tangotango Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Hi All, To recap whats happened with my girlfriend of 7 years walking out - I will shorten it right down for you all as my original post was long winded. Been together over 7 years Lived together 6.5 years She walked out on me 3 weeks ago tomorrow. Said she was not happy and someone had to break the cycle. She gave me a warning a year ago - I said I would change and obviously didn't owing to my work for the large part. Over a month ago she gave me a further warning - I started to make the effort I should have been making to start with but I was moving too slow 3 weeks ago she left for some 'Space' and is staying at her mums locally. We have a house together - and are renting. We have the house until next year and are both responsible and named on it as with all the other bills. She has not come back to collect anything - when she left she took a handful of clothes that was it. The Bad Points I took her for granted - I have a job that was requiring me to work when I got home in the evenings - I essentially ignored her We had no social life - she was working late long hours too No sex for over 6 years!! Why I don't know - We both stopped trying... I never opened up about my lack of 'experience' When we were on a day off together - I would always answer my work phone... We could hardly get the same day off together - when we did we did not really do anything, in part neither of us could decide what to do... The Good Points We have been together over 7 years We have been through thick and thin together over the years with no money or jobs at one point Lots of holidays together lots of great laughs and memories I love her like crazy She is the best person to have entered my life ever I was going to ask her to marry me in September - something we both wanted but I obviously did not give the signs early enough as I didn't talk about it Since she has left - I have actually changed... a lot! I was an early riser and early finisher - she was a late riser and a night owl. I would be asleep when she wanted to do stuff... This has changed for me now - my body clock has changed somehow as I have been actively seeking the social life in the evenings (by myself) and now I stay up late and get up late... I have an appointment with the doctor ref my sex drive... I want the social life we never had I want us to to have the intimate relationship we never had We have been texting - primarily from me as she is struggling to initiate conversation and resisting my attempts to meet up despite us meeting for a nice meal in the first week post break It would appear I might have been making her feel guilty about the break by putting posts on Facebook for others about going the bar and such. Not intentional but I see why that might annoy her rotten. I have realised in 3 weeks how she must have been feeling for the last few years and I am truly horrified I made this girl feel like that - she loved and cared for me and I did this to her. The last 3 weeks have been a terrible prison sentence in my head of what not to do when someone loves you. What do I do guys - Do I try NC again? LC? Forget about it - even tho we have a house and such?? My head is ruined - sorry for posting again
Ruby65 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Dude, you take her for granted and don't have sex for six years? It's like being married -- but she never even got to have the wedding. This has gone so far off into a ditch for so long.... and you're only just paying attention now after she leaves you? I wouldn't count the many years you've spent together -- *not* appreciating her, *not* having sex with her -- as a plus here. This works against you. You're not married, you don't have a house together, no kids -- there's nothing to keep you together except for the quality of your relationship, which sounds like it wasn't so great. I don't mean to be harsh -- just trying to rein you in here on all this contact and get your hopes in check. Your only shot here is to go No Contact and hope she misses you enough to give you another chance. But as I posted in your last thread, the more you continue to contact her, the less likely this is to happen. Read and re-read the NC guide that's posted on this site every day if you have to! It's time to focus on YOU -- on healing. Stop reaching out to her as a source of comfort, let the other people in your life be there for you now. Post on sites like this. Follow the suggestions in the guide above -- THEY WORK. Good luck. 1
sandylee1 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 It's good that you're making changes for yourself. Do you have a set time period for this break, or is it over for her?
thekarmacist Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 if OP has been neglecting her for the last 7 years, IGNORING HER with NO CONTACT is going to be the worst thing he could do. that makes no sense at all. OP, you need to make a plan about how you are going to correct the problems you have that are hurting your partner, yourself, and any future you might have with this relationship or any other. you need to take action. see a psychologist;get therapy. make changes and not empty promises. show this woman you mean business. tell her what you are going to do and show her. then give her space while you get yourself together so she can heal. go slow, keep in contact. start anew. earn her trust.
Author tangotango Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Thanks for the replies No there is no set time for the break... I don't know if I can continue trying to get a 'normal' conversation out of her anymore... I try the odd light hearted text and she replies ok but the demeanour feels calculated and not her usual self as I know her?? I don't know what I am to try next - I have an appointment with a doctor about by drive but I am not getting the opportunity to tell her face to face! I am lost now... Feels like she is not open to having a face to face chat for fear of what I do not know. I'll have to wait and see if she gets in touch with me for a change... Remember - She didn't make any advances toward me for 6.5 years either.. We have hugged, cuddled and kissed every day for all those years but no sex. Was it all up to me to have sex??? I am at the point where I feel I am being pushed away as daft as that sounds being as I took her for granted... I'm not sending out invites to my pity party but I can't take this no more with her calculated no chatty responses... I have not got a clue what to do next other than stop texting her and see what comes if anything.
Thecondor1991 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Ok So I'm going to just come out and say it. It seems like this relationship is pretty much over. My ex didn't have sex with me for two months and I started panicking. Its not normal for a couple to be together for six years and have no sexual attraction to each other. I love the feeling of looking at my girl and knowing that I can just grab her and...well you get it. So the simple fact that you two were ok with that shows me that the relationship had a bunch of problems long before she left. I'm not saying sex is everything because it definitely isn't, however, having sex with your partner lets them know you still find them attractive, you still love them just as much as the day you met, and you still like to share that closeness.
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