br995 Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Right now I'm confused about what to do. Not being with my ex doesn't make me sad anymore. I'm happier than I've ever been in my life, and I can see myself with another person. But I still miss her and would like to be with her. Right now we're just friends. She already has a new boyfriend. He doesn't seem to mean much to her, but maybe she is not saying much about the realtionship because she doesn't want to hurt me. Even though I am no longer in pain from the breakup, being her friend is still really hard. I want her back. We broke up mainly because I was ungrateful, took her for granted, and acted like I didn't want to have anything to do with her. (all caused by our distance, as well as a number of other factors) Since things ended because she felt like I wanted nothing to do with her, I have no idea what to do. Going no contact would help me truly move on but might also make her think that I really don't care about her. It also may make her miss me. Staying friends with her is hard, but she can see how much I have changed and can know that I still care about her. My mind is running at hyperspeed in terms of my thoughts about what I should be doing. How long would you suggest I wait before making any decisions about whether to stay good friends or cut contact? If I end up cutting contact, should I tell her I'm doing it because I still want to be with her but this is too hard on me and if in the future she would like to try again to contact me, should I just leave, or should I do something else?
ConfusedInOC Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 No contact serves the main purpose of allowing you to heal and move on. It serves a secondary purpose of creating enough space between you and the Ex that if someone makes a move, it will be them because they realized their mistake. It's not meant as a manipulative tool. Therefore, if you want NC, it's not to "get her back" but to allow you to heal and move on. I suggest you consider what you want. If you want her, I can tell you right now that she has a BF and isn't thinking of you like one. As long as you are single you'll only confirm to her you must not be good material. I mean in that "nobody esle is dating him I must have been right." For your sake, implement NC, move on with your life and start dating someone. If she's the right person for you, only TIME will prove that. If not, you will have healed and moved on and forgotten about her. NC is a WIN/WIN for you.
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