Plaster Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) So long story short (I have threads on here that have all the info re BU) Am I more attracted to my ex now I can't have her/she's gone? I got a bit bored of her towards the end of the rs, took her for granted, sometimes found sex a chore with her and would rather satisfy myself at times. But now we are no longer together I have more of the hunger I had for her for the majority of the rs. And want her more than I did when I didn't have her. I did have an attraction for other women whilst I was with her, did cheat on her (she doesn't know) and did always wonder about other women whilst with her. But now she's gone I want her more Is this normal? I'm jealous she's sleeping with someone else, but that's because she was mine for so long so possessiveness is a big factor I think I'm beginning to accept and move on. It's just I get this every so often. Like if I saw her with another guy I would probably knock him out, I know she can do what she wants but that's just how I feel. Normal possessiveness? Also, if I loved her as much as I think I do, surely I wouldn't of allowed the relationship to get how it did? (push her away etc) and would of done more for her and treated her more, not been more interested in seeing my mates etc? Just a bit confused at the moment. Edited May 31, 2015 by Plaster
Ruby65 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 If you cheated on her, and lied to her, you didn't really *love* her. You had a passing infatuation and physical attraction that waned over time. True love doesn't really have anything to do with most of what you've described. Was this your first relationship? 2
Author Plaster Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 My first long term relationship and 'love'. I believe It was love, as although I have made it sound bad with what I wrote earlier, she meant so much to me as well and there will always be a place in my heart for her. I'm just really confused at the moment. Time will tell though I guess.
Thecondor1991 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 If you love someone you do everything in your power not to hurt them. Cheating would be considered hurting them. Just based on what you wrote I could say that you were a class-A bad boyfriend. I mean you would go hit a guy she is with now that probably isn't treating her like ****. Here's the unfortunate reality: You had your chance with this chick and blew it. I'm not going to sit here and tell you its impossible that she'll ever come back to you, but based on what you said I highly doubt she would ever want to. So here is what I suggest, Go work on yourself. Work on not cheating on people, work on becoming a more passionate person, work on letting her go, and while your working on all that, if she decides to come back to you then great, but if not you'll have your head on straight for your next relationship. 3
Author Plaster Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Your right. I was an awful boyfriend. I did regret cheating on her though. I never told her as I didn't want to hurt her. I'm was selfish then and selfish now (couldn't give her the space she wanted). I am truly ashamed of my actions. Your right. I need to go NC, fade away and work on myself. Maybe then I have a chance on a new start with her. Maybe by then I won't want that.
Satu Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 You didn't and don't love her. You had/have some kind of attachment to her, but it wasn't love. Find out what love is.
Author Plaster Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 You didn't and don't love her. You had/have some kind of attachment to her, but it wasn't love. Find out what love is. I did/do love her though. Why else would it of hurt so much? I know I've made it sound bad on here but I did love her. I just wasn't ready
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Well, we all make mistakes. I did in one of my early relationships, and truly if it was in fact TRUE TRUE LOVE, then your emotions and every fiber in your being would push away the feelings of distraught during the relationship. I think it can be normal to crave an ex you messed up with as I did with the one I had cheated on. Keep in mind, if you got bored before, how will you be sure you will not get bored again? Yes you crave her now, but what is to say that wouldn't change after some time being. I would suggest let this be a learning experience and know what not to do, and know that if you are not happy to voice it. I say this with my own experience. Best of luck! -F
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