Unrequitedlove Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I started dating a guy recently and we've been on five dates in five weeks duration. He's never been one to text me all day every day but he'd make it a point to text me every day to check in with me. Before sex, he was attentive, respectful, and kind. He never once crossed the line with me. We ended up having sex on our 4th date and it was amazing. I'd slept over on our second date (at his request) once, before we had sex and he didnt touch me, kiss me, or cuddle me. When we finally had sex, it was passionate. Things didn't seem to change for about a day after we had sex. We got closer, I got WAY more comfortable (I'm incredibly shy), and we got overly affectionate towards each other afterward. After that, we saw each other once or twice and we had sex both times, and every single time it happened, we would act as if we were a couple. We'd cuddle, kiss, shower together, talk, etc. As soon as I left, I would barely hear from him. Here's the thing: There has been three times where he's said he was going to make an effort to see me and it's never happened. I'm left waiting for his text/call, wondering, and ultimately upset because obviously I began to like him. He'd bring up the fact that he needed to come around to see me more, but not once has he made the effort. Since we don't see each other often because of our careers (we've seen each other once a week), I try to chalk it up as him being busy because of work, but if hes active on facebook, can't he make the time to shoot me a text to confirm or cancel plans he made with me? If he really liked me as much as I liked him, wouldn't reaching out to me be the highlight of his day? Have my actions not been enough to show him that I'm very interested? Let me mention that I did try to put equal effort into it. I texted, too. At one point, we went over four days of no contact, despite the fact that he made plans with me that he didnt even bother to confirm or cancel. I reached out first and asked what happened? Why the silence? He hinted that he thought I'd forgotten about him since I didn't reach out to him either. Eventually, he used the "work" excuse. I bought it, until now. I'm confused. I feel like what he's shown me when we're together is that he is interested in me long term. He's just not showing effort. What gives?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Communication is a two way street... His behavior doesn't sound like he's using you for sex if he's as affectionate as you've been saying. It sounds like you're trying to make a game out of getting him to chase you.
Author Unrequitedlove Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Communication is a two way street... His behavior doesn't sound like he's using you for sex if he's as affectionate as you've been saying. It sounds like you're trying to make a game out of getting him to chase you. No, I've actually made it a point to show him how I felt, tell him how I miss him, ETC.
Gary S Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Sane guys who care about you don't break dates. Sorry. 7
katiegrl Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I started dating a guy recently and we've been on five dates in five weeks duration. He's never been one to text me all day every day but he'd make it a point to text me every day to check in with me. Before sex, he was attentive, respectful, and kind. He never once crossed the line with me. We ended up having sex on our 4th date and it was amazing. I'd slept over on our second date (at his request) once, before we had sex and he didnt touch me, kiss me, or cuddle me. When we finally had sex, it was passionate. Things didn't seem to change for about a day after we had sex. We got closer, I got WAY more comfortable (I'm incredibly shy), and we got overly affectionate towards each other afterward. After that, we saw each other once or twice and we had sex both times, and every single time it happened, we would act as if we were a couple. We'd cuddle, kiss, shower together, talk, etc. As soon as I left, I would barely hear from him. Here's the thing: There has been three times where he's said he was going to make an effort to see me and it's never happened. I'm left waiting for his text/call, wondering, and ultimately upset because obviously I began to like him. He'd bring up the fact that he needed to come around to see me more, but not once has he made the effort. Since we don't see each other often because of our careers (we've seen each other once a week), I try to chalk it up as him being busy because of work, but if hes active on facebook, can't he make the time to shoot me a text to confirm or cancel plans he made with me? If he really liked me as much as I liked him, wouldn't reaching out to me be the highlight of his day? Have my actions not been enough to show him that I'm very interested? Let me mention that I did try to put equal effort into it. I texted, too. **At one point, we went over four days of no contact, despite the fact that he made plans with me that he didnt even bother to confirm or cancel.** I reached out first and asked what happened? Why the silence? He hinted that he thought I'd forgotten about him since I didn't reach out to him either. Eventually, he used the "work" excuse. I bought it, until now. I'm confused. I feel like what he's shown me when we're together is that he is interested in me long term. He's just not showing effort. What gives? Re quote in asterisk above (I can't bold on my tablet)....so he makes plans with you but doesn't show up? Doesn't even have the courtesy of canceling...he just completely blows you off???? Did I interpret this correctly? If so, sweetie you are essentially a fu*k buddy, not even FWB because a friend would not just blow you off the way this asshat does. If a man blew me off like he did even ONCE, he'd be history. You teach people how to treat you and I am afraid you have taught this bozo that it's okay to treat you like crap and you will still hang around.... waiting for him to start actually giving a shyt, which is obvious he doesn't! I'm sorry but yes it does appears he is using you...please end this, delete his number and go no contact. And going forward, it's okay if a guy has to cancel plans (shyt happens)...but any man who make plans with you, and blows you off without even so much as a text letting you know should NOT be rewarded with your time, affection OR body ever again! 3
dyna85 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Unrequited love...that is quite the ironic username. Does this guy do drugs by any chance or do you have any inkling he might? His actions sound reflective of a pot user. They're apathetic and forgetful and do this crap where when you're with them they act all affectionate and when you're not there in person with them, they hardly get in touch and are forgetful and are truly apathetic. It's pathetic. You need to move on from this guy. He's not worth your time and energy. You deserve time, consideration, and respect and this guy is lacking in those areas.
