ConfusedAlone Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Hey everyone i need some advice and sorry in advance this is going to be LONG and confusing! So to start i was in a 4 year relationship and i knew the girl for 3 years beforehand and we started as best friends. She was in another relationship at the time but i wasnt looking for one either so we got close and became best friends for the first 3 years. Her relationship with the other guy ended after, ironically enough, 4 years with the other guy and it turned out he didnt communicate with her and as it turns out now he is gay and with a new partner. When we started dating she would say she had a special feeling for her previous ex and she was hoping she would have that with me eventually. Things were great for the 4 years, we never broke up or needed space. I actually instantly moved in with her and her parents staying there pretty much everynight for the 4 years we were together and i became really close with her family and not just her parents but her aunts/uncles and cousins. It got to the point were i was friends with her neighbors and her parents friends. Anyway so for the past 2 years shes been asking when i was going to buy her a ring and as of 4 months ago we started looking for a house together. About a month ago i made plans to buy a ring and propose and was going to the jewler with my buddy. I was going to go on a Saturday to the jewler, but the Friday before i went she randomly told me she wanted space. It caught me off guard and it turns out she started talking to a guy from work. I stopped staying over but we made plans to hang out 3 times a week still. She was honest with me and was telling me she was also hanging out with this new guy and telling me he was "making her heart melt" by what he was saying. It turns out i was saying the same things to her but for some reason it meant more coming from him. She told me i needed to work on all these things so i started to do that while she wanted her space. The problem to me is while she wanted space from me she talked to this guy every single day but would be reluctant to text me at all. When we hung out for the planned days she said it was the happiest shes been in months with me but was scared it wouldnt last. So this went on for 2 weeks and she told me she didnt want to be physical to either of us to be fair. It turns out she cheated on me on the Sunday of the second week a day after we hung out and then the following Monday before she told me she asked to have sex with me and we did. At the time i thought it was a good sign because i didnt know she had cheated the night prior. She told me after we got done and i was devastated. She then said "having sex with him made me realize what i wanted and brought us closer" and said there was a 99% chance we'd stay together but she didnt want to make the decision right now because she was being emotional. So less than a week later after taking her out again i go to see her and she tells me "the new guy just left but i cant be with you anymore". I was like how did it go from 99% to 0% in less than a week?? She said i was waiting for that feeling to come that i had in my previous relationship but it never came. But with the new guy i have that same feeling back. She said i love you but i was "never" in love with you, even though she wanted a house, kids and to marry me for the past 2 years. I packed my stuff up and left. Heres were it gets confusing and frustrating. So she broke up with me on a Monday and 3 hours after she texted me asking if i was ok. I apparently was being an ass in my responses and she ended by saying we need time and space. I ignored that text and thought that was that. Well that Thursday she called me and i reluctantly picked up. She said "i was going to just come over but thought id call".. no crap. So we talked for an hour about what happened and at the end she said i want to see you in person tomorrow can i come over. I agreed, probably shouldnt have, but i was thinking why do you want to come over if we just talked about things on the phone. Keep in mind shes with this new guy this whole time. She comes over we say hey and 2 minutes later she says "this is awkward" and starts making out with me. Eventually she pushes me away and says "you are more dangerous than i thought to see". So she left eventually and again i thought that was that. SO that Sunday, 2 days later, she unexpectedly shows up at my house without calling or texting prior. I was shocked to see her and we walked and talked. She starts telling me about this guy, "hes not my type physically, im sexually frustrated with him already, my parents dont like him for some reason" im like why are you telling me this. Midway through the walk she kisses me again and then says "i miss all these things about you blah blah" then she starts holding my hand again like nothings wrong. So we get back to my house and we got to my room to talk more. Next thing i know shes having sex with me again, i know i probably shouldnt have let that happen especially after shes telling me shes sexually frustrated. She ends up leaving but then texts me at 5:30 the next morning saying "good morning i just wanted to say i hope you have a good day :)". Again i start texting back, nothing too exciting just small talk. This goes on for 3 days until Wednesday. I'm about to go to sleep and i check facebook and see theres a picture of her and new guy at a restaurant that we went to for all 4 of our anniversaries and keep in mind its been less than a week since we broke up. She texts me almost immediately after i saw the picture, it was actually weird. At this point im done. I ignore her texts, she sent 4 that night and one goodmorning one the next day. I go to work and as i leave she calls 3 times, again ignoring them. Finally i get home and i just text her "whats up?" and she instantly calls and shes almost in tears saying shes worried and thought i was dead. Im like what? i told her stop worrying about me you have a new guy to worry about and she goes from upset to pissed at me. She stops trying to text or call for a few days until Sunday. She calls twice and then texts me sayin "i really want to see you i have to fill you in on something". I said tell me now she said no in person. So i feel for that tactic and the next day she comes over and tells me that her mom was mad because shes been "Stalking me" and talking to me. Keep in mind her mom didnt want us to breakup and reached out to me saying she missed me alot. So shes over and starts kissing me again then pushing me away saying i cant