Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 He sends "I'M F'ING LIVID RIGHT NOW THANKS TO YOU."
caringsister Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 You can start a plan of action by talking with a therapist, alerting law enforcement, letting friends and family know what's going on. You don't have to be with him. If you are afraid of him all the more reason to get away from him. I'd make sure the cops knew he has a gun You can free yourself if you want to. Where there is a will there is a way. 2
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 He says I have to admit to his face that I'm a f'ing liar and and don't love him. I responded that I don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore and there's nothing else to talk about. He says "there's plenty to talk about, you idiot. Admit that you have been lying to me for years." This is the scary part. If I say anything like I don't love you anymore, that's when he really goes ballistic. I'm going to pack a small bag and head out to the bookstore or the mall for a while. There's a possibility he may leave work and come here now.
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 "dump me to my face tonight you f'ing liar. Meet me somewhere."
caringsister Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 He sends "I'M F'ING LIVID RIGHT NOW THANKS TO YOU." What else is new. He sounds like he is a constant hot head any way. If you are serious about getting free from this guy let the police know what's going on and let him know you've alerted the police and to stay the hell away from you. Prepare for anger and then prepare for I'm sorry baby. I'd go stay at a friends house for a few days. Let it resinate that you are serious. Only if you are serious that is. If your not this is all just part of the five years on again off again pattern you two have. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Otherwise it's bs 1
Satu Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 he says i have to admit to his face that i'm a f'ing liar and and don't love him. I responded that i don't want to be in a relationship with him anymore and there's nothing else to talk about. He says "there's plenty to talk about, you idiot. Admit that you have been lying to me for years." this is the scary part. If i say anything like i don't love you anymore, that's when he really goes ballistic. I'm going to pack a small bag and head out to the bookstore or the mall for a while. There's a possibility he may leave work and come here now. call the police, now! 3
caringsister Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 On the way to the bookstore pop by the police station and give them a heads up 2
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Leaving an abuser is a very dangerous time, so I would make sure it is a planned event with the necessary support and a safety plan and not just a spur of the moment decision. The reality is that the most dangerous time for a survivor/victim is when she leaves the abusive partner; 75% of domestic violence related homicides occur upon separation and there is a 75% increase of violence upon separation for at least two years. Barriers to Leaving an Abusive Relationship « Center For Relationship Abuse Awareness I know a work colleague that left her abusive, dangerous criminal partner. She had the help of police, social workers, her sons, her friends, her work colleagues, her work, everyone knew and supported her. The day she moved out was carefully planned for months and even once she was in her new abode, she had a few scary episodes where the police were involved, after he found out where she was living. He followed the daughter home one night and found the mother that way. She was about 4'6 and he was 6'2 of pure muscle, and it had been going on for years, but she was one very courageous woman IMO. Eventually it all settled down and he left her alone. 2
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 I truly mean it but it's still hard and frightening. He may just scream and yell a lot but I'm not willing to take the chance that it will get physical when he realizes that I truly mean it. I don't want to hear anymore of his excuses about his out-of-control temper or how he's never going to do it again. I'm done. 1
CountessKerouac Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 My 35 yo bf and I have been together, on and off, for 5 years. We don't live together and we're not going to live together because he won't manage his temper. He stormed out of my house last night, screamed "**** YOU" at the top of his lungs and slammed the door. First, he got mad (yes, mad) because he didn't like the brand of hot dogs that I made for him as a snack or the kind of chips I had in the house. "Apparently, I'm going to have to go to McDonald's when I leave." You could see the anger on his face. I picked the food up off the table and took it back to the kitchen. He yells across the room that now the least I could do was come over and "suck his cock" but I offered sex instead. I can't even explain the frenzy he was in to climb on top of me. When I shifted my leg over so I could quickly smear some lube on me, he freaked out and jumped up like he was on fire. He screamed at me that I was pushing him away. That's when he snatched his clothes up and left. I explained what I was doing but he was hearing nothing. So I woke up this morning to more "**** you" messages and I chose to ignore them. I'm not a teenager who lives and dies by the cellphone, so I'm not wasting my entire day arguing with him over texts while he's at work and I'm cleaning my house. I sent him that message but it just made things worse. Now he texts that I'm ignoring him on purpose just to piss him off and he's calling me a dumbass and says that