Very interested, how to handle 2nd date bill?

[jay1983]

I'm a very generous person, I usually pay for dates, even if I don't plan on seeing the woman again, but when come across women like Sunnyside, it really brings out my stingy side.

 

I'm waiting to hear what you do for the men courting you, sunny?

[jay1983]

Courtney, that's really nice of your BF, I have the same attitude, I'm very giving.

 

What gets me though is I never see that with the genders swapped.

[introverted1]

 

I consider the time, effort, and cosmetics cost to be their contribution to the date.

 

 

How does this work exactly? Do women who spend a lot of time fussing over hair and make-up get to pay less than those who do less? What if the guy prefers the natural look; will the woman get a "credit"?

 

I see no reason why one person should bear the costs of dating. It may not always make sense to split every bill down the middle, but there are many ways to achieve an equitable arrangement.

[Cowboysnation]

Usually normally don't pay until the 3rd date or after from my experience.

[BluEyeL]

I actually do like the have the man open the door for me, bring me flowers and pick up the tab most of the time when we go out. In turn I like to cook, pay for movies and/or popcorn/ice cream, take care of him when he's sick, help him with things he needs help with at home etc.

 

Like I said in my current relationship, he takes me out 2x/week and I cook 3x/week. I paid often for ice cream, movie tickets, concert tickets...so it's not 100% on him but when we go to a restaurant, I still like the idea of the bill being delivered to the guy and not to me. So much so that I'd be willing to give him cash before hand. In fact, when I was married, that's how we operated. Back in my home country we were using cash. I was keeping all the cash in my purse, but when going out I'd give cash to the husband to pay "like a man" LOL

 

It doesn't mean these things are required, but I do like traditional gender roles. I wouldn't dump someone for behaving differently, but I really enjoy it when a man does these things. I don't mind cooking dinner and doing the dishes for the rest of my life as long as I'm not required to fix things around the house and cut grass.

 

I make six figures and I'm 100% independent. I still like to be in traditional gender roles inside and outside the home.

[BluEyeL]

 

How does this work exactly? Do women who spend a lot of time fussing over hair and make-up get to pay less than those who do less? What if the guy prefers the natural look; will the woman get a "credit"?

 

I see no reason why one person should bear the costs of dating. It may not always make sense to split every bill down the middle, but there are many ways to achieve an equitable arrangement.

Back when I was still dating/looking for a serious relationship, I was still using sitters for my son, especially when going out in the evening. So it always cost me $10/h for any date. Now I don't need a sitter anymore, he's 13yo, but in the past dates were never free for me.

[jay1983]

$10 an hr to watch a kid?

[BluEyeL]

$10 an hr to watch a kid?

 

Yes, that's how much I paid for many years. And I was also paying $100/night when going on business trips.

 

Look, of course this was my responsibility and I didn't expect in exchange to have "free" dates. I wouldn't even mention that to the dates and I always offered to pay. I even succeeded paying for the first date, but only about 2-3 times. I was merely pointing out that dating is not always free for women, not even for those first couple of dates.

 

I don't want to comment on the small fortune I invested in clothing and accessories. That was also my responsibility and an investment I choose to make in my future. Just saying. It's not free for either gender, dating is expensive for both, more for some, less for some, depending on their situation.

[BluEyeL]

If you like traditional roles, why are you working? Shouldn't you just be taking care of the home and making babies? That was the traditional female role.

I just like those things, I don't "have" to do them, and the man doesn't "have" to do them either, it's just a preference I have sort of like someone likes say the color blue or blonde women with big boobs.

 

And I also liked school, math and science, I also liked to read, and I chose to have a career, because I could and it was good for me.

 

So in other words, I think in the couple one person likes some things, the other likes other things and they trade off. I think the ideal man for me would prefer to cut grass and fix stuff and would hate to cook and do dishes. But I'd make it work with something different too.

 

I wasn't arguing that the guy "has" to do any of the things I like, I was just expressing a preference. And I think the giving should always be balanced.

[SunnySide0418]

I'm a very generous person, I usually pay for dates, even if I don't plan on seeing the woman again, but when come across women like Sunnyside, it really brings out my stingy side.

 

I'm waiting to hear what you do for the men courting you, sunny?

 

 

OMG really?? It's about being a gentleman and chivalry. It's not even about the money. I have stated over and over that I like when the man pays at the beginning and then I will insist on paying for something like a movie or dinner occasionally. Some guys on here think the woman should contribute from date one and I'm sorry but I think that's tacky. I don't want to be "equal" with the men I date. I wasn't raised that way. If we get a flat tire I'm not going to change it. I know how but that's what the man should do. I don't feel "entitled" to anything it's just dating preferences.

 

 

Please explain how I make you stingy?

[SunnySide0418]

Courtney, that's really nice of your BF, I have the same attitude, I'm very giving.

 

What gets me though is I never see that with the genders swapped.

 

 

Would you really feel "manly" if you let the girl pay most of the time as the man typically does?

