jay1983 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) This is true for me. I went on a first date recently and asked him if he wanted money. The bill was $23 and he said "sure you can leave $5 tip... well, make it $8 so I pay an even $20". I was so turned off. NEXT Over $8 LMAO! I wish I had a way of knowing which of you gals operate like this. I'd say I forgot my wallet, can you take care of this one? I'll make it up to you, I promise. Yeah you won't hear from me after that. Lol Edited June 1, 2015 by jay1983
Natalie8 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Interesting thread but a bit worrying as well since guys seem to think that if a girl offers to pay half it indicates that she is not interested! I offer to pay half/ take turns in paying for drinks because i want to show that I AM interested...that im not just after a free dinner etc. I live in the UK and most of my first dates are drinks. Guys always buy the first one and i say thanks then if the date goes well and we stay for another drink or move on to another place i intend to buy the second drink. They normally dont let me but the last guy i went on a first date with did let me. Secong/ third date is normally dinner and when the bill comes i take out my purse and say let me pay half. Or if he payed completely for the first and second date then i say ' i will get this'. Again, pretty often they dont let me. In most of my relationships the guys pay more overall but i always thank everything and i do try to take turns. I think it is stupid to offer to pay half but then be offended when the guy accepts it. I dont make empty polite offers if i dont mean it. I also dont have the mindset that the guy should be happy to be with me and pay for everything..to me that sounds like an unhealthy dose of entitlement. We are mutually happy to be with each other and both have jobs so can both pay. Chivalry can be expressed in other ways..(and should be expressed in other ways too!) 2
cessna Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 So...a man should pay, just because he is a man? That does not sound sexist to you in any way? When those roles were established, women had a role as well. Are you willing to cook, clean, have sex, take care of the house and children, all that stuff while we are out earning a wage to pay for you? Most women I meet these days say they don't know how to cook, and use that as a polite refusal to try. Also, that is not "just the way it is." That's just how you want it to be. I can't blame you, it's a sweet deal, never being expected to pay for much of anything. I feel the same way. Those first few dates are when I really look to see what kind of girl I'm seeing. It's the little things like this that can really set a girl apart from the pack. Easy way to score some points with a guy. Couldn't agree with this more. I'm guessing she wants to be wined and dined at his expense, because it's his job remember, but would brand you a sexist for daring to mention a woman's role in the kitchen... You can't have it both ways. Too many woman are out to get a free dinner from a man. If I went on a few dates with a woman and she never paid for dinner I'd make sure I'd tell the waiter she was picking up the tab and walk out.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I usually do a cheap first date, drinks... Only $20 tops usually if that. I offer to pay the first 2 dates since it's the gentleman thing to do.
gaius Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 The guy paying for the date is part of sexual foreplay. If you want to stick your dick in her ear instead of the vagina because that's what they used to do in the 20s and you're a modern man you can, but she's not going to be very stimulated by it. =/ And when she's not stimulated she doesn't want to stimulate you.
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Are you willing to cook, clean, have sex, take care of the house and children, all that stuff while we are out earning a wage to pay for you? Is the man capable of and earning a wage that can support and make it comfortable enough for the woman to cook, clean, have sex and take care of the house and children? If he doesn't demonstrate that ability and those are things she wants, why bother dating him? That being said, a saavy woman will pick up the check after a few dates if she is independent, already has a stable job and life. The man pays for the first few dates at least and then she should reciprocate. 2
clia Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 What is the best way to go about paying for a 2nd date? My date and I will be having dinner and probably drinks. He paid for date 1 (2 rounds of drinks and appetizers.) I thanked him after he paid. The date also ended in making out before we parted ways. I like him so far and am enjoying getting to know him. Should I offer to split the bill for date 2? I'm not sure if this comes off as me showing I'm uninterested. I want to show that I am interested, but also not taking him/his money for granted. Best way to approach 2nd date bill? Don't offer to split the bill. It's totally unromantic. Play it by ear. If he grabs the bill right away, let him pay and thank him. Then if the option arises and you go somewhere else after, you can pay that bill. (i.e., if you go for a drink or cup of coffee after dinner). Or you can offer to leave the tip. I think most guys who ask women out on dates expect to treat on the first few dates.