I'm causing his anger. He feels completely justified to say anything and everything he wants when he's mad. He name calls, cusses me out, and says horrible things. When his temper has finally blown over, he thinks that I should just forget it all. He doesn't take responsibility for how he handles conflict. When he calms down, he tells me that he loves me, I drive him crazy, I'm his soulmate, etc. I'm having a hard time dealing with this because it's not how I resolve conflict. I don't call him every nasty thing that I can think of when I'm upset about something. I'm not perfect, sometimes I raise my voice, but I explain what I'm mad about and why I'm mad. I've hinted in the past that we might be better off going our separate ways but that doesn't end well either. He's convinced himself that we are supposed to be together. I simply cannot handle him. He's texting me over and over, demanding a reply. He says I should make up for last night by cooking for him and then giving him sex like I'm supposed to. If I don't respond, he's going to start calling me a bitch, a cunt, a dumb ass, lazy, the cause of his anger, etc., but he won't let me break up with him. He'll come over after work and bang on my door and send me 1000 text messages and complain that I have wasted the last five years of his life. I was in a long term relationship not unlike yours for 7 years. The first 5 years were amazing and I ignored his temper and anger because other stuff was so amazing. He also wanted to live with me and I refused because of the anger issues. It will never go away. He will continue to be this way. The only thing you can control is what YOU do. I broke up with mine when I finally couldn't take it anymore. He is obviously no longer adding to your life and from the sounds of things he is actually subtracting from your life. Please please please for the love of yourself and your worth LEAVE HIM NOW. I am not arbitrarily saying this. I have been through this exact scenario. I was scared of breaking up with him because of what I thought he might do because he was completely nuts. I cannot tell you the relief I felt when I finally stopped speaking to him and broke up with him. Don't waste your precious life and time dealing with an idiot like that. You deserve more and you deserve someone better. But to be honest being alone is better than dealing with that kind of crap. It REALLY is. 3
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Leaving an abuser is a very dangerous time, so I would make sure it is a planned event with the necessary support and a safety plan and not just a spur of the moment decision. I know a work colleague that left her abusive, dangerous criminal partner. She had the help of police, social workers, her sons, her friends, her work colleagues, her work, everyone knew and supported her. The day she moved out was carefully planned for months and even once she was in her new abode, she had a few scary episodes where the police were involved, after he found out where she was living. He followed the daughter home one night and found the mother that way. She was about 4'6 and he was 6'2 of pure muscle, and it had been going on for years, but she was one very courageous woman IMO. Eventually it all settled down and he left her alone. That's good to hear. My lease is up in two months but I wonder if I can get out of it earlier with proof of a restraining order.
Satu Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I truly mean it but it's still hard and frightening. He may just scream and yell a lot but I'm not willing to take the chance that it will get physical when he realizes that I truly mean it. I don't want to hear anymore of his excuses about his out-of-control temper or how he's never going to do it again. I'm done. If you mean what you say, you should call the police. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Phone the police. Don't tell him you're doing so. Don't respond to him any further. Let the police know he carries a gun. Show them the messages you've received from him. Can you stay in a motel for a few nights? As everyone else has said, he's an abuser. He is a sick and dangerous man. You're doing the right thing by ending it. Now you need to take steps to ensure your safety and well-being. Don't wait one minute more to call the police. 5
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 I was in a long term relationship not unlike yours for 7 years. The first 5 years were amazing and I ignored his temper and anger because other stuff was so amazing. He also wanted to live with me and I refused because of the anger issues. It will never go away. He will continue to be this way. The only thing you can control is what YOU do. I broke up with mine when I finally couldn't take it anymore. He is obviously no longer adding to your life and from the sounds of things he is actually subtracting from your life. Please please please for the love of yourself and your worth LEAVE HIM NOW. I am not arbitrarily saying this. I have been through this exact scenario. I was scared of breaking up with him because of what I thought he might do because he was completely nuts. I cannot tell you the relief I felt when I finally stopped speaking to him and broke up with him. Don't waste your precious life and time dealing with an idiot like that. You deserve more and you deserve someone better. But to be honest being alone is better than dealing with that kind of crap. It REALLY is. Did he just go away? Was he angry? Did he harass you? did you get a restraining order? I sincerely would like to hear how you did it. Please. 1
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 If you mean what you say, you should call the police. I just called the local sheriff's office. They said a deputy will be here within an hour and if there's a delay, the dispatcher will call me back. In the meantime, if he shows up, I will call 911. 3
