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Male friend refuses to see me because he likes me and im seeing someone else.

Sonya31

By Sonya31
in General Relationship Discussion

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Sonya31 New Member

Sonya31

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It's really sad, he really is my best friend...I've known him for 4 years. We did try dating but I just really don't feel that way about him but again, I love him dearly as a friend...he gets me and he always makes me laugh, very sweet but...

 

He refuses to hang out with me like we used to because I started seeing this guy. I tried calling him yesterday morning for breakfast to talk and bluntly told me that he can't hang out with me because his feelings for me are stronger than mine for his and it's something he can't control. Isn't true friendship about overcoming these issues? The worst part is my boyfriend has respect for him for doing this!

 

 

Most of the girls I know are so superficial and materialistic, I'm not that way at all. (He actually makes a lot more money than my bf as an example, but I make a good living and don't need financial support) but again I care for him deeply as a friend. It really hurts that he refuses to even see me.Before I met my bf we used to hang out all the time, I even invited him over to dinner and he said no, would not even give an explanation. He actually said to stop pushing him - that he didn't pressure me into the relationship he wanted and I shouldn't pressure him into a relationship he doesn't want, is he being a sore loser?

 

I'm really wondering how to approach this, is this some sort of game he's playing? I dearly want him in my life. Thank you.

Robert Z Established Member

Robert Z

Posted
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I'm really wondering how to approach this, is this some sort of game he's playing? I dearly want him in my life. Thank you.

 

 

Leave him alone. He obviously cares about you too much and can't take just "being friends".

 

 

Sorry sweetheart but you can't have it both ways.

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Sonya31 New Member

Sonya31

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I know lots of guys who are just friends with women though. They are man enough to stay friends why isn't he?

Robert Z Established Member

Robert Z

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I know lots of guys who are just friends with women though. They are man enough to stay friends why isn't he?

 

 

Either he doesn't see you as just a friend, or it is too painful to be with you when he can't BE WITH YOU.

 

 

That you would make this about him being a man or not is condescending and controlling. Don't be petty. He has feelings and is hurting. If you care about him so much then think about his feelings and not yours.

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LoveMachine67 Established Member

LoveMachine67

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I know lots of guys who are just friends with women though. They are man enough to stay friends why isn't he?

 

 

Because he loves you, and knowing you are with the other guy is crushing him. Why would you want to torture him like this?

 

Seems a bit selfish to expect him to still hang out with you when he's carrying a torch for you.

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Sonya31 New Member

Sonya31

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Because he loves you, and knowing you are with the other guy is crushing him. Why would you want to torture him like this?

 

Seems a bit selfish to expect him to still hang out with you when he's carrying a torch for you.

 

He's not crushed or anything like that, believe me if he was I'd understand and I'd let him be, I'm not a monster. He's dating other women. I said I want to be friends and he said it will go no where but south - how do you know if you don't try? I actully asked him straight out "I get a hard on every time I'm near you and I can't control it." Flattering no doubt but silly none the less and if I wasn't his girl then it' not worth my time and I shouldn't be hanging out with guys anyway if I have a boyfriend..which I do agree with but again I've known him for years, he's not some guy I just met. We've been there for eachother many times.

thefooloftheyear Established Member

thefooloftheyear

Posted
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Stop whining and leave the guy alone...Like another poster said, you cant have it both ways...And who knows, maybe you are pissing off your boyfriend by keeping the other guy as your "friend"

 

What he is doing is completely normal.

 

TFY

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LoveMachine67 Established Member

LoveMachine67

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He's not crushed or anything like that, believe me if he was I'd understand and I'd let him be, I'm not a monster. He's dating other women. I said I want to be friends and he said it will go no where but south - how do you know if you don't try? I actully asked him straight out "I get a hard on every time I'm near you and I can't control it." Flattering no doubt but silly none the less and if I wasn't his girl then it' not worth my time and I shouldn't be hanging out with guys anyway if I have a boyfriend..which I do agree with but again I've known him for years, he's not some guy I just met. We've been there for eachother many times.

 

Sonya, take it from me personally, as somebody who's going through something very similar to this right now with a woman that I cared deeply for, you being near him is torturing him.

 

As in my case, you dropped him for another guy whether you two were dating or not at the time. He held out hope you would give him another try, but instead you met someone else. As in my case, you now expect him to forget any romantic feelings he may have had and just be a friend?

 

Sorry, but to honest people like myself and your ex friend, we can't fake it and pretend that we don't still have feelings. I will not be "just friends" the woman in my case, and he will probably not want to ever be just friends with you, sorry. Your current BF would likely start having issues with you hanging out with this guy anyway, knowing how he still feels about you.

 

Your not a bad person for not feeling a mutual attraction to this former friend, but remember that in his mind you were far more than just a friend to him.