Author ThisisIt606 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 To clarify a bit the 2nd date set up went like this. I texted him the follow day after date 1 saying I had good time and thanks for a fun night. He replied saying he had a good time too and would like to do it again, also to let him know when I'm free:) I gave him 2 days and he said he was free on both, he chose the closer date. He told me I should probably pick the place has his abilities were a bit hit or miss ( ie for date 1 the place he suggested was ridiculously crowded so we didn't stay and found a different place. It wasn't as nice but I was easy going about it- honestly didn't care about the change too much just wanted to get somewhere and sit and get to know him) So I told him I'd think of something and offered 2 places. He picked one of them and we agreed. I said it was a great restaurant to which he replied " better company :)" So basically he suggested the 2nd date but wanted me to choose so I did. Right now I'm leaning towards the side of me paying for both. Saying something like " I'll get this one since you got the last" smile and reach for bill. If he adamantly objects, I'll let him pay. If not, I'll continue to pay. Do the details of date 2/ how it was planned change any of your opinions? 2
SunnySide0418 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I usually do a cheap first date, drinks... Only $20 tops usually if that. I offer to pay the first 2 dates since it's the gentleman thing to do. Exactly. It's not about how much it costs it's the chivalrous thing to do. 1
SunnySide0418 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Are you willing to cook, clean, have sex, take care of the house and children, all that stuff while we are out earning a wage to pay for you? Is the man capable of and earning a wage that can support and make it comfortable enough for the woman to cook, clean, have sex and take care of the house and children? If he doesn't demonstrate that ability and those are things she wants, why bother dating him? That being said, a saavy woman will pick up the check after a few dates if she is independent, already has a stable job and life. The man pays for the first few dates at least and then she should reciprocate. Exactly! After a few dates!!! The guys on here seem to think a woman should pay something right away. TURN OFF
SunnySide0418 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Over $8 LMAO! I wish I had a way of knowing which of you gals operate like this. I'd say I forgot my wallet, can you take care of this one? I'll make it up to you, I promise. Yeah you won't hear from me after that. Lol You would actually take money from a woman on a first date? Wow. I'm sorry but that's just tacky. It's the principle. You men want to be looked at as MEN but you expect a woman to pay right away?. Is that seriously how you were raised? I totally agree after the man takes her out a few times it's a nice gesture for the woman to pick up the check but you guys (some of you) seem to expect it every time! Typically the man makes more than the woman anyway.
SunnySide0418 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 To clarify a bit the 2nd date set up went like this. I texted him the follow day after date 1 saying I had good time and thanks for a fun night. He replied saying he had a good time too and would like to do it again, also to let him know when I'm free:) I gave him 2 days and he said he was free on both, he chose the closer date. He told me I should probably pick the place has his abilities were a bit hit or miss ( ie for date 1 the place he suggested was ridiculously crowded so we didn't stay and found a different place. It wasn't as nice but I was easy going about it- honestly didn't care about the change too much just wanted to get somewhere and sit and get to know him) So I told him I'd think of something and offered 2 places. He picked one of them and we agreed. I said it was a great restaurant to which he replied " better company :)" So basically he suggested the 2nd date but wanted me to choose so I did. Right now I'm leaning towards the side of me paying for both. Saying something like " I'll get this one since you got the last" smile and reach for bill. If he adamantly objects, I'll let him pay. If not, I'll continue to pay. Do the details of date 2/ how it was planned change any of your opinions? NO!! He should pay! It's a second date. 1
SunnySide0418 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 To clarify a bit the 2nd date set up went like this. I texted him the follow day after date 1 saying I had good time and thanks for a fun night. He replied saying he had a good time too and would like to do it again, also to let him know when I'm free:) I gave him 2 days and he said he was free on both, he chose the closer date. He told me I should probably pick the place has his abilities were a bit hit or miss ( ie for date 1 the place he suggested was ridiculously crowded so we didn't stay and found a different place. It wasn't as nice but I was easy going about it- honestly didn't care about the change too much just wanted to get somewhere and sit and get to know him) So I told him I'd think of something and offered 2 places. He picked one of them and we agreed. I said it was a great restaurant to which he replied " better company :)" So basically he suggested the 2nd date but wanted me to choose so I did. Right now I'm leaning towards the side of me paying for both. Saying something like " I'll get this one since you got the last" smile and reach for bill. If he adamantly objects, I'll let him pay. If not, I'll continue to pay. Do the details of date 2/ how it was planned change any of your opinions? Actually, you can offer him money and see if he takes it. If he does you know what kind of guy he is.