do this im in love with this new guy. Im like you kissed me and how can you be in love with him its been a month and less than that since youve been "together". She says i cant help the way i feel and i can see myself marrying him... I was like what... you just said that to me a few months ago and your thing with him is still new. She said "it doesnt feel new to me" whatever that means. So she keeps kissing me periodically and everytime would say i cant do this i love this man, new guy. I'm like well you loved him last Sunday and still slept with me so you technically already cheated on this guy your "in love" with. No response to that. Then i ask why she was "waiting" for a feeling for me from a previous FAILED relationship instead of letting what we had grow. I also asked why she wanted to have the same "feeling" for more than one person and how would that make them "the one". The only thing she said was "the feeling i have for the new guy is BETTER than what i had for the ex before you". I just let it go didnt want to/care to get into it. So i said the 4 years and 7 years total meant nothing. She said "no ill always love you and care for you and ill always give you some of my attention it would kill me if you didnt want to be friends." Right before she left i said "Im still hurt because i know we will never be together again", She looks at me dead in the eye and says "i dont know what the future holds". Im thinking if your "in love" with this new guy why would you say that.. If im in love with someone im not thinking ill ever be with someone else... Also shes the type of person who ALWAYS has goals and plans in life so for her to say that is odd. So shes leaving and she kisses me AGAIN and says "goodbye i love you" i said "What did you just say??". She repeats it and i just stare at her and say "well you know how i feel so goodbye". She texted me that night saying ill talk to you soon goodnight! That was Monday and I haven't heard from her since. Probably for the best but still hurts. Final recap! So im just confused because shes telling me "i just want to be friends i dont want to be with you right now". And saying how shes in love already and he may be "the one" after a month. But then she was texting me daily and trying to hang out with me and being intimate like nothing happened. Im just so confused. Also every time since we broke up shes been the one whose initiated contact, until the past 6 days. I may be overthinking everything but another thing is i gave her a fake rose mixed in with real roses and said "ill love you until the last rose dies" knowing its fake and she kept it in her car. I told her id take it and throw it away but she refuses to let me take it or get rid of it, its still in her car. And i gave her a diamond ring 4 years ago when we started dating, "promise ring" or whatever and she refuses to give that back and still wears it from what ive seen/ she says. I just dont get how it all happened and the worst is she doesnt seem to be upset or hurt by it and just has this new guy to go to. Her actions are different than her words, or at least where up until she stopped reaching out to me. I just cant stop thinking about what shes doing and her being with him... I know i need to move on somehow but i really still love her even after all of this BS. Sorry for the really long read, if you stuck with it THANK YOU!! and if you have some advice thank you as well! 1
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 All we really needed was the title. All you really need is to fully, slowly and completely read the No Contact Guide. 3
iceteaguy Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 My man its what ex's usually do when the end things for another person, its still hard for them to let go, even though they want to let go. She's still getting to know this new guy that she left you for, but misses some little things about you, the way you guys talked or stupid things you would say or do. Bottom line is your her safety net now. Here are your options 1. Remain her safety net. More pain and longer to move on for you 2. Go No Contact and start the healing process (grief your loss, let it out and move on) Its tough at first, man I'm only on day 5 of NC 1
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 This is unfair for you hermano. It's true you are her safety net, DO NOT let her swindle you into thinking that there one day maybe a chance of reconciliation. Considering she's cheating on this guy imagine what she would do if you were in his shoes. It's not worth the pain. I am on 3 weeks of NC and when you realize all of the wrongdoings it gets easier. Annoyingly but truthfully, It WILL heal with time. Hermano, you will find someone who appreciates you for you, no matter what you will find someone who will love you and not play with you. Best of luck -F 1
Satu Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Don't be her Plan B, or Fallback guy. *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying.
Fleur de cactus Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 It hurts when someone you love does such things to you. She is nothing else but a selfish narcissistic woman who thinks that no man cannot resist her. I think she is right since you continue to stay in relationship with her, having sex with her knowing that she made it clear that she loves someone else. In her mind and her plan is to keep you around in a case it does not work with the new bf then she can have where to go. She will come back telling you that she made up her mind and you are the only one she loves. Basically her mind is a mess, she does not love anyone only herself and does not care about you guys. SHe is a game player and is good at it. She will continue to manipulate you, and will be on for a long time. You showed her how weak you are by keeping sleeping with her, opening door for her, etc. I dont think she will change. Please stop this relationship before you end up in psychiatric center. It is hard but try it. go no contact. Tell her it is over. block her numbers and fb. YOu deserves better. Stay strong.
stillafool Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 You have to block her so she can't get in touch with you. Until you block her you will constantly be in pain. Why haven't you blocked her?
mightycpa Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 So im just confused because shes telling me "i just want to be friends i dont want to be with you right now". Not sure what confuses you about that... it's very clear. Cut the cord, amigo. Block her everywhere.
Recommended Posts