yxalitis Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Finally, a sane, responsive, keen date! After 2 nutcases, 3 cancellations (without offer of another date), and two luke-warm post-date responses…I had a GOOD date. She advertised herself on line very honestly, with a tad of ego, but I prefer someone to up-sell themselves with a few positive affirmations then rely on the old: “My friends tell me I’m funny” This girl is not into texting, she says (and I totally agree) that you can’t tell anything about a person until you actually meet, so why waste time. We chatted a couple of times, and exchanged a few texts, but quickly arrange to meet on Sunday night at 6:30. This was on Friday, so I leave it at that, don’t call her, don’t text her. (Actually I was busy...this wasn't a deliberate thing). Sunday at 3:00 I get a text, asking if we are still on. I say yes, looking forward to it. I’m at a friend’s place and she calls me at 5:00, asks me what time I’ll be there, I tell her 6:30, but I’m nice about this, I like the fact that she seems keen. We meet at a hotel near her place. Right away I do my usual thing, I stride right up to her, and give her a quick hug, which she gladly returns. We get a coffee each, and she chooses the couch to sit at, not a table, so I sit next to her, and she swivels around to face me. Right from the start we are feeling the chemistry, we talk about the traumas of dating , and we both agree that so far this one seems good. She’s rests her hand on my arm as she talks, leans in close, she praises my figure, asks me to stand up and turn around so she can check me out, and I do a parody modelling pose, which she things is hilarious. She does the same. She is wearing a very nice dress and boots, classy, but still sexy. We talk for a couple hours, she shows me photos of her community service, I chat about my daughters, we flirt a little, exchange a hug or two. I walk her to her car, more hugs, a light kiss, and she again compliments my appearance. Tells me I look younger than my age. We arrange another date. I drive home, call her when I arrive, to let her know I arrived safely “Oh, you’re a good boy to tell me” We chat a little more she asks “Do you feel close to me” I said “yes, best date in ages” This lady is pretty, wealthy (drives a BMW convertible), and single, I feel honored she is showing me interest. Now I’m typing this…yay..finally. I’m thinking to call tonight…maybe tomorrow…but I don’t feel like I have to play a game here, it’s nice to find someone genuine.
LostOne1 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I'm not here to burst your bubble... but this is 1 date. Yeah it was good, but don't get too too ahead of yourself or you might get burned. The girl I met, who was all of those things as you said.... AND she had a BMW, was super smart, sexy and showed me tons of interest. 2nd date went to ****..... Which taught me not to get ahead of myself. Treat it as a good sign, but this is just date 1..... you'll learn more about her later. And some things may turn you off... In other words, be happy, but don't start looking at the future at the moment. Focus on setting date 2 and see how it goes by going with the flow of things. 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Oh yeah, I get all that...this was more about.."finally, not a total nut job" not "I've meet the woman of my dreams I'm going to marry"
johndoe2 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Well it sounds like she has good taste in automobiles. Is it a Z8 convertible? Or Z3 or 3 series? After one of these dates you should ask her if she wants to give you a ride. In the BMW of course.
Author yxalitis Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 It's a 3 series. Looks like an e46 And..I own a newer E90 BMW 325i myself...so there's that.