SunnySide0418 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I usually do a cheap first date, drinks... Only $20 tops usually if that. I offer to pay the first 2 dates since it's the gentleman thing to do. Why only the first two? And on the third date you ask her for money? How exactly does that work?
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Exactly! After a few dates!!! The guys on here seem to think a woman should pay something right away. TURN OFF There is some mysogny and sexism going on here or maybe a little trolling There have been some comments that are "inflammatory" in a few posts around the site lately. The sexist, old-fashioned attitude is that women should stay in the kitchen while at the same time expecting women to be more "decadent". The "decadent' woman has an independent, stable, secure life of her own and can/will reciprocate on dates now and again. She will not give all that up to stay at home and in the kitchen, if they guy can't or won't support her and the kids and the home. How will she know that if he's being a skin flint on a few dates. And, if she's giving up her own life for him and her livelihood that supports her needs and wants and he better be willing and able to give her the things she's been able to give herself before he came along and/or make her life better.
jay1983 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 You would actually take money from a woman on a first date? Wow. I'm sorry but that's just tacky. It's the principle. You men want to be looked at as MEN but you expect a woman to pay right away?. Is that seriously how you were raised? I totally agree after the man takes her out a few times it's a nice gesture for the woman to pick up the check but you guys (some of you) seem to expect it every time! Typically the man makes more than the woman anyway. Well here's the thing. You don't dictate what makes a man a man. Are expected sex after he pays? Don't think so. You don't wanna pay your share? Next!
RoseVille Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 If he asked, he pays. If you asked, you make an effort to pay. But I'd ditch him afterward if he actually lets you pay for the entire thing. 1
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Wow, there are some entitled bitches on here... Pot calling kettle black, Cessna I have earned my place in life like men have had to do. I am capable of supporting myself and an entire family if need be. I will not give that up for someone who can't/won't or doesn't want to give me everything I am able to do for myself.
clia Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 To clarify a bit the 2nd date set up went like this. I texted him the follow day after date 1 saying I had good time and thanks for a fun night. He replied saying he had a good time too and would like to do it again, also to let him know when I'm free:) I gave him 2 days and he said he was free on both, he chose the closer date. He told me I should probably pick the place has his abilities were a bit hit or miss ( ie for date 1 the place he suggested was ridiculously crowded so we didn't stay and found a different place. It wasn't as nice but I was easy going about it- honestly didn't care about the change too much just wanted to get somewhere and sit and get to know him) So I told him I'd think of something and offered 2 places. He picked one of them and we agreed. I said it was a great restaurant to which he replied " better company :)" So basically he suggested the 2nd date but wanted me to choose so I did. Right now I'm leaning towards the side of me paying for both. Saying something like " I'll get this one since you got the last" smile and reach for bill. If he adamantly objects, I'll let him pay. If not, I'll continue to pay. Do the details of date 2/ how it was planned change any of your opinions? My opinion hasn't changed at all. He asked you out; let him pay. If you must, get the tip or an after dinner drink. 1
whirl3daway Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Holy crap, reading through these comments from some women are really eye-opening. I don't expect men to pay my way for anything, I've never had anything handed to me. Sunnyside mentioned that her father raised her this way... my father did not raise me this way [he's an abusive jerk] so maybe that's the difference. I've had to earn everything I have and I feel guilty if men want to pay for me all the time. I've dated a few men who pay the majority of the time and I've always been really grateful and surprised.
