Rexxy Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) I've gone out with this girl 3 times with no physical contact other than a hug. I wasn't sure after date 1, but knowing that she was introverted I gave her some time to be more of herself around me. Date 2 was a little better but the conversations didn't click having to work hard to communicate. In the car drive home she was more of herself making me laugh. Date 3 was the same as date 2, felt like I had to work hard to keep a conversation going and didn't click. She's tried to invite me to a few things after date 3 that I've turned down. I don't feel excited about her and don't have any urge to go see her, no attraction. What's the best way to let her down without hurting her feelings. She's a very sweet, innocent girl, and I know she's interested in me. Any suggestions? Edited May 31, 2015 by Rexxy
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Have sex with her and don't call her back. Kidding. Just text her saying you think she's lovely but you don't feel a connection or some BS. In other words, compliment her but let her know that you two will never be a couple.
La.Primavera Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Tell her she is a nice person but that you are not interested in seeing her again.
kenmore Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Have sex with her and don't call her back. Kidding. Just text her saying you think she's lovely but you don't feel a connection or some BS. In other words, compliment her but let her know that you two will never be a couple. LOL!, so wrong!! 1
kenmore Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I have had the same problem in reverse. I keep waiting for this woman to tell me she's not interested but she can't. Instead, I keep trying like a fool to ask her out, talk to her and be interested as I am, but deep inside I think she just wants me gone. Personally, I wish she would give me the final answer! As the asker, what I would prefer to hear is "I don't think we can work. There are too many differences between us" but I may try to logically overcome that. Another woman I have seen is one I don't wish to see and I have asked myself why and the real reason is because she has told me she's leaving the country in five years. Also, she lives 40 min away so it's not easy to just pop by and finally she is only available late at night. I prefer to get to bed early, usually and date in the afternoon / morning hours. (yeah, I'm a day owl lol.) My suggestion to you is tell her right away that you don't feel the relationship is going to work out. Give some reasons only if she asks. Don't string her along if you are sure. Give her the dignity of an honest response even if it hurts. Remember, it doesn't hurt as much as a long-term relationship breaking down, she'll get over you fast once you dump her. Dragging her along hurts so much more in the end! Ken
markleymassraff Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I've gone out with this girl 3 times with no physical contact other than a hug. I wasn't sure after date 1, but knowing that she was introverted I gave her some time to be more of herself around me. Date 2 was a little better but the conversations didn't click having to work hard to communicate. In the car drive home she was more of herself making me laugh. Date 3 was the same as date 2, felt like I had to work hard to keep a conversation going and didn't click. She's tried to invite me to a few things after date 3 that I've turned down. I don't feel excited about her and don't have any urge to go see her, no attraction. What's the best way to let her down without hurting her feelings. She's a very sweet, innocent girl, and I know she's interested in me. Any suggestions? As a woman who really WANTS guys to say something instead of just fading out or not contacting at all, I think the best thing to say is (and because you guys have not had sex or anything, text is fine.) : "I had a good time with you and I think you're great, but I don't feel like we click enough to continue." That's EXACTLY what I want to hear from a guy. It's not something I or any woman could argue with (nor would I argue with that). And it's not that insulting either, because most women have felt the same thing toward guys. Like, he's pretty cute, he's definitely nice, he's a cool person...for some reason I'm just not that excited about him. Women will know the feeling. And it sucks for us to be on the receiving end of that, but we know the feeling. I think if you've had sex with a woman, it's especially important to say something. In your situation, it's only been dates, but given that it's been 3 dates, and not just one, I think she deserves a quick statement like what I described. I guess I think that 3 full dates is kinda equivalent to having had sex once. If you only went out with her once or twice, it's arguably okay to just blow her off w/ no explanation at all. But three dates starts getting into where you might want to say something. Same thing if sex was had. 4
jen1447 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 she'll get over you fast once you dump her. That's not always true, but I agree whatever you do has to be honest and not patronizing. People tend to confuse patronizing with 'nice,' but they're not the same thing at all, mainly bc patronizing is essentially nicely dehumanizing. If you blow smoke up someone's butt, you're bscly telling them you either think they can't handle the truth or they're not worth hearing it. Neither of those is 'nice.' You don't have to brutalize her OP, but don't tell her you're "going to be busy" or that she's too awesome for you. Just tell her the basic truth that you're not feeling it, let her down gently, and be genuinely nice, not fake nice. The difference between the two is whose well-being you put first. 1
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) I've gone out with this girl 3 times with no physical contact other than a hug. I wasn't sure after date 1, but knowing that she was introverted I gave her some time to be more of herself around me. Date 2 was a little better but the conversations didn't click having to work hard to communicate. In the car drive home she was more of herself making me laugh. Date 3 was the same as date 2, felt like I had to work hard to keep a conversation going and didn't click. She's tried to invite me to a few things after date 3 that I've turned down. I don't feel excited about her and don't have any urge to go see her, no attraction. What's the best way to let her down without hurting her feelings. She's a very sweet, innocent girl, and I know she's interested in me. Any suggestions? If you didn't click at all during the conversations, what makes you think she would be really upset about it? It happens, but it's pretty rare that one person thinks the click is amazing and the other doesn't. To me, three dates is just meeting a person in your life for 3, 4 hours. Just say you want to be friends. Done. Why would somebody be really upset over a person they've known for a handful of hours, where they didn't even click during conversations? If you really don't want to see her at all, and you think she'll pursue friendship, then that's different. Edited May 31, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
Gary S Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 There is no good way to reject someone, rejection sucks. It is what it is. The only way to reject someone without hurting them is to make it their own idea, to get them to reject you. So tell her you met somebody else and you want to see where it goes.
jen1447 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 The only way to reject someone without hurting them is to make it their own idea, to get them to reject you. ^ Sorry but people just aren't that dumb on average. What you'll actually do is hurt them bc they'll more than likely know you lied. 2
rocketman122 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 There is no good way to reject someone, rejection sucks. It is what it is. The only way to reject someone without hurting them is to make it their own idea, to get them to reject you. So tell her you met somebody else and you want to see where it goes. I also think its spineless to play such a game. just say it in a soft gentle way. be honest. 4
mightycpa Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I think you should just be up front. Something along the lines of, You know, we just don't seem to click in the way that I'd like us to. I mean, it's not that I don't like you, but it's more like I don't think we excite each other, and I think both of us deserve that in who we date. So I won't be asking you out on dates any more. I didn't want to just disappear on you. You can't help how she reacts, or whether she gets hurt or not. All you can control is how you handle it.
J21 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) "I enjoyed meeting you and I think you're a really nice person, but the chemistry isn't quite there. I wish you all the best." Simple and to the point with some closure. Don't give long detailed explanations, it's unnecessary. The shorter the better. Edited June 1, 2015 by J21
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