emagdnim Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 First off im 25 this girl is 21, I met her and we forged a good bond over text (OLD) kind of chatted off and on for a while and then got together last week for the first time. She lives 45 minutes away so I drove out to see her. I had a great time, really enjoyed myself and felt that it went well. We're both naturally quiet but talked our heads off and I had her laughing for almost the entire time. I could tell that she was a little shy/nervous but it didn't bother me. Spent about 3 hours together. Things over text continued like they did before we hung out. We skyped a couple of times (when she was drunk) I find when we talk when shes sober shes fairly reserved and doesn't express her feelings very well or flirt etc. Only when she's drunk do I hear her say she wants to see me and things like that. We had a hangout planned for this current weekend that's now over, but she discouraged me from driving to see her yesterday because there was a big event that way that she wanted to go to with her friends and she told me to come out today instead (sunday). So anyway, yesterday (the day that she discourgaged me from coming) after she got drunk she kept telling me to come out and drink with her and her friends on short notice. I wouldn't have a place to stay and with the festival going on and hotels being booked and also I made plans myself because she didn't want me there initially and she told me this days in advance. But she got drunk/stoned etc and was quite good at guilting me for the entire night about not driving out there. Anywa, now today she was hungover so that didn't work out either and we couldn't hang out. She suggested (when she was drunk) that Monday would be good and is now telling me that she works Monday and can't remember suggesting that. So now I'm stuck here with my head spinning. We both work so all I can do is try again for next weekend. She isn't eager to reschedule but then again only speaks her feelings when she's drunk or on drugs. She also has 95% male friends so trying to make sure that I stay out of that zone. I want to get to know her better but the flakiness is frustrating. Do I stand my ground here or just play it cool? She's so shy that it's hard to tell how she's really feeling. Thank you all.
GTR King Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 if she has flaked once then just tell her a date/time/place you wanna meet. if she flakes again then move on if she really liked you she wouldn't of flaked on you 4
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I agree, shyness is no excuse. If she can't show you her attraction for you being sober, then it's just a pile of BS. Not sure why she would be interested in having a BF anyways, when she gets all the attention she needs from all those male friends. We all know those guys aren't interested in friendship. Not sure why you would want to get involved with a girl that has guys orbiting around her 24 7. 3
Omei Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I just wont deal with flaky peeps its one of my deal breakers, it shows lack of priority and commitment. If I make plans with someone and I party the night before I make sure its not to a point where it would effect my commitment. A lot of people seem to have a lack of respect for other peoples time and efforts. 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 She sounds like she's young and enjoys partying and having fun.. My ex did that kind of stuff (calling me drunk asking me to come party, etc.) and it was the worst relationship (well really the only one lol) that I ever had. Nothing wrong with what she's doing though, you just need to ask yourself if you're OK dating someone like this? She could be a good lay lol. In all honesty I'd put your foot down though, her flakiness is for BS reasons, and you NEED to call her out on it. She will probably respect you for it most likely, especially if she somewhat likes you. In my experience when I call out a girl on their BS, it makes them even more attracted to me.
Author emagdnim Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) Thank you all. I was getting conflicting advice on this but you all seem to be on the same page. She actually is trying to arrange for me to see her tomorrow now before she works. Again cant tell if shes doing this because she WANTS TO or doing this because it'll ease her guilt. Hard to find a balance between telling her not to do this out of guilt (theres other things I could be doing) and also trying to t ell her that at the same time I want to see her. We would hang out around lunch time ish with a few hours to spare, but it is forecasted to rain and I'm not familiar with the area (feeling a lot of pressure). Been doing a lot of googling and anything indoorsy and fun is not opened until later in the day. This happened the last time I went out too, had to quickly try to learn the area (rural town) and come up with something but it was sunnier then. Edited May 31, 2015 by emagdnim
Author emagdnim Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) What do you guys think? is this worth trying to figure out or should I just try to reschedule or not ever reschedule. Also our original plan was to go hiking before the hangover happened so now I'm left to car ride / lunch / thats probably it as she is not inviting me over Edited June 1, 2015 by emagdnim
Author emagdnim Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Whats a good way to go about doing that? I said would that even give you enough time to get ready, etc. her response "I think itll be ok" but again very nonchalant attitude. I semi-agreed to this but am having second thoughts. I wish I could just ask her if shes just doing this for the sake of doing this but Im sure that wont lead to any good.
loveweary11 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I'm really used to party chicks like this. Give her a pass on this weekend. She'll make it up to you....or... if she does it again and you really like her, call her out in a nice way. Like poke fun at her for being a flake, but make sure she knows you don't take sh"t like that. 1
hollycraze Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Next time, plan on making appointment no more than 3 days, then says, "I'm busy...my time is money, so don't fail me, OK?!" Just be bold! If she slakes, then you say, "it's okay, maybe next time..." she'll be flaking on you again and again!
Author emagdnim Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 (edited) First of all to whoever reads and responds to these, I just want to say I am appreciative of your time! Alright so I ended up doing the car ride. She seemed pretty strange at first but anyway I gave my best effort and it overall went well, made out at the end but of course that was my doing. Tried to arrange next hangout for a week after a few days after this hangout and she just said she can't the days I suggested cause she has to work or has plans. So I said ok you let me know when you get some free time since she didn't offer another time. I feel like I must be stupid or something. Her flirtiness level is not much although she tells me shes not good at showing feelings, but she used to flirt over text which has declined at least I think. She still texts me non-stop most days, and is still throwing BS at me like sending me pictures of her with these bunch of guys saying that I should be there to which I just ignore or say it looks fun or wahtever. I don't know why she does this? She especially texts me this stuff when shes drinking and I have ignored it or delayed responding on some occasions and shes called me out for ignoring her asking me why Im ignoring her etc. Problem is I'm worried that I'm going to start showing this frustration and push her further away. Trying my hardest to stay nonchalant and act like I don't care but I kind of do. Hanging out every 2 weeks and not knowing what she thinks of me is making my mind race. I'm feeling that I'm probably overreacting but it's so easy to be blinded Edited June 6, 2015 by emagdnim
Author emagdnim Posted June 6, 2015 Author Posted June 6, 2015 should I just wait and see if she gets in touch about hanging out again?
Author emagdnim Posted June 17, 2015 Author Posted June 17, 2015 just an update, we ended up at a "stand off" it felt like. I wanted to see if she would put some effort in so I didn't initiate for a few days after she pulled the drunk "come here" texts again. I was basically only interested in her setting up a time to hang out or at least displaying some level of interest. It was even getting annoying to text her from the responses she was giving. She never did appear interested in hanging out again when sober, I felt like I left the ball in her court to tell me when she was available which she said she would but never did do. As much as I wouldve just liked to continue the silence, I had to get some closure because from what I read on here the guy is supposed to be putting in a lot of effort to "win her over" in the early stages and that she doesn't owe you anything etc. It was really playing on my mind and I actually still feel like I "failed" to an extent, wondering what more I should have done etc. The silence was eating me up. How was she so interested in me before and to go like this so quickly. It surprisde me how close I felt to her because of all the stupid texting we had done almost daily for months and for it to go to zero. So after not hearing from her for 5 days I reached out, she kind of ignored me, so I said something along the lines of i'll take the hint, no hard feelings, cya later type deal. cant remember exactly but it was pretty short and felt that it'd give me enough closure. she didnt respond to this but snapchatted me not long after this saying something completely unrelated, to which I ignored. how can you differentiate whether she wasnt interested and whether she was on the fence and i didnt try hard enough/ pulled the cord too early.
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