[SunnySide0418]

I'm a very generous person, I usually pay for dates, even if I don't plan on seeing the woman again, but when come across women like Sunnyside, it really brings out my stingy side.

 

I'm waiting to hear what you do for the men courting you, sunny?

 

 

Can I ask how old you are? This may be a generation thing..

 

 

I always show my appreciation and express many thanks when the guy pays and as time goes on I will cook them dinner or pick them up a little something when I come across something I think they would like, bake them cookies - that kind of stuff depending on the guy.

[SunnySide0418]

In what ways do you make the man feel special? How much does he have to invest before he receives this treatment? I'm genuinely curious. I have never gotten very far when dating traditional women, so I don't know what it's like.I hope you understand that there is more to chivalry than opening your wallet. There's nothing wrong with this. There's also nothing wrong with believing in equality.

 

 

I would not be compatible dating a guy who is into equality when dating. We each have our roles. I am the type who is attracted to an alpha male type. A take charge kind of guy. Take charge guys don't allow the woman to pay. It's a contradiction. The last guy I dated actually would pay for my babysitter - he insisted. It made me feel very taken care of. Now I am one of the most independent people you'll ever meet but when I date I like the traditional gender roles.

 

 

Question - do you pump gas for your gf's? Or make them get out to do it? Do you open car doors for them? Help them on with their coat? I like all the chivalrous stuff not just related to money. That just is what the OP asked about.

[Shining One]

Some guys on here think the woman should contribute from date one and I'm sorry but I think that's tacky.

I think it's tacky to want special treatment based on gender.

I always show my appreciation and express many thanks when the guy pays and as time goes on I will cook them dinner or pick them up a little something when I come across something I think they would like, bake them cookies - that kind of stuff depending on the guy.

How much time are we talking about here? How do you reciprocate for the men who don't make it to that time frame?

I would not be compatible dating a guy who is into equality when dating.

To each their own. I'm far more attracted to an equal partner.

Question - do you pump gas for your gf's? Or make them get out to do it?

I drive a fairly nice car, so I do most of the driving with the women I date. Thus, there is no need to fill their tanks. I have rotated tires and changed the oil though.

Do you open car doors for them?

They get of the car just as quickly as I do. There's no way I could make it around in time.

Help them on with their coat?

No one wears coats here.

[Shining One]

I actually do like the have the man open the door for me, bring me flowers and pick up the tab most of the time when we go out. In turn I like to cook, pay for movies and/or popcorn/ice cream, take care of him when he's sick, help him with things he needs help with at home etc.

 

Like I said in my current relationship, he takes me out 2x/week and I cook 3x/week. I paid often for ice cream, movie tickets, concert tickets...so it's not 100% on him but when we go to a restaurant, I still like the idea of the bill being delivered to the guy and not to me.

Your relationship seems balanced. He gives more financially and you reciprocate in other ways. This is very much like my relationship. What I dislike is the unbalanced level of effort/investment that some women expect. It is much more prevalent in the dating phase than the relationship phase.

[SunnySide0418]

I think it's tacky to want special treatment based on gender.How much time are we talking about here? How do you reciprocate for the men who don't make it to that time frame?

To each their own. I'm far more attracted to an equal partner.I drive a fairly nice car, so I do most of the driving with the women I date. Thus, there is no need to fill their tanks. I have rotated tires and changed the oil though.They get of the car just as quickly as I do. There's no way I could make it around in time.No one wears coats here.

 

 

I meant open the car when getting in.. How old are you? Special treatment based on gender - really? Obviously with that statement you don't know how to treat a lady. Geez - you treat your gf's the same as you'd treat a male friend? I don't get it. And no offense but are you more attracted to an equal partner because you don't have the means to pay? I would probably offer to pay something after a month or so. Depends on how quickly things progress.

[SunnySide0418]

Your relationship seems balanced. He gives more financially and you reciprocate in other ways. This is very much like my relationship. What I dislike is the unbalanced level of effort/investment that some women expect. It is much more prevalent in the dating phase than the relationship phase.

 

 

OK Shining One - if you were to pay for the dates how would you like her to reciprocate early on? Educate me..

[jay1983]

OMG really?? It's about being a gentleman and chivalry. It's not even about the money. I have stated over and over that I like when the man pays at the beginning and then I will insist on paying for something like a movie or dinner occasionally. Some guys on here think the woman should contribute from date one and I'm sorry but I think that's tacky. I don't want to be "equal" with the men I date. I wasn't raised that way. If we get a flat tire I'm not going to change it. I know how but that's what the man should do. I don't feel "entitled" to anything it's just dating preferences.

 

 

Please explain how I make you stingy?

Incest on paying occasionally? What am I just glad to be in your company? Dude you're not that special. You want equality only when it's convenient for you.

You don't feel entitled? Well I got news for you. lol

Would you really feel "manly" if you let the girl pay most of the time as the man typically does?

 

No I wouldn't feel emasculated if you paid your share. If I went out with you, I wouldn't care if I had you pay the whole tab.

Can I ask how old you are? This may be a generation thing..