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No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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Quit contacting him, if you really were his friend you'd respect his wishes instead of trying to cake eat. Yes yes there are women with male best friends but those best friends aren't in love with them (or if they are indeed hoping for getting sex by playing the friend, they're not best friends, they're lurkers). It hurts him to see you with someone else as you well know, and it's selfish to play with his feelings just for your benefit.

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gaius Established Member

gaius

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Man enough to stay friends? :laugh:

 

The only real, genuine respect a woman can give a man is sex. And not only are you not giving him that, but you're going out with some guy who he probably views as beneath him since he makes more money. That's literally ego poison for a guy.

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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I know lots of guys who are just friends with women though. They are man enough to stay friends why isn't he?

 

 

 

Wow! you are way off base here. You got it completely backwards. It is the other way around Hon.

 

 

He is being man enough to know what he wants and to not settle for less.

 

 

He wants a full-service relationship with a woman that wants ALL of him, including his sexuality. He wants a special someone and in order for a woman to be his special someone, she must have attraction and desire for him.

 

 

You not only do not have that attraction and desire for him, but you have it for someone else.

 

 

The time and energy he spends listening to your problems and giving you emotional support and validation, is time and energy he could be spending finding a woman that wants all of him.

 

 

He is doing the right thing. that is why your BF as well as myself respect him for not burning up any more time with you.

 

 

I'll put it bluntly, men give companionship, emotional support, protection, validation, help unclogging the toilet and changing flat tires for the women that desire them and suck their ccks because they want to a feel the sincere desire to do so.

 

 

Women that want mens support and emotional validation without having a desire for them are time and energy vampires that take time and energy away from finding a woman that wants to have a comprehensive relationship with him.

 

 

Women complain about men using them for sex, but the female equivalent of that women who use men for emotional support. This is what you are doing.

 

 

Stop that.

 

 

Let him go and let him find a woman that has a true and sincere desire for him.

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almond Established Member

almond

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I had the same thing happen. I was quite young, and didn't quite understand...I had similar thoughts to you at some stages.

 

I had been close friends with this guy since I was 16. We had never even flirted, and I thought it as strictly platonic that entire time. He knew I wasn't interested at all, never even hinted at it, and dated other girls.

 

I got with my boyfriend when I was 21. They met, we all hung out, and our friendship seemed fine for a few months. Then, he eventually dropped it on me. He had feelings for me, felt as though he was in love, and told me that he can't just be friends. I lost him entirely, he wished me luck, and it was a very amicable parting of ways.

 

It was devastating though, and I was mad at him..."so this ahole will only speak to me if he can fk me now? After all we've been through?" I would think to myself. I didn't see it for what it was. It's painful to lose a friend you care for, and you feel victimised.

 

I now know that my friend needed to part with me to prevent himself from hurting, and to be able to properly move forward in his life. Being around someone who you want deeply but can't have must be torturous at times...and watching them with someone else while you suffer is nothing short of foolish. My friend, just as your friend did, made the smart move, and if we care for them, we should respect it entirely and not make it about ourselves.

 

This isn't about you. He is doing what he needs to do for his own well-being. It's selfish of you to do anything at this point other than wish him good luck in life and let him do what he needs to do. It must have been a hard enough decision for him to make in the first place...support him, don't make it harder.

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oldshirt Established Member

oldshirt

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I know lots of guys who are just friends with women though.

 

 

 

And those guys are pussys for compromising their true wants and needs in hopes that that woman will "come around" and fall for them eventually.

 

 

The paradox is that they will never fall for them because women are attracted to pussys who pine for women and subjugate themselves to them in hopes of having a full relationship eventually.

 

 

If a man wants a relationship with a woman, he will state his intentions and his desire. She then has the choice to accept or reject. If she accepts then they move forward with the R and see how it goes.

 

 

If she rejects, then a real man accepts the rejection and moves on with his own life in search of a real relationship and he doesn't allow some other women's emotional needs drain him of his time and emotional energies.

 

 

That doesn't mean that he won't smile and say hi and make a minute's worth of pleasantries if they run into each other in Wal Mart and it doesn't mean that he won't stop and stay with her until her BF gets there if he encounters her broke down on the interstate late at night.

 

 

What it does mean is that she is just another one of the 3 billion women on the planet that do not have a special relationship with him and he treats with the same common courtesy as he would any other person he encounters in daily life.

 

 

No more. No less.

 

 

The men that allow themselves to be friendzoned and continue to dump emotional energy and time into a woman with no desire for them are nothing but fools and pussys and losers waste their time for some gal then go home to spank to internet porn.

 

 

Real men set boundaries and standards for who they invest themselves in and maintain those boundaries.

