ashley83 Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Hi, I'm new here and have been reading others posts, and it's making me feel better. I met a guy last year when he moved down here for college and fell in love. We are both 22. He just moved back to his home 2 hours away. He is basically my first love physically and emotionally, we were so compatible. He talked about being soooo in love with me all the time. His first gf cheated on him, so he so appreciated me. The only problem with our relationship was that he says that he *has* to move to NY for 3 years to finish his education, and that there is no way he can do it down here (SC), 700 miles away. I am in school also. He wanted badly to have a long distance relationship with me and truly believed that we'd be together in the end. I had doubts and didn't really want to promise myself to someone for 4 years.....but i loved him nonetheless so I stood bye all the while making him feel guilty by saying things like...."you say you love me but yuo're leaving....why can't you go to school down here??" Anyway, I kept trying to break up with him because I'm scared of a LD relationship, but always went back like 10 minutes later. This happened about 3 times. Anyway, the other day he decides that maybe it's better if we go our separate ways even though he still loves me and I love him. I asked him to stay.....as I am a romantic and believe that he is my true love..... We are currently NC, and it's so hard. I wonder if he'll try to contact me?? Did he ever truly love me if he's adamant about standing by his practical side and still go to NY even though he says he loves me more than anything in the world? Is there a chance for reconcilliation in the future when we have our stuff straight?? I'm so sad....and I know he is too. I just hope I get over this........
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Oh, i don't know if it is too late... But why can't you move to NY? What kind of school is he going to, college? or grad school? It's hard, but you can't insist a person change their life plan for you. You should work together to accomplish your goals. LDRs can work, it's just a little harder. But it seems like you are beyond that now. It seems like he started to believe you, since you were so adamant that it couldn't work. How can you convince him that you think differently now? How long has it been no contact?
Author ashley83 Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 He actually suggested that I move up there after I finish my schooling, which I have about 2 years. It's just that since he loves me so much, I'd think he do more to try to make sure we'd be together than just sayin...."hey ashley i'm leavin for 3 years" I'm just very emotional when it comes to love, and he is more practical I guess, and it's hard for me to understand We've been no contact for a few hours......he called me 5 times this morning.....and I just said that I need to heal, so could he please not call me.
alphamale Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 there is a song by Sting called "If U love somebody...set them free"
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 We've been no contact for a few hours Ha! I've been no contact with my bf all day! and we're still together. ... I wouldn't really say that it counts to be NC when you have already talked today. so, it is three years of school, not four. Is he going to law school? It's really not that long. If it's really what he wants to do, I don't think you should stop him. As is well known on this site, I'm in law school now and in a LDR with my bf. Many people at law school still have their bfs or gfs at home, it's very common. I don't see why it can't work. I think you might be too hard on him, this is really what he wants to do and he wants to stay with you while he does it. Why not? He'll have lots of breaks during school and he can spend them all with you.
MistressD Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Ya...I think LDRs can work. But, like holdon said...why cant you move up there? Does he want you to now? Is there a reason he would not want you there now? There is a book called...He is Just Not Into You If...and it might give you insight. You need to determine if he wants to go without you. Maybe he does...but maybe he doesnt. I think though that your inner voice is telling you something about this. You are questioning the love he has for you which maybe an issue. You are not confident in the relationship as an LDR but there must be a reason why. Listen to that inner voice! It is not that he is leaving that has you questioning. If you had the security in the relationship and in his love, I dont think it would be this much of a concern for you. Dont get me wrong it would be a concern but you would be questioning his love.
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 You need to determine if he wants to go without you I think that he wanted to stay with her, but then she pressured him about it and demanded that he stay there. Now, he's thinking that it's going to be so much trouble to stay with her and she's always going to be upset and how much work it will be to keep her happy. I think that he WAS defintely into her because he wanted her to move up there after school, and he wanted him to stay together. But then, she made it seem impossible, so he finally broke down and agreed...So, now, maybe he's not so into her anymore and it will be hard to win him back.
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