majetta Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Hey, okay...here's my story: I met my...ex(feels weird to call him that) three+ years ago. Became best friends. Fell in love with him instantly. Told him how I felt. He ran away. Best friends again. Told me he was gay. I accepted it. We messed around. Acted like a couple but we just said we were friends...even though we held hands, dates all of the time, arms around each other constantly, etc. TOTALLY messed with my mind and emotions. Then last October he told me that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me, have kids, etc...that he couldn't be happier with any other person. Up until this point I thought he was gay. My dream was coming true and I was completely elated...and cautious. I made SURE he was "sure" and then we started to date...officially. I broke up with him in February (didn't really feel right...), but we both decided that we still love each other dearly and that we'd go back out in the Fall once I move back and his summer of being gone is over. He sends me an email (an EMAIL, mind you) the other day telling me that he's realized something that he's never really fully grasped before...he's a "homosexual". umm, NO SHIOT. I just thought our love (which in itself is amazing...and will always be.) would withstand/conquer all. I've been through SO MUCH with him. He's messed with my mind and emotions as if they were nothing. I don't know if I should stay best friends/friends with him. I don't know if I can handle him talking about his new BF's, sex, etc. I don't know if I should be expected to. On the other hand we have something special and if we can't be in a relationship, best friends is the next best thing, right? Any ideas? He's been a part of my life for so long I don't know if I can let go or if it's the right thing to do. *very confused* -A
faux Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 If this man told you he was a homosexual, what made you think that he would be in a relationship with you for the rest of his life? You knew he was gay when you started to mess around. I don't know why this man told you he wanted to marry you and have children with you if he was gay, and how you took him seriously when he had already told you about his sexual orientation. This entire situation confuses me.
moimeme Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Remain friends if it's not too painful for you. But don't hold out hope that he'll change sexual orientation. It's not a choice and can't be changed, 'true love' or no.
Author majetta Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 It's almost impossible to describe what we have. He described it once as a synergy. The time we spend together is absolutely amazing even after knowing each other for so long...we both feel like we're in a different place when we're together. We've always been close physically even before he told me he was "gay". He doesn't really act gay and that's always made it harder to accept also. I guess a part of me didn't want to believe that he was completely gay. After he told me that he wanted to be with me, the person who makes him the happiest, I asked him how that was possible and he said that he must be bisexual. The situation is anything but easy to understand, no doubt. He's been my life, my worrying, my grief, my...everything. For over two years I was in a relationship without it actually having a name, then I was in a relationship with a gay man, and now...an ex of one. I've felt like I've been put through the ringer a billion times. His confusion as to what he exactly wants has not made the last few years of my life easy ones. I was just wondering what is expected of someone in my situation? I feel like I've been carrying, playing, and just being with someone for quite some time and all of a sudden he stopped dead in his tracks....and I kept going...off a cliff. Should I climb back up, turn around, and continue being by his side or is enough enough? What we have is amazing, but how much is enough? It's really all becoming so numb to me now I don't think I can judge if I've been treated unfairly enough to say adios. My objectivity is in the way. Well, thanks for your replies, guys! -A
sg Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Hi there... I had a somewhat similar situation to yours. I dated a guy for over 2 years, very seriously (talking marriage, kids, the whole thing). Eeeeeverybody around us thought he was gay but we were both in major denial (he was just very in touch with his feminine side, he used to say!). Our breakup was awful, and happened for reasons other than his sexual orientation. He was a huge jerk to me. Six months after we broke up he figured himself out and came out of the closet. *I* didn't hear about it until 9 months after THAT because I went immediately to NC at the breakup. I would really really advise you to step out of this for awhile. He is NOT going to change and you are setting yourself up for misery, guaranteed, if you think your 'mystical' connection or whatever is going to make a difference. I strongly suggest that you disentangle yourself from him for a few months. You will only gain perspective by stepping away.
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