Author yxalitis Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Update... So after the great Sunday night, cuddles, touches, flirts, compliments...I call her Monday night for a quick chat... She's...not a great phone talker...it was a little awkward. Tuesday I call to chat again, we laugh, seems OK. I mention that I’m getting a massage, she says Oh, you can give me one! Wednesday I call later to say hello, and to see if we can't engage on the phone...her inability to chit chat over the phone seems incongruous to her open and friendly manner in person. She talks for a little bit, tells me she's watching a movie, small talk...then when I bring up Saturday (our agreed next big date) she drops the "I just think we can be friends, I'm not feeling the romance" line. I am a little stunned…this is someone who cuddled me, held my hand as we walked, hugged, kissed, flirted... What went wrong, was a daily call too much…oh…wait… I remember some of the things she DID say in our brief phone chats. I mentioned that my new place doesn’t have a bath, she offered me to use hers, the suggestion that I give her a massage…I mentioned that I was getting waxed, she asked all about it, tells me she “always shaves” She went to great lengths to check me out, Did I really have blue eyes, check, Was I tall and blonde…check, Did I have a slim figure….check What did my last girlfriend look like, show me a picture, oh, she is so pretty, good body… I think she is after the physical… Hmm, now, look to be honest, if that’s what she wants, I’m perfectly happy to be that guy. So I call her back…I tell her I’m a little confused, we got along so well… She says maybe we need to spend more time together to get to know each other. I say, yes, I think we should meet again…and I owe you that massage! She agrees, we are meeting again on Saturday… I think I’ll be more sexual and flirtatious. I am getting strong signals that’s what she wants. Thoughts? Edited June 4, 2015 by yxalitis
fitnessfan365 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Well in all honesty, you came on way too needy and over pursued. I mean this is a woman that you just met. Yet you called her three straight nights in a row just to talk on the phone. Then after she put you in the friend zone you desperately call her back again to grill her on why. Sorry to burst your bubble man, but I can almost guarantee she'll back out of the date on Saturday. Since you actually called back and demanded to know why she rejected you, she was just telling you what you wanted to hear to get off the phone. After all, you already called her back wanting to know why once. So the last thing she wants is for you to ask why again. If she actually wanted to see you Saturday. she never would have said she wanted to be friends in the first place. If I were you, I'd just shoot her a quick text tomorrow cancelling Saturday saying that something came up. Might as well beat her to the punch. 2
aloneinaz Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 I think the previous poster is right on point. I think you put the cart in front of the horse way to quickly in your excitement of feeling like it was a great first date. What I also read is it was YOU doing all the contacting, not her. I'm a big advocate of once I call the girl in between dates, I don't call or text her again until she does. It's not playing games, it's to NOT come across as over eager or desperate. I'd also cancel the date as there are MANY red flags here. She's not good on the phone? Yikes.. She's not a texter? Yikes.. Also, when I was online dating, I would NEVER met a girl before having a phone conversation. NEVER. I could have great chemistry emailing, then texting only to get on the phone with her and go YUK! I disqualified SO many girls on the one call and ended several calls after only a few minutes. This helped me better filter who I was meeting to have a better chance at quality dates. 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 Possibly, but culturally Chinese woman are a tad different in this respect. I've had a relationship with 3, dated about a dozen others, and have several friends I can talk to as well. Several Chinese Woman I have known have told me about their previous loves. What attracted you to him? I would ask. Oh, he always called just to say hello, he showed me that he cares, and that I'm in his mind. This is before you first hook up? Yes, I think a man needs to show he is thinking of me. So, I am only following this approach...was it too much? Maybe, but one call a day after such a good date, in order to cement things isn't extreme in my books, and she specifically told me to call, not text, as she hates texting. "Do you have unlimited minutes on your phone?" "no" Oh, I do, just call, and hang up, I'll call you back. So each of these of these calls was her returning my hang up call, and she always rang back within minutes.
fitnessfan365 Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 Since you already had the date set for Saturday, I personally would have left it alone until Thurs. Then on Thurs you shoot a quick text with something that reminded you of her. She responds positively, then you tell her you're looking forward to Sat. She confirms, and then you just talk to her then. She already established she likes in person communication the best and that's exactly how you handled it before the first date. So more of the same would have only helped you IMO. 1
KatZee Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 A call every single day after one date is VERY extreme. When guys do that to me, when we're not dating, we're not a couple, we're not in an established relationship... it's too much. Too much, too soon. Too needy. Too clingy. Every single guy that has ever behaved that way with me pushed me away. It never made me desire him. It was always, "dude I met you once. Relax." ESPECIALLY if the date was OK, but no real sparks were happening. The date may have seemed amazing to you, but I'm sure after she reflected back on it, it wasn't all that amazing to her. Pushing after she said she just saw you as a friend looks even more needy/clingy/desperate. I'm confused why people always rush out of the gate going five thousand miles an hour. Calling daily should be something that happens when you're established, have been together for awhile. Not when you've only met once, you don't know each other, and you need the space to figure out if you want to continue on. 2
Author yxalitis Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 A call every single day after one date is VERY extreme. When guys do that to me, when we're not dating, we're not a couple, we're not in an established relationship... it's too much. Too much, too soon. Too needy. Too clingy. Every single guy that has ever behaved that way with me pushed me away. It never made me desire him. It was always, "dude I met you once. Relax." ESPECIALLY if the date was OK, but no real sparks were happening. The date may have seemed amazing to you, but I'm sure after she reflected back on it, it wasn't all that amazing to her. Pushing after she said she just saw you as a friend looks even more needy/clingy/desperate. I'm confused why people always rush out of the gate going five thousand miles an hour. Calling daily should be something that happens when you're established, have been together for awhile. Not when you've only met once, you don't know each other, and you need the space to figure out if you want to continue on. That's great, for you. I have other woman I'm dating, all Asian, all are far more communicative. I haven't even met this one women, but we text and call daily, not just me to her, mutual. Yesterday she just rings me at lunch time to see how I'm going, the night before she texted me asking how my day went. I didn't send a message to another for a couple of days, she asks if I'm OK? Is this too much for you...probably, but it's my experience that it's not too much when dating an Asian. They are much more into social media, pretty much all of Asia hang out on We Chat or What's App or Viber or Line, or all 4! I'll certainly not put much more into this particular woman, if she wants what I think, and I leave her alone, we'll meet on Saturday, if not, no loss.