CountessKerouac Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Did he just go away? Was he angry? Did he harass you? did you get a restraining order? I sincerely would like to hear how you did it. Please. I had moved to a new address for work and at that point he didn't know my new address so I was lucky in that regard. He didn't just go away. He called me constantly and texted me constantly about how I ruined his life. Whenever I would get on the phone with him, it became insane with yelling and crying. After a few months of that I stopped answering and blocked him. I would leave now before it gets physical. Stay with someone you feel safe with for a while and where he wouldn't know where to find you. Block him from your phone. He needs to deal with it away from you so that you don't get hurt. If it is just at yelling and screaming now you are at less risk now than if you wait. When the lease is up on your apartment, move and don't give him the address ever. I second calling the police and getting a restraining order if he escalates it after you make it clear. 2
CountessKerouac Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I just called the local sheriff's office. They said a deputy will be here within an hour and if there's a delay, the dispatcher will call me back. In the meantime, if he shows up, I will call 911. Good call. I still second staying with someone for while to let him cool off for a few days or weeks so that you are completely out of danger. 2
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 I had moved to a new address for work and at that point he didn't know my new address so I was lucky in that regard. He didn't just go away. He called me constantly and texted me constantly about how I ruined his life. Whenever I would get on the phone with him, it became insane with yelling and crying. After a few months of that I stopped answering and blocked him. I would leave now before it gets physical. Stay with someone you feel safe with for a while and where he wouldn't know where to find you. Block him from your phone. He needs to deal with it away from you so that you don't get hurt. If it is just at yelling and screaming now you are at less risk now than if you wait. When the lease is up on your apartment, move and don't give him the address ever. I second calling the police and getting a restraining order if he escalates it after you make it clear. I'm going to have to change service providers. He works for the company that currently provides my cell service. 1
CountessKerouac Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I'm going to have to change service providers. He works for the company that currently provides my cell service. I still would just do it if you can. It is much easier to clear your mind and ignore the insanity when it's not buzzing and ringing in your face every day. 2
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Has he hit you or done things like that physically? Have him meet up with you at the lobby of the local police, sheriff or state police station, to officially break with with him in person. He's not going to pull any crap in there. 1
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 I still would just do it if you can. It is much easier to clear your mind and ignore the insanity when it's not buzzing and ringing in your face every day. It feels like damned if you do, damned if you don't. On one hand it makes me feel like I can gauge what state he is in or maybe where he's at but on the other hand, I don't want to deal with it anymore. 1
Poppygoodwill Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Good for you for calling the Sherrif's office. Best thing to do is put it all on the record. Even if they can't do anything to him until he breaks the law, if they know the history, it will help things later. And maybe they could go and talk to him, put the fear of god into him? Anyhow, stay safe. It is a dangerous time, when they realize you're serious. But you definitely deserve better than this. Believe us all and keep reminding yourself that we ALL think it's true. And I'm sure your friends and family think the same thing, if you were to ask them. Keep strong. 2
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Did he just go away? Was he angry? Did he harass you? did you get a restraining order? I sincerely would like to hear how you did it. Please. It really doesn't matter how CountessKerouac left her bf, her bf is not your bf. If YOU are frightened he will get physical and that is not an unrealistic concern, then you have guard your safety. Being "ashamed" is not in your best interests any longer, tell your parents, get them to come and collect you or get a friend to do so. If you are concerned he will go to your parents house or your friend's house then get them to check you into a hotel. Wherever you go, please liaise with the police. 2
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 "You must enjoy pissing me off on purpose. You must enjoy getting yelled at and then trying to justify doing nothing wrong. Typical. Nothing wrong with me. Dumbf*cks give me **** for no reason, they hear it from me. Not a hard concept to understand now is it?"
Author FLfemale Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 "I'm not a f'ing coward like you. I want to dump you to your face because of all your lies and bull****. The One person who shouldn't be giving me any **** and treating me like I'm worth something is the first one to give me **** and brush me off like I'm some piece of ****. F*ck you, ignorant f*ck. Keep ignoring me. It just makes things that much better."
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