at some point (before ejaculation of course) and see if it goes flaccid suddenly or if he, ahem, continues to 'stand tall.' If the latter, then perhaps it is indeed purely a psychosomatic issue. If he gets flaccid really quickly even then though, it could be that the problem isn't getting an erection but rather maintaining it once he gets it, such as during the transition from foreplay to coitus.
PogoStick Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 This is already a long term problem and it sounds like he isn't taking charge in fixing it. How important is sex to you? How long are you willing to wait?
Author Belle88 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. To the third poster. It goes limp as soon as I bring up sex for example. We just woke up and were fooling around and I was touching him and it was ready to go and I asked if he wanted to have sex and boom limp. It stays hard if sex isn't brought up if we are just fooling around with no sex on the horizon. To the fourth poster. I do really care about him and we have so much in common and similar life goals beyond this issue but sex is important to me and what happens if he never fixes it.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. To the third poster. It goes limp as soon as I bring up sex for example. We just woke up and were fooling around and I was touching him and it was ready to go and I asked if he wanted to have sex and boom limp. It stays hard if sex isn't brought up if we are just fooling around with no sex on the horizon. To the fourth poster. I do really care about him and we have so much in common and similar life goals beyond this issue but sex is important to me and what happens if he never fixes it. Why don't you try blindfold him, give him a blowjob and then transition into a handjob and lower yourself onto him and surprise him See what happens.
Arieswoman Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 OP, I am sorry you are in this position as it must be incredibly frustrating for you. He is embarrassed to talk to his doctor or go to counseling. IMO I don't think you're getting the whole truth here. If his embarrassment about getting professional advice is over-riding his desire for sex with you then there is something wrong somewhere. As pogostick says, you'll need to decide how much longer you are prepared to wait for him to address this problem. I'm sorry. x
johndoe2 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Thank you all for your responses. To the third poster. It goes limp as soon as I bring up sex for example. We just woke up and were fooling around and I was touching him and it was ready to go and I asked if he wanted to have sex and boom limp. It stays hard if sex isn't brought up if we are just fooling around with no sex on the horizon. To the fourth poster. I do really care about him and we have so much in common and similar life goals beyond this issue but sex is important to me and what happens if he never fixes it. Try not bringing up sex at all. During 'fooling around' you could just climb onto him, without letting him no that 'it' is happening until, ya know, it's already happening. Have you thus far generally been attempting to have him on top? If so, maybe the you 'taking charge of things' and being on top and letting him just lay back would ease his nerves? Just an idea. I think it may be something of a vicious cycle. I use to get nervous about giving presentations in school, and my face would turn redder than anything you'd normally see in a person, and then I knew that everyone in the room knew how embarrassed I was, and that made me even more embarrassed, and my hands would start to shake and I would start to stutter. For some people, the nervousness builds on itself; if you know others can sense how nervous you are, and there's pressure on you to perform, that only makes you more nervous. A good analogy perhaps: if you've seen the movie 'The King's Speech', the prince, who has a stutter, is made by his speaking coach to speak some lines while listening to music in earphones so loud he can't hear himself speak. To his surprise, upon listening to a recording of his speaking, he found that he spoke without a stutter so long as he couldn't hear himself speaking. So all I can suggest is to create an environment that minimizes pressure. Right now he knows he has a problem, and that only makes it worse. So in one of these situations, just avoid talking about having sex per se, and if he knows he has as much time as he needs, as many chances as he needs, maybe he won't feel as much pressure and will be able ease his nerves and, well, you know. Other than that, you could try selling him the idea of counseling by emphasizing that it's good news that it's not a physical problem, or that it's a symptom of stress or something that he might not feel as ashamed of.
johndoe2 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Why don't you try blindfold him, give him a blowjob and then transition into a handjob and lower yourself onto him and surprise him. Ah, clever idea. Wish I'd thought of that.
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