Author yxalitis Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 I admit, I have zero experience with women like that. Maybe she did, but the point in talking to someone is to further your relationship with them, make them want you more. You just kept having awkward conversations. Do you think that a long awkward phone call makes a woman want you more? One call was awkward...the rest were fine.
PogoStick Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 It's ironic. After your 1st post they said "It's 1 date, chill out". You agreed, except, you did the opposite and got the results you were warned about. You came for advice but again you're fighting it. I suggest you take some of it to heart. I agree, too much too soon. If nothing else, slow down to protect your heart and ego. Although you're defending this that she is "Asian", she's definitely not acting that way unless she's a Thai prostitute. No way an "Asian" girl is so forward, touching you instantly, hugging, openly checking you out, AND pressing for sex after the first date. Even for an American girl that is forward. The Asian angle is already out the window. Hell no, Asian girls are great at using sex for leverage in a relationship. They know the game as well as anyone. I dated a chinese woman, as in not assimilated at all, chinese. Yes she was way into texting kind of stuff, and what QQ Tencent or something like that? But I didn't play into it. We talked and got together once a week. That's plenty, leave them wanting more. Now I'll let you tell me something. This girl blew my mind with the way she showered me with gifts. The 2nd week of dating she shows up to my house unannounced with $100 in groceries. Then a nice bed comforter. And then a $250 Columbia winter coat. I'm talking just a month in at that point. She didn't even make great money. I made her take the coat back. I know, be gracious and accept the gifts. No, It was too much, I couldn't do it. Is that NORMAL Chinese behavior? 3
Author yxalitis Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 It's ironic. After your 1st post they said "It's 1 date, chill out". You agreed, except, you did the opposite and got the results you were warned about. You came for advice but again you're fighting it. I suggest you take some of it to heart. I agree, too much too soon. If nothing else, slow down to protect your heart and ego. Although you're defending this that she is "Asian", she's definitely not acting that way unless she's a Thai prostitute. No way an "Asian" girl is so forward, touching you instantly, hugging, openly checking you out, AND pressing for sex after the first date. Even for an American girl that is forward. The Asian angle is already out the window. Hell no, Asian girls are great at using sex for leverage in a relationship. They know the game as well as anyone. I dated a chinese woman, as in not assimilated at all, chinese. Yes she was way into texting kind of stuff, and what QQ Tencent or something like that? But I didn't play into it. We talked and got together once a week. That's plenty, leave them wanting more. Now I'll let you tell me something. This girl blew my mind with the way she showered me with gifts. The 2nd week of dating she shows up to my house unannounced with $100 in groceries. Then a nice bed comforter. And then a $250 Columbia winter coat. I'm talking just a month in at that point. She didn't even make great money. I made her take the coat back. I know, be gracious and accept the gifts. No, It was too much, I couldn't do it. Is that NORMAL Chinese behavior? You know I debated if I should call, I don't normally, but this was very definitely a good-feel date. To be sure, I've totally backed out, if Saturday goes ahead, great, if it doesn't, well lesson learned. I'll be sure to post the results here. Yes, some Chinese are very forward with sexual advances, don't you worry...the demure passive type is a cliché, not the rule. And her buying you gifts, yes, I expect she was paying the dowry. Guessing you broke up soon after rejecting the gifts...in effect, you were rejecting her...!