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 It's nice to see that a majority of women do believe they should reciprocate after a few dates by picking up the check or buying the drinks before dinner. Again, it's SEVERAL dates in where you both feel like the relationship has staying power. I've dated a few women for a month that NEVER, ever reached for the check or their purse for anything nor did they invite me to their place and cook me dinner. Right or wrong, I thought that was odd. It made me feel like I was just being used to entertain them and was expected. It was a turn off for me and usually a deal breaker, especially when I knew they had a good job and income. Don't get me wrong, I am a believer in the men should pay the majority of the time too. As for my earlier post, saying the first date asking/insisting to pay half the bill, in most cases for me, I'd get a thanks and a hug and never hear from them again, even after not letting them pay. Several female friends have told me they want to pay for half when they are not interested in seeing the guy again and don't want to feel obligated to kiss them or more after the date. I should also share that other girls have offered that I saw again but they offered in a polite way.
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) It's nice to see that a majority of women do believe they should reciprocate after a few dates by picking up the check or buying the drinks before dinner. Again, it's SEVERAL dates in where you both feel like the relationship has staying power. I've dated a few women for a month that NEVER, ever reached for the check or their purse for anything nor did they invite me to their place and cook me dinner. Right or wrong, I thought that was odd. It made me feel like I was just being used to entertain them and was expected. It was a turn off for me and usually a deal breaker, especially when I knew they had a good job and income. Don't get me wrong, I am a believer in the men should pay the majority of the time too. As for my earlier post, saying the first date asking/insisting to pay half the bill, in most cases for me, I'd get a thanks and a hug and never hear from them again, even after not letting them pay. Several female friends have told me they want to pay for half when they are not interested in seeing the guy again and don't want to feel obligated to kiss them or more after the date. I should also share that other girls have offered that I saw again but they offered in a polite way. Yep, that's why it's about balance. The man gets the ball rolling and if the woman is truly interested she will reciprocate more and more until things are balanced. If a woman doesn't reciprocate effectively, the man will do what women do -- question the interest level. And, let's say we got to the second or third date and I found that I didn't have the interest I needed from him or had myself for him, I would pay for that date and tell him we weren't a good match. In order to ensure that I did pay for that date, I would wait for the waitress to take our order and then excuse myself to the ladies' room and take the waitress aside and give her my card before the bill was brought. I've done this too, when there had been several dates and he'd been insisting on paying up to that point. And, keep in mind, that after a few dates, the couple will likely be going out less and less and maybe spending more time cooking for each other. So the guy isn't paying for dates forever, it's just the first few or so. Edited June 1, 2015 by Redhead14
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Holy crap, reading through these comments from some women are really eye-opening. I don't expect men to pay my way for anything, I've never had anything handed to me. Sunnyside mentioned that her father raised her this way... my father did not raise me this way [he's an abusive jerk] so maybe that's the difference. I've had to earn everything I have and I feel guilty if men want to pay for me all the time. I've dated a few men who pay the majority of the time and I've always been really grateful and surprised. Men should always pay for 1st/2nd date, or at least offer.. It's the gentleman/chivalrous thing to do. After that, it's polite to take turns paying, but the guy should still be the provider and take care of things if needs be. That's how I approach it. Some women who are more progressive like to pay on 1st/2nd date, and if they insist I'm OK with going Dutch.
whirl3daway Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Men should always pay for 1st/2nd date, or at least offer.. It's the gentleman/chivalrous thing to do. After that, it's polite to take turns paying, but the guy should still be the provider and take care of things if needs be. That's how I approach it. Some women who are more progressive like to pay on 1st/2nd date, and if they insist I'm OK with going Dutch. I've seriously never expected anyone to "take care of things" for me. Maybe I need to change my perspective on this? Is this something men like doing?
Recommended Posts