  • Like 4
almond Established Member

almond

Posted
Posted (edited)
And those guys are pussys for compromising their true wants and needs in hopes that that woman will "come around" and fall for them eventually.

 

 

The paradox is that they will never fall for them because women are attracted to pussys who pine for women and subjugate themselves to them in hopes of having a full relationship eventually.

 

 

If a man wants a relationship with a woman, he will state his intentions and his desire. She then has the choice to accept or reject. If she accepts then they move forward with the R and see how it goes.

 

 

If she rejects, then a real man accepts the rejection and moves on with his own life in search of a real relationship and he doesn't allow some other women's emotional needs drain him of his time and emotional energies.

 

 

That doesn't mean that he won't smile and say hi and make a minute's worth of pleasantries if they run into each other in Wal Mart and it doesn't mean that he won't stop and stay with her until her BF gets there if he encounters her broke down on the interstate late at night.

 

 

What it does mean is that she is just another one of the 3 billion women on the planet that do not have a special relationship with him and he treats with the same common courtesy as he would any other person he encounters in daily life.

 

 

No more. No less.

 

 

The men that allow themselves to be friendzoned and continue to dump emotional energy and time into a woman with no desire for them are nothing but fools and pussys and losers waste their time for some gal then go home to spank to internet porn.

 

 

Real men set boundaries and standards for who they invest themselves in and maintain those boundaries.

 

That would apply, if only your whole post wasn't based on the incorrect assumption that every man wants to be with every girl that they have ever been friends with.

 

I have male friends that I've been close with since childhood that absolutely do not want to to be in a romantic and/or sexual relationship with me.

Edited by almond
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jen1447 Established Member

jen1447

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More cuddle bitch delusion, jeez. :rolleyes:

 

OP, you can't keep him around like a pet. He made it clear exactly what his issues are, so you have no choice to respect that and let him go.

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hotpotato Established Member

hotpotato

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Man enough to stay friends? :laugh:

 

The only real, genuine respect a woman can give a man is sex. And not only are you not giving him that, but you're going out with some guy who he probably views as beneath him since he makes more money. That's literally ego poison for a guy.

 

Yep.

 

Man enough to stay friends? Most men don't hang around women to be just friends. Usually they at least want sex. If a woman wants to be just friends with a guy, go get a gay pal.

 

If any woman thinks a man wants to be just friends, flirt with him and see what happens. He'll be on you like MJ on Maccaulay.

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Trishern Established Member

Trishern

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And those guys are pussys for compromising their true wants and needs in hopes that that woman will "come around" and fall for them eventually.

.

 

Not every male friend wants to go there with his female friend. A man being a friend with a woman, does not make his a pu**y.

 

 

OP - his feelings for you are too strong to just be friends and see you date another guy. It's that simple and it's unfair that you say he's not man enough to handle it.

 

 

If it were the other way round, it wouldn't mean you're not woman enough.

autumnnight Established Member

autumnnight

Posted
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I know lots of guys who are just friends with women though. They are man enough to stay friends why isn't he?

 

Bluntly, you are being selfish. This man has feelings for you beyond friendship. You do not share those and are seeing someone else. The way he can cope is by breaking of the hanging out.

 

If you care about HIM more than yourself, respect his request.

 

End of story.

  • Like 3
Noideanow Established Member

Noideanow

Posted
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He's not crushed or anything like that, believe me if he was I'd understand and I'd let him be, I'm not a monster. He's dating other women. I said I want to be friends and he said it will go no where but south - how do you know if you don't try? I actully asked him straight out "I get a hard on every time I'm near you and I can't control it." Flattering no doubt but silly none the less and if I wasn't his girl then it' not worth my time and I shouldn't be hanging out with guys anyway if I have a boyfriend..which I do agree with but again I've known him for years, he's not some guy I just met. We've been there for eachother many times.[/quote

 

He sounds intelligent, and you have a lot to learn, is my few cents on it;) sure would like to meet such a man;) hes got some,

Are you kidding yourself by pretending you only want him as a friend? maybe your boyfriend could take his place if you let him, I would be very jealous if I were your boyfriend i think:confused:

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
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He has romantic feelings for you, wants you as his girlfriend and since you're with someone else now, he's chosen not to hang out with you much. He doesn't want just friendship and probably can't handle it. Put yourself in his shoes, just because you want him in your life doesn't mean he can handle seeing you with someone else. It hurts to be around someone you can't have. Reverse the situation, how would you feel if you were into him and wanting him, yet he was with another woman? I'm sure it would hurt you and make you feel yucky/jealous/envious. He's putting himself first, choosing to stay away to protect his own heart and is letting go... Respect his choice and don't force him to hang out with you.

 

Maybe it's your choice in women? I have some very close women friends, I value and love them, don't know where I'd be without them.

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