KatZee Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 It's ironic. After your 1st post they said "It's 1 date, chill out". You agreed, except, you did the opposite and got the results you were warned about. You came for advice but again you're fighting it. I suggest you take some of it to heart. I agree, too much too soon. If nothing else, slow down to protect your heart and ego. Srsly. Just because Asian women are all over social media, and love to text, and call, doesn't mean they want to text/call/be all over social media WITH YOU after one date. They do have other friends, family members, etc to communicate with. She told you to chill. You didn't. You got friend-zoned, and now you're trying to tell us we're all wrong? 2
ZA Dater Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 (edited) Finally, a sane, responsive, keen date! After 2 nutcases, 3 cancellations (without offer of another date), and two luke-warm post-date responses…I had a GOOD date. She advertised herself on line very honestly, with a tad of ego, but I prefer someone to up-sell themselves with a few positive affirmations then rely on the old: “My friends tell me I’m funny” This girl is not into texting, she says (and I totally agree) that you can’t tell anything about a person until you actually meet, so why waste time. We chatted a couple of times, and exchanged a few texts, but quickly arrange to meet on Sunday night at 6:30. This was on Friday, so I leave it at that, don’t call her, don’t text her. (Actually I was busy...this wasn't a deliberate thing). Sunday at 3:00 I get a text, asking if we are still on. I say yes, looking forward to it. I’m at a friend’s place and she calls me at 5:00, asks me what time I’ll be there, I tell her 6:30, but I’m nice about this, I like the fact that she seems keen. We meet at a hotel near her place. Right away I do my usual thing, I stride right up to her, and give her a quick hug, which she gladly returns. We get a coffee each, and she chooses the couch to sit at, not a table, so I sit next to her, and she swivels around to face me. Right from the start we are feeling the chemistry, we talk about the traumas of dating , and we both agree that so far this one seems good. She’s rests her hand on my arm as she talks, leans in close, she praises my figure, asks me to stand up and turn around so she can check me out, and I do a parody modelling pose, which she things is hilarious. She does the same. She is wearing a very nice dress and boots, classy, but still sexy. We talk for a couple hours, she shows me photos of her community service, I chat about my daughters, we flirt a little, exchange a hug or two. I walk her to her car, more hugs, a light kiss, and she again compliments my appearance. Tells me I look younger than my age. We arrange another date. I drive home, call her when I arrive, to let her know I arrived safely “Oh, you’re a good boy to tell me” We chat a little more she asks “Do you feel close to me” I said “yes, best date in ages” This lady is pretty, wealthy (drives a BMW convertible), and single, I feel honored she is showing me interest. Now I’m typing this…yay..finally. I’m thinking to call tonight…maybe tomorrow…but I don’t feel like I have to play a game here, it’s nice to find someone genuine. Great to read about the success stories! Even though the follow up wasn't that great. Edited June 4, 2015 by ZA Dater
PogoStick Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 The part I left out. Yes meet up with that woman and have sex with her! If that is all she wants then give it to her I read some of your other posts and you seem to have it together. Either way I think you'll be fine in the end.
Lois_Griffin Posted June 4, 2015 Posted June 4, 2015 That's great, for you. I have other woman I'm dating, all Asian, all are far more communicative. I haven't even met this one women, but we text and call daily, not just me to her, mutual. Yesterday she just rings me at lunch time to see how I'm going, the night before she texted me asking how my day went. I didn't send a message to another for a couple of days, she asks if I'm OK? Is this too much for you...probably, but it's my experience that it's not too much when dating an Asian. They are much more into social media, pretty much all of Asia hang out on We Chat or What's App or Viber or Line, or all 4! I'll certainly not put much more into this particular woman, if she wants what I think, and I leave her alone, we'll meet on Saturday, if not, no loss. Well, then ignore what everyone is CLEARLY telling you and keep coming off as needy to every woman you meet, then. I used to date only white guys but I wasn't so narrow-minded to assume they ALL had the same exact interaction requirements. 1
Author yxalitis Posted June 4, 2015 Author Posted June 4, 2015 She texted me last night, after NC from me: "Good Night, Love" I replied "you too" smily I think we will meet as planned, let you know in any case.
Author yxalitis Posted June 8, 2015 Author Posted June 8, 2015 She texted Saturday morning, and called around 5:00 to confirm. WE went out that night, had a great time bowling. Saw her Sunday night too... Going quite well really...
Recommended Posts