La.Primavera Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 despite the fact that he made plans with me that he didnt even bother to confirm or cancel. I reached out first and asked what happened? Why the silence? He hinted that he thought I'd forgotten about him since I didn't reach out to him either. Yeah, right! I have heard this one before.. and yes, all he wanted all the perks of a relationship (affection/attention/sex) without the commitment or obligation. This included not cancelling plans they had made and leaving her waiting for his call. He seemed like he really liked her too so I was surprised that he could be so selfish and inconsiderate. Frankly, it was cruel. I'm not sure if it helps but your situations sounds very similar to hers. He hurt her deeply. I would hate someone else to go through what she did. It is such a waste of time. Good luck.
Fleur de cactus Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Trust your gut, he is not good for you. All what he wants is sex and no commitment. He is probably after someone else since he had already sex with you, he is no longer interested he is chasing something new. You did not do anything wrong, that is how he is. Stop contacting him, move on. 1
SLee Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Can't say if he's using you for sex, but a guy who's into you wouldn't blow you off like that. Even if you were both busy, he'd schedule something with you and keep the plans. He'd make a real visible effort. This guy is either not looking for a relationship or is just liking the attention.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Can't say if he's using you for sex, but a guy who's into you wouldn't blow you off like that. Even if you were both busy, he'd schedule something with you and keep the plans. He'd make a real visible effort. This guy is either not looking for a relationship or is just liking the attention. This. I don't think he's looking for something serious.
Lois_Griffin Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 After that, we saw each other once or twice and we had sex both times, and every single time it happened, we would act as if we were a couple. We'd cuddle, kiss, shower together, talk, etc. As soon as I left, I would barely hear from him. So he was willing to put in the work and effort to see you and spend time with you for the first 3 dates and once sex happened on the 4th date, all his effort stopped. Your next two dates ended up at his place having sex again. Sounds as though he's basically not doing a damned thing anymore to help grow the relationship but makes himself available when he knows it's going to end with sex. And he doesn't even have to get out of bed when it's over. Sweet arrangement - for HIM. He might be all 'lovey' and 'cuddly' and 'couple-like' after sex, but it doesn't change the fact that once you walk out the door when you're done, he can't be bothered with you again - unless it's for another round. His intentions are painfully clear. Painfully. 1
elaine567 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Men like cuddles and affection as well as sex, but it doesn't mean he "loves" you or he is "head over heels". Some men have learned that if they just walk out the door after sex, they are not received well the next time they call, so they know that feigning affection keeps women on board and connected to them so they have a ready supply when they need it. No matter what he says ( men lie too) or how affectionate he is after sex, you are best to ignore it. LOOK at his actions here, his actions are not those of someone who cares about you. He is flaky, unreliable and frankly disinterested. STOP making up excuses for him, you are lying to yourself, you are trying to construct some perfect little story around this guy, when in reality is you know he is using you for sex.
Art_Critic Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 IMO.. he is using you for sex, and the other girl he is seeing too.... He isn't all in..sorry...
endlessabyss Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 After he got in them there sugar walls, the challenge was over. On to the next one. It's all about getting those notches in that belt; he most likely has more prospects in his facebook inbox as we speak. Game Over. I'm pretty sure the more he rejects you, the harder you fall for him. Good luck trying to get away.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) May I ask why you care? 5 dates in 5 weeks? What is that in total hours spent with this person? 10. 20 tops? What did you like about him other than the fact that he was attractive? If there was a commonality and bond, then you should feel hurt. The problem is women treat sex as a prize to be given and men treat sex as a prize to be won. Women treat giving sex away to a cute guy without getting a relationship out of it like someone just scammed them out of $1000. Sex is just sex. The real thing you should be concerned about is getting along as persons on several levels. Is it there or not? Because if it is, both parties usually should feel the same. Edited May 31, 2015 by JuneJulySeptember
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Sorry but this doesn't sound good. Once a guy breaks plans with you without explanation or re-scheduling, you should be gone.
JuneJulySeptember Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Sorry but this doesn't sound good. Once a guy breaks plans with you without explanation or re-scheduling, you should be gone. I really wouldn't want to date somebody who did that anybody, a woman they were not interested in, a woman they were interested in, their friend, their mom. That's just crummy period. Well maybe date, but not marry.
xpaperxcutx Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Most guys are genuinely affectionate when they are having sex. Its only their behavior after sex that will tell you more about them. If he's not calling or making dates or taking initiatives to get in touch; and all you do is have sex, you should cut him off. He's not gonna be chasing you down asking you to be his girl when you already gave up the one thing that makes a relationship worthwhile. 1
Author Unrequitedlove Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 May I ask why you care? 5 dates in 5 weeks? What is that in total hours spent with this person? 10. 20 tops? What did you like about him other than the fact that he was attractive? If there was a commonality and bond, then you should feel hurt. The problem is women treat sex as a prize to be given and men treat sex as a prize to be won. Women treat giving sex away to a cute guy without getting a relationship out of it like someone just scammed them out of $1000. Sex is just sex. The real thing you should be concerned about is getting along as persons on several levels. Is it there or not? Because if it is, both parties usually should feel the same. Well, I neglected to include the fact that we went to school together and knew of each other for eight years and had reconnected. We spent a lot of time together. I shared a lot and so did he. Either way, I really appreciate everyone's input. I can see it clearly now. I was just another conquest and I'll have to live with that. I hope to learn from this either way so I can stop being so naive. I actually thought a lot of what we had, and I thought that the time we spent together meant something to him as it did to me.. I really liked him and I thought he liked me. This is the dating game, I suppose. .
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