 

 

I always show my appreciation and express many thanks when the guy pays and as time goes on I will cook them dinner or pick them up a little something when I come across something I think they would like, bake them cookies - that kind of stuff depending on the guy.

My year of birth is in my username.

I don't know and you don't know if you're going to cook dinner for me the next time, so why should I pay hoping you do something for me?

Edited June 3, 2015 by jay1983

[jay1983]

Yes, that's how much I paid for many years. And I was also paying $100/night when going on business trips.

 

Look, of course this was my responsibility and I didn't expect in exchange to have "free" dates. I wouldn't even mention that to the dates and I always offered to pay. I even succeeded paying for the first date, but only about 2-3 times. I was merely pointing out that dating is not always free for women, not even for those first couple of dates.

 

I don't want to comment on the small fortune I invested in clothing and accessories. That was also my responsibility and an investment I choose to make in my future. Just saying. It's not free for either gender, dating is expensive for both, more for some, less for some, depending on their situation.

 

I'd pick up the tab if I was dating you, knowing you're paying for a babysitter and not trying to use that as leverage, but once again, you can't expect that from anybody. The I paid for cloths and a sitter, you pay for the date is a big turn off.

[Shining One]

I meant open the car when getting in.

I'm sorry, I should have figured that out. No, I don't do this.

How old are you?.

33.

Special treatment based on gender - really? Obviously with that statement you don't know how to treat a lady.

My girlfriend and ex-girlfriends would disagree with you.

Geez - you treat your gf's the same as you'd treat a male friend?

That's not what I said at all. There is a difference between a first date (we're strangers) and a girlfriend. Once a woman has reached the girlfriend stage, she receives special treatment for being my significant other.

And no offense but are you more attracted to an equal partner because you don't have the means to pay?

No offense taken. I certainly have the means to pay. I've been burned before by being too generous with dates, so I have stopped this practice. I find equal partners more attractive because I feel more desired by them. She is showing me that she wants to be with me for me, not because of the things I can buy her or do for her.

I would probably offer to pay something after a month or so. Depends on how quickly things progress.

Basically, the man has to forward invest in you before you reciprocate in any way. If you decide at the end of this time period that you're not interested, he is simply out of luck and receives no reciprocation. It just doesn't seem fair to me.

OK Shining One - if you were to pay for the dates how would you like her to reciprocate early on? Educate me..

Here are some examples from my dating history:

• Invited me to her sister's house and taught me how to make authentic jerk from scratch. This was of course followed by some delicious jerk chicken.
  
• Painted me a beautiful picture from a photograph we took on our second date. We're not dating any more, but that picture is still hanging on my wall.
  
• Baked me fresh banana bread.
  
• Took care of a traffic ticket (she's an attorney).
  
• Got me a huge discount on a cruise I was planning (she's a travel agent).
  
• Paid for half the dates. I paid first date, she paid second, and so forth.
  

[mandymor]

Wow, this is certainly a lively and passionate thread. On the second date, I would always use the same approach that I'm about to tell you and I never had to pay, but I would have if I had to. I used this approach if I was into the guy. If I wasn't, I would just let him pay.

 

The bill would come and I would watch his body language. As he reached for the bill I would put my hand on top of his, and sort of caress his hand and say "Let me get that", this way he knew I was interested with the body contact, and I was sincere with the offer.

 

Like I said, it always worked out to where the guy would pay and there was no awkward moment. But if he would have said OK, go ahead and pay, I was always prepared to do that.

[SunnySide0418]

I'm done commenting on this thread. We will just have to agree to disagree. I'm noticing the guys who are so adamant about the woman paying her share are at least a decade younger. It's been interesting all ..

[Redhead14]

I'm done commenting on this thread. We will just have to agree to disagree. I'm noticing the guys who are so adamant about the woman paying her share are at least a decade younger. It's been interesting all ..

 

I'm noticing the guys who are so adamant about the woman paying her share are at least a decade younger. It's been interesting all .. -- For those men who are a decade younger age wise, they are probably another decade younger in terms of maturity and accepting that men have roles, like it or not, and so do women. They don't want to fill their own roles and expect the women to do both.

[cessna]

I'm noticing the guys who are so adamant about the woman paying her share are at least a decade younger. It's been interesting all .. -- For those men who are a decade younger age wise, they are probably another decade younger in terms of maturity and accepting that men have roles, like it or not, and so do women. They don't want to fill their own roles and expect the women to do both.

 

So men and women have roles?

 

I think women belong in the kitchen and should only come out to do the cleaning or to have sex. I'm guessing you're fine with that.

[Shining One]

I'm noticing the guys who are so adamant about the woman paying her share are at least a decade younger. It's been interesting all .. -- For those men who are a decade younger age wise, they are probably another decade younger in terms of maturity and accepting that men have roles, like it or not, and so do women. They don't want to fill their own roles and expect the women to do both.

That's quite the assumption you're making there. Please enlighten me as to what a woman's role is in early dating (pre-relationship). While you're at it, what is a man's role?