firefly1 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 I have a friend who I've known for a month or so. In the beginning he asked me to go out to eat or to drink with him and we used to chat for about 6 hours straight. He is older than me by 11 years so he is nearly 40. I would only bump into him at the weekends and then we may decide to go out to have some food together. He texts me almost every night to ask how my day went and then we would chat for about 1-2 hours about random stuff before bed. He knows that I am free at the weekends and he knows where I will be. However he makes no effort to ask me out or to go join me in the places I am at. He is single, never married as far as I know. No kids. He is an expat here and so am I. He has been here for 2 years and hasn't made many close friends. He isn't super shy, but he professes himself to be a bit of a geek (anime, manga, video games). I have seen him hang around people but doesn't talk to them much. My question is, why would a guy spend time to text a girl he has no interest in. Surely if she is interested, made effort to see him and also pretty attractive and fit he would at least try to see her in person? Even as a friend I would like to see the person I'm talking to from time to time. We live in a small city so it's not hard to meet up. Does he have a low sex drive or something. I used to be interested in him but not so much anymore since he never tried to make a move on me, despite us going for dinner and drinks 4 x and also I've invited him back to my flat. I initiate the texts only once a week. He initiates the conversations 80% of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 SInce you know he is shy, if you are interested in him, I think you can let him know. Make the move, invite him over, ask him the same question you are asking here. Ask him "why you never invite me for ..." something like that. DOnt wait for him to be the one who initiates this conversation. If you are really interested, do something. Al least you will know for sure that he has other reason to be reserved. Good luck. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 He probably enjoys his imagination (in this case, in regards to you) and connecting with females through electronic devices more than the real thing. He's probably so used to it that it never occurs to him to do the real thing. Link to post Share on other sites
kenmore Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 This is gonna fly in the face of so many people I hesitate to say it, but everyone is unique. It seems when I or any other poster post things about love or dating (and I'm not talking about here specifically, I'm talking about in all kinds of places including friends, colleagues etc) people generalize. This guy sounds unique, so pick him apart. One part says shy, okay. That may cause him to be delinquent in asking you out. He does text you a lot, and that says he's interested in you. You say you two talk a lot so you both seem to be into each other. Never been married, no kids, not many close friends...Very shy! Possibly a relationship-o-phobe. My guess is you are on the top ten list in his life and I do understand your frustration. While it seems like he's probably a good catch since he has no past wives, kids nor most likely women who are out to kill him, he may end up being a relationship-o-phobe too which is what I'm beginning to think my wife was. That means even if everything went right, even if you could get him to put a ring on your finger, he may back down before the wedding or worse yet, even if he didn't, he may divorce you in a few years! LOL so I ended up generalizing. Sorry, projecting a bit there. I would hate to see you go down my path, but as I said, everyone is different. He may just be so damned shy he can't get a relationship. Your best bet is as Fleur says, take the initiative; but as Popsicle says, he's not used to the real thing, so take it slowly and give him a chance to pick up the ball! Ken Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Thanks for the replies!! Some more about the guy- he is 38 years old. has lived alone since he was 18. He went to Harvard to do computer science. He is pretty intelligent I gather. I don't get the feeling he has ever had a long term relationship or any sort of relationship before. He says his parents want him to get married and have children soon. He asked to hang out with me at my flat and wanted to make some cakes together. He also likes to come round to my flat and just sit and maybe eat stuff. But he doesn't suggest any 'proper dates'. Perhaps he is a relationship phobe but he doesn't even seem like he is experienced with women Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 He thinks that coming around to your flat IS a date, especially if you have invited him over, or he asked to visit and you said yes. Link to post Share on other sites
oberkeat Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 He thinks that coming around to your flat IS a date, especially if you have invited him over, or he asked to visit and you said yes. I agree with this. You don't have dress up and go to a fancy restaurant to spend meaningful time together. Link to post Share on other sites
adamastor Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 True, every one is different so it can be a little hard to explain his conduct. Him texting you a lot is a good sign that he is indeed interested in you, but the question is what kind of interest does he have? Friendship or romance? From my personal experience I have had girls calling me, initiating text, going out on dates and nothing came out of it as they were just not interested in me romantically but still liked the attention. In your situation I can see plausible that this guy is interested in you but might just be insecure on how to materialize things. If I were you I would initiate more the texting convo so that he clearly get that you are interested in him. After that if things keep the same I would just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author firefly1 Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Thanks for your replies guys! So I decided 'what do I have to lose?' He texted me this afternoon asking how I was, etc etc and I asked him 'hey do you feel like hanging out tomorrow?' He was super enthusiastic to come round. He didn't want me to cook but I insisted so he relented. So we are gonna bake some cupcakes (his suggestion). I asked him to bring his laptop and maybe we could watch a movie. He suggested to bring some anime haha. I have never been much of a geek in that sense. We texted for another hour discussing what we are gonna do tomorrow. At the moment I'm gonna see him as a friend. He is a nice guy anyway despite being slightly shy. Haha I don't want to dive in for a kiss. It would be extremely random!! Especially since I don't know if he is just seeing me as a friend or gay (although I doubt it). Now I am trying to figure out his interest level. I guess since he wants to hang out at mine he likes me enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts