Woon Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) Hello all! Where to begin?! My fiance of 1year (weve been dating 3 and living together for 2) left me ezactly a week ago today. We were in a long distance relationship for 7months before i moved and started working fof her father to be closer to her. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but mostly only good times. The problem came when i was offered an amazing job 2hours away to earn 3times what her father paid me. Thinking of the future, where i could earn enough to give us everything we would ever want, i took the job. This didnt sit well with her. She sees it as she wasnt enough to keep me there and in a drunken stupor( she never drinks) left me after saying some incredibly horrible things. So i packed everything i would need, left the furniture and our cats there and moved. Went NC and within 2 days received a TON of msgs. Everything from how sorry she was for everthing she said to anger filled msgs stating that she would never be enough for me. One night she phoned, telling me how rough its been for her the last few days. Weve started talking the last 3days, but im afraid its hurting me more than actually helping. Shes coming through next weekend so we can sit and talk face ti face. Herein lies my dilemma. I know she misses me, that much she has said and i miss her. we were getting married in a year for gods sake! But im not so sure if she actually regrets leaving me, or just the way it ended. She says she wants to talk, but i musnt expect anything, we must take it from there. Am i correct in thinking i must tell her that im going to be quiet for the next few days and well talk closer to the weekend? Since at the moment it feels as if talking to me is just for her to lessen her guilt. Edit: just wanted to add that she hasnt changed her fb status. It still says we are engaged and hasnt tried getting rid of anything of mine at our house. I await everyones wise input! Edited May 31, 2015 by Woon
Author Woon Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Eventhough no one has posted any thoughts, it still feels better saying all this somewhere, to someone. Last spoke to my ex fiance sunday night, when she messaged me kisses and a photo of the new dress she bought. Told me earlier that day that she DOES miss me and it was nice hearing my voice the previous day and that she would let me know later in the week if she would be coming through friday or saterday. Fast forward 2 days and there has been no contact between us whatsoever. Im doing well, staying off facebook, not checking when last she was online with chat. Started going to the gym again, which is good and everything is fine as long as i stay busy. Just in the quieter moments that the realisation sets in that most likely, everything is already over. Just cant figure out why she would want to see me if her heart is set?
loveiswar101 Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Ok, no expert but you're doing a lot of assuming at the moment. Until you sit down and actually talk you have no idea what is happening. It is still early days from the BU so emotions are high for both of you at the moment. NC is good and calms things down. I believe when people BU and don't talk asap about why and issues then no contact is the way. But you say she will contact about the weekend and coming through so just wait. Hard i know but just wait. Then go from there ! Hope this little helps.
Author Woon Posted June 3, 2015 Author Posted June 3, 2015 Hello all! Update time. Spoke to the ex, a long 16min conversation. Shes coming through friday afternoon. Was a nice chat, relationship didnt come up once, but she did use the pet name she used to call me by accident a few times. Was a relaxed conversation, same as sunday, just about our week so far. Feeling better now after speaking to her, as i have a habit of over thinking and analyzing things. Cats are doing well, Jaime, the oldest just missing me. Weekend cant come soon enough, get some clarity.
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 3, 2015 Posted June 3, 2015 One: Avoid sex. Seriously, don't fall into the comfort trap. You'll both just feel terrible afterwards. Two: LISTEN. Women express themselves verbally better than men usually, but this is still fresh, raw and emotionally-driven. Read between the lines. Let her express herself, and let her figure it out. Don't offer possible solutions or ideas, until she's done. Remember: She either wants to stay broken up, but likes you in her comfort-zone for a soft landing - or she wants to continue the relationship and make a go of it, even though the dynamics of your work, have changed. Presumably her dad understood your professional motives and understood why you left. See, guys get practicalities like finances and monetary security. To her, you undermined her EMOTIONAL security. You "left" her for better things, even though you at no time even hinted this was to be a new venture without her.. But if all she's doing by coming over to see you, is to alleviate her own guilt for having dumped you - then this is a buffer for her, not a comfort and reassurance for you. That's why you need to listen. The only words you should really pay any attention to, are: I'm sorry, I was hasty, I was wrong, please let's rebuild this." Listen for them. If you don't get them, even if she drops flirtatious sexual hints - it's over.
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